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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
February 10, 2007
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JANUARY
2007
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FEBRUARY
2007
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I just came across this
website recently, and it has helped me to cope with the struggles
of dealing with a difficult MIL. She is a wonderful person, who
truly loves her son. Sometimes I think it is too much for her to
handle. She tries very hard to get my DH and me to be part of her
life more often. I try to at least call her once a week to make
her feel special. But in the long run it has emotionally drained
me with her need for attention. It started before the wedding,
where she demanded that I have several relatives in the wedding
party. Then she tried to control every aspect of the menu for the
reception (DH's family has certain vegetarian restrictions due to
their religious affiliation). I was very flexible, but found myself
very unhappy and stressed with trying to fulfill my MIL's wishes.
I felt that she wanted to get married to my DH. I didn't want to
have any problems, so I took on the role of getting the wedding
organized. At the end, all our guests said how beautiful the reception
turned out. It was in a famous metropolitan park near a body of
water on a beautiful fall day. We had guests from all over the
world, and every color sari you can imagine. It was beautiful.
MIL had a puss on her face the whole night. I tried ignoring this,
and it carried on through the night. It turned out that she felt
that there weren't enough photographs of her and the family, and
complained to my DH the next day. I just broke down to tears and
felt that there was nothing that made her happy. It took me emotionally
over a year to get the photos approved and have our albums set.
At the end there were more photos of my DH's family than my own.
And I guess that's what I can't understand. Life is not what you
always expect. You have to be flexible and adapt to changes sometimes
to make other people happy. Why does she not see this? The universe
does not revolve around her needs only. I'm afraid to have kids
because then the attention will shift towards the baby, and she
may not be able to handle it. She's not going to change. I have
to change and deal with things in a more appropriate way. But how??
DH has told her that he has to focus on his marriage, not her problems.
My MIL is trying her best spiritually and mentally to find a way
to cope, but every so often I see that puss again and it makes me
so sad, angry, and confused. Help
Signed - Sad, Angry,
And Confused
( respond to this story )
( here is my story )
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My MIL has a history of
saying rather unpleasant things to me. For example, "You
need to wash your car." She said this as she walked me
out after I visited her to give her a present, and my car wasn't
even dirty (meanwhile, her house and car were filthy). "I
don't mean to be disrespectful, but my poodle doesn't like you because
you slink around." "What you have to realize is
that all boys from [my DH's high school] are not like your brothers,
they just want to get into your pants." It's ridiculous.
DH is not like that at all, and was 29 at the time, so it had been
a long time since high school! After DH and I came home after
a lovely holiday, she picked us up from the airport and referred
to a time when my DH went away with a previous GF. She said
that if anything had happened to him on that holiday, she would
have "grabbed a knife and stuck it straight through her heart."
"Oh I love [name of a girl whom she knows did her darndest
to break my DH and me up early in our relationship]."
Two months before the wedding (a time frame that made it impossible
to change the date), "I don't mean to be disrespectful, but
January is a stupid time to get married, as it will be too hot (we're
from Australia - fortunately, the weather was beautifully bright,
cloudless and moderate heat)." "You two are not
the right height for each other," which is ridiculous, as we
are both fairly average in height, and so the perfect height for
each other. I would be really grateful for your advice about
how to deal with these kinds of negative comments which tend to
come fairly thick and fast. I always find myself a little
bit shocked by them and tend to giggle stupidly. I have heard
that it is best to calmly ask a question which lets her know that
I've heard her loud and clear, and then puts her in the awkward
position of having to explain herself. For example, "What
do you mean MIL? Do you think that I sneak around your house?"
I did this in relation to the comment about the date we chose for
our wedding, but waited until my then DF reentered the room and
said to him, in front of her, "Your mum is a little concerned
that it might be a bit too hot in January for our wedding?
I wonder what we can do about it?" She knew that she
had been caught out then, and said, "I didn't mean it in the
nasty sense. I just thought it might have been a little warm,
that's all." DF (bless his heart) just said, "It
will be a beautiful day mum (and it was!)." Has anyone
got any better ideas for how to deal with her snide little comments
(aside from telling her to f*** off of course!)?
Signed - Keeping My Distance
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( here is my story )
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My ILs are pretty dysfunctional,
but we still get together on holidays. I saw many conflicts and
aggravation amongst my ILs. MIL usually creates most of it. One
Christmas my SIL made a very authentic dish from her country. MIL
said, "Yuck," loud and clear. I was appalled. She lacks
social sensitivity. She has a 19 year olds' mentality in a 75 year
old body. That's why I don't want her to visit us.
Signed - Appalled
( respond to this story )
( here is my story )
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Working Women Don't Have Wives