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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
October 5, 2006
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SEPTEMBER
2006
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OCTOBER
2006
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I would really appreciate
it if you could give me a better view on how to look at my relationship
differently. I am 32 years old, and my DH is 40. We have 4 children
(girls), and are expecting our 5th soon. MIL told me that I should
not have this child because I am not normal, and I will make this
child crazy. I met my DH in 1998. Everything was great, we really
connected and I knew that this was the man that I was going to marry.
About 1 month later (Easter Day) he introduced me to his family;
mom, dad and brother. MIL, BIL and BIL's GF did not like me. They
made rude remarks comparing me to others, making me feel unwanted.
I knew from the beginning that DH had dated his BIL's GF's sister
for 3 months. So DH would tell me that I needed to be sensitive
to his BIL's GF and MIL. I needed to make myself fit in. Meanwhile,
this family never made me feel welcomed. I wanted to break things
off so many times. DH would tell my parents that I am the one who
has the problems and that I am jealous. My parents believed him.
We did get engaged and he promised that his family would treat me
better. But that did not happen. BIL also got engaged the day
after. BIL's GF never congratulated me because I made her feel
uncomfortable. I wasn't allowed to hold my DH's hand or show any
type of affection. Every time we got together, there was always
a story. I tried so many times to make plans with BIL's GF, but
she never returned my calls. When I confronted her, she said that
her sister goes with her everywhere and she would come too, and
I said fine. Then she started to cry and started to say that she
was sensitive. She made everyone believe that I had said something
to her. DH was very upset with me and started yelling and insulting
me because his mother said that the GF is a good girl, and that
there is something wrong with me. I kept my mouth shut and hoped
eventually that things would get better. They had an engagement
party, so we went to the party and I was told to go home. I was
not allowed to say anything. I never even got an apology. MIL
said, "Have a nice trip home." She didn't even care that
her 2 sons couldn't be in the same room together. She was just
concerned that this DIL was the best, and again my DH and I were
no good. Then my DH started yelling at me and hitting me because
his brother's wife was so nice and I was the one who was no good.
I tried so hard, and it never made a difference. If his mother
was so concerned, she would have said to her DIL and son that we
should have been there also, and it was rude that we weren't. Several
weeks later my parents had a dinner at their house for our engagement.
Of course, I had to invite his FBIL AND FSIL. FSIL brought pictures
from her engagement party to show my parents, and when I would walk
by, she would laugh and sigh. She was doing these things intentionally.
DH would not believe me. He would say, "You are not sensitive
to her." He wouldn't even say something to them or to his
mother about how they were hurting me. He said that it was all
in my head, that I was jealous again, and that he was not going
to start wars because I was not worth it. A few months had passed
and his FSIL's uncle died. We went to the wake and were told to
go home because her family did not want to see me. Again, DH did
not say anything or stand up for me. Then he proceeded to tell
me that he did not know why his mom and FSIL were treating me this
way. He said, "I only dated her (brother's girlfriend sister)
a few months, and she was still married. I was never told that,
because if I had known then, I would not have said yes to marrying
him. I again forgave him because he said that he was stuck between
a rock and a hard place. He does not want to start a war, and we
if don't say anything, then we will look like the good ones. Meanwhile,
his FSIL was telling everyone that I was jealous of her and that
I am trying to break 2 brothers up. The fights continued, and my
MIL's remarks began to get worse. She told me that my DH owes her
a lot of money. His office building (he is a chiropractor) belongs
to her, and his condo is hers. I had better work because no money
will come from her. I told my DH. He paid his parents back the
money, and his father took the money and gave it to me. MIL took
the money away from me. His father said to DH, "I gave you
this money. I don't want it back. I don't need it." Then
he told his dad what his mom had said to me, and she denied it.
She said, "Dinner is ready." She told everyone to shut
up because she had a headache. The following week I confronted
her and I told my DH that I was going to speak to her regarding
our relationship. She told me that my DH's ex GF was a tall, skinny,
beautiful school teacher. I told her that she was married. MIL
said that she was getting a divorce. I said that her son would
not be able to marry in the church. She said, "God forgives."
This is a woman who walks around with the rosary beads and goes
to church several times a week. She wanted them to get married
so that two sisters would marry two brothers. A few months later
we met. She was mad because her son was not listening to her.
He said that he would not marry BIL's GF's sister Why can't she
be happy for her son? My family is very well respected. I was
finishing graduate school. Am I suppose to dress like her DIL,
who dresses in all black? She cries all the time and plays the
martyr role to have everyone feel sorry for her? Well, we did get
married and they did many things that were not called for. They
embarrassed me and belittled me. They did not include me no matter
how much I tried. I was pregnant with our 4th child and my FIL
passed away. It was a very sad moment in my life because he had
helped me a lot. He gave me a lot of support. He truly loved me.
About 2 weeks before he passed we went to visit him and he wanted
to speak to me. He was saying that her was sorry, and that things
will get better. MIL came into the room and told me to leave.
She called me when it was his last days and told DH and me that
we were not welcome at the house. How harsh was that? Her remarks
and actions towards me hurt. I know that she would do the same
if he was married to another woman. It's her way of controlling
him. She has always treated her son bad. She never respected him.
He remodeled his office and it took 2 years before she would come
to see it. I know that it hurt him. He tries so hard to please
his mom and she never shows any gratitude towards him. I feel like
he is wasting so much time to have his family look up to him and
say, "You did good enough. You have done so much. We are
proud of you." He is 40 years old. Will he ever say, "I've
had enough. It's time to focus on my wife and children."
We know that his mother is not going to change. She is not going
to stop controlling him. But, how do I get him to realize that
he has a family that looks up to him and adores him no matter who
he is? I hope that you can help. I am really desperate. I really
want the marriage to work. I have tried everything and I am lost.
I am afraid that we will get too distant and we will have a harder
time adjusting.
Signed - I Tried So Hard,
And It Never Made A Difference
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Working Women Don't Have Wives