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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
July 24, 2004
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My MIL came to my house to help
me with my 2 year old, as I had just gotten home from the hospital
from bladder surgery. My MIL is a very sickly person.
I was sleeping, and she came in and woke me up. She said,
"I need you to take me to the hospital. I'm sick,"
just out of the blue. She was fine 2 minutes before.
I had just taken a pain killer, so I was tired. I told her
that I wasn't taking her, so she called 911 and said, "I'm
sick and my DIL won't take me." They came to my house
and they told her here that she was fine. The ER kept her
for about 45 minutes and sent her home. Nobody would go
see her because she always pulls these stunts. She drove
home and stopped for dinner before she got there.
Signed - She Always
Pulls These Stunts
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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My MIL is, and always
has been, a total witch and a master manipulator. My FIL,
on the other hand, was a great guy, and we got along just fine.
Unfortunately, my FIL passed away several years ago, and he is dearly
missed. My question is this: What do you think about
a MIL who used the name of her deceased husband to control a situation
and to get her way (or so she thinks)? She also say things
that we all know are not true, and she claims that he said these
lies! I believe that she is completely warped and needs therapy.
Anyone who has any comments or some one liners that I could use
when she comes up with her lies would be helpful.
Signed - One Liners
RESPONSE: One Liners
Isn't that amazing. That is just what he told me to say!
RESPONSE: One Liners
"I'll believe THAT when he tells me himself". Will that
do?
RESPONSE: One Liners
You don't need one-liners, you need to either convince her to get
the help that she needs, or cut her off entirely. She needs help,
but if she won't get it, you need to protect yourself from her.
RESPONSE: One Liners
Without knowing the specifics of what she's saying, if she tells
a lie about late FIL regarding what he said or did I'd say, "MIL,
you know that's not true." Or, "MIL, we're really starting
to get concerned about your memory problems. FIL never said or
did that." When she tries to bring him up to control a situation,
"MIL, it doesn't matter what he'd do. He isn't here to give
us his advice. We'll just figure it out on our own."
RESPONSE: One Liners
When my FIL died, his GF tried telling everyone that they were married.
There were no records or witnesses to this marriage. Needless to
say, NONE of my FIL's family believed her. Some of GF's family
believed her. Now she runs around and tells everyone in the small
town that we are evil, because we won't take care of her (give her
money). I talked to her once, and told her that she needed to get
professional help. I don't know if she got the help, but she did
stop talking to us.
RESPONSE: One Liners
I think that you need to say, "I don't believe you."
Say that every single time you think that she is telling an untruth.
It's the only way. You have to be consistent, because if she gets
away with it even one more time, she will keep trying. You may
not be able to control others' reactions to her stories, but you
may be able to get her to stop saying these things in your presence.
RESPONSE: One Liners
Oh my, this sounds just like what my MIL did after FIL died. My
theory is that it is jealousy. We also got along with FIL, and
that really burned my MIL. Now, she comes out with all these stupid
things that he said which we know are not true. Your MIL just wants
your FIL to look bad to you. Very immature. Try this line, "It
doesn't matter what you tell us that FIL said, we truly knew his
heart, and are happy with the memories that he gave us." Keep
repeating it, maybe she will stop. We said something similar to
my MIL, now she doesn't talk about FIL at all in front of us. Oh
well, it is better that way. Good luck.
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My MIL has stuck her
nose into all of our business and damaged my marriage. She
is there to take complete advantage of a family conflict, and to
declare her kids absolutely innocent, and me guilty. I could
buy her 4 times over, but she insists on giving advice on when to
buy her daughter a car, how to finance it, and how much I can afford.
I am always not invited to functions when a SIL with whom I had
a business conflict shows up. The one with whom I had the
conflict doesn't say anything, and I don't either, but the MIL keeps
bringing it up and declaring her DD to be innocent. She has
now taken to explaining to my grandkids why this is proper and appropriate.
If I tell her, "Stay away from my house. I am not inviting
you, like you don't invite me," she calls and gets my wife
upset, because she has a right to see her grandkids. I tell
her, "Don't phone," so she calls another DD and upsets
her. She has her DD call my wife and upset her, and explain
to her about what I jerk I am. The MIL's favorite line is,
"All men are @ssholes." My wife will never stand
up for me against her, and this is wrecking our marriage.
Today, my SIL is getting married, and, of course, I am not invited,
again. But, a good friend of mine is now the Master of Ceremonies.
I feel embarrassed in front of my kids and friends. My MIL
has made it perfectly ok to exclude me, and makes sure that I am
behind the scenes. How can I get her to leave our family alone,
while realizing that she is still my wife's mother. Please
help.
Signed - Angry in the
Great White
RESPONSE: Angry in the Great White
Short answer: You can't, not if your wife won't help. You need
counseling, and if your wife won't go, you should go without her.
RESPONSE: Angry in the Great White
Your DW needs to see your side. You do come first. She married
you, not her mother. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Angry in the Great White
Your DW needs a backbone, and the two of you need professional counseling.
RESPONSE: Angry in the Great White
Your wife needs to make a stand here. If she won't, then you need
to refuse to have anything to do with MIL. Live your own life.
Period.
RESPONSE: Angry in the Great White
Your wife allows this? You are not invited to a family wedding,
but the rest of your family is? I would say that your wife has
to be dealt with before the MIL. Your wife is letting the ILs treat
you like this. Does she have no respect for her own husband? The
next time there is a function in your family, tell her that she
is not welcome, and see how things change!
RESPONSE: Angry in the Great White
Unfortunately, until and unless your wife decides once and for all
who she's married to (you or her mother), your situation will stay
just as it is. Come to think of it, I think that you should tell
you wife to just go home to mommy.
RESPONSE: Angry in the Great White
If you are not included, then you should keep your children back
as well. Tell your DW that, as you are not included in her family,
then you feel that your children should not be subjected to her,
either. Make DW speak up for you.
RESPONSE: Angry in the Great White
You are married to a mama's girl, and there's not much that you
can do. You are a "family wrecker". You are fighting
against a sick, twisted farce of a faaaaaamily to try to create
a healthy, strong family. If your DW cannot stand up to her mom,
then you might have to make other plans (life's too short!!!).
Please, continue on the message boards - we can empathize, listen
to rants, and offer suggestions. IF DW is interested, try counseling
or self-help books.
RESPONSE: Angry in the Great White
If you read the archives, you'll notice that we frequently tell
women, "Your problem is not your MIL, your problem is your
DH." Well, your main problem is your DW. You need to have
a serious talk with your wife about loyalty and priorities, and
the fact that marriage means that your spouse is your first loyalty.
She should not be going to events where you are deliberately excluded,
and she should not be taking her mommy's side against her husband.
RESPONSE: Angry in the Great White
Can you sit down with your DW and ask her where she thinks your
marriage is going? Explain how you see the state of affairs to
currently be, and your extreme unhappiness with it. Tell her that
it needs to change, and ask her for her help in doing so. It sounds
like counseling is needed to help you both see the damage that the
mom is doing. Keep in mind that your wife is allowing her mother
to do this, and that she may like things the way they are, no matter
the discomfort and sadness this causes you. Be honest and up front
about your feelings, and ready for whatever she says (you know her
best). Do NOT bluff. Ask yourself the Dear Abby question, "I
am better off with or without this person?" Maybe, if you
can help your wife see how unhappy you are about this situation,
and how unwilling you are to continue on as it is, she may be willing
to do something. If she knows that you are willing to put up with
anything for the little joy you get, she may never change anything.
If, on the other hand, she understands that you have come to the
end of your rope, and are NOT willing to go on as it has been, it
might wake her up, and she might be willing to do something about
it. It's hard to go against the family flow, so you have to give
her a good solid reason to do so. She has heard from you, without
ranting and raving and hyperbole, just how you feel about your treatment.
I don't blame you at all for being angry, the way they treat you
sounds awful, and your MIL sounds like a complete b!tch. Just remember,
don't descend to that level while you communicate with your wife
about your unhappiness. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Angry in the Great White
You sound as if you have made your boundaries clear. If you haven't,
then sit down with your wife and explain why you feel as you do,
and how you feel when your wife won't support you. You didn't clarify
if your wife takes your children and attends functions without you.
If she does, then it is obvious that she isn't strong enough to
stand up against her family. I lived this situation, and once I
made the decision that my health was more important than his family's
selfish wishes, my life became much better. Your children will
eventually begin to question the situation as they grow up. When
they are old enough, sit down and tell them, in an age appropriate
manner, why you do not wish to interact with these people, all the
while behaving in a loving manner. My grown sons now understand
why I will not interact with my in-laws because they are now old
enough to see that there was no love, no support, and no place for
not only me but for them in their father's family. It is a very
hard situation, and my heart goes out to you. You somehow have
to let the anger go, and remain true to yourself. Your mate's self-preservation
is stronger than her loyalty to you. This does not make her a bad
person, just a weak person, because of all the manipulative behavior
that she experienced as a child at the hands of her parents. Remember,
no one takes advantage of you without your permission, either consciously
or not. Stay strong, and best of luck. Remember, the best revenge
is living well!
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives