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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
August 7, 2004
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AUGUST
2004
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I just happened to come across
this web site, so here goes nothing! I am 22 years old.
DH and I will be married for 3 years this coming fall. His
mother is, well, let me explain. I moved from the Midwest
to the South to be with him, despite what my family said.
"I love him," was my response. We got married
two months after I moved there, and that's when all he!! broke
loose. We found out that we were pregnant, and the evil
MIL came out!! This lady told me that it was my fault that
I got pregnant (last time I checked, men had something to do with
the process, most of the time). She told me that I don't
take care of her son the right way, I keep him stressed out, I
spend all his money, I am not a people person, and that I'm childish,
immature, and selfish. She told me that my family is not
my family anymore, and that if he and I ever divorced, it would
be because of my mom and the fact that she is nosy. I have
done everything that I can think of to try and get her to like
me. I mean, for 2 years I was in and out of the hospital
because of STRESS. I tried talking to her, I tried talking
to him, but nothing worked. I was at the end of my rope.
If I hadn't left when I did, I would have had a nervous breakdown
at 22 years old. I feel that if I am not 100%, I can't take
care of our son or DH. Finally, after everything was said
and done, I left my DH recently. I took our son with me,
because I couldn't take the mental abuse anymore, and he wouldn't
say anything to her about it. All I ever wanted from her
was for her to respect the fact that I am the woman whom her son
chose to marry and have a child with. I NEVER did anything
to her to make her treat me like this. All I ever did was
try to have a relationship with her on account of her son and
grandson. I left my DH because he told me, before we were
married, that he would NEVER LET ANYONE DISRESPECT ME!!
I figured that that included his mother, right? I guess
I was wrong. I understand that I am a new wife and mother,
and you don't learn how to do those things overnight. I
was gone maybe two weeks and he filed for divorce and sole custody
of our son. We had a court date set for 9 days after I was
served the papers. I was just so hurt, but I guess that
he was, too. I never meant to hurt him, but I think that
I may have hurt him too deeply for us to try and work it out.
All I ever wanted was to make my DH happy. What should I
do about her, without pushing my DH away?? We have been
separated for two months now, but I am going back to our home
in about a week or two. I just want to handle this situation
differently this time around. Is there anyone out there
who can help me? If so, please do, and GOD BLESS YOU!!
Signed - Frustrated
Wife/Mother/ DIL
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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My DH's family has celebrated
Christmas on Christmas Eve all of his life. Now that everyone is
grown, they alternate whose turn it is to host the Christmas Eve
celebration. It's always in the evening with a meal first, and
then the gift exchange (thank God they draw names and stick to that).
The first year that we were living together we called the SIL, who
was hosting early in the day, because we still hadn't heard what
time the dinner was planned for. SIL's 16 year old son answered
and yelled to SIL to find out. He came back and said, "Not
till after 8 PM, and she said, 'don't come early!'" It seemed
that another nephew was working in a restaurant till then, and we
respected this and waited around at home till almost 8 before we
left. We walked in her door and were greeted by SIL and MIL who
said, "Well, you're too late, we already ate." It seems
that the nephew had canceled and they'd moved it up, but they didn't
bother to call because they "couldn't find" our number.
A) It was listed in the phone book. B) DH had given it to both
of them MANY times. C) The SIL had caller ID, so it would have
been there. D) We have email, and they could have emailed us.
So, we ate cold leftovers (and they'd had barbecue and I'd made
coleslaw to go with it - PER SIL's REQUEST) and we were the only
2 people who touched it, as everyone else had already eaten! I
told SIL that I admired the wallpaper in her kitchen, and she said,
"This cr@p? This was here when we bought the place, and whoever
decorated this must have had NO TASTE." This year, it was
SIL's turn to host again. She opted to have it at MIL's house so
that she didn't "have to clean first". We were expecting
some sort of dinner. I'd served ham and au gratin potatoes with
all sorts of fancy appetizers, salads, desserts, extra touches,
etc., the year before, and they'd ALWAYS had some sort of meal for
Christmas Eve. I'd been told to bring dessert, and I'd made a cheesecake
from scratch (MIL's favorite) and my traditional homemade Yule log
cake, iced in chocolate whipped cream, and filled with vanilla whipped
cream and decorated with candies. They served NO dinner. They
put out a tiny thing of supermarket brand vegetable dip, some baby
carrots, some radishes, and a plate of store bought cookies that
someone had gotten from a coworker. Oh, and there were some "hot
dogs in barbecue sauce" that wasn't even hot! THAT WAS IT!
I'd had one lick of cake batter all day, with the rush of getting
Christmas ready, and this was the dinner that they offered. Then,
they refused all dessert, as they were "too full!". Then,
it turned out that they were "saving their appetites",
as they'd decided to all go to a niece's house for a "big dinner"
the following day, and didn't want to spoil it. By the way, they
wanted me to leave the desserts, and they'd take them with them
the next day to dinner. And, by the way, why didn't we skip dinner
with my folks the next day and come to the niece's house for dinner?
We both said, "No, we can't possibly skip Christmas dinner
with my family," and I finally relented, and let them have
the cheesecake. The Yule log, however, was a total waste, as I
dropped it on the way back into the house that night. As the "baker"
of the family, I had gotten into a habit of baking for all their
birthdays, and I have ceremoniously dropped that habit since. If
they can't even eat my Yule log cake (I'd been baking for weeks
for Christmas gift baskets, and had stood on feet with fallen arches,
and with a bad back, to make this stuff from scratch!), then they
aren't getting anything baked by me. It's July, and I still haven't
given in.
Signed - No Bake Cheesecake
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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A little background:
My MIL hates men, including her own son (my DH) and FIL. Her
two DDs are spoiled teenage girls who own tons of designer clothes,
and do not have to work. DH was forced to work for his clothing
from the time that he was 14. When we married, DH came to
me with 4 pairs of underwear, 2 decent pairs of pants (about 10
pairs that were so torn and raggedy that I wouldn't give them to
charity), various raggedy T-shirts, and 2 pairs of shoes.
His spirit had been broken almost completely, since his mother had
spent all of his childhood beating it out of him emotionally.
She has hated me from day one. I'm 8 years older than my DH,
so perhaps that plays a part. I also have 2 children from
a previous relationship. However, that does not justify how
she treats me, my DH, or my children. Both my MIL and my FIL
have good jobs, yet MIL feels the need to borrow money from me here
or there. This would not be an issue, except that the money
is usually borrowed to buy a new dress for one of her daughters
or some other frivolity. She forced my DH to pay her back
the money that she spent on our rehearsal dinner, $200 for all of
those lovely ham sandwiches and potato chips. I flew angry
as soon as I found out, asking him if we were going to pay back
MY mother, too. He said, "Okay, pay her back."
I said, "Fine, do you have $6,000 lying around?"
She knows that I believe in god. She knows my stances on various
political issues. She does her best to make fun of everything
that I believe in every time I am in her house. One of my
seven-year-old sons asked if he could go to college someday.
I smiled, nodded. My MIL broke in, saying, "No, he'll
probably get married when he's 18 and do menial labor for the rest
of his life." She was not joking. She is evil.
She treats both of my boys as if they were evil, rude, ill-mannered
brutes. Truthfully, her DDS are the most evil, rude, ill-mannered,
spoiled little princesses that I have ever seen. Yet, if I
told her that, she'd probably kill me.
Signed - MIL Is A Beast
RESPONSE: MIL Is A BeastE
Won't it kill her when one of her DD wants to marry a man?!!!
RESPONSE: MIL Is A BeastE
You don't actually lend her money, do you?
RESPONSE: MIL Is A BeastE
Why do you have any contact with these people? If DH isn't willing
to break away from his mother, don't subject your children to this.
RESPONSE: MIL Is A BeastE
Why do you and your DH still see her? Cut her out of your life!
She is abusive to your family. I would never even speak with someone
who is abusive to my family. Move far, far, far away
RESPONSE: MIL Is A BeastE
One simple solution to one problem is: DO NOT LOAN HER MONEY ANYMORE.
Also, you have every right to limit contact with her. You also
have the right to limit the amount of exposure that your sons have
to her. Why does your DH even want a relationship with her after
all that she has done to him? I think that your DH needs to gets
some counseling to help him build his self-esteem. And, then you
should, united as a family, tell her to take a hike.
RESPONSE: MIL Is A BeastE
So, your MIL is a man-hating child abuser. And you keep in contact
with this woman and allow her to talk to your children - why??
Is it because of all the love and care that she has shown you and
your DH over the years? Is it because of the wonderful example
that she sets for your sons? Hmm, I doubt it, somehow. Why don't
you just stiffen your spine and set your family boundaries? You
are not required to constantly put yourself in the company of people
who denigrate and belittle you or your children. Go on with your
lives without MIL and her trashy little daughters.
RESPONSE: MIL Is A BeastE
Why on earth are you lending her money? Why are you exposing yourself
and your children to her insults? I feel really bad for your DH.
To me, it sounds like he may need some kind of counseling to help
him recover from a lifetime of emotional abuse. It would really
be best for all of you to cut off contact, and please, don't feel
guilty if you do it. She is harmful. You have to protect your
family from emotional abuse, just as surely as you protect them
physically.
RESPONSE: MIL Is A BeastE
Why on earth are you associating with this woman, let alone letting
your children within shouting distance? I can't imagine a more
evil influence on them. You'd be better off raising them in a wh*rehouse.
You know that your DH would be better off away from her, too, and
so would you. What are you waiting for? Just stop going where
she is. Stop returning phone calls. Stop letting her in your door.
And, wait till you see how good it feels!
RESPONSE: MIL Is A BeastE
Why are you having contact with this family? WHY are you lending
your MIL money? And, more to the point, why are you acting surprised
when she says and does all these awful things when she (and you!)
have made it perfectly clear what her agenda is? Pull away, immediately.
RESPONSE: MIL Is A BeastE
Oh. My. God. What a rude, SEXIST, snob. I can't believe that
she pays for her two darling daughters and makes her son buy his
own stuff. You should have outright refused to pay her back, especially
if she offered in the first place, AND has borrowed money from you
on several occasions! Did she ever even pay that back? Don't let
her bend you until you snap. Strike back now! When she makes such
utterly VULGAR remarks about your sons, then tell her how you feel
about it right there. I know that MILs have "difficulty"
hearing sometimes (mine certainly does), and that you don't want
to hurt your DH in any way, but by all means, don't just stand there
and let her say and do those disgusting things. Show her what you're
made of (in a less detrimental way than she does)!
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Working Women Don't Have Wives