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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
February 7, 2008
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JANUARY
2008
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FEBRUARY
2008
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DF's had a pretty harsh
childhood. His parents divorced when he was a child. MIL remarried
a very bad man who abused my DF until he was about 15 or 16. Then,
he finally fought back, and his mother decided it was time to divorce
the jerk. Now, she is remarried with a total of 5 children. She
MUST have all of these children around, along with her entire family,
ALL the time, no matter whose schedule it messes with. We have
NEVER spent a holiday with his father's side of the family, unless
we scheduled it for the day after Thanksgiving or Christmas. MIL
just won't have it. Last Thanksgiving, we had the celebration at
our house with FIL and his GF. MIL called my DF the night before,
screaming and crying about how we have ruined Thanksgiving for her.
I have family, too. My family consists of a mother, an aunt, an
uncle, and a cousin. I'm not all that close with my father. DF
and I got engaged about 6 months ago, and his mother has done absolutely
NOTHING to help with the wedding planning. I have tried numerous
times to include her and ask her for help, but there has been NO
enthusiasm whatsoever from the entire family. I should add that
his little sister recently got married, and she was the center of
attention. Well, I understand that she is his mom's baby, right?
My mother and I have a VERY close relationship. MIL is upset, now,
because she found out that the entire family is NOT to come to the
rehearsal dinner because, well, it's for the WEDDING PARTY. She
is also upset because she wasn't with my mother and me when we picked
out my wedding gown. My mother threw an engagement party for my
DF and me. When MIL called my mother to ask if she needed any help,
she told my mother that she didn't want the extra stress of worrying
about picking up some dessert for the party. Well, thanks for the
help. I am going to be her son's wife in a few months. Therefore,
I AM part of the family, right??! She called him (not me, oh no,
not once, for ANYTHING, has she EVER called me) and decided that
she wanted to help with the wedding planning now. Now that I am
done. She wanted to get together and chat about some "concerns"
she has. So, I called her and had to leave a message to invite
her and her DH for dinner. At 5:30 that evening, DF called me to
tell me that he is meeting his mother for coffee to chat, because
she doesn't want to upset me. Then, I guess that during their conversation
she cried about how I won't allow her to help with the wedding,
and I won't allow her family to come to the rehearsal dinner. She
is so sick and tired of "everyone" making her feel like
she doesn't care about this wedding. She had to mention to my DF
that this is HIS wedding and he MUST put his foot down. Just for
the record, I have not made one decision regarding our wedding without
discussing it with him, and before signing any contracts. A while
ago, I sent her an email explaining everything that is going on
for the wedding; what time to be ready for pictures, things like
that. I had to send her an email because she will NOT call me back.
She printed out this email and gave it to DF to read, as if I had
said some horribly mean things to her. That plan backfired, because
after he read it, he asked what the "issues" were. She
had the nerve to bring up the engagement party, and how my mother
and my aunt (my ONLY family) said some awful rude things to her
and her DH (they can't really remember exactly what was said).
I don't know all that was said at their little meeting that I was
not included in, but when my DF got home, an hour and a half later,
he was extremely nice to me, and was not in the mood to fight.
This was a shocker, because any time I try to mention how his mother
manipulates him, he and I usually argue. I was extremely upset
that she blew off the dinner that I had cooked for them. She said,
at one point, that he told her that she needed to start calling
me. He did tell me that she cried, which did not surprise me.
But, he also told me that he straightened everything out, and there
are no changes that I need to worry about. But, why would I need
to worry about ANY changes?? Aren't I the bride? I have read wedding
books and magazines, and EVERY SINGLE book mentions that, yes, it's
the groom's wedding day as well, but all the hype is for the BRIDE.
It's the BRIDE'S DAY!!! I feel as if she tried to sneak in there
and get him to change all of the plans for her. What is he supposed
to do, contact my wedding planner, my florist, people he doesn't
even know the names of?? After this meeting, I heard thru the grapevine
that she called his older brother to complain more. After DF reassured
me that nothing was going to blow up, and it's all ok now, she decided
to try to involve the rest of the family. The older brother let
her have it. Apparently, she is upset that DF's father and his
GF have been helping with the rehearsal dinner plans, and MIL doesn't
feel that the GF should even be involved. She and my DF's father
have been dating for 3 years. They have helped us with planning
this wedding, and helped my mom with the engagement party. If we
showed any stress about something, they were there for us. I am
so stressed about what she may do next. I have put calls into my
decorator, florist, wedding planner, etc., and explained my situation
to them so they know that NO changes are to be made unless they
hear it from the bride or the bride's mother! I know that after
we get married this is not going to get any better. It has been
ongoing for 5 1/2 years. I have kept quiet. I have bitten my tongue.
But, I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend to be an angel.
I'm . . .
Signed - Ready To Fight
Back And Play Dirty
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Working Women Don't Have Wives