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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
August 9, 2004
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AUGUST
2004
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I have been married to my DH for
8 years, and we dated for 7 years before that. We have a
beautiful baby girl of 15 months. We moved to DH's home
town 8 months ago so that he could get a better job. Ever
since then, it's been rough. His parents live here in town,
and they think that they got their boy back for good. MIL
called DH, "That husband of ours," and tried to make
his doctor and dentist appointments for him, like I didn't exist
or couldn't handle that (or he couldn't). We were seeing
his parents twice a week like clockwork for dinner and visits.
They wouldn't drive to our house because it's 30 minutes away.
I had no problems with his family before, not one! Now,
MIL has waged war on me, and brought DH's sisters into it.
Here's a lowdown: 1. MIL and SIL threw my baby's first
birthday party, even after they said that they wouldn't, and so
they got to make her first cake and sing her the song and all
that. They said that they'd come to the party that I was
throwing, but then they didn't show up. They said later
that they had no intention of coming because I just wanted my
family there, and not them. This was my first clue that
MIL was jealous of me. 2. The next day, MIL showed
up at my house, unannounced, steaming mad. She went on a
tirade, telling me that I need counseling, that I will leave my
DH and take the baby because I don't like her or this town, that
I am immature, rude, and controlling, and that she loves me but
I don't love her. She tried to insinuate that I caused SIL
to miscarry because of the stress of the birthday party fiasco.
She scared the baby and made her cry. She said that her
whole family was disgusted with me, and that they think that I
must be taking after my "man-hating, single-mom friend"
from back home. Then, she told me that she was going to
tell me when she had a problem with me from now on, and that I
better kiss her and hug her when she comes and goes, to be more
loving. There was more, but I can't remember it all now.
She was yelling at me for an hour. I should have kicked
her out, but I was just shocked. 3. The next day,
DH went over to see her, and she flipped out when he said that
the party thing was a misunderstanding. She and FIL went
off, saying that we needed counseling, that I was going to leave
DH, and that he could live with them at their home. When
he tried to go, MIL and FIL chased DH to the car, hanging on him.
Then she banged her head against the car window and wailed when
he shut the door! She was yelling, "Get counseling!!"
DH won't tell me what she said about me, but he said that it's
all the DIL clichés he's ever heard, but 10 times worse.
4. MIL started getting "chest pains" and other
problems that were only cured by having DH visit. FIL was
preparing to die (again, from broken-heartedness) and writing
DH out of his will. He was going to call the police about
things that he claimed we stole from him, but never even had,
like watches. They threatened to call CPS or the police
if we didn't let them see the baby when they wanted. They
threatened to mess up DH's new job. 5. MIL took down
all the photos of me from her walls. She threw all DH's
stuff on the lawn (childhood toys, etc.) and told him to come
pick them up that day or they would be trashed. 6.
DH still sees them twice a week. She stands by what she
said about me, and says that time will tell. DH wants me
to see them once in a while, but I shake and sweat when I see
them. I've seen them twice, for the sake of the baby.
She cries when she's without me for more than two hours, and it
takes an hour of driving to see the ILs, plus they won't drive
to our house, because it's at our convenience, and not theirs.
I want out of this town, and so does DH. He says that it
may take years. He says that his parents have lost their
marbles, but he loves them and will look after them. His
sisters are on his mom's side, because they know where their bread
is buttered. They say that we should have spent an additional
$40,000 to get a house in the IL's neighborhood! FIL is
almost 90, and is in poor health. MIL is in her 60s, and
is not happy in her marriage. I think that if she had more
happiness at home, she'd butt out more. I am sick of it
all, and want my life back like it was before we moved here, when
DH and I could focus on our family of 3, and see our extended
families for visits. MIL wants her boy back, like when he
was 15.
Signed - Stuck In MIL
He!!-Town
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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Worst gift: I had been
dating my DH for about two years, and his mother and I never really
got along. She was always trying to break us up, but she realized
that if she still wanted to see her son, she would have to try and
accept me. She had her ways of looking sweet and nice on the outside,
but she would always do something to make sure that I knew that
she hated me. One year, on Christmas Eve, we were at their house,
and they always open one gift. It was usually new PJs for everybody.
Anyway, DH's little sister opened her gift, and got a cartoon character
night gown. She was about eight years old, so that was fitting
for her. DH got some new pajama pants. When it was my turn to
open my gift, she got me the same pajamas that she had bought for
her eight year old daughter (just a bigger size). Knowing that
I wouldn't wear it ever, she made me put it on so that she could
take a picture of me wearing a kiddie nightgown matching my DH's
eight year old sister. I was 21 at the time. It was so humiliating!
Signed - Kiddie Nightgown
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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This story is kind of
long, but I need advice from others in the same situation.
My BF and I have been together going on a year. I am divorced,
and have two children. DH and I are from different ethnic
backgrounds. His parents hold pretty tightly to their beliefs.
Both of our parents have lived in this country for well over 30
years. My parents are very open and accepting to others, regardless
of race or religion. His parents are not the same, his mother
in particular. He was living with his parents temporarily
to try to buy a home for himself. His mother would carry on
about me, saying really mean things about women of my race.
Now, his middle brother (he is the youngest) married a woman from
my background, and his mother is always predicting doom for her
middle child. His older brother went to the country that they
are from and married someone that his parents approved for him.
He, in turn, has everything handed to him on a silver platter.
She says horrible things about me and my children. She has
called my children derogatory names, and said that I am a race mixer,
which, in her eyes, is an abomination. So, my BF said, "Well,
I guess I am an abomination, too, because I love her and am really
considering marrying her." She lost it, and told him
to get out of her house. She said that he has broken her heart,
and that he will live to regret it. She also said that no
"half breed child" that I bear from him will ever be her
grandchild, blah, blahh. You get the picture, right?
