Mother-In-Law Stories December 4, 2007

Mother-In-Law Stories
December 4, 2007

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	Because of an accident that I had when I was very young, I am unable to speak vocally, and have heavy scarring on my neck. Although I am not deaf, I use sign language or writing to communicate most of the time. DF and I recently started planning our honeymoon and agreed on a European city. He is a fluent speaker of the language spoken there, so we should be all right. FMIL has made it clear that she does not like me because of my ethnicity. Although we have been together for two years and his mother has always known of my condition, she gave me a "learn to speak (name of language) in two weeks" tape set. DF asked his father to inform her that her invitation (only hers) to our wedding has been revoked. Signed - If I Could Speak, I Would Have Been Speechless ( respond to this story ) ( here is my story )
	My MIL is a loving, but very controlling woman. She called my DH the morning after our wedding and asked how the sex went. It was our first time. The WORST part was that he told her. He discussed our sex life, with his mother, for an entire year because he could NOT cut the apron strings. She wants to be my best friend and confidant. I have a best friend. I have a mother. She refuses to put a lock on the bedroom door - the room we sleep in when we visit. It is "her house", and she won't be bothered if she walks in and sees something. What about me????? I am bothered! She won't tell my DH, "No" about anything. She gives him money whenever he wants it, then tells me that I have got to help him with money so he won't go to her. Just tell him, "No,"!!!!! She constantly refers to my DH as her "baby", and says things like, "You may be married, but you will always be my baby." This is a woman who cannot separate herself from her children. Motherhood is the only things she has ever done that she feels proud of, and she has no life outside of obsessing about theirs. If DH doesn't call every night, she complains. She is a terrible cook, but when I make something, she has to comment on how "different" it is. The silver lining is that we have lived in another country for a year, and DH is starting to change and to see his mother in a clearer light. He loves her, but he is breaking ties. We are developing "our way", instead of arguing about whose parents did everything right. Signed - He Told Her ( respond to this story ) ( here is my story )
	When I first met DH, MIL would not give us any time alone. Every weekend had to include her. We could not even take a walk without her. When we were getting married, I used to have nightmares about her. The dream was about a wedding cake, and I was on the one side of the groom on the cake. But there was another bride on his other side, and it was MIL. I remember being so envious of his brother and his GF. They got to be a couple, while I had to be a threesome. Some days I wondered why DH and his ridiculous mother didn't just attach themselves to each other. They may as well have. Everything was about her. Every minute of our time, and all our energy had to be spent on her (renovating her cottage, visiting with her, etc.). Even when it came to my vacations she wanted to know where we were going to be, and then would do everything to try and get us to spend the time with her. One day, DH asked me to marry him, and I said yes, at first. Then, MIL found out. At the time I had three weeks of holidays planned. We were going to plan our wedding. Well, on the first day of my vacation, guess what MIL did? She broke her own hand. What a nut case. Well, the drama continued. Now, she just had to move in with us. She was smothering me so much that I could not even move my arm without it touching her (I am not kidding). Even when I asked for a moment alone with my DH, she would always ask, in her victim voice and with her crocodile tears coming down, if she could come along. The time that she spent with us was the beginning of the arguing between DH and me. After 2 weeks of this, I told DH that enough was enough. I would not be marrying him because he was not available to marry me. He already had a wife; his mother. She took up so much of his time and resources that he could not be married anyhow. I told him that I wanted him and her out of my house. That is when he told me that he did not want that. He would see a counselor and stop this pattern that he had going with his mother. He went, and he improved, but can I say that she is still a problem, despite all this, to this day. She is now trying to mother my children. She is getting nastier by the day, always (just like my 3 year old) testing the boundaries and doing whatever she can to not have to adhere to them. She is so annoying, and even though my DH has come a long way, he just cannot see her as the destructive person that she is. He cannot do the right thing and move his family away from her. I am not asking for a huge move, just a couple of hours away so that she is not around all the time. His brother got the hint and did it. Why can't my DH see this? Today, I realized that we finally, after 5 years together, have our own family traditions, and they are nice. But, the whole time before the wedding and the first child (I got pregnant one month after our wedding) we had no couple-time together, nothing. It all had to include her, and I just hate her for taking that away from us. We should have been doing things together, like going away for the weekend, skiing, or spending a day at a lake. My MIL would not allow it. I will never get that time back. And, once you have kids, your lives change. They are wonderful, but I sure would like to have had some time with my DH before the children came. She has been away for 5 weeks, and it has been heaven. She is back soon, and I am sure the drama will continue. I guess what I am saying (to anyone who is planning on marrying a mama's boy) is that, even with the best counseling and a willingness of the DH to change, MIL will always be there. You have to think that she has been working on them since they were babies. It is not an easy pattern to break. It just gets worse, too, as life gets more complicated. When you have kids, the silly woman cannot see the boundaries between grandmother and mother. My MIL acts like she is the mother, and will even argue with me. An example of this is when I told DD that I would like her to change for bed. MIL actually argues with me that DD does not have to change, she is fine the way she is. Also, when I try to talk to my DD, my MIL will actually intercept and talk on behalf of both of us. She will try to come over, when I am away, and play mommy to my children. When we politely say, "No, thank you," she explodes into a rant and bashes me to my DH. Then, when she gets to see my children again, she acts like a child who won an argument or something. If you are thinking about marrying a mama's boy, stop and think about it. You have to think that, even though you want to now, what will all this look like when the years have passed? She will always be there. The more boundaries you set, the more she will fight them. It just gets nastier as time goes on. Then, when you have kids, she will be trying to mother them. Think about whether this is what you want out of life. Seriously. I married a mama's boy, and now I have the MIL from he!!. Signed - Everything Was About Her ( respond to this story ) ( here is my story )

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