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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
December 15, 2005
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NOVEMBER
2005
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DECEMBER
2005
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I am almost 30. I have
been happily married for 8 years, and have a beautiful 11 month
old DD. DH is a wonderful and tolerant man who is losing his patience
with my lack of assertiveness with my passive-aggressive mother.
I am paralyzed to assert my wishes, needs, and feelings to her,
despite being quite an assertive, confident and accomplished professional
woman in every other context of my life. I feel like I have been
brainwashed and that her control over me is so strong that I can
say nothing. I need to learn to assert myself for the benefit of
my DD. I need to understand whether my mother's behavior is a form
of emotional abuse. I am the eldest of 5 children, the youngest
of whom is 11. I have very little memory of my childhood, but I
do recall some tragic incidents. I have only realized how sad they
were after becoming a mother myself and knowing that I could never,
and would never treat my DD this way. Growing up I prided myself
on being a "perfect" child. The consequences of rebellion
were obvious. My younger brother was regularly whipped with a belt
until his skin was broken. Mum has constantly told us how hard
children are, and how she wanted to move on with her life, but she
still has 2 young ones at home. I might add that they were planned.
I have no idea why, since the first 3 were hard enough, as she constantly
reminds us. I feel like I must be forever grateful for being born.
The current situation is regarding the childcare arrangements for
my 1 day at work. Contrary to many of the stories on this site,
I have a truly wonderful MIL and FIL. They absolutely love my DD,
and are so reliable in caring for her on my work day. My own mum,
however, is very odd and unnatural in the way that she relates to
my DD, and doesn't seem like she really wants to look after her.
She regularly cancels her 1 day every two weeks that she is supposed
to look after her, and makes me feel guilty for asking in the first
place. I have constantly given her the opportunity to drop the
childcare, since my ILs would happily take over. On top of the
stress that she causes me with unreliable childcare, I worry about
what she will do with my DD when she isn't being "perfect".
She has told many a story about letting us cry ourselves to sleep
over many hours when we were babies. I don't agree with this, and
never leave my DD crying for extended periods beyond 15 minutes.
Mum tells a story of moving one of her babies to the lower story
of the house so that she could sleep uninterrupted through the night.
She also talks of leaving one in the kids in the car after he had
fallen asleep on the trip home, so that she could lie down for a
sleep. She woke 3 hours later to find him crying hysterically.
She has also left a 2 year old alone in the house and come home
to find him sitting on the front steps, sobbing and saying, "Don't
leave me again, Mummy." As I put this in writing, I am horrified
that this is my own mother. You might even be surprised to know
that until recently I claimed to have had a happy childhood. The
conflicting thing is that mum constantly said how much she loved
us and how she gave up everything for us. What I need is a frank
and candid opinion on this behavior. Anyone with a background in
psych? I would love to know your take on her. My limited understanding
suggests that she may have a passive-aggressive or histrionic personality
disorder. She is obsessed with her looks and youth, and has had
multiple plastic surgeries. What should I do regarding childcare?
Would you leave your own child with this woman? How should I approach
the situation, keeping in mind that I lack assertiveness with her.
Thanking you for taking the time to help.
Signed - Confused
( respond to this story )
( here is my story )
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I'm 24. I've been with
DH, who is 26, for 4 years. MIL is very mean. If she comes over
and my house is a mess, she goes and tells all of DH's family.
When I see the family, they all bring it up, like it's their business.
They are not perfect, far from it, believe me. The main reason
that I'm writing is many, many, reasons, but, for now, the reason
is "why is it so hard for a MIL to give you respect?"
I mean, she is really cool to me sometimes. She'll take me out
to eat, she'll buy me a NEW outfit, or she'll simply take me out
around town, of course, with my son and HER FAVORITE grandson, my
DH's 1st child from a previous relationship. That little boy is
her life, and he can do no wrong in her eyes. But, BELIEVE me,
he can. He is very spoiled because he was the only one for 3 years.
He gets what he wants when he wants it. When they come drop him
off for his visits with his dad, they expect me to take care of
that boy for a month. It doesn't matter that I have a 2 year old
and have to take care of an additional one. If I say something,
she will get upset. I say, hey, if you want to see him, you take
care of him. DH pays child support. MIL will complain that she
hasn't seen him and that she misses him, but because he is a brat,
she can't stand him for more than a day. That is the way that she
made him. When I had my son and was on the diet, she brought him
over and nobody was there to take care of him. DH was at work all
the time, and while I had all my aches, nobody cared. I got into
fights with DH and told him to tell his mother to take him. EVENTUALLY,
she did. She will be nice to my face and then I hear from my other
SIL that she totally twisted what she said to me and insults me.
I just don't get it. I try and try, but still nothing. Besides,
we are the ones who are always there for her and her 2 small kids
(15 and 18). When I first got to work after my son was born, she
told MY MOTHER that she hopes I don't stop feeling obligated to
take care of my son, or that I don't want to take care of him.
This, after she kept telling me to work in the first place. She
was upset because I was not free 24/7 to take care of her favorite
grandson. My other SIL went to work right after she had her baby,
and the B!TCH praised her. I mean, come on. It's the same situation,
minus one kid. I just don't get her. She is always involved in
our lives. If DH buys something for our son, he has to give her
an excuse and tell her that next time it's his other son's turn.
I bought my son a bike for Easter 1 year ago. When she saw it he
said, "Next is other's time. It's his other son's turn."
I get angry because it was purchased with my money. I'm glad that
I found this web site to get my frustration out. Anybody have a
similar problem?
Signed - Not So Favorite
DIL
( respond to this story )
( here is my story )
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Worst gift: MIL is too
lazy to celebrate an occasion - no Xmas tree, decorations, etc.
Last year was the first Christmas for our twins. DH told MIL that
in our home we do stockings. She replied that she "wasn't
into that". We have always given them a stocking on Xmas morning,
but they have never contributed to ours. They stayed with us for
a few days. DH asked his mom to buy something for $5. It was his
way of trying to include them in the holiday spirit, as well as
concern that I would stop making my MIL a stocking and one day our
children would ask why she didn't get one. Anyway, after all this
she didn't buy me soap or one of the other standbys. She bought
me a nightlight and some plugs for the electrical sockets. I should
note that my twins were almost one and our house was already baby-proofed.
Signed - Despising Holidays
With The ILs
( respond to this story )
( I can top this )
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Working Women Don't Have Wives