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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
January 15, 2006
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DECEMBER
2005
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JANUARY
2006
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My DH and I had been
seeing each other for 6 years when he asked me to marry him about
10 years ago. We wanted to be married the next summer, but his
parents objected, saying that they couldn't possibly take time away
from their farm then. They'd be harvesting (they never harvest
until August). I should have seen the signs! DH and I discussed
things and decided to give in to them and marry in November. He
wanted to move in with me to save money for our wedding. They said
that they'd cut him out of their will if he did. He continued to
pay for his apartment, but he decided to still live with me. He
and I decided that we would pay for our own wedding so that we could
control the where, when, how and who (which guests). His parents
objected. DH said, "Tough." We were doing it our way.
I found the perfect dress. In the spring, OOPS! A surprise! A
real surprise. After 6 years, we were sure that we'd never conceive,
and were trying to accept that we'd have no children. I called
my darling fiancé and told him that we were expecting (he
was overjoyed). Since I had already paid for my dress, I wanted
to move the wedding to February, so I'd have a chance of fitting
into it. HE decided that we'd be getting married in June. His
parents decided that I had seduced their son, and told their entire
family that I was a gold digging slut and just out for their money.
They did everything they could to get him to dump me. Unfortunately
for them, he loves me, and lovingly helped to rearrange all the
wedding plans. He told his parents that we wanted them to come
to the wedding, but if they couldn't leave the farm, well, we'd
understand. We had a beautiful wedding, done just the way we had
planned, even if it wasn't when we'd planned. It was 14 months
after he proposed (and we'd been together for over 7 years). We
had a wonderful DD. DH bought us a cute little fixer-upper of a
house the day after our DD was born, and we moved in when she was
a month old. THEN THE TROUBLE BEGAN. The house needed work. MIL
and FIL moved in and took over. I had no say in how anything was
to be done; what colors, what styles, where things should go - NOTHING.
Nothing I cooked, cleaned or said was of any value. I did everything
that I could to please the ILs, and went out of my way to be extra
kind and considerate of them. The stress and torment was insane,
and I cried myself to sleep on a regular basis. I developed fibromyalgia
(constant pain), chronic fatigue (exhausted) , irritable bowel (lived
in the toilet - all food went straight through and painful), arthritis
(more pain), back injuries (still more pain), asthma, and had brushes
with both breast and cervical cancer. My doctor restricted what
I could and could not do in a day. After discussing it for a long
time, my DH and I decided that I should concentrate my energy on
our DD, caring for her, playing with her, teaching her, and so on,
and then doing what tidying and cleaning I could. He'd be happy
if I only got the dishes done, or cleaned the living room or laundry,
just one thing. So this is how life continues, with DH's love and
support as I work on getting healthy, and he's OK with it. My doctor
works with me regularly to combat all of the health issues. DH's
parents, however, think that things should be done to their schedule
at all times, and done to their specifications. No amount of explaining
by DH can get the situation through their narrow, pointed, brainless,
twisted little excuses for minds. I was oblivious to how much they
actually hated me for a few years. Then, one day, when I went out
to say good-bye to FIL, and my DH looked at me with a horrified
expression and ran off. FIL drove off. After 3 hours DH had not
come back and I phoned FIL to find out what was going on. After
being made to swear that I wouldn't tell DH that FIL had told me
(promised DH no secrets, fully intended to disclose all), I really
got an earful. I was told that I was insane, a terrible wife, a
disaster as a housecleaner, lazy, selfish, only was after FIL's
money, a useless piece of sh!t, and a horrible mother. And, if
FIL had his way, they would take my precious DD away from me, force
DH to divorce me, and have me locked in an institution. I'd been
through therapy. According to those who should know, I am as well
adjusted as could be expected and I'm no more insane than the average
person. Those same experts have seen me interact with my beloved
child, and are pleased to tell me that I'm a fairly good example
of what a parent should be. When my DH finally came home, I asked
him what had happened. He was in anguish and torment, and didn't
want to tell me. I told DH what I had gotten out of FIL (yes, I
said I wouldn't, but I am honest with DH). DH confirmed that those
were his father's opinions. I calmly and quietly asked if DH agreed.
He took me in his arms and told me that he felt the exact opposite
of what his father felt. DH informed his parents that HE did not
want them in our house. So, they stopped dropping in with no notice
and staying for weeks at a time. Yippee! A few days later MIL
phoned to ask what I wanted for Christmas. I said "Nothing."
Christmas came and she gave me a bottle of the shampoo that she'd
seen in our bathroom (it's the thought, I guess). Years have passed.
When asked what I want for a gift, I still say, "Nothing."
I still treat them with deference, as they are DH's parents, and
I say nothing bad about them in front of DD. They, however, still
say thinly veiled nasty things to me on a regular basis. Everyone,
but DH, who hears these comments knows that they are directed at
me, but DH says, "Oh, it was just a story. It wasn't directed
at you". The other 10 people in the room know that it was.
Their innuendoes and general nastiness make me nuts, and they still
say horrible lies about me to other people in front of my DD! DD
comes home and asks DH and me about the IL's comments, and steam
comes out of DH's ears as we tell her the truth. We say that her
grandparents are entitled to their own opinions, but GP'S opinions
are not facts. Oh well. DH still stands up for me most of the
time, and the ILs know that they've lost all chance of imposing
their will on our DD (she's already decided for herself what she
thinks of them, but I still get her to go to spend time with them
anyway). The joke of all this is that they still think I'm after
their money. They're retired farmers! What money? Sure, they've
got land, a little, but money? PSHAW! I didn't marry my DH for
his either - he doesn't have any! I tell my DD that her GPs love
her and her father very much, and only want what they think is best
for their baby boy and his daughter. So, I grit my teeth, bite
my tongue, and try to smile nicely. I count to 10 (a few thousand
times) and ask if they'd like some tea. Thank you for reading my
rant. It really doesn't get across how cruel these ILs are, but
I cling to my little fantasy that one day they'll die and we'll
be rid of them, and DH and his brother will split the family fortune
- all $11.50 (Canadian)of it. Bwa, ha, ha, ha. Sigh.
Signed - The I'm Not
A Gold Digger You Idiots Rant
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Working Women Don't Have Wives