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Mother-In-Law Stories
September 20, 2004
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Two nights ago, DH called FIL to come over to visit, since he was just at BIL's for a long time, and DH thought that he would come over.  FIL said that he was too tired, and DH said that he sounded kind of grumpy, saying, "I would have liked to have seen you and DS the other day," (they had professional pictures done of all the boys - but we didn't go).  DH said, "Yeah, I know."  He said that he'd call him back the next day for a visit.  So, last night, DH called FIL to see if he wanted to visit, and FIL said that his back hurt (he whines about everything, and wants everyone to feel bad for him all the time - looooong story) because he was getting in and out of DH's grandfather's car all day.  So, he wouldn't come over.  He also said that he's VERY disappointed in DH for not seeing him for pictures.  Whatever.  Last night, DH and I had a talk about everyone in his family.  He said he'd like to get along with BIL again so that he could see his nephews.  And, then he started blaming it on me.  I NEVER said anything bad about BIL.  I even returned a hello from DH's nephew a few weeks ago, and BIL told nephew to stop talking to me.  He and SIL were also giving dirty looks to my family.  BIL is the one who is actually mad, because we no longer have any contact with MIL.  Is there any way of making things back to normal with them?  I have no interest in talking to BIL.  DH said that I should apologize to MIL, and the same with BIL.  But, we're both too stubborn.  What did I do?!?  We both ignore each other, except for the time (about two weeks ago) when they left their puppy outside, and it was a really bad storm, hail, wind, etc.  I brought the puppy to their house, and they said, "Oh.  I forgot that he was outside!"   Yeah.  Sure!

        Signed - Topo

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I have been with my DF for 6 years.  We are on the verge of killing his mother.  A couple of years ago, they bought a camper on the coast, about an hour and a half away, which FFIL and DF use to go fishing during the summer.  FMIL will sometimes go with them.  Last year, they told us that, after we get married next year, they are going to move to another state and get a house there.  They plan to travel around the country, and said that we could buy the house from them.  FMIL would make little comments here and there that she still wants to "have a base with my stuff".  Translation:  She thinks that we're going to buy the house from them and store her cr@p there.  Not happening.  Well, all of a sudden FFIL and FMIL are not getting along.  She has lost her mind completely.  She is constantly complaining about the boat that they bought last year (that she encouraged them to get).  And, now she doesn't want to move, let alone sell us the house.  We have been planning to buy the house and do a few remodels, like updating the kitchen.  She has been yelling at DF nonstop about how he needs to get a real job (he fishes in the summer, commercially, and is in school during the fall and winter), and she is constantly giving him miracle cures that she finds in the newspaper about diseases that he doesn't have.  After the wedding, we are planning to move 2 1/2 hours away .  P.S.  She will not be allowed to baby-sit any of my children, because I saw her with her other 2 grandsons (ages 3 &7) riding on the hood of the riding lawnmower.  And, then there was the time that she was in the house while the 7 year old was in the pool outside!!!!

        Signed - Completely Frustrated

        Per the poster's request, no responses collected.

DH and I decided not to let MIL see DS anymore, when she said that she had a favorite GS, and that she "can't help it".  He was the firstborn grandson.  She said that she didn't love DS as much because she didn't know him.  So, what about BIL's other child?  She obviously didn't tell BIL that she only really likes one of his kids.  Not only that, but she admitted that she and FIL would fight because she favored BIL and said that she got along with him better.  FIL admitted to this, and said that he had to coach her on how to treat both DH and BIL.  He suggested that we "coach" her on how to treat DS, and how to love him and treat them the same.  NO WAY!!  I'm NOT coaching her!

        Signed - topo NOT Coaching Her!

RESPONSE:  topo NOT Coaching Her!
Since when are YOU responsible for MIL's behavior?  FIL wants you to "coach" her in order to get her off his back and out of his hair.  Sorry, FIL, you married her, you deal with her!!

RESPONSE:  topo NOT Coaching Her!
Yeah, it stinks that your MIL plays favorites.  But, it's no reason to cut contact with your child.  You can coach her, if you love your child enough to swallow your stubborn pride.  I have read your other stories.  It does seem that the woman is trying to make some effort.  It's too bad that you are he!! bent on using your child to punish your MIL.  You are only hurting him.

RESPONSE:  topo NOT Coaching Her!
"Coach" an adult on how to treat a child?  Huh?  Your responsibility is "coaching" your children on proper behavior, not their grandmother!

RESPONSE:  topo NOT Coaching Her!
A lot of people do have (it's a lousy word for it) "favorites".  There are people who click, and people who don't click without more effort.  The problem shouldn't be having a favorite.  It's saying and acting like you have a favorite that is the problem.  If the MIL was willing to be coached, I would coach.  There's nothing here that says that she doesn't love her grandchildren.  If there is love there, then it's something to build on.  Making sure that none of the children are hurt is one thing, and a good thing.  Insisting that people feel the way that you demand that they feel is just your immature foolishness.  Grow up!


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