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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
August 26, 2004
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AUGUST
2004
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When I married my DH, and even
during the time leading up to it, I had reservations about changing
my name. Not only is it a different day and age than it
was in the past, but I am not very fond of his name. I mean,
I work, I bring home money, and I owned our home before we married.
I'm certainly not saying that I want to wear the pants or anything,
but why is it that because I marry DH and he is the man, I have
to change my name. His name also sounds very much like a
curse word, so I didn't want to change it for that reason, too.
But, by far, the number 1 reason why I didn't want to change my
name is that the name Mrs. X belongs to the wicked, evil Monster-in-Law.
The thought of sharing a name with her makes my skin crawl.
Now, my DH is very much OK with me keeping my maiden name.
As a matter of fact, I did hyphenate mine to his. At an
oh so NOT delightful dinner party for FIL's birthday, my MIL spent
45 minutes lecturing me on changing my name. My DH tried
to keep the peace by interrupting her and saying that he didn't
care, and that he felt that I should not be forced to change my
name if I was uncomfortable with it. She just kept on it.
The topper of the lecture went something exactly like this, "When
I married into this 'dysfunctional family', I didn't want to change
my name, either. But I embraced the name, and not only made
the name something well respected across this country, but across
the world." I thought that I was in the presence of
the Queen herself. "Across the world" give me
a freakin' break. Who outside of our little town (or even
in it, for that matter) bows to her name, as she claims?
I felt so horrible for FIL. He tried to jump in, stating,
"My family wasn't dysfunctional, and my parents were great."
She, not listening to a word he said, continued on about how well
respected she is, and how she, alone, turned the family name into
legend. Now, I'm sure that if I revealed the name, none
of you out there would have ever heard of it (or her, for that
matter). I feel so horrible for my DH, because he has listened
to me complain about this evil woman for years. I know that
he believed every word that I told him, but it was still his mom,
so he blew it off and agreed with me. But he blew it off,
all the same. This time, he sat through a four hour ordeal
with her about me, like stink on you know what. The name
change was only one of my many downfalls, in her eyes, but it
was, by far, my favorite of the evening. I still hear in
my head "but around the world", and it makes me laugh
at what an @ss she makes herself look like. When we came
home that night, as mad as I was, I felt horrible for him.
I could tell how horrible he felt that his mother treats me the
way that she does and is so belligerent about it. It was
the first time that he was screaming about her more than I was.
Hopefully, it was an eye opener for him as to how she is, and
he'll stop blowing it off.
Signed - Queenie Has
Left Reality
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1 |
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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I was diagnosed with
diabetes earlier this year. Since that time, I have had to change
my eating habits and my lifestyle dramatically. My healthier eating
has caused me to lose about 20 pounds. Since then, MIL continues
to make comments about my weight, and how I'm withering away to
nothing. She tells DH to keep an eye on me and to make sure that
I'm eating. She tries to imply that I have an eating disorder!
She says that I'm the only person she knows who eats healthy. Hello,
I have no choice! My doctor thinks that my weight loss is great,
and I'm certainly not underweight for my height. That doesn't seem
to matter with Dr. MIL.
Signed - Healthy Eater
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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I don't know where to
begin. My problems with my MIL started out very small, and
have recently escalated to violence. I am pretty sure that
the problems started when my DH and I got together. He has
an ex-wife with whom my MIL has never really gotten along.
After their divorce, however, the ex and my MIL became buddies.
I was unaware, at the time, that she was going behind my back and
telling the ex everything that was happening in our lives.
Then, she would tell people, who hadn't even met me, that I was
lazy, and that I thought that I was better than everyone.
Right before we had our first child, she was telling everyone that
she didn't know who the father of the baby was. When I confronted
her about this, she denied it. The first thing that she said
in the delivery room (which was crowded with people) when she got
to see our child was, "Yeah, the baby is definitely DS's!"
So, basically, after the baby was born she started minor problems
between us. Every time that I told my DH what had happened,
he would just tell me that I needed to try harder. So, I would
try harder, everything would be fine, and then she would start something
again. Recently, we were all over at her house for a BBQ,
and she was drunk. She cornered me alone in the house, telling
me how much she hated me, and how she wished that I had never met
her son. I told her to leave me alone, and I walked outside.
She followed me, screaming obscenities. I yelled back at her
that she need to leave me the $#@* alone, and walked over to my
DH and his friends. Two seconds later, she attacked me from
behind and gashed my face with her claws. Then, she grabbed
a hold of my hair while she screamed in my face. They pulled
us apart, but she kept egging for me to "come fight her like
a woman." In short, I believe that our differences are
irreconcilable. I have told my DH many times that I knew that
situation was coming because she has always had it out for me.
It's difficult, because he's getting stuck in the middle and she's
doing it. I told him that I would never come between him and
his mother, because they have a bond and love for each other.
But, I also told him that he cannot reasonably expect me to ever
go near her again. What if she gets drunk and stabs me next
time? I really wanted to call the police and press charges,
but I was afraid of starting more problems with her. So, now
I don't know what to do, because she is trying to rally the whole
family against us. She has her other son calling to get the
baby so that she can see him. She has people leaving nasty
messages on our voicemail. And, through all of this I wonder,
"What did I do that was so wrong?" But, then, I
think that I am not the first person whom she has done this to.
She has alienated other family members and talks trash about them,
yet she feels like she is the victim.
Signed - Frustrated and
Upset
RESPONSE: Frustrated and Upset
Would you continue to have contact with someone who verbally, emotionally,
and physically attacked DH?
RESPONSE: Frustrated and Upset
You not only need to call the police, but keep your child away from
this woman! She is insanely jealous of you, and it will not get
better. What was DH's reaction to this attack? Maybe you should
take the child and leave for a while.
RESPONSE: Frustrated and Upset
Does DH see this? If not, I would consider pressing charges, if
there is a next time. Tell DH that you intend to do so. If he
won't protect you from his nasty mother, you have to protect yourself.
She doesn't care about you. You should not worry about causing
more "trouble". I would personally stop all contact with
her.
RESPONSE: Frustrated and Upset
First of all, she's not putting your DH in the middle, HE is putting
himself in the middle. He should be squarely on YOUR side, not
anywhere in the middle. Second, you should have called the police
and had her arrested when she attacked you. You don't have to take
this cr@p - you're physically in danger, and now she has people
calling your home to harass you. It's actually not too late to
go to the police; there were, after all, witnesses to the assault.
As far as your DH is concerned, he needs to decide who he is married
to, you or his mommy. HE should have called the police when his
mother attacked you. If he isn't 100% committed to you (over his
mother), you need to leave.
RESPONSE: Frustrated and Upset
Get a restraining order. Don't feel bad about coming between your
DH and his *%& of a mom. You weren't the one who ATTACKED her!!!
I still cannot believe that. He should have stood up for you then
and there, and I would NEVER let her near my child. She is freakin
insane. Use what she has done to keep her out of your and your
child's life. Your DH has a decision to make, and he better choose
wisely! Good luck!
RESPONSE: Frustrated and Upset
First off, I would still call the police and file charges. Don't
worry about what everyone will do. Have a protective order placed
against her, too, so that if she even comes close to you, she will
be put in jail (that's if she isn't in jail already for harming
you). If you don't call the police, she might do this again to
you or someone else. They have to know that she is a dangerous,
violent person with a drinking problem. I am so sorry that you
had to go through that. Definitely stay away from them. Change
your number, your email address, and whatever else you need to change,
and don't give it out to anyone whom you can't trust (like the ILs
and anyone who will turn their backs on you). You have to protect
yourself! Please get counseling for yourself and your DH to help
yourselves through the horrible incidents. I certainly hope that
DH stands by you and stays away from his crazy mother. You are
to come before her, that is for darn sure!!!!! God bless.
RESPONSE: Frustrated and Upset
Wow! I think that you should prosecute her. Your DH might not
like it, but face it - you have your own safety and the safety of
your child to think of. Barring that, at the very least I'd get
a restraining order against her for both yourself and your child.
This is a scary woman, and it's obvious that she is capable of anything.
In fact, I'd move as far away from her as possible.
RESPONSE: Frustrated and Upset
Your MIL is evil, and your DH is even worse. He stands by and does
NOTHING while you are verbally and physically abused. A good DH
would stand up to his mother and defend his wife. If I were you,
I would dump that loser, take my baby, and get as far away from
those crazies as possible. Do not give them a forwarding address.
RESPONSE: Frustrated and Upset
Never, ever agree to be in this woman's presence again. If you
find yourself in her presence, latch on to DH and do not leave his
side. If she attacks you again, make sure that you press charges.
You should, at least, call the police and report the prior attack
so that there is a record of it.
RESPONSE: Frustrated and Upset
Your MIL obviously doesn't want you around, so there is your solution
- stay away from her. She has physically attacked you, and until
she apologizes and enrolls in an anger management course, there
is no reason for you to be around her.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives