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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
July 22, 2004
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Worst gift: Gift?
What gift? Twenty four years - no gifts. A bunch of
tag sale cr@p complete with 50 cent price tags. A check
for 50 bucks every other year, no cards, no phone calls, no parties,
nothing. And, I have entertained these people 3 - 5 times
per week for 24 years.
Signed - What Gift?
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5 |
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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I have been engaged for
9 months. We are perfect together. We almost never fight,
except for little bickers. We are soooooooo in love.
He tells me all the time that the loves me and can't live with out
me. I found out that, yes, of course, his mother thinks that
he could do better. I was offended when I found this out,
but not surprised. She is overly protective. But, then
he came up the other day and told me that maybe we should break
it off because I don't appreciate him, I take advantage of him,
and I asked him to visit (he lives an hour away right now because
of work) all the time (not because I want to see him, but because
I don't trust him). So I was freaking out, crying, wondering
where he got all his? I finally figured out that his mother
had been in his ear for the past two months that they've stayed
together. Every time we bicker, she tells him that I'm doing
all these awful things to him. We finally worked it out (that
I wasn't doing all these things). He immediately got over
it, and went shopping with her all day the next day. Now I
feel like my trust is hurt. I feel scared. I mean, who
listens that intently to an emotionally scarred freak like her,
anyway?
Signed - Scared Out of
A Fairytale Romance
RESPONSE: Scared Out of A Fairytale Romance
Apparently, your guy does. So get it worked out before you get
married, or you'll be like those women who post here, complaining
about spineless husbands 20 years later.
RESPONSE: Scared Out of A Fairytale Romance
It's better that you know now, rather than later. Imagine a lifetime
of this. AND, folks live longer nowadays. Don't think that you'll
outlive her. You probably will be into your own old age before
she is out of the picture.
RESPONSE: Scared Out of A Fairytale Romance
I would seriously reconsider your plans to marry this man. It does
not get better once you marry. I can assure you that if your FDH
doesn't deal with this now, MIL will be way too involved in your
marriage, trying to keep herself happy, and making sure that FDH
is meeting HER needs at the expense of your marriage. A man who
listens to his mom saying bad things about the woman whom he loves,
and believes what his mom says, even for a little bit, is not ready
to be a husband. He's still too attached to his mom in an unhealthy
way, and mom is not ready to let go.
RESPONSE: Scared Out of A Fairytale Romance
Run, run now! Once a mommy's boy, always a mommy's boy.
RESPONSE: Scared Out of A Fairytale Romance
DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL YOU TWO HAVE BEEN TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING!
Also, I would not get married until FDH has been living on his own
for at least a year. Not living with you or with his DM, but by
himself. He is not man enough to be married. He may be there soon,
with a little work, but he needs the work before he gets married.
Don't rush this or you'll be very unhappy for possibly a very long
time. Unless, of course, you consider FDH as your starter DH.
RESPONSE: Scared Out of A Fairytale Romance
Are you still "perfect together", even though he chose
to listen to his mother rather than you? I seriously doubt it.
You already don't trust him, and that's not going to improve with
time, believe me. Please reconsider marrying this mama's boy, or
prepare yourself for a marriage full of arguments, and then a very
hostile divorce.
RESPONSE: Scared Out of A Fairytale Romance
Please, please, work this out *before* you consider marrying the
guy. If he can't stand up to mommy and put you first, you're doomed.
Counseling.
RESPONSE: Scared Out of A Fairytale Romance
Step back quickly! However good you feel when he's saying "I
love you", step back. Take a good look at the whole sum of
his behavior. If he accuses you of all this nonsense and doesn't
mind hurting your feelings now, just wait, it will get worse. Maybe
- MAYBE - if he offers a groveling apology AND changes his attitude
immediately, AND does something about what "made" him
do that, you might continue dating casually. But, it doesn't look
as if he's done that. I put "made" in quotes because
nothing outside himself actually made him hurt you. He's an adult,
presumably mentally competent, and chose to do what he did. You
can blame his mother, but he's the one who chooses to listen to
her (or shift the blame to her), and it doesn't really matter why,
except to a clinical psychiatrist.
RESPONSE: Scared Out of A Fairytale Romance
You should feel scared. Who listens to an "emotionally scarred
freak"? Your DF does. And, until he grows up and becomes
a man and thinks for himself, he is NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL. You
sound like a young, intelligent woman. Do yourself a favor and
walk, no, run away from this one. Find someone who can think for
himself and APPRECIATE YOU the way that you deserve.
RESPONSE: Scared Out of A Fairytale Romance
A momma's boy, that's who. You're in for a long, bumpy road if
you stay with him. And, your only chance of being happy with him
is to get him to understand that he can't let his mommy run the
show, nor can he take everything that she says as gospel. Good
luck, you're gonna need it.
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My mother passed away
a year or so ago, and it was a total shock to everyone. She
was healthy, and she passed away in the middle of the night.
I knew that my father was going to have a hard time coping, so my
DH and I immediately decided to have him move in with us.
We held my mother's funeral in one state, and had her buried in
another state. So, the burial ceremony took place 2 or 3 days
after her death. Two days after her death, before I had the
opportunity to even bury my mother, my MIL wrote an email to my
DH saying that our arrangement was totally unreasonable. Knowing
that she understandably was concerned for my DH's welfare, I would
not even have been angry if she had carefully limited her comments
to the living arrangements. But, no, she went on about how
she gave to my DH, and he took financial support from her without
any expectation of payback, ever (this is her standard reference
to the fact that she paid for DH's tuition for school - keep in
mind that FIL makes a tremendous amount of money per year).
Of course, she was strongly suggesting that my parents had expectation
of payback, etc. This, of course, was insulting, not only
to my father, but to my mother who had passed away 2 days ago!
She also took that opportunity to say that she didn't want DH to
enter into a marriage with any sort of obligations whatsoever, and
went on about how my DH was hurting her. There were many instances
of pettiness in the past. For example, she blithely accused
us of defrauding her over our wedding pictures. When we, by
using basic math, demonstrated how that was not possible, she never
acknowledged her mistake, and instead talked about something totally
unrelated. Anyway, if I wrote everything, it would take too
much space. However, I just let things pass because she was
my DH's mother. But, after what she said following my mother's
death, I've decided to never take any cr@p from her. Currently,
I am not talking to MIL or FIL, and I plan to never see or speak
to them again. My DH will eventually have a limited relationship
with them, but he has decided to keep MIL and FIL in the dark about
that decision, for now, since the unknown will drive them nuts.
The ironic thing, too, is that my father, when a better arrangement
for him came up and he was better able to cope with things, moved
out in 6 months time.
Signed - Grief Stricken
RESPONSE: Grief Stricken
I'm sorry for your loss. You and DH are good children for taking
care of your dad. Your MIL's behavior is beyond comment. Good
for your DH for keeping his ill mannered parents in the dark.
RESPONSE: Grief Stricken
You and DH sound like caring and loving people. What made me sit
up and take notice in your post was, "She also took that opportunity
to say that she didn't want DH to enter into a marriage with any
sort of obligations, whatsoever". Helllloooo!!! For starters,
I understand that DH is already married (otherwise he'd be BF or
DF). Next, if there's any situation under the sun that is a commitment
to obligation, it's marriage. What the heck was she thinking, that
marriage should NOT entail obligations???? Oh, I forgot, heaven
help that her poooooooor widdle baby should have to shoulder any
form of obligation, and actually be a player in the world of adults.
Does DH realize just how insulting to him this is? She's basically
implying that he's a baby, not a man.
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
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Working Women Don't Have Wives