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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
October 28, 2004
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SEPTEMBER
2004
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OCTOBER
2004
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I have been dating my BF for almost
two years now. We've decided to move to the country where
I have citizenship, to finish our college studies abroad in summer
2005. We've been planning this and filing all the necessary
paperwork for his visa and residency for the past 6 months!
I worry about his mother because she's a controlling, manipulative
woman. She does not work, nor does she does cook, clean
or do anything in her house. She is a child who watches
TV and eats all day. Everything has always gone her way.
My BF kind of brought up our idea to her and she shut it down,
as if he were asking her permission. She tried to brainwash
him and tell him that he couldn't make it anywhere without his
family. He says that we're still going ahead with our plans,
and not to mind what she says. But I know the power that
she has over that family and I don't know what to do. I
love my BF more than anything, and I want to spend the rest of
my life with him. We're making plans to get married and
spend the rest of our lives together, so it's not just coming
from me. But I don't know whether he'll let me down when
the time comes.
Signed - Still Going
Ahead With Our Plans
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5 |
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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My story starts before
I was married. I met my DH when I was working in another country.
MY first visit all went well. DH took me there to meet his family.
I didn't speak much of their language at the time, so it wasn't
until after the visit that DH told me what they thought of me.
He told them that he wanted to marry me and MIL objected. The reasons
were as follows: I am 4 years older than DH. I do not have a higher
education (I wanted to go out and earn money ((my parents were not
well off)), rather than go to university). By the time I met DH,
I was earning more than he was, and I was two grades higher in the
same company, but that counted for nothing. I am not a stunning
blonde, and so on and so forth. DH had already met my parents and
they got on very well. DH was not phased, and asked me to marry
him anyway. We bought a flat together, and MIL and SIL came to
decorate (!). At the time, I was living in a rented place, and
DH was living with great aunt. SIL and MIL decorated during January,
and DH and I went over to help on the weekends, when we could.
It was my busy season at work, and I generally had to work one weekend
day. We had bought the flat as a potential investment - it was
one bed, really tiny, but in an okay area. Then, MIL started saying
that we should move into the flat, because it would save what I
was paying in rent. I didn't see the point, as we were moving out
of the country in June of that year. Eventually, I gave in, and
we moved in together in February - me, DH, and MIL. She slept on
a sofabed in the lounge. Luckily, I was busy at work, and MIL often
stayed at DH's great aunt's. Meanwhile, SIL had split up with BF,
as he didn't want to marry her. When I saw the way that MIL shot
back there and forced BF's mother to force him to marry SIL, I knew
that I was . . .
Signed - In For Trouble
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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I have been married for
almost six years, and I have two beautiful twin girls. I seem
to be going through a stressful time with my DH, because I can't
seem to get along with his family. Every argument that we
have always stems from his mother and her wanting her roommate to
be part of our lives. Her roommate and I got along fine for
the first two years. I started to dislike him when he would
confide in me, in saying very cruel things about MIL. He told
me so many things about her two kids that I felt that he was jealous
of her and her close relationship with them. On many occasions
he would try to pick arguments between her, my DH and me.
She always defends him and blames me for the problems. I don't
want to be part of the family when I know that I am very disliked.
I don't want to hurt my DH anymore, and I feel that we should divorce
so that maybe he can have a happy life. I would rather that
he be with his mom than me. That's his mom. I love him
so much, but I don't know what to do. This roommate has told
me many things that give me very good reasons not to like him.
I know how he really feels about her, her son, and me, and I can't
get passed that. We have told her time and again that we want
nothing to do with him. She keeps telling us that she accepts
the way we feel, but she keeps coming over with situations regarding
him. She says that he complains to her about things concerning
us. As of right now, my MIL and I do not speak, and I really
do not want this roommate in my life, nor my children's life.
Therefore, my kids are not allowed at her house. Her other
grandchildren do go visit her, and they address her roommate as
grampa. I refuse because they're not married. Why am
I the only person who sees him for who he really is? I really
don't care if my MIL chooses to be with him or not, but I do care
if this man is going to treat my DH, me, and our two children with
disrespect because he's selfish and jealous of her wanting to spend
time with us. This man would be nothing without her.
He claims that he's disabled and can't work. He collects a
check every month for it, and does a paper route in her name to
make extra cash. He bowls in a league every Tuesday, and uses
a handicap sticker to park. I don't get it. I just don't
like this man. Please, for my sake, give me some sort of advice
as to what I should do.
Signed - I Don't Get
It
RESPONSE: I Don't Get It
Let DH go and live with his mommy and her creepy "roommate".
And, you are right to not let your kids go there.
RESPONSE: I Don't Get It
Neither do I. I don't see anything in your post that suggests how
your DH feels about all this. Does he insist that you constantly
visit his mother and her partner? If so, put your foot down. Tell
him that you have no problem with him visiting his mother (leave
the partner out of it - MIL is a consenting adult), but you do not
wish to visit her, and you don't feel that the partner is a suitable
adult to be around your kids. Simple.
RESPONSE: I Don't Get It
YOU are the one who decides who gets to visit your kids. If you
do not like this man, make sure that you are never alone with him,
so that you do not have to hear the filth he projects. Why are
you even listening to him? That only spurs him on to "confide"
in you even more. Your MIL does not want to be alone, and that
is probably why she puts up with this cr@p and doesn't want to hear
your side. Believe me, she knows, she knows. You are probably
not the first person whom he has done this with, but you ARE allowing
it to continue. If your MIL can't look at her son and do what is
right for him and his family, then I think that she has given up
her parent card. Do not divorce him so that he can be with his
mommy. His responsibility is with you and the kids you both share.
If you want to divorce him, then grow up and don't blame it on his
mommy. Place the blame on yourselves.
RESPONSE: I Don't Get It
Do not give up on your marriage just to make MIL and her dorky BF
happy. Do put down your foot, and let it be known that BF is no
longer welcome in your home, and that you and your twin DDs will
not be going around him. In plain English, keep yourself and the
twins away from this bigot.
RESPONSE: I Don't Get It
You can make an anonymous report about the fraud that he is committing.
And, it is fraud. That money is intended to be for people who can't
work, not those too lazy to work. I have to work to earn my money;
I see no reason why I and everyone else should foot the bill for
his expenses. As for convincing your MIL regarding the truth about
this slacker, I doubt that you'll be able to. It sounds like she's
in love with him, and many times a woman in love can't or won't
see the true nature of her heart's desire. The best you can hope
for is to insulate yourself, your children and, to whatever degree
you're able, your DH from this man's poison.
RESPONSE: I Don't Get It
You must put your children first. If you and DH are too far apart
at this point, your children will eventually be better off if you
go your separate ways. Your comments about MIL's "roommate"
indicate that she considers him somewhat more important than that.
You don't have to approve, but it is her right to live as she chooses.
You can choose to break off contact with her because of this man's
adversarial acts against your family. If DH does not agree (or
does not see a problem), your marriage is, in fact, in serious trouble.
RESPONSE: I Don't Get It
Stop allowing this man to confide in you. By listening to his complaints
about MIL, you're only encouraging him. Next, make it clear that
he's not allowed in your home, and that you and the kids won't be
visiting him at his. Then, stick to it! Third, consider counseling
for yourself and DH. Divorcing him is not the way to go. Your
girls need their daddy worse than he needs his mommy.
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives