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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
December 23, 2005
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NOVEMBER
2005
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DECEMBER
2005
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I want to address something
that I keep seeing here. I love this site, and as a person
who has had MIL troubles myself, I applaud many of the people who
have posted their stories. But, I am now a MIL also, and I
have a DIL from he!! Don't think that those don't exist.
There seems to be a lot of jubilation over the fact that grandparents'
rights don't exist. Well, certainly there are grandparents
who don't earn a right to see their grandchildren. As a person
who didn't get to see my first one for four months because my DIL
wanted to torture me, let me tell you that it isn't fun. DIL's
mother runs a local beauty salon. People I know would call
me up and say that they had seen either the baby or pictures of
the baby at the beauty salon, while I had only seen her the day
of her birth. I'd been allowed to take FOUR PICTURES of the
baby before DIL said, "No more pictures," and hustled
me out. This is the child of my only son, whom I raised alone
from the time he was 2. I worked for an attorney at the time,
and he told me the same thing about grandparents' rights, especially
being nonexistent when the parents are still together. I wouldn't
have had money to pursue it if there had been such an option, but
it was a very sad time. Gradually, my son started sticking
up for me a bit more, and I finally got to see her at 4 months for
brief visits. Gradually it has improved. Do I see her
as much as DIL's parents? No way. But, I try to have
quality time with her when I get the chance. She is three
now, and enjoys the tea parties that I have with her. The
next time you all crow about grandparents' rights being BS, remember
that every situation is different and some grandparents DO deserve
rights. Here's a perfect example of how my life with DIL has
gone. The first year that DIL and my son were married, I came
down with flu and it went into pneumonia. I had been in bed
all week the week before her birthday. Her birthday was on
a Sunday, and I hoped to be well enough to take her the gift that
I'd bought and the card that I'd made (I make very professional
cards, and even sell them) by Sunday. I was concerned, and
wanted to be sure that I was past the contagious point, as DIL was
then pregnant with my first grandchild. On Saturday morning
my son called me at 9 AM and woke me up. I explained to him
that yes, I'm usually up by then, but I'd been really sick and had
pneumonia, and that's why I was still asleep. He said that
he wanted to have a birthday party for DIL that day and had decided
that it was the way to go. He asked if I would I help him.
I said that I would do whatever I could, and asked what he needed
me to do. He replied that he wanted to have the party here
at my condo. Well, a) my place is small and b) I'd been laying
around here with flu/cold/pneumonia germs all week. It was
winter, so the house was closed up. I said that I thought
that with her condition, her being in my house, which was bound
to be full of germs, was probably not good. I would be happy
to come over and help him get their place ready for the birthday
(as I was saying it, I was wondering where I would get the strength).
He wanted to know if the local bakery that did my wedding cake (I'd
only been remarried myself for about a year at this time - after
being divorced for 25 years, BTW) would make a special cake with
raspberries in between the layers for later that day. I told
him that he could try them, but I doubted that they could bake for
him without a day's notice, at least. They usually had a wide
selection of very nice birthday cakes on hand, and could probably
write on one. I urged him to call them. Then, he wanted
to know about the rest of the family's attendance. I said
that I knew his grandparents (my parents) had an annual awards banquet
to go to that night, and were expecting to see DIL the following
day on her actual birthday. I knew that they would not be
able to get out of the banquet, they'd bought tickets months in
advance, and my mother had had her hair done and bought a special
dress, etc. But, I would see about my brother and his family.
Mind you, this is for a party that was the SAME DAY, when we were
all expecting him to do something the following day and were quite
surprised that he hadn't called before this. He explained
that they were going out to dinner with my ex and his wife the following
day, along with DIL's parents. Since DIL's parents didn't
like me and my DH, they were going to see if DS's father and his
DW would be more popular. I said nothing, but was somewhat
hurt to be told that we were not good enough in her parents' eyes
to have dinner with. We'd never done a thing to them, and
we'd been polite every time we'd seen them. He acted fine
with everything and said that he would check around, figure it out,
and call me back. Five minutes later my phone rang again.
It was DIL, and she said, "I want you to know that you are
the most selfish b!tch I ever met, and I hate you. I am so
fed up with everything being about you, you, you. You couldn't
even have a party for me, when I rearranged my schedule to attend
YOUR birthday." She was oblivious of the fact that I
was very ill, even though my DH had called them earlier in the week
to tell them how ill I was and to inform her that the doctor was
considering putting me in the hospital. I was allowed to rest
at home, mostly because of our poor insurance coverage. This
had not phased her in the least. Neither she nor my son ever
really showed any interest. Then, she told me to go %$#&
myself, and slammed the phone down. I didn't hear from them
for another week. The next time I heard from them was during
a friend's wedding, when my DS paged me. He said that they
had been at the hospital, as DIL had nearly miscarried, and it was
my fault because I had so upset her over the birthday thing the
week before. I said that I had never meant to hurt her and
that I hoped she was all right. I asked if there was anything
that I could do. I said that as maid of honor and best man
in this wedding, it would be an hour or so before we could decently
leave. I did say that I did not feel that it was MY fault
that she was having this problem. I had never refused to have
her party, and had had her best interests at heart. He hung
up on me. When we got home a while later, there was an answering
machine message from my DS. He said, "You were not there
for me when I needed you and I almost lost my family today.
You didn't care, so you are not my mother anymore. Don't call
here. Don't see me. You are out of my life. (His
cold-hearted stepmother) can be my mother from now on."
I didn't hear from him for about 6 months. I mourned the same
way that I imagine someone might if their child died. I cried
when I'd think of him. There were times that were so bad that
my DH would bundle me in the car and take me to my parents' so that
they could help comfort me. And, all because my DIL poisoned
my only child against me. Gradually, over time, it has gotten
better. Her family didn't accept my ex any better than they
did me and my DH, and she's been better. But, I still hold
my breath and tread very carefully.
Signed - A MIL Who Is
Not An Ogre
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Working Women Don't Have Wives