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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
September 30, 2004
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AUGUST
2004
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SEPTEMBER
2004
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I live with my BF. His sister
moved in with us for a while, and she began bossing me around.
For example, she talked about when I need to take baths or how
long I take in the bathroom. One night, she came home and
I was already in the bathroom. She demanded that she had
to take a bath so that she could go to bed early. So, I
put my clothes back on while she complained how I take 20 minutes
in the shower. She ended up taking almost an hour, and when
she was finished, she didn't go to bed. Instead, she went
to her BF's house. I felt like she was running over me.
When I would get up in the morning, she would complain about the
dial on the toaster being changed. It was my toaster!!!!
It even got worse when she planned our spring break vacation and
told me that we had to take my car. I had to pay 300 dollars
to get my car fixed to make the trip. Every time I went
somewhere on the trip that she didn't want me to go, like walking
downstairs without her to move the car, she would get mad at me.
I would try to tell my BF, but he only thought that I was talking
badly about her. My mother had just passed away during all
this, and the girl was very mean to me. I found out from
BF's family that his sister had been talking about me. I
saw my BF's family at his other brother's wedding. His sister
had told his whole family that we were having problems.
It was sooo humiliating, and I tried to defend myself, telling
them that she didn't have any room to talk. His sister found
out that I had defended myself, and she became very angry with
me. She told me to find my own family, but she made the
mistake of saying it in front of one of my best friends.
People saw how mean she was being to me behind my BF's back.
She would also say things to me like: You're boring; you're
a school marm because you won't party; you only hang around people
who are younger than you; and, I'm glad you are taking care of
my brother so I won't have to worry about it. She is really
a toxic personality and has said a lot of hurtful things to me.
Everything had to be her way. She made me feel that I had
to follow her "coolness" or I wasn't hip or exciting.
She made me want for the complete opposite of her. And,
she accused me of being controlling, just because I didn't want
my BF taking my car to a party. It was MY CAR!!!!
And, she would bring up old arguments that my BF and I had months
earlier, and tell family and friends about it!!! She accused
me of exaggerating, while she flat out lies to her mother's face
about all kinds of things. I'm sick of her self righteous
attitude. I wish that she would learn forgiveness.
She is now dating someone whom I used to date, and I heard that
she said all these mean things about me. At least I don't
have to carry her hostility around with me. I asked her
if she would like to see a therapist with me, and she said that
would it be depressing, and she wanted to be self centered.
She told me this the same week I drove several hours to pick up
a bed for her to sleep on. I finally moved out, and my BF
and I broke up for a few months. His sister found out that
we were getting back together and became upset. BF and I
had to hide from her until he moved out. I think that she
really needs to look in the mirror, because she is the one who
is controlling. She even told me who I could and couldn't
call when she lived in the house with me. She also didn't
like my friends (one of them had dated her ex), even though her
friends bragged about being on dope.
Signed - She Really
Needs To Look In The Mirror
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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Worst gift: I think
that one of the worst gifts my DH and I received from his mother
was last Christmas. Actually, there were two: A decorator basket
that had been sitting in the closet for a few years (yes, she even
told us about it) and a gift basket with wine, soup mixes, candles,
dish towels, and glasses. The basket was so old that the wine was
rotten and the soup mixes were way past their prime. But, we were
able to get some use out of the glasses and towels.
Signed - Some Use
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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Worst gift: My MIL lives
by the motto "I can't be bothered." Anything that
is going to put her out the least little bit is instantly discarded.
This is especially true with holidays or special occasions.
She never sends even a card to her DS (her only child) or our DD
(her only grandchild) on their birthdays. Our anniversary?
Forget it! She barely acknowledges that I exist. At
Christmas, she started out by insisting that I go shopping with
her and pick out my own present. The underlying message there
was that she "couldn't be bothered" to find out what I
was interested in or liked. Even when I told her specifically
what I wanted (a book or videotape, for instance), it was too much
trouble for her to go to the store and buy it. I finally got
fed up with being forced to find my own gift and then be "surprised"
on Christmas morning, and refused to go with her anymore.
Then, for a number of years she just got me the same thing every
year. Invariably, I received a set of ugly, cheap towels and
a pair of driving gloves (which I don't even wear!). Finally,
even that ended when she just handed me cash and told me to go buy
my own present. Honestly, I wouldn't care WHAT she gave me
if there was just the least bit of thought or caring behind it.
But, it's not just me, her hated DIL, who gets this treatment.
It's now extended to her DS and our DD. What a bitter, lonely
woman MIL is! How much she's missing out of life because she
"can't be bothered".
Signed - Actually Feels
Sorry for Her
RESPONSE: Actually Feels Sorry for Her
If she "can't be bothered", then why are you "bothering"
with her?
RESPONSE: Actually Feels Sorry for Her
If she can't be bothered, why are you trying to be bothered with
her? Honestly, let her stew in her own little world, and let DH
deal with her if he feels he must.
RESPONSE: Actually Feels Sorry for Her
I know how you feel. You've moved beyond being angry at MIL, to
realizing that she is harming only herself. Perhaps every once
in a great while, the aggravation you felt towards her will resurface.
But, it will subside. I'm at that level with my MIL. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Actually Feels Sorry for Her
Unfortunately, the grass is always greener! I would love it if
my MIL would take me shopping or give me money. Yes, not much thought
is required. But, I would like that better than the odd things
that we receive (things that we don't need, or in my case, collect).
Somehow, she has the idea that I collect items of certain brands
of soda and candy. She has now transferred this concept to my 6
month old son. Yep, he "collects" them now, too, I guess.
Every kid needs brand name soda tins. I collect neither, which
she should notice, since she comes to my house, and not a thing
that she has bought is displayed. Luckily, most of those things
sell pretty well on Ebay. Since the grass is always greener, I
will take your cash and you can have my well intentioned and thought
out collectibles. Sound good?
RESPONSE: Actually Feels Sorry for Her
It sounds like you have a great situation. I would much rather
pick out my own gift or receive money than receive something that
I did not want. I have two MILs, and both have given me money.
So have my own parents. I never take it, as they cannot be bothered.
Some people are not great at gift shopping and have no idea what
to buy. Lighten up.
RESPONSE: Actually Feels Sorry for Her
If this is the only problem in your relationship, then cut her some
slack. Some people lack confidence in their ability to choose the
right thing for others, or maybe she just liked having you pick
out your own gift as an excuse to spend more time with you. And,
what's wrong with cash? If she really didn't care, she wouldn't
even do that much. Or, worse, she'd give you some sort of gift
with a not-so-hidden insult attached, as many of us here have received.
I really think that you're making too much of this, unless there's
a whole lot more to the story.
RESPONSE: Actually Feels Sorry for Her
I can understand how you feel. My MIL is the same way. It's been
a long time since she has actually bought me a present (she usually
buys me underwear that is cut in a way that I cannot stand, so I
always give it away or try to exchange it). Now, she just gives
me cash. I guess I should be happy, because the gifts that she
did give were not that great. She is also the type who does not
want to be bothered to try to find out what a person might want.
My DH and I are always very thoughtful when we get a gift for someone.
We will shop for Christmas and birthday gifts throughout the year,
because if we happen to find something that we know a family member
would like, we go ahead and get it, and stow it away until the special
day. It's annoying that we put so much thought into our gifts,
and in turn the ILs (BIL and SIL make it really obvious that they
picked a gift up on the way to the house, because they always have
to "borrow" wrapping paper and boxes) simply act like
it's too much trouble to put any thought into their gift. To make
matters worse, my MIL is so rude that often times she will loudly
complain about the gift that we got her (even about stuff that we
got her BECAUSE she kept commenting that she'd like it!!!!), and
she says that she'd rather have cash!!!!
RESPONSE: Actually Feels Sorry for Her
I think that it is more important that you crave the underlying
feeling of warmth - or lack of warmth - in the relationship than
the tokens that you get. My in-laws are a pain in the @ss (and
they're coming for a visit tomorrow - I dread it), yet they are
very good at sending cards, gifts (although, sometimes these gifts
are a bit passive-aggressive), etc. I'd personally rather have
a MIL who didn't have a mean bone in her body, but didn't shower
us with "appropriate" gifts, than my selfish, infantile
MIL who really never grew up, and who essentially thinks that EVERYTHING
is about her. Would you like to trade? Your MIL would be fine
with me.
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives