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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
August 18, 2004
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AUGUST
2004
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I don't even know where to start,
as my problem is quite complicated. It all started when
my DH and I got married. FIL said, during the toast at the
rehearsal dinner, that they did not like me at first, but that
they were willing to accept me. We had our first child 8
years ago, the first grandchild. MIL kept running around
telling me that she does not need to be fed now, she needs to
be on a schedule, on and on and on. She basically wanted
to take over the parenting process for us. She has even
said to my DH that it is her right to be able to be a parent to
the grandchildren. When DD was two, she would drag her,
screaming, off to the bathroom at family get togethers because
she could not figure out we could not get her potty trained.
Her children were potty trained at a year old, so she said.
There is truly a lot more details that I just would not have time
to list. Whenever we had her baby-sit, she would never do
what I asked. If I asked her not to take the kids out for
a treat for ice cream, since it was getting late, I would come
home and she would have done it anyway. She has left my
children in the car and gone into the store. She has let
my son accidentally roll off of the bed when she was changing
his diaper as a baby. Then, she told my 3 year old (at the
time) DD not to tell me about it. I did hear about it from
my 3 year old, but my MIL did not tell me first. She goes
behind my back and whispers in my DD's ear to ask her if she wants
to go here or there. Then, if I say no, I look like the
bad guy. I could go on forever. She is now going through
a divorce with her husband after 40 years of marriage, and he
is not making a lot of attempts to get back together with her.
He has stated that he likes to be on his own. She currently
is very lonely, and had started stopping by our house, unannounced,
a lot, and I had to put a stop to that. I have 3 children
and 2 part time jobs (I work from home). She is now mad
at my DH and me. She says that she never gets to see the
kids. She wants to see them 2 times a week. Just to
clarify, we just moved back (close to her) 6 months ago.
We used to be too far away for her to pop in. We would visit
at least once a month when we lived out of town, and we have told
her that once a month seems appropriate. She is not happy
with that, since she currently is lonely, and really does not
have any friends to do things with. I did finally confront
her the other night with all of my concerns on her carelessness
with the children, etc. I unloaded 8 years of frustrations
that I had kept bottled up. DH is on my side all the way.
The poor thing, he is caught in the middle. After hearing
her comments, we both agreed that she did not hear a word we said.
She wants it all to be on her terms. I tried to offer up
suggestions of things that she could do with the children, since
we don't want her dragging them all over the place, since she
is really not in a good state of mind right now, and she is careless,
anyway. I could go on forever. I'm not sure that my
problem has a solution. I just wish that we could all get
along. I do not feel that I am being unreasonable.
Signed - I Could Go
On Forever
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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My relationship with
my MIL has never been great, because she had a problem with her
son dating me. She wanted him to stay at home and pay her bills
and support her. We got married anyway, and she plays the fake,
sweet MIL part. But, we don't try to have a MIL-DIL relationship.
I'm not having it. Right now I am pissed off because, for the last
2 months, DH has been at her house helping her pack up her house
because she is moving. Mind you, she isn't disabled, and she has
a DD and DS who are still living at home and are very capable of
packing. DH feels a need to still be the head of household over
there. He acts like she can't make decisions for herself, and that
she needs his help. I am blaming my DH for this, because he should
realize that his priority is his wife at home. I need him to do
things at our house, as well as I need him to spend time with me.
What really did it was when we were taking a nice nap together yesterday
afternoon, just spending time together and snuggling, MIL called
at 2 p.m. He answered the phone and she told him that she needed
some help moving some furniture. Not two seconds after he hung
up did he get up and get ready to go over to his mom's. Whatever
she needed really could've waited 24 hours. He did not have to
just get up and go like that. He had already made plans with me
for the evening. We were going to either have friends over or play
tennis. Not only did he leave, but he didn't get back until midnight.
I am so done with him. I left him a message on the computer that
said, "I'm done being your wife. You obviously have priorities
that don't include me." I haven't decided on whether I'll
move out or what, but this can't go on this way. We've had multiple
discussions in the past, and for him to just get up and go over
there at the drop of a dime is not acceptable.
Signed - Unacceptable
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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My MIL has never accepted
me as a DIL, forget about a daughter, for the simple reason that
I was not chosen by her, but by her DS. She thinks that her
son is a very handsome boy, and that I am not worthy of him.
She has tried to separate us by hook or crook, both before and after
marriage. Before our marriage, she and her DD used to call
me to order me to leave her son (as if I have caught hold of their
small baby boy and am not letting him go). She serves food
for her DS, DH, DD and herself. I have to take my food by
myself. Sometimes, she throws the food in front of me.
She even interferes in our personal and private matters. She
lies to her son, and says that I have insulted her. Her daughter
supports her in all of her tactics, and they are always planning
things against me. Though I cook every day, she cooks separately,
thinking that her son (my DH) won't like my way of cooking.
I am mentally disturbed by her behavior, but irritated by my DH
for not fighting against her. She wants to dominate my life,
tell me how I should behave, and decide what I should wear.
Well, excuse me. My life - I will wear what I want and go
where I want. What the he!!? If I agree to being her
slave, she is ready to accept me. But, wait a minute.
What if I agree, and I do what she wants and behave the way she
wants? Who gives me the guarantee that she will change her
attitude towards me????? I feel like banging my head on the
wall. I cannot concentrate on anything - work, food, reading
- not anything.
Signed - Cannot Concentrate
RESPONSE: Cannot Concentrate
It sounds like you LIVE with MIL. Move out. Establish your own
household and your own rules. Also, most importantly - is DH on
your side or does he back mommy? You know, the two of you must
be together on this, or you may well end up apart.
RESPONSE: Cannot Concentrate
You described my situation to a T. I also have two kids ages 2
and 3. It did not help with the IL situation. It only made it
worse.
RESPONSE: Cannot Concentrate
Get out of there, NOW! This woman is openly antagonistic towards
you, and DH does next to nothing about it. It seems that you are
only fluff to warm his bed. Stand up for yourself and create a
new life, one without a mommy's boy who still needs babying!
RESPONSE: Cannot Concentrate
For MIL: Whatever you do, whatever hoops you jump through for her,
it will never be enough. Dealing with people like her are like
smoking - the best way to stop is never to start. As for DH, tell,
don't ask, him to go back to mommy. Surely, being alone can only
be better than this.
RESPONSE: Cannot Concentrate
Yes, your MIL is one royal b!tch, but your DH is worse. She does
all that to you, and he won't stand up for you? Tell him that it's
counseling, or he can go back and live with moooooommmmmyyyy!
RESPONSE: Cannot Concentrate
Why do you continue to eat meals with her? You don't live with
her, do you? It's time to sit your DH down and tell him that he
has to either take your side or hire a divorce lawyer.
RESPONSE: Cannot Concentrate
I feel bad for you. It's too bad that your DH won't stand up for
you, either. I would definitely seek counseling to help yourself,
and to figure out what to do with your marriage. See if your DH
will go, too. If he doesn't, you can still go for your own piece
of mind. I would not give in to MIL's whims just to please her.
In the end, you won't be happy, just more controlled by everyone
else. The foundation of your marriage seems to have been very shaky
right from the beginning. If you don't seek some kind of help,
it will eventually fall completely apart for good. I hope this
helps, and we are all here for you! God Bless.
RESPONSE: Cannot Concentrate
Get help and go to a counselor. Is your MIL living with you? If
not, you are having way too many meals at her house, or she is having
too many meals at your house.
RESPONSE: Cannot Concentrate
It sounds to me like you are living with her - am I wrong? If you
are living with her, GET OUT AT ANY COST. It will only get worse,
I promise you. Read some of the stories on this site about DILs
who live with MILs. That's no way to be married!
RESPONSE: Cannot Concentrate
I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I am in the same boat as you,
except that DH is an only child. Since we can't act on what our
heart tells us to do (punch her dead in her face), we must think
it through. It appears that MIL and DD want to play games. They
make up stories to make you look unfavorable in DH's eyes. Turn
the tables around. When you are alone with either one of them,
tell them how they can't do anything to hurt you, because in order
for them to hurt you, you must respect them. You can't respect
anyone who doesn't deserve it. Good luck. Jealousy is an awful
thing. A mother should encourage her children to live their own
lives, and should not attempt to hang on to her children
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Working Women Don't Have Wives