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Mother-In-Law Stories
December 18, 2006
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess/Posted: 18-DEC-06
The Ring Saga, Part I:  When DH was a very young man, his GM left him a diamond engagement ring with the intent that he give it to his future bride.  Twenty years later he asked his dad to please take the ring out of the safe deposit box, as he wanted to present it to me.  My FFIL was extremely worried.  After all, what would happen to the ring should we split up (as he hoped)?  When my FDH presented this conundrum to me, I did the only honorable thing.  I wrote a letter to his parents and told them that the ring would be returned should we ever break up.  I meant every word of it, and still do.  They seemed OK with this, and my FFIL promised to get the ring out of storage soon.  Then the feces hit the oscillating appliance.  Out of nowhere FFIL began to make demands and attach conditions to the ring.  He did not like the classes I was taking with another house of worship, I must switch to his.  My FDH and I must join a house of worship of their religion.  He insisted that I convert before my DH put a ring on my finger, and so on.  To his credit, my DF was pretty disgusted at this "jump through the flaming hoops game".  When he told me of these new strings, I said "(expletive), I'd rather have a paper cigar band than that big, honking ring with all those conditions.  Please tell your dad, 'Thanks, but no thanks.'  You can buy me my own ring."  My beloved DF said that that was what he thought I would say, and he agreed with me.  By then, DF was getting pretty sick and tired of his parent's manipulation.  There were many other incidents besides this one.  So, the next day DF and FFIL met at the parking lot at work on the way home (coming in separate cars), where DF told FFIL, "Thanks, but no thanks."  Here's where it gets stupid:  Somehow, because I refused to concede to all the (religious) conditions, FFIL believed that I had lied to them and misrepresented myself to them about my absolute commitment to convert (trace of sarcasm).  He immediately raced home in a lather to inform FMIL of these developing betrayals.  Now FMIL was frothing at the mouth when she heard this.  My DH stopped at their home on the way home and World War III blew up in his face.  They screamed, they yelled, they accused and, for all I know, burned me in effigy.  There was only one good thing about all this:  DF, who had been raised with "honor thy father and mother" coming first, before "thou shalt not kill", drew the line in the sand with these unreasonable jerks and backed me 110%!  Round One of this fight went on for HOURS, with my DF leaving in tears and my FILs feeling utterly betrayed by their former docile and obedient son.  The story doesn't end there.  Stay tuned for Part II of The Ring Saga!

        Signed - Who Needs Wagner When I Have My Own Ring Saga?
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess/Posted: 18-DEC-06
Part II of the Ring Saga:  As I mentioned in my last post, my FDH and FILs got into a huge fight because of their own foolish misunderstanding that stemmed from an heirloom engagement ring that my DH's GM left him.  FIL wanted to attach some conditions to the ring and my DH stood his ground and said, "No thank you."  Prior to the opening salvos of WWIII in the parking lot at work, FMIL had invited me to a religious observance (which traditionally includes dinner) at their home, which I gladly accepted.  But, once the missiles began to fly, my FMIL spat out that she was "uninviting" me to said occasion, saying to FDH that he could tell me that I was no longer welcome.  DF said, "YOU invited her, now YOU can un-invite her.  I'm not doing your petty dirty work!"  After they (AGAIN) presented him with the laundry list of reasons why he should not marry me, he told them that since they had such a problem with it, they would not be part of OUR lives anymore.  If I was not invited to dinner, then HE would not attend either.  His mind was made up as to where he really belonged.  And furthermore, he would NEVER again go to their home for a weekly religious dinner (a really big thing in their family) unless WE went!  Wow.  By this time his parents are starting to feel a little foolish.  Not only did their son grow a spine, but that spine was made of steel.  Now, his mother did indeed UN-invite me to dinner that night, but she made up some lame excuse about how they were going to accept the invitation to another friend's home.  I wisely kept my mouth shut, played stupid, and FDH and I made plans to continue life without them.  Alas, it was not to be.  The Ring Saga continues with Part III.

        Signed - Who needs Wagner When I Have My Own Ring Saga? Part II
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frequent fry her - shksgoddess Frequent Fry Her TM. - shksgoddess/Posted: 18-DEC-06
The Ring Saga, Part III:  Things wore down from the huge fight that my DF had with his parents about the ring, conditions, my fitness as a mate, etc.  One day at work I received a mysterious phone call from my FFIL asking me to meet him at a coffee shop near a movie theater in our neighborhood.  He explained that he told his DW that he was going to see a movie, but instead snuck out to meet me.  "Don't tell my DS," he said.  I immediately contacted my DF and told him of this clandestine meeting.  DF wasn't surprised, but cautioned me and asked me to tell him everything his DF said to me.  When FFIL (who shall hereby be known as "The Great Facilitator") and I met that evening, he begged me to make a meaningless conversion to his religion to "save his marriage".  WTF??!  He said that the fact that their DS had chosen someone not of their religion was the worst thing that could happen to his DW.  And how on earth could they hold their heads up in front of their friends?  I didn't hesitate.  I said, "Sir, you are asking me to make a meaningless conversion, and by that you are asking me to commit an act of dishonor.  I will NOT stand before your god with a lie on my lips.  I may not be drop-dead gorgeous, but I am a person of great integrity and it is your blindness that cannot see or appreciate it.  I would do such a thing ONLY when there is a rip in the fabric of space and time.  If your marriage hinges on my conversion to your religion, then I would say that you have much bigger problems than a DIL of another faith!"  He nodded sadly, then told me how disappointed and surprised he was to hear that I was not immediately going to run out and change my religion.  And the ring?  A year later my FDH and I were literally on our way out the door (we had since moved in together) to choose an engagement ring when his cell phone went off.  It was his dad, who told us that as soon as the engagement ring could be appraised and insured, my DF could have it to give to me.  We looked at each other and said, in unison, "Only Dad."  By now, I hated the ring, sight unseen.  After all this drama I thought that it was probably huge and clunky and ugly.  So, almost exactly one year after the huge fight, I came home from work and my beloved got down on BOTH knees and asked me to be his wife.  I took one look at the ring and fell in love with it.  It fit on my finger like it was made for me, and today it sits on my left ring finger next to my wedding band.  And, although my ILs have said many hurtful things and caused me much stress up to the wedding and beyond, my DH and I have our revenge by living well and being very happy.  The moral of the story is that if you want your son to still be in your life, DO NOT honk off the FDIL!  For if you do, you will sit around your house and be lonely - like my ILs.  Now, all joking aside, I know darn well how very lucky I am that my DH grew a set and stood up for me.  I know that many of you here are not so lucky.  Counseling worked for us and I hope that each of you finds something that does for you.  I am so happy I found this site.  You all have been an inspiration and have given great advice and support.  Bright blessings!

        Signed - Who needs Wagner When I Have My Own Ring Saga? Part III
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