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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
November 11, 2004
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OCTOBER
2004
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NOVEMBER
2004
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I have been married for 27 years,
and have tried to pretend that my MIL cares for me. But,
I have gotten to the point where I absolutely WILL NOT try any
longer. When I first met my DH, we were both alone (no family
around). I was from another country, and DH was from the
other side of the country. Our wedding was small (just a
few friends) and comfortable for US. And, what with us both
being on the shy side, we decided that this was best for US.
After our first child was born (1 year), we decided to move closer
to his family (we wanted our son to have grandparents in his life).
Not too close, though. At first, DH had trouble finding
work, and, strange as it seems, he ended up getting a job that
he was more qualified for - wait for it - in his home town.
To cut a long story shorter, we finally moved there. The
funny thing was that I really liked the town, so it wasn't that
difficult for me to do. I wasn't looking forward to being
that close to his family, but I was prepared to try. MIL
decided that she would phone me every day for a chat. It
drove me mad, until I just lost it. This was after warning
my DH that he should deal with her, which he didn't. So,
I did, in no uncertain terms. Since the day that we moved
to her domain, it has been a constant battle, but without the
words. She would play my DH against me, especially on birthdays,
by giving money to her child. And when it came to mine,
she would give exactly half that amount, letting me know that
I was a "lesser" person. DH actually told her
off about that, only after I had made it clear that this was not
going to happen again. She made some excuse that she couldn't
remember (right!!!!). And, gullible as DH is, he accepted
that. She knows how to "play" him. Every
birthday I get upset with her games. The game is the last
straw. I received a card, which, I might add, was addressed
to DH with a Mrs. in front of it (times have changed, get with
the program), and it wasn't even a birthday card. It was
a "warm thoughts" card (I believe that these cards are
sent after a loss/death). MIL wrote some "warm"
words for me to have a "warm" day!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd just had it at that point. DH agreed with me that this
was below the belt, and he apparently told her so. Once
again she made some excuse (remember gullible DH). She buys
her cards in "bulk". I think that they have "bulk"
birthday cards. Duh! I have tolerated her bad behavior
for years. Well, surprise, surprise. I will not tolerate
her behavior any longer. I wash my hands of her.
Signed - I Will Be
A Fool No Longer
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5 |
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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When my DF and I started
planning our wedding, my MIL was so excited. She told us that she
wanted to be involved, and that she wanted to help out financially.
I thought that I had lucked out - I had a MIL who actually liked
me, and wanted to help pay for my wedding. However, I soon realized
what she meant by that - she would help pay for things, as long
as she could have control over it. For example, she offered to
pay for the rehearsal dinner, but she wanted to have it catered
at their house - they live over an hour away from the church! We
also asked her about possibly paying for the alcohol at the reception.
Her answer? "No. We don't drink, so why should we pay for
it?" Well, my dad doesn't eat chicken, so I guess we won't
have any of that, either. She even went so far as to ask a family
friend to read in our wedding, without consulting us. She's constantly
nagging us about everything. DF and I are also in the process of
looking for a house, and FMIL is disgusted by this. She and her
DH had to start out in a one-bedroom apartment, and didn't get to
buy new furniture or new things. So, she thinks that we should
have to struggle like they did. And, she has the nerve to wonder
why we don't like visiting her!
Signed - Frustrated in
Pittsburgh
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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I'm not married yet,
but I just moved in with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. He got
accepted to a prestigious grad school program in his chosen field,
with a nice stipend, and I was thrilled for him. The decision
to move in together was not made lightly, and we made sure to ask
our parents' blessings before taking this step. However, the
only problem in this whole situation is his mother! She's
a lovely woman, very intelligent and considerate, but she is *cheap*.
Very, very cheap. We get along just fine, but her behavior
regarding our move was insane. First of all, she was on a
3-week cruise in Europe with her boyfriend while we were moving,
so she did not help with any of our preparations. She left
BF and his sister in charge of their much younger half-brother for
the duration, but neglected to give them money for groceries!
Then, Hurricane Charley hit, but I digress. She also refused
to give my BF any money to help with the cost of renting the moving
truck, gas money, etc. Then, she decided that we were not
allowed to take any furniture with us (that she had previously promised
us) until she sold her house (for a tidy profit, I might add) because
it would make the house look "odd". My parents and
his father (his parents are long divorced), on the other hand, were
quite generous in donating some odds and ends that we were grateful
to have. The kicker came last week when his mom called us
up and asked if she could have BF's car back! He has been
paying her $500/month for this car for the past 2 years, and now
she wants it back because her rich boyfriend isn't letting her drive
his luxury car any longer. Thankfully, she hates driving,
and we're pretty sure she won't want to drive 8 hours alone in a
mere used sedan.
Signed - Thankfully She
Hates Driving
RESPONSE: Thankfully She Hates Driving
When you become an adult, no one is obligated to help you pay for
moving expenses, etc. Adults do that on their own. Likewise, with
donating anything to help put your new home together. Regarding
the car, BF should tell mommy that when he gets the money back that
he has paid to her for the car, that she can have it back. Whose
name is the car in - hers or BF's? If it's in hers, she has a legal
right to it, regardless of how much BF has paid. Lesson for the
future - if you pay for a car or anything large and costly, make
sure it's in YOUR name. As far as the groceries for younger brother,
give her a bill for all that you guys spent to feed him. Tell her
that it is her obligation. Hold it over her head if she doesn't,
especially when she comes looking for stuff in the future.
RESPONSE: Thankfully She Hates Driving
Basically, you are ticked off that MIL is not forking over enough
money to you and BF? I see that you say that you were bothered
that MIL didn't offer to help with the moving expenses. Grow up
already, and pay your own bills! It is her money, she can do or
not do whatever she chooses with it. Sheesh.
RESPONSE: Thankfully She Hates Driving
"She also refused to give my BF any money to help with the
cost of renting the moving truck, gas money, etc." She has
no obligation to give him any money for his moving expenses. She
is not the one moving, he is. And, he is an adult, too. I do,
however, think that it was wrong of her to tell you that you could
have some furniture, and then turned around and told you that you
couldn't have it. Remember that the next time she "promises"
you something.
RESPONSE: Thankfully She Hates Driving
Uh, she doesn't owe you help with your move, or furniture. Houses
*do* sell better when furnished, any realtor will tell you so.
If you're not old enough to move by yourself and furnish your own
home, perhaps you'd best grow up before moving in together.
RESPONSE: Thankfully She Hates Driving
I'm with you with everything except her refusal to give your BF
money for moving expenses. He's an adult, and should be able to
pay his own way. The thing with the car illustrates why when buying
something, even from family members - heck, ESPECIALLY from family
members! - one should get the agreement in writing so that there
are no disputes later. Is her name still on the title?
RESPONSE: Thankfully She Hates Driving
If you and your BF have made the decision to live together, it is
yours and his responsibility to take care of the preparations, moving,
etc. If she promised to help and then left on holiday, that is
one thing. But, to expect her to drop her plans and help you move
is another. Helping you grown adults move house is NOT her responsibility.
She may offer to help, but she is not obligated to do so.
RESPONSE: Thankfully She Hates Driving
His mother should not have to foot any of the moving costs or give
you guys gas money. If you can't even afford the moving costs or
gas money, then you probably can't afford rent. It is very immature
and self-centered to expect people to just hand you things. You
have no business moving out if you think that they should do all
that. I'm sure that you expect his/your parents to treat you guys
as adults and with respect, so earn it by paying your own way instead
of depending on daddy and mommy for everything. His mother isn't
cheap, she's very smart for not giving you a dime. Eventually,
you guys will learn to stand on your own two feet.
RESPONSE: Thankfully She Hates Driving
Your FMIL is certainly no prize, but you are expecting too much.
She was not obligated to help with your move, nor was she obligated
to give you any furniture, and certainly not until she had no more
use for it. On the other hand, she was irresponsible in not providing
for her minor child. And, if BF has paid her $12,000 toward a car,
her claim on it is doubtful.
RESPONSE: Thankfully She Hates Driving
Why do you expect his mother to help foot the bill for you two moving
in together? If you're old enough to live as adults, shouldn't
you pay your own bills?
RESPONSE: Thankfully She Hates Driving
You seem to think that your FMIL is obligated to give you money.
Well, she doesn't. You and your BF are both adults and should be
able to support yourself. Your MIL should be able to spend her
money any way that she wants.
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives