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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
November 3, 2004
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OCTOBER
2004
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NOVEMBER
2004
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- momofthree, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 3-NOV-04
One more quick story. MIL has to have her
way. She will not give up until she has it. I had
just given birth to our third daughter. MIL came to visit
(lived about 40 minutes away). When she got to our house,
she asked if she could go get us some dinner. That was nice,
right? I told her nicely that it wouldn't be necessary because
someone from my church was bringing over dinner for the next few
days. A few seconds later she said, "I should go get
dinner." I told her again, "No thank you. It has
already been taken care of." A minute later, she grabbed
her keys and headed towards the door. "I am going to
get everyone dinner." I wasn't in the frame of mind
to fight. I just let her go. That was also the day
that I caught her taking the dishes OUT of the cupboard and cleaning
them. After all, nothing I do is ever good enough.
Signed - I Can Clean
My Own Dishes
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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My MIL is a good actress.
She helps me in the kitchen only when my DH is awake, or when he
comes back from the office.
Signed - I Feel So Sad
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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I would love to have
some opinions on this. My relationship with my MIL has deteriorated
completely, ever since I had my baby two years ago. We still
visit the ILs, but my MIL and I do not interact at all. MY
MIL has always, since my daughter was born, insisted that we leave
her with the grandparents overnight. I have not wanted to.
For one thing, I have not felt that being a mother is a burden that
I need to escape from. Besides, my child is easy going and
sleeps well. My DH and I get a lot of breaks and use sitters
fairly frequently. But, I know that the real reason is that
I just don't feel comfortable with my MIL. There is no communication
between us, so my schedule would not be followed. You know,
it really isn't a matter of my "rules", more that I would
need to feel listened to in order to leave my child with my MIL.
Plus, I find my MIL untrustworthy, because she made fun of her youngest
son repeatedly when he developed Tourette's Syndrome as a child,
according to family lore. I am pretty appalled at poking fun
at a child's uncontrollable problem, even if I can see that she
was probably so heartbroken that her son had this disease that she
reacted in a totally inappropriate way. I guess I still see
a lack of compassion for others and an inability to control her
emotions, so I just don't want to leave my child with her overnight
right now. This is a source of tension between my DH and me,
and if I point out that we visit often enough, why pressure me to
do something that I do not want to do? We really fight.
I usually have simply changed the subject when MIL goes on one of
her "why-don't-you-leave-the-baby-with-me" sessions.
But, last week, she went on and on, saying that so-and-so relative
leaves her kids with the GPs, etc., was I too attached to my child?
I answered, "So-and-so appear to have trust and communication
in their relationship. Sadly, we do not. And, while
I hope that we develop some, I will not discuss this issue anymore."
Now, my DH, my ILs, and anyone whom my MIL talks to treats me as
though I am denying my MIL time with my DD.
Signed - No Sleepovers,
Please
RESPONSE: No Sleepovers, Please
It's your choice. You are the mother.
RESPONSE: No Sleepovers, Please
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!! Keep your stand firm and you will be victorious!
You are protecting your children, and that is the important thing.
Stand firm!
RESPONSE: No Sleepovers, Please
It's called trust and respect, just as you said. Tell DH to stick
it in his ear, and MIL to suck it up. She can't pretend that you
don't exist, which is what she is doing. Until that changes, no
overnight visits.
RESPONSE: No Sleepovers, Please
Tell DH to grow up and grow a pair! As mom, you have the say as
to where your child goes - if you are not comfortable with the situation,
you are 100% right to not allow it! Tell DH that darling MIL had
her chance to raise her children as she saw fit. It is now your
turn.
RESPONSE: No Sleepovers, Please
Stick to your guns. Your DH and ILs seem to have their heads in
the sand when it comes to your relationship. I thought that your
response to MIL was honest and well thought out, and if she would
rather complain and lie about you instead of working on your relationship,
then it's obvious that you are doing the right thing in denying
unsupervised visits. If she'll talk badly about you to other people,
what would she say about you around your child if she was alone?
You should maybe consider taking DH to counseling because, for some
reason, he sees his mom's behavior as okay, or normal, when it is
not.
RESPONSE: No Sleepovers, Please
YOUR child, YOUR rules, YOUR decisions. End of story. And, shame
on your DH for not standing by your side. Why did he even have
this child if all he was going to do was hand it over to his mother?
You and your DH need to go to counseling to learn how to deal with
MIL, and for him to get a spine.
RESPONSE: No Sleepovers, Please
Good for you for standing up to MIL! And, shame on your DH for
not standing by his DW! You are doing the right thing. Never leave
your baby with someone whom you don't trust. Your wishes as a parent
must be respected by everyone, including DH and MIL. If they go
against your wishes, why should they get the baby? Stay strong
on this! You are being a good mother!
RESPONSE: No Sleepovers, Please
You are! And you have the right to. You are the mother, you make
decisions on when your child will be, and with whom. Your reasons
are valid. Don't fight with your DH about it anymore. Just simply
refuse to respond or engage. After all, it takes two to fight.
I know, I've had 25 years with a spouse who will not engage, LOL.
I highly recommend couple's counseling. If he won't agree, at least
get personal counseling for yourself. Oh, and if MIL wants to know
why you won't let the child stay, tell her the truth. She can be
cruel to children (state your example given here) and that is not
something that you are going to risk happening with your children.
Good luck. Stay strong. You are in the right!
RESPONSE: No Sleepovers, Please
I'm reading your story and seeing myself in your place in the future.
Our first baby is due in April, and I am already feeling protective
of our little one. There's no way that I would leave my child with
my MIL, or any IL for that matter. My MIL is a very critical person
- she calls one of her daughters her "ugly duckling",
and once reduced a grandchild to tears after repeatedly chiding
him because he couldn't open a box of cookies himself. I guess
she thinks that she is being clever, but I think it's atrocious
behavior. All children should be praised - a joke by an adult at
a child's expense is thinly veiled criticism, and is NEVER funny.
RESPONSE: No Sleepovers, Please
Oh my, my MIL came to stay with us for one week while I was going
through chemo. My DD was 5.5 months about that time. She changed
her diaper infrequently, fed her a bottle (or, shall I say, tried
to) every 1-2 hours, after I blatantly told her not to feed her
for 3-4 hours. I even told her not to feed my child, and then my
mom and I left the house to go to a Dr.'s appointment. I forgot
something upstairs, and my mom went back to the condo to get it
for me. She came back down and told me that my MIL was feeding
my DD. UGH. Then, the topper - we were at breakfast and, in front
of my DH and me, she gave DD a knife to play with. First off, we
do not play at the dinner table. Sitting in the highchair is not
a time to play when food is around. Secondly, a knife? DH and
I just looked at each other dumbfounded. So, when DD tried to smack
herself with the knife, I put it out of everyone's reach. Then,
at dinner that night, she held DD, and then DD grabbed the fork.
My family was there, too, at the restaurant, and she said, "Don't
play with the fork. You will poke your eye out, here." And,
get this, she gave her a knife to play with. I immediately took
it away and told my MIL that a knife was not an appropriate infant
toy at a table. Some people's children!
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives