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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
July 30, 2004
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Since the birth of our daughter,
my MIL has taken to locking herself in the bathroom, crying, when
ever she doesn't get her way. When I told her that it was
nice that they were coming over often to visit the new baby, but
really, they could not keep coming every night for 3 to 4 hours
at a time - bathroom. When I took the baby to change her
diaper - bathroom. Once she realized that this course of
action was not working for her, she took to not speaking to me
at all. She planned my DH's birthday without even consulting
with me, told me that when we walk into her house, I am to hand
over my child and let her take over, and she told my DH what I
am doing wrong in raising our child. I always believed that
the whole "Mother-In-Law" thing was just an old joke.
It's not funny - it's going to ruin my family.
Signed - Tired Mom
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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One year, my MIL bought
me a necklace for Christmas. I liked the necklace, and thanked
her politely. She then proceeded to tell me how "very
expensive" the necklace was. Over the course of the next
few days, she gushed again and again about how utterly, truly extraordinarily
expensive this necklace was. At one point, she even said,
"DH (my FIL) says that I shouldn't have said that to you, but,
oh, it was SO expensive!" I was pretty much rendered
speechless. What could I say? "Oh, it's expensive.
Now I REALLY appreciate it?" Or, "Gee, I'm glad
that you told me, otherwise I wouldn't have taken good care of it."
Anybody have any suggestions?
Signed - Sticker Shocked
RESPONSE: Sticker Shocked
GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RESPONSE: Sticker Shocked
Find out how much this necklace is worth. It may not be that expensive.
RESPONSE: Sticker Shocked
This is an easy one: You respond by smiling happily, and saying
nothing.
RESPONSE: Sticker Shocked
Ignore her. You said thank you already, and that should be enough.
RESPONSE: Sticker Shocked
My guess is that this was a hint for you to offer to give it back,
as she wanted to keep it for herself.
RESPONSE: Sticker Shocked
How tacky of her. The best that you can do in that situation is
to say, however many times it is necessary, "Yes, thank you,
I really like it a lot," and then gently change the subject!
I think that you can shut her up only with your calm graciousness.
It will show her to be the classless gift giver that she is. If
you act annoyed, however, it will only give her ammo to lament having
been "sooo generous" when you are so "spoiled"
and "ungrateful". She sounds like someone who could easily
shift into nasty-MIL gear. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Sticker Shocked
Give it back in front of your DH and FIL, saying something to the
effect of, "This is clearly so expensive that I do not feel
comfortable accepting it. Thank you for thinking of me. I hope
you will enjoy it. I would not be able to enjoy it thinking that
it had extended your finances beyond what you are comfortable with."
Then, hand it over and see what happens.
RESPONSE: Sticker Shocked
I wouldn't like that, either, someone constantly reminding me how
much something cost. What was she really trying to say? On the
other hand, does she do this all the time, or was this a one time
thing? If it was a one time thing, I think I would let that go.
RESPONSE: Sticker Shocked
Get her a bottle of cologne/piece of jewelry/whatever that's on
markdown. Gush over how "inexpensive" it was for such
a good deal. Tell her that she's worth it. Or, tell MIL that you
took the necklace to a pawn shop and only got (fill in the blank)
dollars for it, so it couldn't have been THAT expensive!
RESPONSE: Sticker Shocked
Ignore it as best you can. If she continues to insist upon telling
you HOW EXPENSIVE it was, just thank her politely, again, and change
the subject. Some people, mostly MILs, apparently, just have a
need to say inappropriate things. These things are best ignored,
until they become offensive and hurtful.
RESPONSE: Sticker Shocked
It sounds like she's hinting that you "owe" her something.
Be on your guard for unreasonable demands. Of course, the next
time she tells you how expensive it was (especially if she brings
up FIL's objections) you could just tell her that you've been worried
about how much she spent. Then, offer to return the necklace, since
it was such a financial burden. That should catch her off guard,
maybe even enough to shut her up. But, be prepared to hand it over
for real, if she takes you up on the offer.
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Every year, we go to
the beach with my ILs. They pay the way, which I appreciate,
because we couldn't afford it ourselves. However, my MIL has
always treated females in the family like second class citizens,
and this is beginning to affect my daughter. For example,
for the last few years, we've been in a beach house which is short
one bedroom. No big deal, but she wants to put my DD in the
hall every year, instead of having her take turns with my son.
My MIL thinks that it's perfectly ok to give the prime real estate
to the male child. She has done similar stuff with my SIL
(whom she criticizes freely) and me, while my DH, of course, can
do no wrong. The SIL, btw, is so flattened with repressed
rage at this woman that she's barely functional. The thing
is, the preferential treatment that they've shown actually makes
my son feel uncomfortable, too. They'll give him an expensive
skateboard for his birthday, and give my DD some coloring books.
At what point do I put my foot down? It's her house, and she's
the host. The old bat. Sorry.
Signed - Beached With
The B!tch
RESPONSE: Beached With The B!tch
Don't go. You're doing harm to both of your children by participating.
RESPONSE: Beached With The B!tch
If getting a free vacation is more important to you than raising
well-balanced children with healthy self-esteem, nothing that I
or anyone else can say will make you stop subjecting your kids to
this toxic woman.
RESPONSE: Beached With The B!tch
I experienced the same thing with my GM. When I was 7 or 8 my brother
and I brought home equally good report cards. He got $10 and I
got nothing (my brother gave back the money on his own accord).
The worst was the time that we had arranged for her to go into a
very nice retirement home that my aunt worked at. She had stayed
for two weeks in my house, in my bed because she refused to turn
my brother out of his bed. I slept on the couch, and fell asleep
in class every day. The day came to drive her to the home, and
she woke up crying that she didn't want to go, and that she should
be given my bedroom while I slept on the couch.
RESPONSE: Beached With The B!tch
I wouldn't put your foot down. I'd just explain the situation to
both of your children so that they understand that it's not you
treating them like this. Obviously, your DS already understands
that it's wrong. I'd just continue to treat your children as equals,
and your MIL will get hers when your DD refuses to visit or "help
out" when she is older. Mark my words, people like this never
expect the "boys" to care for an ailing grandparent.
RESPONSE: Beached With The B!tch
Why do you spend vacations with someone who has no qualms about
causing problems in your family? IMHO, you should have stopped
going years ago. A free vacation, when it comes at the expense
of your child's self-worth and self-esteem, isn't really free at
all. Shame on you for allowing MIL to emotionally abuse your children.
RESPONSE: Beached With The B!tch
Your MIL is a big biotch. Tell her to treat everyone equally, because
it's hurting your DD beyond comprehension. Or, say that if she
doesn't stop this cruel treatment, she is not to see any of your
children. You have the right to protect your children from the
cruel unfairness, and she has no right to do what she is doing to
your DD. You don't have to put up with this! Put your foot down,
and get your DH to stand up for his family!
RESPONSE: Beached With The B!tch
Stop going to the beach. You are selling out your DD every time
you let this "old bat" tromp all over your family. You
are your DD's advocate, and you are the one to stand up for her
and give her an example of how to act. Respond, and take charge
in a respectful way. Good luck!
RESPONSE: Beached With The B!tch
This is the point that you put your foot down. Your DD probably
has noticed this, too. I had a aunt who treated me like a 2nd class
citizen, and those feelings of inadequacy take a long time to get
over. You should insist that the kids take turns with the sleeping
arrangements. Or, better yet, skip the next beach trip!
RESPONSE: Beached With The B!tch
I don't think that you can do much about the gifts. But you DO
have the perfect right to announce next time, "This time DD
is going to have the bedroom, and DS will sleep in the hall, and
from now on we are going to alternate, so that it will be fair."
End of discussion on that one. As for the preferential gifts, don't
waste your energy with the GPs. That attitude towards the female
sex is so deep-rooted, they're probably not even aware of it. And,
pointing it out to them will do no good (I know this because my
BFs grandmother does not like women, and she continually excludes
my BF's sister, while praising my BF and his two brothers to the
sky). But you CAN discuss what is going on with your children.
Assure your DD that it has NOTHING to do with who she is, that some
older people are just like this because they come from a different
era. Remind her that, nowadays, women can do everything men do,
often better. You mentioned that money's tight. If you are unable
to give big gifts to your children, and your son gets things from
the GPs that you cannot provide (while your daughter has no such
benefit), then maybe you can tell the GPs that, although you're
SO appreciative of the gifts that they give your children, perhaps
they could get just ONE gift that BOTH your children could use.
Remember, no one's obligated to give gifts, even grandparents.
So, saying anything is a sticky situation. Just be sure that you
discuss things with your DD, so she doesn't construe any idea that
somehow she's "no good".
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives