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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
August 4, 2004
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AUGUST
2004
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Just when I thought I'd experienced
it all! MIL has come up with a new one. I last posted
here in May 2002 after my BIL passed away, and she accused my
DH of causing his cancer. But, she has now topped the cake!
Since that period of time I have been in her company twice, both
times in my home, and both times over Christmas (DH invited her
here after she was alone for Christmas). Today, I got a
call from the local police department. Apparently, MIL of
the year has accused me of credit card fraud! Yes ma'am.
A lady I have no access to, a lady I don't visit in her home,
and a lady I could not care less about, has accused me of stealing
one of her credit cards. Now, let's not bring in the fact
that she's richer than Midas, let's not mention the fact I, myself,
have a respectable, well paying job and five children to raise,
and let's not mention that in the past 15 years of being with
her son, I have been in this woman's company fewer times than
the number of fingers I have on my hand. And, now I am a
thief. I give up. She's just not worth this stress,
heartache and angst.
Signed - Credit Card
Fraud
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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My MIL came over to visit,
and decided to cook for her son. Of course, I moved out of the
way to give her some space. I think that the space was more for
me than for her. Well, she asked me for the cooking oil. I use
veggie oil, and I have never had a problem using it. She proceeded
to tell me that it smelled really bad, and wasn't healthy for anyone.
She uses "canola". The way I see it, oil isn't healthy,
period. Well, I just said okay. I meant more like, "Whatever".
I went next door to get out of her way, and by the time I came back
it was already late and everyone was in bed. The following day,
I was making myself a bowl of cereal when she appeared in the kitchen
all of a sudden. Oh no, she said, "Your husband doesn't like
the oil. He says that it smells really bad, throw it away."
Wow, all of a sudden my oil smells. Ha, I never would have thought
that would happen. What a shock. I hurried outside to argue with
my DH. He said, "The oil smells, just throw it out."
I claimed that it never smelled prior to his mother being here and
that was the end of the conversation. She kept making dinner for
her son - don't mind me, I don't live here (at least not when she's
here). In my house! She left the following day. I guess she figured
that I was ignoring her and she couldn't take it. I cooked in what
my DH thought was olive oil. Then, I rubbed the veggie oil in his
face. He said that dinner was great. Yeah, just like it always
has been, before his mother came to visit!
Signed - Something Smells
Rotten And It's Not The Oil!
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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I was married a few weeks
ago, and would like to share what my MIL and BIL did on our wedding
day. First, let me start by providing a little background.
I am an attorney. I met my DH in law school, and we have been
together for the last 7 years, engaged for the last 2. Ever
since the first time I met MIL 7 years ago, there has hardly been
a meeting where she did not say something or act in some way to
either rile me up or hurt my feelings. For example, she has
made a point to let me know when I've gained any weight, yet I never
hear her telling my BIL's girlfriend this when she plumped up.
My DH and I had our engagement pictures taken last fall, and we
received them around Christmas. We were so excited to share
our pictures, because our friends and my family had loved them.
As soon as the book was placed in front of her, she started quickly
flipping through the book stating, "Oh, this one is no good.
Oh, this one is bad." DH was trying to tell her that
she was crazy. She kept saying stuff like, "How come
you didn't smile like my son? He is so photogenic."
The last straw came when she pointed at a picture of me alone and
said to my DH, "Are you going to tell me that that is a good
picture?"!! I was so hurt that I thought I was either
going to smash her head in or start crying uncontrollably.
I calmly excused myself from the table and went to have a little
sniffle upstairs. DH came up and he looked like a war victim
- too shocked by his mother's behavior. As a result of this
situation, I tried to have very little contact with her during our
last month's of planning. I knew from hearing phone conversations
between her and DH that she was ranting about a number of wedding-related
things (i.e., guest list) which I found to be so ridiculous, given
the fact that my dad was paying for everything and she had not even
offered to help us with one thin dime. Fast forward to the
wedding day. DH and I had such a perfect and wonderful day.
Our reception ended at midnight and bang, the monsters come out
during the witching hour. The only semi-issue was that BIL's
evil witch girlfriend angered both DH and me because she has been
on-again, off-again, and we had not anticipated that she would come
to the wedding. But, we found out a week before that she would
be coming. She came to our rehearsal and glared at us.
She came to our rehearsal dinner, the wedding the next day, and
the reception, and she never once said, "Hello", or, "Thank
You", or, "Congratulations". It came to the
point that I told DH that I did not want her at the brunch the following
morning (enough is enough!). DH spoke with BIL, but it was
not clear what his action would be (he responded, "What are
you talking about?" and that was all he said). DH was
also unhappy about everything, and less happy with his brother's
peculiar response (which wasn't a response at all, frankly).
I told DH to just forget it and for us to focus on enjoying the
last hour of our evening. When the last song was over, I was
standing on the dance floor with so much happiness. I thought,
"What a wonderful day!" Just then, MIL walked past
me, saying, with a disgusted look and angry voice, "It's not
right." After a few minutes, it really hit me that MIL
had said this to me, so when DH came by me, I grabbed his hand and
said, "Come with me, please." I have to say that,
after 7 years of assorted verbal comments and abuses, I had had
my fill. Every other time that she had done something, I had
just smiled and took it, trying to be the better person. But,
on my own wedding day she wanted to bring me down? I thought
that her response was due to the fact that she must have found out
that we didn't want her at the brunch. So, I walked outside
the reception room and saw MIL, MIL's boyfriend, MIL's sister, BIL
and BIL's girlfriend all waiting at the elevator. I walked
up behind MIL and said, "Excuse me." She turned
towards me. I said, "I do not think that was very nice
that you just walked past me on my wedding day, and said, "It's
not right." All of a sudden there was all this confusion
of people angrily talking at once. Someone said something
that referred to BIL's girlfriend. I pointed at her and said,
"I'm sorry, but this woman has come to our rehearsal, rehearsal
dinner, and wedding and never said hello, thank you, or congratulations
to us. Frankly, I think it was inappropriate that she was
invited." All of a sudden BIL was screaming (in my face,
shouting, spittle flying everywhere with his hands up - I literally
thought that he was going to hit me). MIL made some comment
about how dare I say that it was inappropriate that she came, and
BIL screamed about how selfish we were. I calmly replied,
"No, BIL. Actually, you are the selfish one. This
was DH's and my day. You should have done all that you could
to ensure that this was a good day for us, but you did not."
Please keep in mind that during this exchange (which, admittedly,
took about 1-2 minutes total), I spoke in a calm voice, and only
stuck to the facts. I did not shout, swear, or say things
that I would regret. Then, BIL said, "You little b!tch!
At this point I turned to my DH (who was standing there looking
at his brother, stunned) and said, "Are you going to allow
your brother to talk to me like this?" At the same moment
one of my bridesmaids had come out and started chastising BIL for
acting in such a manner on our wedding day. I turned to walk
away, because I knew that I was nearing the end of my cool and was
probably going to start crying. DH said that when I asked
him if he would allow his brother to address me in such a fashion,
his brother said, "Yes, he is." And DH said, "No,
you are not." And he walked towards his brother.
MIL, instead of trying to fan the flames, fueled them with her words.
It seemed, from what DH told me, that she did not even care that
her 2 sons might start physically fighting. My DH then said,
"In fact, I will extend what DW said by saying that we've never
had one positive experience with this woman since the day we met
her." This is very true, she has been very evil, and
has tried to undercut us, me in particular, in the past, but we've
never really addressed it with anyone because we didn't think it
was our place). MIL responded, "Well, DW has been mean
to her ever since they met." DH said that in this moment
he realized that his mother and that woman must have talked behind
my back more than once for her to make such a sweeping statement.
Then, he basically turned away from his family and came to find
me. I found out later that my brother and BIL had had some
words (because of his girlfriend) and so when MIL walked past me
and said, "It's not right," she was not referring to our
decision not to include her at the brunch, but in relation to my
brother who she called, "a disgrace". My family
consists of the nicest, most down-to-earth people you can meet.
My brother was crying his eyes out because he thought that he had
hurt me by his interaction with BIL, not realizing that MIL has,
for some reason, not cared for me since the first day we met.
My DH is completely disgusted with his family (he is a very well-educated
and well-traveled person, whereas his mom and brother are, as he
says, "stereotypical tough-acting types". I've never
met people like this. My parents are so thrilled to have my
DH as a son-in-law. They are proud because he is a good man,
successful, handsome, etc. I have always been super nice to
my MIL and BIL, going out of my way to always prepare things during
the holidays, getting them extravagant gifts, trying to be helpful
(i.e., doing all the dishes at the holidays). I am successful
in my own right, so it isn't like MIL can say I'm a gold digger,
etc. Despite how much she hurt my feelings in the past, I
always tried to forget it and move on, and I went out of my way
to do things for her (i.e., making a scrapbook for her 60th birthday,
which took me 4 months to make!). DH and I now have an understanding
that I will not be seeing them anymore (where can I go after their
treatment of me on the wedding day?), but I am still feeling very
sad about this. Until the wedding day, no one besides DH would
have known that I was unhappy with the way I was treated.
After all I did for MIL, why didn't she come to love me, if only
because her son loves me? She was also very rude to my super
sweet father, who paid for everything. She never thanked him
for giving her son a wedding that she would never have been able
to provide. She didn't thank him for talking about her deceased
husband during my dad's welcome toast, and she didn't acknowledge
that my father paid homage to both mothers and asked them to stand
up at the wedding (and you could tell that she was soaking it up
when she stood up). My dad is too nice to say anything to
me, but some of my uncles said that all she did was glare at them
the whole night. When she walked past their table, she put
her nose in the air. Why did she act like this? Does
anyone have any insights for me? TIA for reading this far
and letting me vent.
Signed - Sad New Wife
RESPONSE: Sad New Wife
I would venture to guess that MIL is very envious of you and all
you have (especially her DS). My personal observations lead me
to believe that a lot of MILs would have liked to have lived their
lives with all of the opportunities available to women of the younger
generations.
RESPONSE: Sad New Wife
From what I gather, MIL is a control freak and a reverse snob -
the type of person who looks down on people who've furthered their
education. Together, with BIL's GF, they thought that they'd rule
things where you and your DH are concerned. You did right by confronting
MIL and BIL. After all, you'd most definitely reached the end of
your rope. Do not feel any guilt about cutting MIL off. She set
the tone for your relationship, and she is the only one to blame.
Her immaturity shone through the day of your wedding, and you can
bet that others saw it, as well. You now get to go about your new
life happy, free from any more instigation from MIL and BIL's GF.
RESPONSE: Sad New Wife
Get past it. Just enjoy your life and your family. As women, we
always want to know why someone behaves in a certain manner, but
there is no explaining some behavior. "Why" can not be
answered. Your new DH defended you, and that is more than most
of us can ever expect.
RESPONSE: Sad New Wife
Wow. After reading your horrible story, I can't wait until my own
wedding day. I can't believe that your MIL did that to you, after
all the effort that you put in to be nice to her! I'm going through
the same thing - being polite, going out of my way to treat her
nicely, and all she does is blame all the problems in her family
on me, even though I'm not there half of the time. Although I'm
not even engaged yet, I am sure I will marry my current BF one day.
I'm sure that my wedding will be similarly ruined. *Sigh*. Why
do we have to invite our MILs to our weddings? I have to say that
I greatly admire you for being so patient with your MIL, and being
so strong, especially when both your BIL and MIL were screaming
obscenities right in your face after your wedding. Good luck.
I hope that, even though you have a TERRIBLE MIL and BIL, you will
still find happiness with your DH.
RESPONSE: Sad New Wife
I can understand your needing to confront MIL and BIL at the conclusion
of your wedding. It sounds, however, like your ILs are not rational
people, and will never "learn their lesson". You probably
never will receive an apology from them for their behavior, nor
will their behavior improve. Letting them know the hurt and fury
that their actions and attitude cause you will probably only empower
them. I think that, for your personal sanity and the sanity of
your marriage, the best thing that you can do is to gently tell
your DH that he is welcome to continue to have a relationship with
his family, but that you have seen enough and dealt with enough
from the ILs that you wish no further contact with them. From what
you say, it seems like your DH will raise no objection - and he
likely will come to follow in your footsteps. His family sounds
toxic. You have NO OBLIGATION to have people like that in your
life; dealing with them does NOT make you a better person (nor does
it improve your marriage - I know from personal experience). Cut
them off, enjoy the man you love, and enjoy your life with people
who care for you and treat you and your DH with respect. Best of
luck.
RESPONSE: Sad New Wife
My goodness. I guess your MIL is just extremely insecure. My MIL
was unhappy at my wedding, but she mostly kept it to herself, and
didn't lash out at me or my relatives. Maybe all you can do now
is to just occasionally hold out an olive branch and see if she
behaves. Some people, as they age, mellow out and become more mature
emotionally. Perhaps your MIL will grow up someday. In the meantime,
be thankful that your DH stands by you and realizes that his family
is nuts. Believe me; that's something. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Sad New Wife
My advice, since you have what sounds like a fabulous and supportive
DH, is to ignore these people. Find your own circle of friends
and stick with them. The ILs should be seen once or twice a year
(holidays), but only on your terms. If any nonsense comes up, be
sure to call them on it. They must learn that no outside interference
will be tolerated in your loving and supportive marriage. Best
of luck from someone who's had her wedding trashed by ILs, too.
RESPONSE: Sad New Wife
It's simple. They were jealous. My MIL and SIL did everything
that they could to ruin my wedding also, and they pretty much succeeded.
I cannot think of my wedding day without getting angry all over
again. It is pure and simple jealousy. Some people cannot stand
another to have the attention, even for one day. My SIL also had
a tantrum when we had our first baby. And, she said, right out,
that we were getting more attention than she was, and she was furious
about it. AS if that was why we were having kids, to steal her
attention! Try and move on, and leave these people out of your
lives. Good luck!
RESPONSE: Sad New Wife
I am so incredibly sorry that you had to deal with such a nightmare
on your wedding day. It was supposed to be carefree, happy, and
peaceful. Instead, you had unnecessary drama and fighting. I think
that it is very normal for you to be asking "what have I done
to cause this?" I, myself, have asked this question 1,000
times. The answer is that you did nothing to provoke this, and
you probably could do nothing to prevent it, either. You and I
are (I presume) rational people, and a rational person would NEVER
act the way your MIL or BIL have acted. Basically, you can't expect
rational behavior from irrational people (you also can't expect
logical thinking from illogical people). Given that fact, you can,
from this point on, limit how these insane people affect or influence
you, your DH, and your lives. If these two were so wrapped up in
themselves and what they wanted, instead of thinking of you and
your DH on the most important day of your lives, then to heck with
them. Any mom who could do that to her son and new DIL is disgusting.
Any brother who has such little respect for his DB and his new SIL
isn't worth thinking twice about. Their awful behavior is not a
reflection of you or anything that you have done. I think that
it is unbelievably horrible what they did to you. Although it is
very hard to do, please do not think of them or their antics when
you think of your wedding day. It is only you and your DH who are
important, and if your MIL and BIL cannot act decently and respectfully,
then they need to have very limited (if any) access to your lives.
Good luck to you and your DH.
RESPONSE: Sad New Wife
You are far from alone. We sound like soul sisters. I also have
a very calm, cool, down to earth family. My mother is a saint,
and sweet as can be. She treats my DH like her own son (and not
the way his mother does, more like the way a mother should). She
is just there when we need her, never intrudes, and is always proud
of everything that we do. And, my MIL hates my family, because
of all this. She hates that DH loves my family and has so much
fun with them. She is an attention freak, also, and needs to be
the center of everything. I have a very large family. Many of
them are very funny, and generally are the center of attention,
usually because they make everyone laugh. She can't stand this!!!
So, she points out all of our flaws whenever she gets a chance,
i.e., "She's put on a few lbs.," and so on. I also have
been hated by my MIL since the day that we met, despite whatever
I did to stop it. It's not us at all, it's all them and their jealousy
towards us. Really, how dare their little boys fall in love and
be happy. They should stay with them forever and ever! Give me
a break!! Despite all the other horrible things that my MIL did
to us at our wedding, the kicker for me was after the wedding.
We all went to an Irish pub down the road, both sides are from Irish
backgrounds. The band invited DH and me up on stage to sing the
Irish Wedding song to us. The PIL's anniversary was the next day,
so MIL charged the stage and pushed DH and me off. She grabbed
the microphone from the singer and started shouting into it, "IT'S
MY ANNIVERSARY!", repeatedly. I thought that I had seen it
all, but she stole the thunder from the bride and groom, her son,
on the biggest day of his life. One stranger completely made my
day, though! As I stood in shock over the whole thing, a man came
up to me and handed me a $50. He told me what a beautiful bride
I was. Then, he asked me who the b!tch was. After telling him
that it was my MIL, he gave me his sympathies, and asked (jokingly)
if I wanted him to take her outside and beat her up for me! He
gave me quite a laugh, and it made me happy that in 5 minutes this
stranger saw how horrible she was to me. I have been married for
two years now, and my last straw just hit. Unfortunately, I can't
tell my DH, because it's over a surprise party that I am throwing
for him. Once it is over, I will tell him that I am done with her.
You can only do so much. There are some people who just cannot
be pleased! And, we have too much going on in our lives to keep
chasing after something that just is never going to happen. I went
through the sad stage, too, "Why doesn't she like me? I'm
so easy going, and rarely have someone hate me sooo much."
But, I really don't care anymore. I don't want to be friends with
someone like her. I only want to surround myself with positive
things and people, and she is far from that. So, I'm better off.
And, although my DH hates how his mother is towards me, and would
love to change our relationship, he can't change her. So, he is
better off, also, because if I did keep trying, we would continue
to bicker back and forth over how she treats me. So, cut your losses
and concentrate on you and DH. She is not worth it!!!!!
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives