|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Mother-In-Law Stories
August 29, 2004
|
|
|
|
|
|
AUGUST
2004
|
|
S
|
M
|
T
|
W
|
T
|
F
|
S
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
I didn't know where to
go, or who to turn to, so I typed in "evil mother-in-law"
and this site popped up. And, I'm glad that it did. It's relieving,
yet painful at the same time, knowing that I'm not the only one
with a completely horrible MIL. She is actually not my MIL yet,
but, although it may sound crazy because I am only 17, I know she
will be one day. I've been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years
now, and we are completely in love. We have managed to continue
our relationship, although it has always been long-distance, since
I move from country to country because of my dad's work. It has
certainly been hard, and it's been even harder lately because of
his mother. His is one of those mothers who hold their sons in
captivity, forever, like some pet who is there to take care of them
when they need it. The first couple of times that I met her it
went fine, even though we couldn't exactly communicate very well
since I don't speak much of her language, and she doesn't speak
a word of English. I always remained polite to her and respected
her. It was my childhood dream that the first guy whom I dated
would be my soul-mate, AND that I'd have a wonderful second family.
I guess that I was wrong about the second part. She first started
bothering me when she had random fits during which she screamed
at both my BF and me for such things as coming to dinner 5 minutes
late, keeping a door open, or being too loud. And, I don't mean
just telling us that it was wrong, but literally screaming at us
for what seemed like hours, and what definitely was more than just
a few minutes. I didn't understand what all the fuss was about,
since my parents had always been tolerant with me, and never screamed
at me for something so little. I wanted to voice my confusion,
but since she is my BF's mother, I decided not to say anything back,
and let it pass. I always remained as polite as possible, and tried
not to make the same "mistakes" again. The first time
that I knew I actually hated her was at the end of last summer.
My parents, because they knew how important my BF was to me, and
because they loved him as well, rented a cottage which was located
not a kilometer away from his summerhouse. We often went to dinner
with them, and I'd spend my days with him, our families, and my
best friends (who came later) at the beach. But, as his relationship
with my parents, my younger sister, and my best friends grew, my
relationship with his mother, if there ever was one, started to
deteriorate. I clearly remember one day when we were having lunch;
she served us pasta. Since my sister was along, and she has an
extreme allergy to nuts. I asked her if any of the dishes contained
nuts. She repeatedly told me not to worry, and that there were
no nuts present. But, after eating just one piece of pasta, my
sister began to feel sick, and she knew from long and tough experience
that she was having an allergic reaction. She left, and since I
knew how mad my BF's mother would become if I left as well, I stayed
and finished lunch, leaving my poor sister to climb up the hill
to our cottage in the sun, while feeling completely sick. Right
after she left, his mom started rambling on about how my sister
was"overreacting", that she was "rude", and
that the way she wore bandanas "all the time" was ridiculous
and made her look indecent - all this, instead of worrying about
her health. I just sat and forced a smile on my face, pretending
that I didn't understand any of it. I didn't want to cause further
trouble for my BF, because I knew that she would react all her anger
on him if anything happened. I ate as quickly as possible, and
ran up, just in time to walk into the bedroom to see my sister throwing
up. BF, who had ALWAYS defended his mother during our entire relationship,
for whatever she did, explained that she was probably just in a
bad mood, and that she didn't mean it, so I let it go after venting
my anger. The part that I remember most about that vacation, however,
was my mom's birthday. We were having dinner at their house, and
my two best friends surprisingly came along as well. I say "surprisingly"
because one of them is Jewish and is extremely religious, and my
BF had told me not too long ago that his mother was racist against
Jews. I had told her this before dinner, but since she wanted to
be there for my mother, she came along anyway. My parents kept
repeating that no ham was to be put into any of the dishes, and
my BF's father kept telling us not to worry, since he had told his
wife (who was making the dishes) the exact same thing several times.
But, of course, you can guess what happened - she had put so very
few pieces of bacon in the dish that my best friend didn't realize
that there was any there, until she had a piece in her mouth. Her
intense piety, in addition to the knowledge that my BF's mother
was racist, finally made her cry, since she thought that she had
put it in on purpose. She did not do this at the table, of course.
She politely went to the bathroom. She didn't come back for quite
a while, so my other best friend went down to comfort her. Again,
I remained glued to my seat in agony, the way that I had when my
sister had her allergic reaction. But, in the end, I couldn't stand
it anymore, and I decided that I was through with being polite because
my friend NEEDED me. I went down, but, of course, my BF's mother
followed and started screaming at all three of us that we were all
rude, that we had ruined the whole lunch, and that my friend was
overreacting (sounds familiar?). I became even angrier when she
walked out on us while I was trying to explain WHY she was crying,
and that it was perfectly natural, given the fact that she was very
religious. My entire family left immediately, vowing never to return
again. I noticed that before we left, even my mother, who is one
of the most patient people I know in the world, had trouble staying
calm. While my family and friends went to the cottage, I stayed
outside the garden gate to wait for my BF, who was supposed to be
sleeping in our cottage that night. I waited for nearly two hours,
all the while listening to them fighting. I heard BOTH of his parents
say, among many other things, that my entire family and my best
friends were "low class", and that I am "an idiot
like the other one", meaning my best friend. My BF started
screaming and crying, and finally broke open the gate. He was relieved
when he saw me waiting for him. He ran towards me, and after I
hugged him and tried to comfort him, he went back inside, and finished
talking to them. Of course, they wouldn't really listen to any
of his points, but at least they calmed down. I didn't see his
parents for the rest of the summer. A few months later, I had pretty
much calmed down, and started missing my BF incredibly again. Once
more, we could only talk on the phone, which my parents blocked
after a while because of the high phone bills each month. Even
though we chatted on line as much as we could, and emailed each
other every day, it wasn't enough. We both thought that we would've
gotten used to being apart after a year, but we weren't - especially
after seeing each other every day for 3 months. I decided that
I would go see him, even though my parents didn't want to drive,
and I had never been on an airplane alone before (anyone who knows
me will agree with me that I am a completely insecure, cowardly,
dependent, nerve-wracking stress ball). When I arrived, his mother
actually hugged me, and told me that she had missed me. At every
subsequent visit, she always bought me something - necklaces, clothes,
perfumes, stuffed animals. I didn't understand why she was doing
this, but I was fine, as long as I knew that I was avoiding my BF
getting hurt as a result of me having an argument with her. Now,
I think a possible explanation for this behavior is to make me feel
like I owe her something, so that she can say, "But, I bought
this and this and this for you, and this is how you repay me?!"
Her behavior went on the entire year, until this summer. I went
to see him just two weeks ago, and my return flight was scheduled
for two weeks later. When I arrived, his mother didn't greet me
with her usual hugs, due to the fact that she had gotten mad at
me for not talking to her son for a week, because it was exam week
and we had gotten into a huge fight, because he had gotten drunk
for the 4th time in a row. But, at least she did not act cold towards
me. The first two days went well. Then, things changed on the
morning of the third day, after he had gone to his driving lessons.
That morning we both woke up at 9, and although I was incredibly
hungry, I couldn't have breakfast because he was going to be late
for his lessons. He promised me that they would return at 11 and
make me something to eat. Eleven soon passed, and I was starving,
as I had eaten almost nothing the previous day. Of course, it seems
logical that I would go upstairs and grab something to eat, myself.
But, because I didn't want to run the risk of his mother saying
something like, "OMG, she took my FAVORITE bread," or,
"This isn't her house and she has to respect that," or,
"She is so 'low classly' rude," I didn't go. Instead,
I stayed in his small little room until finally, when I was feeling
as weak as a feather being tossed around in a storm, they returned
at one in the afternoon. I asked him why they hadn't come back
on time, and he explained that she wanted to buy a new bathing suit,
while she really already had more than 10 in her closet. Because
I was so hungry, I became emotional and over-exaggerated how annoyed
I was at her for doing so. But, he calmed me down and we talked
it out. While we were eating breakfast/lunch in the kitchen, and
she had gone to sunbathe her already over-tanned, wrinkly body outside,
I started stressing about all the work that I still had to do for
school, and about our future, because we're not sure that he can
come study in England with me because (surprise, surprise) his mom
wants him to live at home with her. Do you ever have those moments
where you feel the whole world is on your shoulders, screaming things
that you have to do in your ear until you literally just burst?
Well, I was having one of those moments, and ended up crying. She
miraculously heard (I was certainly not roaring like a little baby)
and came in. Instead of worrying and asking what was wrong, like
any normal person would do, she told me that I was being hysterical,
and that I had to shut up. She then put meat on my plate and told
me to eat it because that was the cause of my being emotional and
"overly-skinny" (really, I'm just thin), and that she
didn't feel like calling an ambulance for me. She actually sat
down at the table and watched me eat to make sure that I swallowed
every single little piece of meat. I was emotional. I hated her,
and was already completely full (my family doesn't eat as much),
so while I was eating, I certainly did not have a happy face. On
top of that, she kept asking me, sarcastically, if I had to go to
a psychiatrist, or if she had to call an ambulance. My BF told
her to be quiet, and I was relieved when I managed to get out of
the kitchen without having picked up my knife and stabbed her with
it. I called my mom and told her of my situation - I needed someone
who I could vent my anger to uncontrollably. After I hung up, I
yelled that I was sick of it, and went inside his room. A short
while later, his mom came in and told me, with a face like a mad
bull, that I had to sit down, because she had "two or three
things to tell me". I went outside and sat in the chair next
to my BF, even though I knew that I would only be irrationally b!tched
at without getting any chance to talk back. She first told me,
knowing that it would hurt me more than anything, that I treat her
son like an idiot, and that as his mother, who loves him so much
and who treats him so well herself (saying this after I found out
that she had left him standing in the cold an entire day because
he had accidentally fallen into a fishpond as a little boy, and
that she often throws things at his head when they argue, and that
she has often told him that she doesn't love him and that he's worthless),
she could not tolerate my behavior. She said that I should not
scream at him (she had probably mistaken my yelling at the situation
as yelling at him), like she never does. Then, she told me that
if she makes me food, I have to eat it ALL, because I have to respect
her. This, of course, was complete nonsense, since I have always
politely crammed myself with the mountains of food that she puts
on my plate, even though I sometimes felt as if I would explode,
and that the contents of my stomach would fly all over the table.
Then, she told me, in a raging fit, that I should stop acting "hysterical",
and act as a "normal" person. Yes, and SHE should be
the one talking, right? As I tried to give her my side of things,
my voice started cracking because of the tears that I was trying
to hold back. She immediately started yelling that I was being
hysterical again. She would have walked away, had my boyfriend
not PHYSICALLY stopped her. I then tried explaining, again, that
I love my BF and that I don't treat him like an idiot at all. I
said that I eat all the food that she has made for me, and that
I'm just a very sensitive person who's been under a lot of stress
lately. She wouldn't even let me finish talking, even though my
BF kept telling her to shut up. She then actually had the audacity
to go up to him and tell him that he had changed. She said that
he was just a copy of me, and that she had "lost her son".
I couldn't believe that she was saying these things to him. Couldn't
she see the hurt in his eyes? Couldn't she see that he was just
trying to live his life, trying to be an individual, and trying
to grow up like every normal teenager should do? He started crying,
and walked away. To my disgust, she then also started screaming
at him to stop crying because "the neighbors will hear".
Oh. My. God. I thought, "You POOR thing. You would be scandalized,
wouldn't you, if anyone found out that your son actually HAS a heart
and is actually capable of showing emotion?!?!" Despite my
opinion, I still begged him to come inside so that I could hold
him and comfort him, and because I wanted to stop all this arguing.
Of course, she kept interrupting me, even though I was working with
her! She came right up to me and said, 5 millimeters away from my
face, that I should go inside immediately. At that point, I totally
blew up. I had spent 2 years wearing a fake smile every time that
I visited, and keeping up a facade by constantly being polite to
her despite the sh!t that she threw to my head about both me and
the people I love. I just couldn't take it anymore, not after what
she had done to HIM, her OWN son. I told her that she disgusted
me, and that she was the worst mother anyone could ever have, and
that SHE was the one being hysterical, and that SHE was the one
who treats him like an idiot. But, she yelled back at me to go
inside and, slightly amusingly, actually called me an "ugly
troll". It was then that I looked at my BF and realized that
me screaming at her only made things worse, and that I was acting
just like her. I, therefore, tried to apologize, but she wouldn't
listen. She kept trying to win him over, as if this was a battle
between her and me, and touching his shoulder. She finally left
when he pushed her away and told her to F off. I comforted him
for a while until he told me that he wanted to be alone, and I called
my mom in tears. I told her that I wanted to go home. I couldn't
take it anymore. Me being there was causing my BF more pain than
when we were actually apart, and I was physically sick with nerves.
His father, after his mother had told him how everything was my
fault, came down the next day to talk to me. I explained the situation
to him from MY point of view, WITHOUT all the exaggeration and lies.
He seemed to understand, but shocked me when he told me that this
was completely normal in families, and that his wife and his mother
had had an even worse relationship than I now had with her. I left
two days after the incident, and came back home a week early. At
home I still couldn't stop worrying, because I knew that he was
still there without anyone to comfort him. I had my family, but
who did he have? He and his father had never talked, as he was always
away from home because of his work when my BF was a child. Also,
BF despises his father because he knows that he had multiple affairs,
one of them even led to the birth of another child (of course, this
is a forbidden subject - his father doesn't even know that he knows
this, since he found out from his mother). I supported him over
the phone as much as I could, and only faintly told him of my own
anxieties that arose every time he mentioned her. The worst was
probably after he told me that his father had told him that his
mother had told his father (hope I'm not confusing you) that she
had "understood" (although she barely knows how to say
"hi" in English) that I had told him in the kitchen that
day that he was not the only guy out there, and that I didn't need
him. He confronted her about it, but, of course, she denied everything,
proving what a liar she really is. I then realized that, besides
trying to sabotage my relationship with my BF, she was also trying
to ruin the kind-of good relationship that I had built up with his
father. After a few days of his mother telling him that I was not
the right girl for him, that she had lost her son, that she was
growing old and she needed him, and that he was a copy of me, things
finally calmed down, until today. He called me just a few hours
ago, because he had had a fight with his father over his visit to
me here, in 2 weeks, over the date of the trip. His father, instead
of talking it out with my boyfriend, then phoned his mother and
started b!tching about him while I was actually on the phone with
him. I heard his mom in the background, which, again, created the
tempest of butterflies in my stomach, and heard her say that it
wasn't my BF's fault that he was acting in a "terrible way"
(speaking up for himself), but it was mine! After she was done,
she rudely told him to hang up on me. When he called me back, I
heard that she had told him that he was acting this way because
he was under my power, that I was making him act like a copy of
me, and that I am only using him to get money and to get the house,
but he is too blinded with love to see. As he defended me, she
interrupted him and told him that the fact that he defends me is
proof of my "brainwashing" and that everything is ALWAYS
centered around me (yes, of course, after I spent two years kissing
HER attention-seeking @ss). I am so sick and tired of this, and
we still have another year of long-distance. If we're lucky, he
can come study with me in England. I really don't know how to handle
this situation anymore. I understand that she is lonely because
she makes no efforts to make friends, that she went through really
rough times because of her DH's affairs, and that her son is the
only person whom she has left, but why does she have to make this
seem like a battle? Why can't she understand that I'm not replacing
her? I'm his girlfriend, she's his mother, and she always will be.
Nothing will change that. Why can't she accept me like a daughter
and move on in her life, instead of being stuck in the past all
the time without actually talking about it all? Why doesn't she
realize that her DUTY as his mother is to raise him to become an
individual, and not to try to guilt him into staying with her until
she dies? He is NOT a pet, like that Chihuahua that she always carries
around with her in her little handbag wherever she goes. My BF
told me the extent of her past control. She used to always ask
him if he was going to get married, and he would say no. She then
went as far as to ask him when he would tell his father (who she
already couldn't stand me back then) and he would reply "on
his deathbed, so I hurt him as much as possible". She dominated
him so much that he used to come crying to her because he didn't
want her to die, and he said that if she died, he would die with
her. To me, it's all so absurd. My parents have always been so
open minded and, although protective and caring, have always let
me make my own decisions and let me be as free as possible. How
am I going to see him now? I can't go visit him anymore, because
I don't want to cause more trouble for both him and me, and I can't
call him regularly, either, even if it's with a phone card, because
he only has a mobile phone, which reduces the amount of minutes
on the card. On top of this, he also has no Internet in his summerhouse.
I am posting this both because I want to vent my frustration, and
because I'm looking for contact with someone with similar experiences
to mine, or anyone else who can help me in ANY way. I'd REALLY
appreciate the feedback. Thanks.
Signed - Evil Mother-In-Law
RESPONSE: Evil Mother-In-Law
Honestly, I have no idea how to respond to this story because it
is so long! You should try breaking your dramas up into smaller
chunks, so that we can read them and give you some feedback. Believe
me, I have as many stories as you do!
RESPONSE: Evil Mother-In-Law
If you marry this guy with all the advanced warning that you've
been given, you deserve everything you get from your MIL. Sheesh,
how much abuse are you willing to take? I've heard of doormats,
but you take the cake.
RESPONSE: Evil Mother-In-Law
With her adding nuts to dishes, while knowing of your sister's allergies,
and serving pork products, knowing your friend's extreme piety,
you need to discard that silly pipe dream of your first love being
your soul mate, and dump this boy. There are just so many red flags
in your story, it isn't remotely funny. Your sister could have
died from that allergy attack, and you just sat at this woman's
table, to avoid angering her? I can't believe that YOU showed such
a lack of compassion, just to kiss this woman's butt! Grow up,
speak up, and find a new direction in life, one that won't put you
under this woman's thumb! Inevitably, her son will turn on you,
merely to shut his mama up.
RESPONSE: Evil Mother-In-Law
The first thing that you need to do is give up the idea that the
first boy you ever date would be your soul mate Where in the world
did you ever get such a crazy idea? It's quite obvious that your
BF and his family are not for you, even though I couldn't read the
whole thing. And, I found it quite confusing that you wouldn't
stand up for your sister, who was having an allergic reaction, but
you would stand up for a friend who was given something religiously
illegal to eat. Your story is overly dramatic, and I'm really trying
hard to remember how passionate I was about everything at the age
of 17. But, man, you need to loosen up, stop reading the romance
novels, and find yourself a boyfriend with whom you actually have
something in common.
RESPONSE: Evil Mother-In-Law
Wow! You've got issues. The first thing you need to do is start
living in the real world. You are way too young to be this invested
in someone. You were doomed when you decided that your first relationship
was going to be your soul mate Please stop that line of thinking.
Instead, with as little emotion as possible, back away from the
relationship and examine it. Is he worth all of this, or are you
trying to fulfill some silly dream about your first crush? Then
ask yourself, "Does he feel the same way?" Is he in a
position to leave his parents and be with you? If you answer no
to either one of these questions, you two need to do some growing
up apart before you ever consider being together again. He needs
to experience life away from his mom, and without you crying and
constantly trying to hold and comfort him. Let him grow up and
become a man, while you grow up and discover what being a woman
is all about. When you, too, are emotionally healthy, then, and
only then, should you consider having a relationship.
RESPONSE: Evil Mother-In-Law
Your "MIL" is very controlling, and since it seems like
your BF is an only child, she will always be that way. Nothing
is going to change. She only looks to him because he is the only
person, it seems, that she has left to trust. She wants him to
be hers, and hers alone. She may have been nice at the beginning,
but she probably never thought that your relationship would last
that long. Now that she sees that it has, she wants to end it.
She doesn't want her son to be taken from her. But, someday she
is going to realize it. When he finally breaks free and moves out,
that is when you will know if you guys are meant to be. He most
likely will still be attached to his mother, like glue. She will
most likely check up on him and annoy both of you as much as possible.
It seems like she has brainwashed your BF. Now, it seems as if
she is trying to brainwash you. You guys should go and study in
England, get away. That is most likely the only way you both will
realize how much you are in love.
RESPONSE: Evil Mother-In-Law
What's with all the "I don't want to cause him trouble"
and "he needs me to comfort him". WTF, is he TOTALLY
incapable of doing anything for himself? I can see that you're
very upset, but the way you're handling it is VERY immature. If
you want an adult relationship, then BF needs to move out of his
mother's house pronto, because her house - her rules. I DO understand
where you're coming from, as I met my DH when I was 14. But, you
also need to understand that, unless you two can support yourselves,
etc., you'll need to play by her rules. And, if BF can't handle
himself or stick up for you and the relationship, WHY are you with
him anyway? BF seems to be a bit fragile, which is fine, but, honestly,
he had to break through a gate? Is this a soap opera? Your story
was very dramatic. Maybe if you boil it down to the facts, things
will get fixed.
RESPONSE: Evil Mother-In-Law
Two words, young lady: Grow up. You are way too young to be fighting
over a long distance relationship and calling that woman your "MIL",
when she is nowhere close to being that. Obviously, she is trying
to protect her child from the likes of you, and I don't blame her,
from the sounds of your story. Cultures differ, respect theirs.
RESPONSE: Evil Mother-In-Law
This was a joke, right? You are 17 and been dating for 2 years,
and you think that he is your soul mate? Life is not a movie script.
You cannot correct the problems in BF's family. You don't have
enough life experience to know to take care of yourself, let alone
someone else. His mother may be a nut case, but that family needs
much more help than you are qualified to handle. If this is not
a joke, please, please, please step back and take a breather from
this situation!
RESPONSE: Evil Mother-In-Law
OMG, your FMIL is a total psycho. I thought that mine was bad,
but yours is worse. I would take a long look at your relationship.
If the thought of seeing his mother is making you sick, then is
it worth continuing with it? I never see my MIL now. I cut her
dead if I see her in the shops, after what she done to me. Come
over to the message boards sometime. I would like to contact you.
Also, read my FFH page, KAMILFH. Had what happened to me happened
before I married my DH, I would have ended my relationship with
him. However, having two children makes it harder to walk away.
RESPONSE: Evil Mother-In-Law
Great merciful cr@p. Look, I know you're going to get a lot of
responses that say "you're young", but you really are.
In a few years, both you and your BF will be self-sufficient and
able to make your own decisions without parental interference.
Until then, I think that you might have to grin and bear it. Trust
in your love for each other, and wait her out. She can't try to
control him forever. Good luck.
|
Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
|
|
|
Working Women Don't Have Wives