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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
October 29, 2004
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SEPTEMBER
2004
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OCTOBER
2004
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I recently got engaged, and with
the thought of squeezing into a wedding dress I have started to
workout. I have been lifting weights and running around
the block. My own mother lives out of state, so I invited
my FMIL to come to my last fitting to see me in my dress.
She helped me slip into it. Then, she took a step back and
said that I should not workout with weights anymore, because the
weights are making my arms look too fat. This I tried to
ignore, but as the fitting continued, that was the only thing
that she said about me in the dress. Needless to say, I
went to the gym and slapped on even more weight.
Signed - Trying to
Include Her In the Wedding Plans
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1 |
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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Worst gift: When my
SO and I first started going together, his mother treated me horribly.
I realized that I was bringing a lot of baggage into the relationship.
I had small children from my previous marriage, and I am a few years
older. I understood her objections (frankly, if my son brought
"me" home, I think I would have issues, also). I only
wanted him for 1) his car, and 2) his money. I was lazy, and didn't
pay my bills (actually, my ex didn't pay his bills and ended up
spending it on another woman, but that's another story). I had
slept around on my DH (I wish someone would have told me). And,
on and on. She twisted the truth or made things up. Luckily, my
SO saw through her warped attempts to break us up, and ignored her.
I have many friends, and I am well liked wherever I go, so I figured
that, given time, his mother would realize that I'm not the moneygrubber
that she claimed me to be. Her insults, mind games, and attempts
to ruin my reputation, rolled off my back. She had even called
my boss, when I was out on disability with an injured neck, to tell
him that I was faking, in order to try to get me fired. I never
got a gift or card. After two years of this, it became clear that
it was not affecting me or the relationship with her son. That's
when she started on my children. They were unmannered. They were
better off with my ex than with me. I neglected them. They were
ugly. Ever hear the analogy of a mother bear and her cubs? As
soon as she switched from me to my kids, the claws came out. I
think I surprised her with the veracity of my protectiveness. I
immediately turned my back on my SO's family, and shut them out
of my life completely. I never said one word to my SO in complaint.
I never told him that he couldn't visit with his family or go to
family functions. I just did not go myself. I did not ask about
his family, nor did I care to hear news about them. If his mother
called, I immediately gave him the phone, without my saying a word.
If they came to visit, I would take the kids out, and wait till
they left. If, by chance, she said or asked me a question before
I could flee the scene, I was polite, but cold. Five years went
by, and, frankly, I was very happy with the situation. My SO and
I bought a house together. MIL began to realize that maybe this
hasn't turned out as badly as she thought it would. She started
asking SO to bring me to family functions. I balked. I was happy
with things the way that they were. SO wanted me to come with him
to his brother's wedding. I went, only because my SO really wanted
me to. It was a favor to him. At the wedding, both the MIL and
FIL told me that, since I had been with SO, he had become a better
man. They both apologized, and asked me to please come over more
often. They sounded very sincere. Christmas came along, and I
decided to "test" the waters by going with SO to his parents
house on Xmas morning. They had been inviting me over since the
wedding, but I was leery. I still refused to let MIL anywhere near
my kids (I think that I will never forget her attacks on them),
but they were with their father until later that afternoon. Gifts
to her children and spouses were passed around the living room.
There was nothing for me. I got the pleasure of hearing, "You
spent too much!" And, I heard, "You always go overboard,"
from the other DILs, as I sat there with my hands in my empty lap.
I realize that I will never be as close to MIL as she is with her
other DILs, and that is fine with me (don't necessarily want to
be close to her). I wouldn't have cared if she had given me a small
inexpensive trinket, it would have been less humiliating. One BIL
innocently asked me, "Where's your present?" and MIL quickly
changed the subject. BIL looked at me and mouthed, "Sorry."
I did start attending family functions, weddings, showers, etc.
But I will not visit on a casual basis. I am civil and polite,
but distant. I still keep my children away from them. They cannot
hurt me if they are not close to me.
Signed - Distance Makes
the ILs Bearable
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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My DH and I had been
married for about a year when we decided to try to get pregnant.
Lo and behold, we only tried for a couple of months and we achieved
success! We were excited to celebrate our first year anniversary.
Mother's Day was coming up, so we bought MIL a Grandmother's card
to tell her that we're pregnant. She said, "Oh."
Fast forward a bit, and I was very pregnant. My doctor put
me in the hospital for pre-eclampsia. Every day the nurses
told me that my baby could have serious complications or that I
might have to have a c-section. Basically, I was scared to
death. DH's family didn't come visit, and MIL had the audacity
to say that I was rude to her when she came to visit me in the hospital!
Well, I'm sure that she would be completely polite and rational
if she was scared to death that she and her son might be in danger.
GEEZ! Oh, and SHE took it upon herself to remove my son's
umbilical cord nub. I could just go on and on!
Signed - Polite and Rational
RESPONSE: Polite and Rational
While I can understand your disappointment in your MIL's reaction
to your happy news, being scared doesn't give one license to be
rude to others. If you were rude to her in the hospital, you should
be a big enough person to apologize.
RESPONSE: Polite and Rational
I sympathize. After trying for 6 years to get pregnant, I finally
succeeded after undergoing numerous hospital tests, a couple of
surgeries, and having to take fertility drugs. My DH and I were
ecstatic. When we happily broke the news to MIL and FIL, they didn't
even take their eyes off the TV set, and MIL's response was something
like your MIL's. "Oh." That's all that was said. I
miscarried about six weeks later, and they didn't offer a word of
condolence or ever mention it again.
RESPONSE: Polite and Rational
Your MIL is thoughtless, self-centered, and rude, none of which
you can change. You can learn not to get your hopes up for better
behavior, because she'll only disappoint you. And, you can learn
to minimize contact with her. Your DH can spend time with her if
he likes, but that doesn't mean that you have to. You have the
right to be left alone.
RESPONSE: Polite and Rational
First of all, congratulations on your new baby! The nonchalant
"Oh," response was what my DH and I got from MIL and FIL
when we announced our engagement. We're now expecting our first
child, and I am anticipating the same response (I'm 3.5 months along,
and we haven't even told them yet). I say, "Too bad for them"!
You and your DH should enjoy your new family and ignore your MIL's
ill manners. I know that this is easier said than done, but I let
it roll off my back. She's a miserable woman and jealous of me
because I am not. I intend to keep it that way!
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives