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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
December 23, 2007
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NOVEMBER
2007
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DECEMBER
2007
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I am due to have my first
child in a month. It will be my PIL's 3rd GC, and my parent's 1st.
I always thought that, since it is a first GC for my parents, they
would be overexcited, and thus competitive and possessive. They
turned out to be more understanding than my PILs. We live in another
country from both families. We have some traditions that I would
like to follow, and usually these home remedies and traditions are
seen to by the mother, not the MIL, because, in my country, a woman
goes to her mom's home to have her baby. My MIL ran the first of
the guilt trips to come when she learned that my mom would be there
for the delivery and she wouldn't. DH and I know the weaknesses
of both sets of parents, so by mutual agreement we decided to stagger
the visits. My mom would be here before the birth, and stay for
3 months. Then, my retired ILs would be here for the next 6 to
8 months. Now, I appreciate the help, and am happy that my child
will get time with both sets of grandparents, especially since we
are in a foreign country. But, what amazed me was my MIL saying,
in a woeful voice to me and then to my mom, "God hasn't blessed
me with a DD, so I will never be able to be there for the birth
of a GC and do all the things a mother can do for her DD!!"
What am I to say to that? The only reason I am having my mom in
the delivery room with me is because my DH is notoriously squeamish
around blood or any medical procedure, and warned me not to expect
him in the delivery room, as he will be of no help!! That led to
my DH feeling sorry for MIL and saying that maybe his mom can be
with me in the delivery room next time. I haven't even had my first
child yet, and already I am feeling pressured to have the MIL in
the delivery room with me. Then, she pestered my mom to carry certain
bottles of herbal remedies with her, when she had already mentioned
to my MIL, several times over, that she was buying it herself!!
My mum, who will be traveling alone, will have a severe limit on
the luggage she can carry with her. So, she requested that I speak
to my MIL, after being told by MIL, for the 5th time, that she was
going to buy the bottles of medicines! I asked DH to speak to his
mum because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She vehemently
denied saying it that many times, and said, "I only asked her
mom once, and when she said that she was buying them, I never asked
again!!" So, my DH now thinks that MY mom is the problem,
and that my mom is being possessive of this GC and me!! Now, it
has turned into a friggin' competition, because the ILs want to
send everything possible from our home country for the baby. I
have told them, and my DH, that, other than things we explicitly
request or things I hear from them that appeal to me, they should
refrain from buying anything extra. Plus, my mum has even stitched
cloth diapers and day suits, and bought shawls, etc., so those will
not be needed. I explicitly asked them to bring clothes in a size
relevant to the time they will be here, like 3 to 6 months sizes.
But, guess what??? A couple of weeks ago, a friend traveling from
our home country called us and said that the ILs have sent a whole
bag of things. A mini-suitcase of things!!! I wasn't going to
open it, but my mom, the sweetheart that she is, said that this
way I can tell her what not to bring, so there won't be extras,
and that I should just feel glad that this baby is so loved. I
opened it, and they had sent a large variety of baby clothes and
supplies. The same things I told her that my mum was already buying!!
MIL was also pissed off that my mum wouldn't ask her opinion on
where to buy the baby stuff, because MIL feels that, since she has
2 GC, she is the expert on such things. SO, she even sent things
that I am sure my mum doesn't know about, like special wraps, etc.
I was hurt a little by their determination to have their way, even
after we told them that my mum was bringing it! But, I have accepted
it all as a way of showing their love for their GC. If I don't
look at it that way, I am sure to go MAD. I have been having nightmares,
of late, about how I am going to cope with them after my mum leaves.
I am on leave, for 6 months, from work, and will still have about
5 months with them till I get back to work. I have never spent
that much time with them before, and what time I have spent has
been very frustrating, as they only like it if you listen to their
opinion. I have a strong suspicion that my MIL is going to want
to raise my child the way she sees fit, and my DH is likely to go
along with it. An example: MIL told me NOT to find out the sex
of my baby!! It was my wish to find out. MIL was told that I wanted
to pick the curtains of my baby's room. She sent a shipment of
curtains (we bought and paid for it). She sneaked in a set of curtains
for the baby's room. I am not going to get to do all of the firsts
that I want to have with my baby because these people are trying
to take over everything. DH has even gone so far as to say that,
when his mum is toilet training the baby, I shouldn't interfere.
I was shocked, and let him have it. I told him this is MY baby,
and if I don't like something that's happening, I sure as he!! am
gonna say it. He was chastised, and tried to say that he didn't
mean it that way, but I know that these are his mom's words. BIL's
wife doesn't care for her opinions, and my BIL pays more attention
to what his wife says than his mother. That gets her goat. She
tries these things with me, and says that she does it out of love.
Trying to have your way all the time is not love. People have survived
and brought up kids in a way different from theirs, and they have
to come to terms with it. My worry is that, once I get back to
work, what are they going to teach my baby???
Signed - Pregnant &
Scared
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