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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
December 8, 2007
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NOVEMBER
2007
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DECEMBER
2007
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Let me start by saying
that I love my DF with all my heart, and could never see myself
with anyone else. That being said, I hate my FMIL. Now, back to
the beginning. DF and I met when we were sophomores in high school.
We had both moved to the area at the same time, and were new students
in a school with more then 2,000 kids. We had two classes together,
and became best friends. We stayed just friends for six years,
and we each had our share of relationships. For so long, my FMIL
and I got along super well. He!!, she always hinted that my DF
and I should get together. So, finally, last year, DF and I got
together and discovered what we had been missing. That's when things
with my FMIL started going downhill. She started acting really
strange; making inappropriate comments and whatnot, which she had
never done before. The most notable time was when I was watching
DF play in his old band. My future ILs were there, as were my parents.
It was the first time that my mom and FMIL had seen each other in
a while, and the first words out of my FMIL's mouth were, "So,
(DF's youngest brother's name) tells me (my sister's name) is arrogant
and self centered." Needless to say, my mother and I were
in shock. How could this woman say this to us, especially since
she had never even met my sister?! But, I brushed it off. Then,
this past summer, DF proposed, and we were so excited! Yes, we
are very young (we're both 22), but we're waiting until we're both
out of school until we get married, which is in another two years
or so. Anyway, I immediately called everyone I know to tell them
the news, and I said to him, "Let's go tell your folks!"
But, they were out for the night, and, apparently, didn't even know
that he was proposing. A week later, we finally told them. FFIL
barely showed the tiniest bit of emotion, and my FMIL said, "Promise
me you'll get your degree before you get married." I was still
elated, so I just nodded with a smile. That was my first mistake.
Since then, my FMIL has been butting in on EVERYTHING. So far,
DF and I have set two wedding dates. They were changed because
she felt they were too soon after I graduated college. I bought
a wedding dress (I was excited and it was on sale, darn it). She
said that I'd have to cover my shoulders in front of the religious
official at the ceremony, which turns out to be total BS. Then,
the sh!t really hit the fan. I went to DF's house (he still lives
with his folks, unfortunately) for a major religious holiday of
his (I observe a different religion). Two of his cousins, his uncle,
his uncle's GF, his parents, and two brothers were all there. Everything
was going totally great until she randomly brought up our second
wedding date. In short, she said that, in regards to my graduation
being 5 months prior to that date, she felt that the date was the
stupidest thing she'd ever heard. I was speechless, as was everyone
else. Seriously, you could hear a pin drop. So, I calmly told
her that that was when we wanted to get married. She said that
she couldn't talk about this right now, and left the room. I was
mortified! I kindly said good-bye to the others, and left. DF
was right on my tail. He spent 15 minutes outside by my car trying
to calm me down, as I bawled my eyes out. Eventually, I was calm
enough to leave. The next day, I called FMIL on her cell and told
her that I was sorry I left so abruptly, but not for what I said.
She said that she was sorry for saying what she said in front of
the others, but not about what she said. When I told her that I
was working that day, she said, "You are working on (name of
her religious holiday), of course," before hanging up. I was
again in tears. After an hour of crying in the back room at work,
they sent me home. That night, I went to DF's again for dinner
(I have no idea why). It was horribly awkward. I don't think I
said more than two words the whole night. I was so terrified.
The next night, after a wonderful date with DF, he told me that
he wants to postpone setting a wedding date again. Talk about an
awful weekend! Since then, nothing I say or do is right in the
eyes of my FMIL. I recently sent her an email trying very politely
to explain my reasoning behind my behavior. I even had my mom and
DF read it over before I sent it to make sure it was ok. Instead
of a response, I got a text from my DF 36 hours later saying that
my FMIL thinks I'm a rude druggie (I take anti-anxiety meds), who
is trying to convert her son to my religion. Oh, I didn't even
mention that, did I? This is the craziest part. DF's family is
religion X; my family is everything (dad is X, mom was Y before
converting to X when they got married). Now, although there is
no religion involved, my family celebrates holidays from both religions.
I asked DF if he wanted to come over to celebrate a major religious
holiday at my parents' house to see how my family does the whole
thing. He totally agreed. FMIL was appalled. I explained to her
that it wasn't about religion for me. Here's EXACTLY what I wrote:
"Now,
as you may know, my family has invited DF over on (date of holiday)
to have dinner. I just want to explain to you why I want him to
come. When I was growing up, I had what I consider to be the privilege
of experiencing both major religious holidays. My mother grew up
a member of religion Y and converted to religion X when she married
my dad. My parents initially wanted to raise me religion X, and
we attended services and I went to religious classes. I wound up
dropping out because my neurologist said it wasn't wise for me to
continue due to my epilepsy. It was giving me unnecessary stress.
I actually had to stop a lot of my extracurricular activities.
For the first few years of my life we only had the holidays associated
with religion X at my house, and for the celebration of the holidays
for religion Y we'd go to my maternal grandmother's. We didn't
have any religion Y holiday related items in my house at all. A
few years after my sister was born, my dad saw how much we loved
celebrating both holidays, so we started to have symbols of holidays
for religion Y at home after much begging. From then on, we've
always had those religious symbols. See, the reason my family,
myself included, love the religion Y holidays so much has absolutely
nothing to do with the religious aspect. It has to do with family,
tradition, food, presents and fun. To me, the holiday isn't so
much the religious aspect, it is the memories of my families' traditions.
I just want DF to see the other side of it all. I am completely
111% for raising our kids religion X, but I would like to show them
how their mom grew up, too."
Personally, I thought it was a great explanation.
She still thinks I'm trying to make DF convert. I have to see her
this weekend for a religion X holiday celebration. From what I
can gather, she, FFIL and my FBILs are all furious with me right
now. I'm so stressed out. I just don't know what to do anymore!
Any advice?
Signed - Young And In
Love
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Working Women Don't Have Wives