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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
November 12, 2004
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OCTOBER
2004
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NOVEMBER
2004
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I'm married to a WONDERFUL man
who happens to have a psycho for a mother. LONG story short:
She became angry at my DH and me the morning of our wedding.
She did not attend our wedding, although she stood in the back
of the church in shorts and a tee shirt for 2O minutes holding
up the ceremony. She proceeded to locate friends and family
members at the hotel and spread vicious lies about me. In
the weeks preceding the wedding, she called every person in her
address book and told them how awful I was! She even called
OUR FRIENDS! She disowned my DH for 4 months. My DH
reconciled with her, and I tolerate her for his sake. I'm
not a perfect person, but I can honestly say that I did NOTHING
to provoke her. I'm just lucky that everyone believed me,
including my DH.
Signed - Just Lucky
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1 |
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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I was at my MIL's house
fixing her brand new notebook computer. I took my best friend,
as we were going shopping afterwards. Upon being introduced to
my friend, my MIL looked at her and said, " I had a friend
like you once. She thought that she was a lesbian, too."
I was mortified, but I didn't say anything. Thank god my friend
thought that it was funny (and, no, she's not a lesbian). Later,
during the same visit, my friend took her hair out of its ponytail
and my MIL looked at her and said, "Oh, that's better. Now
you look like a woman." I said, "OH MY GOD!" She
made a few more disparaging remarks, and I quickly finished up my
work on the computer, and we left as soon as humanly possible.
We used to spend a lot of time with her, and I love her dearly,
but she is getting worse and worse. I frankly don't have the patience
for her.
Signed - No Patience
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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I need to vent about
my MIL. I have been married to her dear son for 5 years now.
We have two beautiful girls (her first and only grandkids, so far).
She will not leave us alone. Whenever she wants to see the
kids she calls my DH's cell phone, not the home phone. She
always calls him and asks him what our plans are. That just
bugs me! I just want to say to her, "LET US LIVE OUR
LIVES. STOP HOUNDING US." I can't talk to my DH
about it. He might get upset. And, when we are all together,
she doesn't talk to me at all. She always addresses the conversations
to my DH. I can't take it anymore. I'm about to burst.
What can I do or say to her about stepping back from us?
Signed - Need Help Speaking
Up
RESPONSE: Need Help Speaking Up
Why can't you talk to your DH about it? That is your actual problem.
RESPONSE: Need Help Speaking Up
It's not your MIL whom you need to talk to. It's your DH. Until/unless
he can put you ahead of his mommy, things will not get better.
RESPONSE: Need Help Speaking Up
You need to speak with your DH and explain how you see his mom's
actions as hurtful. Ask him to help change this. Tell him that
you are a lot more than just the incubator for his mom's grandchildren,
and that you deserve to be at least included in conversations and
spoken to cordially.
RESPONSE: Need Help Speaking Up
Tactfully ask DH why she always calls his cell phone, and take it
gently from there. It's better to address the situation a little
at a time than to suddenly explode later on (I quote my favorite
joke from this site - Man in a counselors office says "I made
a Freudian slip at dinner last night, I meant to ask my MIL to pass
the salt, and instead I said, "You've ruined my life you evil
cow!"). Believe me, whilst you keep it bottled up, eventually
you will explode, and it's definitely better for family relations
to ask MIL to "pass the salt". BTW, this is a VERY common
problem on here. You're not alone!
RESPONSE: Need Help Speaking Up
So what if DH gets upset? He needs to be putting your needs above
his mother's. There are a lot of warning bells going off here.
MIL is ignoring you as the mother of your children, and you are
afraid to discuss a basic issue with your DH. Have you tried marriage
counseling? It might help. In the meantime, tell MIL that YOU
are the children's mother, and she can arrange visits through YOU
instead of bothering DH at work. Set a limit on those visits, too.
Once a week, for a few hours, is MORE than enough time.
RESPONSE: Need Help Speaking Up
You can't say anything to her, because if you do, it will be World
War III. You just have to tell your DH that you need space. The
next time he says, "My mom wants to come over," or something,
tell him that you have plans. That is the only way to stop it.
Trust me, I know.
RESPONSE: Need Help Speaking Up
I'm in a similar situation, although there are no kids involved.
My experience has been that it does no good to confront MIL. DH
and I have tried on several occasions, together and separately.
After trying to "handle" her behavior with no success,
he was finally the one to let her know that we made our own decisions,
and that we would make the ones that were best for us WITHOUT her
input, and that she was being disrespectful. He told her that we
would not be changing anything that we had planned to suit her,
as we are a family, and our family comes first. This also did not
work, which was expected. We limit contact - we only see her about
6 times a year, even though we live in the same city. We get up
and leave the first time she criticizes or tells us how to live
our lives. She does still call him at work, and on his cell, to
try to influence him, and he is polite until she starts to discuss
anything that involves me, our marriage, our plans, or anything
that I should be privy to. And, he politely says that he will not
discuss that topic, but she can feel free to call when I am with
him. Then, he hangs up. Your DH has to be on board. Confront
her about it once - together - and if that does not work, you both
have to keep her from doing this. When she calls, he should tell
her that he needs to speak to you, and one of you will call her
back (offer to do this if he does not feel comfortable). You must
talk to him about this, but use very measured words, and be fair.
Do not try to have the discussion if you are upset about something
new that she has just done. You must both be involved in all decisions
that concern your family, and MIL has no say. She also has no business
going around you in order to see your children. Maybe the talk
with DH will go better than you think. This has actually worked
out wonderfully for me, as I only have to see MIL 6x per year, and
then only for a few minutes, or an hour, because she just can't
keep her mouth shut. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Need Help Speaking Up
Stories like yours make me want to not apply for the job of motherhood.
If having kids means that your ILs will practically sit in on your
life, that just doesn't sound appealing to me. I could definitely
see my ILs doing the same thing, and they're the type that would
do just that. My FIL always stresses how important it is for family
to be close. We don't live anywhere near them, and we are never
going to. But, when they visit, it's like they want to hold your
hand. If I ever had a child, we would probably see them every other
month. That is not happening!
RESPONSE: Need Help Speaking Up
It seems like she is not mean to you, but she just doesn't feel
close to you. Consider yourself lucky. You can't demand that she
disappear from your son's life, and you can't demand that she love
you. Just act like a polite stranger, and if she loves her granddaughters,
let her see them (you don't even have to be around, if you don't
want to). It's not your company that she wants, it's her son's
and granddaughters'. You've got it easy.
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives