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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
January 2, 2008
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DECEMBER
2007
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JANUARY
2008
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Worst gift: DH and I
dated for six years before we tied the knot, so we're pretty sure
about our relationship. In the six months we've been married, we've
been very happy. During the entirety of our dating relationship,
his mother seemed to love me. She showered me with excessive amounts
of gifts at Christmas, and seemed to really enjoy having me over
to her house. But, then the wedding happened, and the already tenuous
relationship between our families grew. Disagreements about which
family was responsible for which aspect of the wedding were abundant.
Although my family looked on it with a sense of humor, MIL made
it miserable for my DH, acting as though she was falling on her
sword by moving the rehearsal dinner closer to the rehearsal site
(the idea of driving an hour to the church, an hour to a rehearsal
dinner site, and an hour back to both parents' houses was a little
much). She also decided that it would be an excellent idea to send
DH and his step-dad on a ten day vacation that ended less than a
week before the wedding. The real difficulty between MIL and me
started immediately after the wedding (not counting the fact that
she completely RUINED my hair by clutching and rubbing my back when
she hugged me right after the ceremony. I had to wear a veil during
the whole reception because she had completely flattened the curls
into horrible strands of flat hair that show up in some of my pictures.
I don't think that she did this on purpose, but it's just fuel for
the fire. Right after the bulk of the guests had cleared out of
the reception, my ILs and their family friends invited DH and me
to have a champagne toast. That would have been fine, except that
they wanted to do it in the middle of the reception hall that my
parents had paid for, and they didn't even invite my parents or
any of my family that had stayed to help clean up. I was helping
my family clean up, so my ILs and DH had the champagne toast without
me. The following morning, it so happened that my MIL was taking
a business trip. She was leaving out of the same terminal, at the
same time, that DH and I were leaving from to fly to our honeymoon
destination. She proceeded to let me know that she was disappointed
with some of the professional pictures (even before I knew they
were up on the website - this was the morning after, for chrimety's
sake - I have no idea when she had time to look at all 200 pictures)
and then made a dig at my mother. She then had the nerve to ask
us if we had gotten something to eat after the reception. Seeing
as how it was a dinner reception, no, we had not. But, I was annoyed
that the $50 a plate that my parents had paid for her hadn't been
good enough. The honeymoon went off well enough. When we returned
home, we opened the gifts that our family and friends had generously
bought us. The *only* gift that I was disappointed with was from
my MIL. I had taken the time to register for a beautiful set of
plates (not china, but definitely special occasion plates). I know
for a fact that my MIL had seen my registry, since she offered advice
on which items I might actually not want because of this or that.
Since DH and I had been living together for a year before the wedding,
we already had a set of everyday plates. But, my MIL had bought
us another set of everyday plates. I, personally, HATED the pattern,
but that wasn't the issue. I probably would have swallowed my pride
and thanked her with a big smile. But, right after DH and I moved
in with each other, she had bought us two (2!!!) full comforter
sets, with pillows and curtains. I had already picked out a comforter
for us. And, not only were two comforters not helpful at all for
a couple just out of college, they took up most of the storage space
in our very small apartment. We never use them because I hate the
patterns, and they're of very poor quality. My parents had helped
us make rent and bought us spices for our pantry. BIG difference.
So, I looked at the plates as another attempt on her part to decorate
OUR home. Even so, I was going to accept them and just store them,
whipping them out when MIL came to visit (we're 900 miles apart,
so there wasn't going to be much occasion for it). However, my
parents, who had generously offered to ship all the gifts for us
(at GREAT expense), refused to mail up the plates. Not only were
they going to cost a heck of a lot to mail, but my mother knew that
they would be superfluous, and so there was no point to shipping
them. DH and I agreed that we would ship them, just so there would
be no drama. We left my parents home and spent a night at the ILs,
but because our flight from our honeymoon had gotten in five hours
late, we had to reduce the visiting time with both sets of parents.
MIL was not happy about this. She was also not happy to see that
the plates and another gift that she had given us were in our car.
We explained that we would be shipping them, and then she asked
if we would be able to make use of them. IF SHE HAD NOT ASKED THIS,
I WOULD NOT HAVE SAID ANYTHING. But, not wanting to lie, I said,
"No, not really," since we already had an everyday set
of plates, and we already had four of the eight place settings of
the nicer dinnerware from the bridal registry. She said that she
thought we would have liked something different, but I said that
I really didn't want to throw away the plates that we already had.
It exploded - obviously this meant that we didn't want the family
china, and that it should be sold out of the family. DH calmed
her, saying that we would, of course, want them once we had a house
of our own and had more than just a closet's worth of storage space.
I really do have to give DH credit - though he's definitely his
mother's son, he really stood by my side and helped diffuse the
situation. DH and I also had the gall to sleep in until noon on
the day we were supposed to leave. I'm convinced that MIL called
my cell phone and hung up when I answered, at about eight in the
morning, to wake us up (she couldn't call DH, since her number shows
up as "private" on any phone except his). Six months
later, she hasn't given us the replacement wedding gift that she
promised (which I'm fine with - I realize that I was incredibly
rude about the plates, but I'm not about to have my MIL decorate
my home for me, especially since her taste and mine are so diametrically
opposed), and I find out that the only picture of the wedding that
she has in her house is of her, DH, and his step-dad. She also
gifted me with one of those impersonal bath sets in a cheap purse
for Christmas, a far cry from the bamboo cutting boards and clothing
of the Christmases before the wedding. I'm not 100% convinced that
she hates me, and I'm going to try to soothe the potential beast
by sending her a picture of DH and me from the wedding, but I'm
not sure what's going to happen. I know that I "stole"
her baby and was rude about the plates (though, if I registered
for flatware, would she have bought us an unrelated set of silverware?),
but I refuse to deal with her. I know that she's been through a
lot in her life, so I can't completely call her out. But, I didn't
marry just to wind up with a lot of anxiety about family functions
and a lot of anger, though I know they're par for the course. Here's
hoping for the future, though I'm petrified about what will happen
when we have kids!
Signed - Trying To Make
A Stand
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Working Women Don't Have Wives