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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
August 6, 2004
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AUGUST
2004
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I have been married to DH for
5 years now. This is a second marriage for both of us.
I have a DD from my previous marriage, but he had no children.
My DH adopted DD, and I then became pregnant with our first child.
While this was a great thing and everyone was happy, MIL made
sure that my baby shower was not. I planned it myself, and
it was to be a wonderful event. My best friend flew in from
out of state, and I had other relatives come in from out of town.
As we sat outside under a beautiful tent in the lovely spring
weather, we began to wonder where MIL and SIL were at. DH
began calling, and he finally reached SIL. She said that
she was sorry, but she couldn't make it, and had just forgotten
to call. We were not able to reach MIL or FIL on their home
phone or their cell phones until the next day. She then
informed DH that they were "out and about", and "didn't
feel like answering the phone". When he asked her about
the baby shower and if she had forgotten, she simply replied that
she didn't feel comfortable, because she had lost a child due
to miscarriage 34 years before, and it still hurt too much.
She uses this as an excuse after she has had 2 other children.
I was hurt and mad all at the same time. She had held up
the festivities, and made my happy time all about her. It
wasn't long after this that we had a "family meeting"
with my ILs, DH and myself. I was made out to be the bad
guy, because my feelings were hurt, and I was insensitive to the
fact that MIL had gone through some rough things in her past.
My FIL then proceeded to tell me that I could be an adult about
this and get over it, or I could be a b!tch about it and continue
to hurt her feelings. DH just sat there and let it continue.
I told them all, DH included, to go to he!!, and that if they
didn't have the decency to at least call and say that they couldn't
come, then they didn't deserve to be grandparents. DH has
since learned to stand up to MIL and defend me. I still
can't stand her, but I am civil. I just try to avoid her.
I have many other instances of her being childish, selfish, whiny
and otherwise just a grown up 3 year old, but I think this will
give all an idea of what I have to deal with. My thoughts
and prayers are with all others who have to deal with terrible
MILs, or any other ILs for that matter.
Signed - Dealing With
a Grown Up Toddler
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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Worst gift: The worst
gift that I received from my MIL wasn't the wedding gift (cookbook
and apron) or the gift that I received for Christmas the same year
(pot holders and apron), or even my birthday gift (cutting board
and apron).
Signed - Still Don't
Cook in Cincinnati
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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I was planning a 4th
of July cookout for our family when (MIL) called and decided that
she needed to come for a visit because it would be good for her
to come out and see us and her other son. After remembering
past experiences, I finally agreed - I must have been temporarily
insane. Anyway, I end up having the entire FAMILY HERE!
She came and stayed for 4 days, wreaked havoc on my home, children
and relationship, and then, luckily, she left. The entire
time that she was here she complained about my DD not minding, being
out of control, and not respecting me. I listened, but it
went in one ear out the other. Then it was my fault that our
older son has problems. He is separated from his wife, and
recently had a DUI. That's my fault, too. I have set
a bad example by having a previous marriage that ended in divorce.
He left me for another woman. Then she said, "DS and
you should have had children together." I calmly explained
that he has been with my DD all of her life, and that everyone who
meets us really thinks that he is her dad. When that didn't
work, I said that we were happy, really (((we have a barn full of
horses))). This was, I think, her next to last chance to hurt
me, because I had two children by a previous marriage, and couldn't
have any more due to a surgery. The straw that broke me was
when she told me that DH and I are doomed for a divorce, too.
And, if that wasn't enough, she then started in on my family, which
really pissed me off. This is the second time in 10 years
that she has seen my mother and aunts, etc. She decided that
my aunt is gay, and demanded that I throw away a banana pudding
that my other aunt had cooked because it tasted like cr@p.
She decides that my mom and her boyfriend are shacking up, and that
my other aunt has a sugar daddy. I guess you shouldn't be
surprised, but none of the above sh!t is true. The icing on
the cake was when she said, "YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY IS CURSED WITH
DIVORCE," and that I should be watching what I do or my DD
will end up divorced, too. I hope I made you readers proud
- I never argued or raised my voice, but 5 minutes after she left,
I asked my DH about all this. He, who must have something
wrong with his head, told me that I was making all this up!!!!
SO, we haven't spoken in 3 days, except to nag and curse each other.
YEP, I probably am cursed to divorce thanks to the beached WHALE!
This has been going on for 10 years, and I can't make DH see how
mean she is, and what a religious-fanatical hypocrite she is.
I am planning to write her a letter and tell her that on her next
visit, if she can't play nice, she will be asked to leave.
If she misbehaves a 2nd time, I will tell her to leave. I
don't care at this point what my DH thinks, because it's no longer
me who has hurt feelings and anger. IT has been put on my
entire family, and I can't permit this any longer. Yes, I
know that she set me up to ask him why she thinks we were getting
a divorce. I know that she meant to cause hurt and anger.
But, it has been this way forever, and it won't change, because
he won't do anything about her. So, I know that it is up to
me.
Signed - CURSED BY A
Beached WHALE
RESPONSE: CURSED BY A Beached WHALE
Why don't you try taping the next conversation with BW, and then
replaying it for DH? That's what I would do.
RESPONSE: CURSED BY A Beached WHALE
My advice would be to not write this letter (yet), it will only
be used against you. The next time she comes over, hide a video
camera or voice-activated dictaphone. Better yet, don't have anything
to do with her. Don't let her walk over you. Don't be alone in
the room with her, providing her an audience for her insane drivel.
RESPONSE: CURSED BY A Beached WHALE
The next time you see her, have a tape recorder on you and record
everything that goes on (without her knowing about it). Then, confront
your DH about what was said or done, and if he doesn't believe you,
PULL OUT THAT TAPE!!!!! You need to stop it, and you need to stop
it now! Put your foot down!
RESPONSE: CURSED BY A Beached WHALE
Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you're already entertaining
the possibility of a "next visit" by this viper, you need
your head examined. And, don't even get me started on what I'd
like to do to your DH!! Rather than have MIL around, I think that
you should buy a King Cobra instead. At least that would be a good
conversation piece. You could also put your DH in the same cage
and let him battle it out!!
RESPONSE: CURSED BY A Beached WHALE
Try marriage counseling before you write that letter. Your real
problem here is DH, as he won't stand up to MIL. Plus, if you write
the letter, MIL will only have more ammo to use against you, and
she will show the letter to everyone and claim that she is the victim
here, not you.
RESPONSE: CURSED BY A Beached WHALE
Don't send the letter. You'll just come off looking like the bad
guy, again. Get one of those little tape recorders and tape your
conversations with her. THEN, have DH hear what goes on when he's
not around.
RESPONSE: CURSED BY A Beached WHALE
Get a little digital recorder that will fit in your pocket. The
next time the Monster-In-Law and you are alone together, record
the conversations. That will teach your wussy husband. Maybe then
he'll start looking after you. If not, you now have proof of the
abuse. So, when you file for divorce, you can get everything!
Problem solved!
RESPONSE: CURSED BY A Beached WHALE
Don't write her a letter. Don't attempt to delineate "boundaries".
Tell her that if she behaves badly on her NEXT visit, then she will
have to leave. Don't do anything at all, including having her visit
you again in your house. I repeat: DO NOT have her for a visit
in your house, ever again. If she complains and demands to know
"why?", just tell her that she was the lousiest house
guest that you have ever had the misfortune to have in your home,
and she is no longer welcome due to her bad past behavior. She
turned your household upside down for the last time, and she is
not worth the headaches that she gives you. In the future, if she
persists in stinking up your neck of the woods, tell her the names
of some local hotels, which she can find with the aid of the yellow
pages, internet, or telephone operator. Don't encourage her to
"visit" you by helping her find a hotel. Make her work
for it, if she wants her trip to happen. Good luck.
RESPONSE: CURSED BY A Beached WHALE
Oh, come on! How long are you going to let this old battle-ax work
you over? DH isn't going to fight your battles for you (they generally
don't, you know), and you want to write warning letters giving her
multiple chances to be nicer before you really, really, this time
for sure, toss her out? I suggest you try this: The next time
she starts saying horrible, malicious things about you or your family,
drop whatever you are doing (with a noisy thud, if possible), stare
her straight in the eyes, and tell her that you will not accept
her vicious, uncalled-for attacks. If she persists, ask her to
leave. Don't warn her, beg her, or tolerate her, just do it. You
have been nice and it hasn't worked. She may cry, yell, argue,
lie, whatever. What do you care? Stand firm. Good luck.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives