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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
January 12, 2008
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DECEMBER
2007
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JANUARY
2008
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VERY LONG and wedding
related, but not boring. My MIL is a living nightmare. I have
always felt uncomfortable around her, but I dealt with it until
we started planning our wedding. When we announced our wedding
date, we were talking about our plans with MIL. DH's niece was
at the table with us when MIL asked us about our flower girl. Being
naïve, I told her that I had my cousin in mind. As soon as
I said it, she said, "Well, what about X?", in front of
DH's niece, who starting clapping, saying, "I want to be a
flower girl. I want to be a flower girl!" I should have seen
that coming, but DH and I had been engaged for 4 years at that point
and I was excited about finally discussing our wedding. I didn't
respond to that, as she went into more. Asking who the best man
was, etc., DH said that he wanted his brother as the best man.
Automatically, MIL told me that DH's bother's wife should be a bridesmaid.
At the time, I hardly knew her (still don't, really), and didn't
feel it was appropriate for her to be a bridesmaid, and said so
to MIL. She insisted that she needed to be a bridesmaid, or at
least sit up there at the head table with her husband. As we were
leaving that night, MIL pulled me aside, while DH was in the bathroom,
and said, "I don't mean to meddle, but you should really have
her as a bridesmaid." Ok, now the calmness was over. I was
starting to get angry. DH gave her an earful when he came out of
the bathroom, and we ended up just leaving. Over the next couple
of months, she kept giving "suggestions": on centerpieces;
how we should do this; and how we should do that. But, the more
I resisted, the less she talked to me. It wasn't that I turned
her ideas down to be mean, we just have completely different tastes
and ideas, and I didn't want them. It would have been the same
if it was my mother making those suggestions. MIL is also a retired
florist, and part time decorator. I started out wanting her to
do that for us. But, as time went by, I didn't want her to be a
part of anything. Because of everything that was going on, if I
had told her that I didn't want her involved, it would just have
caused more issues. I should also add that the flower girl and
bridesmaid comments went on over several months. She brought this
up to us at least 6 or 7 times, and even emailed me on the subject.
She sat me down and told me that I was being unappreciative for
"everything that she was doing for me", and that she thought
my mother was being rude. Several months before the wedding, my
SIL left home and moved to another country. Originally, she was
a BM, but left unexpectedly, without telling anyone anything. After
she was gone for several months, it was clear that she wasn't coming
back, so DH and I decided to not have her as a BM anymore. When
she came home to visit, MIL and the family made a visit to our apartment.
She pulled my DH into the kitchen and asked about his sister still
being a bridesmaid. He told her that, after everything that had
happened, we decided it was better to not have her in the wedding.
MIL walked out of the kitchen and started screaming at me. She
told me that I was selfish and that this was unacceptable. I told
her that this was not her decision, it was ours. She said, "I
can make decisions, too." I told her that she couldn't, and
she stormed out of our apartment. The day before this happened
was our stag and doe/bridal shower. It was a shower for my DH's
side of the family only. My family was not allowed to attend, although
my mom and the bridesmaids were invited. MIL asked me to buy gifts
for the guests attending the shower, and she told me that I had
to help her set it up. Unfortunately, I did help her set up to
keep the peace, but I refused to buy guest gifts for my own shower.
Even though my parents were paying for the photographer, she wanted
us to give up one of our locations so that the photographer could
come to her house and take some pictures. I offered her one of
my nice cameras to take pictures with instead, and she refused.
She, eventually, gave up on it when I told her how much it would
cost her to get an extra location. She had agreed to pay for half
of the hall, the decorating, and the flowers. To me, half the hall
includes the liquor. Well, it should have been clarified, because
she backed out of that, and said that my parents had to pay for
it. My mom was not able to get insurance, because her insurance
company didn't cover it, and brokers wouldn't take her unless she
was a client. So, she called my DH's mom and told her. His mom
then said that she would call her broker and call back. When she
called back, she told my mom that she was really angry at my mom
for making her do this. My mom asked why, and she didn't even answer
the question. She started telling my mom how rude and unappreciative
I was, and how I had no respect at all. GRRR. Then, she called
my DH and told him half of the story. She told him that my mom
called her and started a fight, yelling at her and stuff. Then,
a couple of days later, I was at a baby shower for that side of
the family, and I heard her badmouthing my mother in the kitchen
to members of my DH's family. Two days before our wedding, she
told me that she wasn't able to get the flowers that I had wanted,
so I would have to stick with what she had. I was furious, because
she had gone to her supplier that day for the flowers, and she would
never do that for a customer. However, she did fix them so that
they looked nice, and even went as far as dying some of them to
match my colors. The day of the wedding, I obviously didn't see
her until after the ceremony. I was all prepared to suck it up
and give her a hug, when she came to greet us. She gave my DH a
hug and a kiss, looked at me and shook my hand in front of everyone.
Then, we were doing the family shots at the church, and the photographer
had one with my DH, his parents and brother. I thought that I was
in the shot, so I walked over and MIL gave me the nastiest look.
They didn't bother coming to the other location, so there are hardly
any shots of them. They made no speech at dinner, which I thought
was a huge slap in the face to my parents. Instead, they had the
emcee do some random speech, that I could tell he made up off the
top of his head. She pretty much sat at her table and sulked all
night. I felt horrible for my DH, although he didn't seem to notice,
or it didn't bother him. She treats him and his brother very differently
from the way he treats his sister. The sister can do no wrong,
and more and more I am feeling like the boys are "less important"
to her. When she picked her wedding pictures, she didn't even pick
any of my DH by himself!!! I thought that maybe this was all wedding
related, but we have been married for 4 months now and she still
hardly ever looks at me. And, now for the cherry topper: My parents
gave us a new bed as our wedding gift, and it was EXTREMELY generous.
We got a card from MIL that said, "Congratulations on your
engagement," except "engagement" was whited out,
and "wedding day" was written in. Inside the card it
listed the flowers, decorating, and the hall, and how much they
cost. THIS WAS OUR GIFT. Lord. Anyway, I thought this would all
end with the wedding, but I see how MIL acts and interferes as a
GM, and almost dread the day I have children. UGH.
Signed - MIL Is A Living
Nightmare
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Working Women Don't Have Wives