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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
November 18, 2004
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OCTOBER
2004
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NOVEMBER
2004
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Thank you all for providing me
with so many laughs. It's amazing how many people have the
same problems with their in-laws. My DH has used all of
these with great success, so let's all practice: When she
makes a snide comment that only you are meant to hear, say, "What
did you just say? I don't think I heard you properly."
Make sure that you ask loudly, they hate that. When
she asks an inappropriate question, say, "Now, why would
you ask a question like that?" Or, "Why on earth would
you want to know that?" When she threatens to boycott
an event, say, "Oh, that's too bad. We'll miss seeing
you at (insert celebration)." When she tries to tell
you how to do something, or that you are doing something wrong,
say, "Thank you for the advice. We'll take it into
consideration (repeat as needed, even 20 times in a row)."
When she flies off the handle in public, say, "Have you talked
to your doctor lately? They keep coming up with new medications
every day. I'm sure there's something out there that would
help with your irrational outbursts." When she says
that she doesn't remember having said something demeaning or offensive,
say, "Well, I REMEMBER perfectly well, and since only one
of us does, guess who gets to be right?" This is usually
followed up by a denial, so he follows with, "I thought you
just said you didn't remember. Were you LYING to me?"
When she looks at me like I should be defending her or something,
"You picked a fight with the wrong guy, didn't you?"
Signed - You Picked
A Fight With The Wrong Guy, Mom
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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Worst gift: My ILs have
forgotten my birthday for nearly 18 years - and it's on Christmas
Eve. They celebrate other stuff. They ask us to do stuff year
after year, and DH tells them, year after year, that we're celebrating
DW's birthday. They say, "Oh yes, that's right." Then,
on my birthday, there's no card, no celebration, not even a happy
birthday wish. Year after year they get mad at ME for not telling
them when my birthday is. It's not like it jumps around. They
just can't be bothered.
Signed - Xmas Baby
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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My MIL has issues.
First of all, she did NOT raise my DH (her mother, his father and
his father's mother did). He did not live with her until he
was 16. She is always in our personal business - how much
money did he make, who was at our house, what time did they leave,
any little thing that is not her business! If she calls our
home and I don't answer, she calls my DH on his cell phone ranting
and raving, "Doesn't anyone ever answer your phone!!??
Where is (DW)??" Then, she will have the nerve to hang
up on him for no reason. The little child DH will try to call
her back and she won't answer out of her childish games! I
am so tired of this. We always have to go to her house for
holidays (she won't come to our house). She has 2 dogs, one
who is not trained, and is constantly in all female crotches, jumping
and slobbering on people. I hate going to her house - especially
eating dinner, because there is always nasty dog hair in my food!
She is the most self-centered, nosey person whom I have ever known
in my life! She invites us over to eat, then she has the nerve
to tell us that we need to buy the steaks (for her, her DH and her
friend). She has money, trust me. She lives in an expensive
home. I had surgery two days before Easter, and she called
me one day after surgery (the day before Easter) and asked me if
we were coming for Easter dinner. I told her that I didn't
feel up to it, but my DH and son would come. Then, really
snottily and in her raspy voice, she said, "Just forget it.
I'm not making anything then." She was only saying this
to be the true b!tch that she is. So my DH and son went there
for the FURRY Easter dinner (after my DH paid her a morning visit
about her attitude the day before) and I rested at home. She
has a comment for everything. No matter what you say, she
has a comment. I take that as ignorance half the time.
She has no life, no job - just talking on the phone and being in
everyone's business. I bite my tongue all of the time, but
I feel that I can't do it much longer. I feel that it is my
DH's place to set her straight and to set the boundaries for her.
If something doesn't change, I cannot (will not) go on in this marriage.
It is not worth my sanity. I am currently pregnant.
What should I do? My DH sometimes agrees with me - other times
he ignores my pleas to do something. If she tells him to jump,
he jumps. He needs to realize what is more important - having
his wife and kids (plus his mom with her new boundaries) or just
his mom. Please give me some advice on how to handle this.
Signed - HUMMER
RESPONSE: HUMMER
Counseling. Couples therapy. Just two suggestions.
RESPONSE: HUMMER
Counseling would probably help. DH is probably switching back and
forth between anger at his mom for her abandonment, and happiness
that she wants a relationship with him. He needs to see that she
is manipulating him, but he will not come to that realization on
his own.
RESPONSE: HUMMER
Please, go for marriage counseling. If DH won't come with you,
then go by yourself and get some help dealing with this situation.
A good counselor will also help you learn to set and enforce your
own boundaries. Just because DH wants to maintain a relationship
with her doesn't mean that you have to put up with her, too.
RESPONSE: HUMMER
Don't end your marriage just because of your MIL - that is giving
her WAY too much power over your life! My MIL is a problem as well,
and here is the advice that was given to me: Cut the string that
connects her finger to your hot button. Practice just letting her
negative, rude comments slide over you like water off a duck's back.
Kill her with kindness, never reciprocate in her childish games
- be the bigger person! My DH doesn't always support me, either,
which is unfortunate. But, since that is the case, I cannot depend
on him to protect me from his mother. But, I have to learn to not
let that bother me! I am responsible for my own behavior and attitude,
and I will not give anyone the power to make me miserable! Choose
happiness, and concentrate on making your marriage the best that
it can be. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger (if you
let it). Good luck to you!
RESPONSE: HUMMER
I know the frustration that you are feeling. Trust me, I do. I
can't imagine having to deal with it pregnant. This is a very tricky
situation because the man is caught in the middle between the two
women that he loves. But, this is also a cut and dried situation.
The bottom line is that when you take the sacred vows of marriage,
your allegiance must change, and your spouse becomes number one.
Whether he or she is right or wrong, your loyalty is to your spouse.
Husbands and wives are each other's number ONE ally. You back each
other up. This means that your DH has and must stand up for you
and himself to his mother. He needs to let her know that you and
his children are the most important people in his life, and that
she will treat you with respect, or he will withdraw from their
relationship. If DHs could just be assertive when it comes to their
mother's, they would be amazed at how well it works. Mothers will
forgive their sons who put them in their place. It may take a while,
but they will forgive. And, it is his responsibility to do it -
not yours - his. And, if he truly loves you and the family that
you have made together, then he will do it. Men don't automatically
become assertive, either, especially mama's boys. It may take some
counseling, and, believe me, a therapist will agree with you. He
needs to realize that if he doesn't respectfully put his mother
in her place and you leave him, the problem will never go away.
The next woman who comes along won't put up with it, either. And,
he will be right back in the same position that he's in now. I
would hope that this metaphor never happens. I wish you the best
of luck, and I hope that your DH pulls is head out and realizes
what's at stake.
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Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
and responses received will be posted as early as our resources will
allow. Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then
posted, all at once, to the original story page at a later date (generally,
one set of responses will be posted per day).
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Working Women Don't Have Wives