He moved in with me. When she calls him on his cell phone,
she asks him if I am there in the room. If he says, "Yes,"
she speaks in her native tongue. MY BF is 6 foot 4 inches
and about 230lbs. Every time he goes over her house she claims
that he looks so weak and thin and that I must not be feeding him
properly. She proceeds to stuff him with all kinds of food.
BF works out at a gym and is pretty buff. So, he is FAAAAR
from looking undernourished. Secondly, she will look at him
from head to toe and ask him questions about whether I beat him
up!!!!!!!! Can you believe her? She said that his eye
looked swollen, as if somebody were beating him. And, of course,
the first person to pop in her mind was me. He came home last
night laughing about it. She was really concerned that 5 foot
4 inch, 140 pound me was attacking and physically abusing her 6
foot 4 inch, 230 pound son !!!!!!! She's psycho. She
claims that I am a gold digger, that I am just looking for someone
to support me and my children, that I am probably from a ghetto,
and that I probably still have sex with my ex-husband!!! He
tells me everything that she says, and I am so totally disgusted
that I do not EVER want her near me. His brothers are nice,
and I get along fine with their wives, but the MIL is a real problem.
He defends me a lot, too, and that is why he gets all the abuse
from her for it. She constantly begs him to come back home.
Any input would be appreciated.
Signed - She's Psycho
RESPONSE: She's Psycho
Marry him! That will burn her racist heart. Just because you two
look different on the outside, that doesn't mean that you are on
the inside. Skin is just the icing on the cake.
RESPONSE: She's Psycho
That's just horrible. I thought that racism was now pretty rare,
especially when it comes to family. And, whether she wants to accept
it or not, you ARE family now. I know that she is your DH's mother,
but it seems that he finds her behavior just as ridiculous as you
do. So why does she keep on barging into your lives? Tell him
to tell her to stop calling (to make it sound less harsh, he could
tell her that HE will call her, and that she shouldn't worry about
it), or that she will have to behave if she wants your DH to call
her. Besides that, just try to avoid seeing her as much as possible.
I know how horrible MILs can be, and I know it's nearly impossible
to work your way into their stubborn, hard skulls. But, you could
also try telling her how you feel, if you haven't already. I know
it takes courage, and it won't always help, but it doesn't hurt
to try. Other than that, just hold on. You obviously have a very
loving DH, and just keep in mind that you're marrying him, and NOT
your MIL. Show her that races CAN mix and that you can create beautiful
children, just like "pure" races can. Good luck!
RESPONSE: She's Psycho
You can't change her, but you can limit your interactions with her,
especially if they make you feel bad. How often do you think you
or your family should spend time with her? Do you want to be present
whenever DH sees her, to project a united front? Will you ever
leave your children alone with her? When she becomes elderly, how
much will she depend on you or DH? The answer to all these questions
and potential solutions can be under your control. You and DH need
to decide what boundaries to set, and keep these decisions absolutely
confidential - involve no one else. Technically, MIL doesn't even
need to know about your decisions - all can be done with a smile.
She may resist limited interaction at first, but ultimately it may
be for the best. The trick is to be sure that your DH is on board
100%, whatever you decide. But it sounds like he thinks she's nuts
too, so that's half the battle. Good luck!!!
RESPONSE: She's Psycho
I am so sorry that you are going through this with this woman, but
yet I am laughing to at the prospect that she has the gall to think
all she does. My advice to you is go with flow in all this. Let
her say all her cr@p because it will only bite her in the butt in
the end. Your man sounds like a wonderful person, and he obviously
knows how to deal with her. Just follow his lead. If he can find
humor in what she says, you should too. He obviously knows that
what she says is vicious, but he is not going to let it ruin his
life. He stands up for you and your life, and the rest of the family
obviously really doesn't pay her no mind, either. When he goes
over for his little visits, don't worry about it. He is probably
just putting his mind to rest that he is doing an obligation that
he feels he needs to do. He comes home to you and tells you what
she says. Would you rather be kept in the dark about her loudmouth,
arrogant ways, or would you rather know what you are up against?
Just enjoy the fact that he loves you enough to find humor in her
comments. I say that you should stick it out and do not let her
try to ruin what could be a wonderful life (the life that you have
with him, your children and future children). Take a page from
your man, laugh and it will slide off your back, because you and
he know something that she doesn't - how to be happy.
RESPONSE: She's Psycho
The next time she begs him to come home, he should remind her that
she threw him out in the first place.
RESPONSE: She's Psycho
Let DH deal with his mom. You should stay out of it, and stay away
from her. You will not be able to bring sanity back to her life.
Be happy with the fact that you have a great BF and great kids,
and move on. Who gives a rip as to what your BF's mom thinks.
RESPONSE: She's Psycho
Why exactly is your BF telling you all these nasty things that his
mother says? It can't possibly make you feel better. I'd suggest
telling him that she's his mother and it's his job to handle her,
and not dump the load on you. And, when she starts in on her nonsense,
he just might want to walk away from her. It's surprising what
some negative consequences can do for bad behavior like hers.
RESPONSE: She's Psycho
I find it rather odd that your BF continually goes over to his mother's
house, even when she carries on and says mean things about his GF.
If you and your BF really love each other, you should BOTH stay
away from that cow and her evil mouth as much as possible.
RESPONSE: She's Psycho
By allowing his mom to say abusive things about you, BF is enabling
her to continue. He is playing just as active a role in this abuse
as she is. My advice is to tell him to leave and return to his
mommy, and to decide where his loyalties lie.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives