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Mother-In-Law Stories
March 22, 2008
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MARCH 2008
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I need some advice.  I am trying so hard to get along with my MIL, but I have very strong negative feelings towards her that have built up and keep building.  I know that I need to change my attitude because she is my DH's mother.  She just annoys me so much, because she is very territorial, possessive and needy.  She is used to getting all of her affection from my DH, and I am having a hard time sharing him with her.  It is to the point where when I see her, I cringe.  She has told my DH that she is very uncomfortable around me.  I need to change my attitude and I do not know how.  My MIL had a poor childhood and always has this "poor me" attitude.  FIL took care of her since she was 17 years old.  She always rubs my face in the fact that my FIL raised her and took care of her financially.  I have a very good career and a college degree, and she rubs my face in the idea that she never had to work and my FIL would just turn his paycheck over to her.  She also rubs my face in the fact that she got to stay home, raise her kids, and be a good mother.  I have kids of my own, whom she gets to watch during the day a couple days a week.  We can afford daycare, but she insists on watching them.  I feel as if she is trying to make me jealous that she just gets money handed to her to buy whatever she wants.  I also think that she is implying that I am not going to be a good mother because I work.  I am having a hard time with this.  Am I just jealous that she is getting affection from my DH?  Am I jealous that she gets money handed to her for doing nothing?  Am I jealous that she has all of this and still can watch my children, while I have to work to support our family?  Am I jealous because she has had someone take care of her for her whole life, and I have to take care of my family and myself?

        Signed - Am I Jealous?
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frequent fry her - Northern Girl Southern Housewife Frequent Fry Her TM - NorthernGirlSouthernHousewife, 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 22-MAR-08
I first met DH over 6 years ago, and we began dating shortly thereafter.  Aside from a brief and uncomfortable visit with his father 2 weeks into our relationship (they hadn't seen each other in 2 years), I didn't get to meet his family until Christmas.  We were more than 10 months into our relationship before we felt secure enough that we could withstand the very bizarre first visit.  DH gave me a lot of warning about his family and what they'd be like.  As he tends to exaggerate, I thought he was kidding.  I met BIL, then a sweet, young teen, and MIL, a very well put together lady, who worked in England.  I do have to admit that I was a bit put off by family history.  MIL informed DH that she was leaving for England with BIL, while DH was 15 and in boarding school, leaving him with no stable home to return to on breaks and no familial support system.  But, eh, people have their reasons and DH survived.  Anyway, things got sticky on the very first day when MIL decided to drive out to see GMIL in their hometown, a few hours away.  MIL was going to surprise GMIL, who didn't know we were coming.  DH quickly explained to me that MIL and GMIL don't get along, and they treat each other horribly.  But I didn't take him seriously.  Oh, if only I'd listened.  When MIL went to the door, GMIL answered.  She looked her DD in the face, and slammed the door.  Looking back, I kind of laugh about it.  But, at the time, I was so nervous about making a good impression around these well dressed and world savvy people, I was just worried.  When GMIL opened the door a second later, a big smile plastered on her face, she said, "Oh, I knew you were coming."  That made MIL so angry!  Of course, GMIL didn't know that we were coming.  Who would have told her?  It's not like DH's family has any friends, or ever answers a phone!  GMIL just likes to mess with MIL, and MIL spent all night ranting about who warned GMIL.  She interrogated each of us as to who ruined her surprise.  The weirdest part, though, was when MIL disappeared within 5 minutes of us getting there.  After we were settled in and DH showed me around the excessively cluttered, large house (there are rooms where you can't even open the door because there's so much stuff!!!), I told him that I reeeally needed to use the restroom after that car ride!  He pointed out the bathroom, and walked off.  I opened the door to the bathroom and there was MIL.  She was sitting on the toilet, right inside the door.  She glared at me, and tears streaked down her face.  I almost screamed.  We stared at each other for a few moments and then she finally said, "I HATE my mother."  To which I replied, "I'm sorry," and ran off, holding my legs together for another hour until she decided to leave the restroom.  Throughout that evening, there were many open verbal sparring matches between MIL and GMIL.  They really are very mean to each other, and they have no consideration for others!  If GMIL said something flippant to MIL, then MIL had no problem telling everyone that we were leaving right then, even if we're all starving and dinner was being served.  They change plans on a whim, are late with everything, and act like best buddies one minute and then worst enemies the next.  Ugh.  I don't mind people having dramatic and destructive relationships.  But, seriously, did they need to drag their kids or their son's significant other, whom they'd just met, into it?  And, now their grandkid, too?  It's called therapy, people!  It's useful!

        Signed - And That Was Just The First Meeting
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

frequent fry her - Northern Girl Southern Housewife Frequent Fry Her TM - NorthernGirlSouthernHousewife, 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 22-MAR-08
For the past few years I've occasionally come to this site, sometimes for a laugh, sometimes to commiserate, sometimes just to see if my life matched up with anyone else's.  I have to say, for a long time there I kept thinking, "Wow, maybe I'm one of the lucky ones!"  But, then I noticed that other people kept saying that their relationships were pretty good with their ILs until the first child came along.  Things certainly changed after my marriage 2 1/2 years ago, so I was starting to worry that things would get even worse once DS arrived home.  Sure enough, looking back on it now, I think the only thing that kept me from creating a Frequent Fry Her page sooner was the fact that we just didn't see the ILs all that often.  But, now contact is increasing.  They're here more and more.  They know where we live, and MIL isn't afraid to stop by uninvited whenever she thinks DH is around.  She asks him to go somewhere with her while completely ignoring DS and me.  She even did this on Christmas morning, when DS had been home for barely a month.  DS, coincidentally, is from Ethiopia.  We adopted him, and he came home in November, on his second birthday.  His presence was met by much jubilation and tons of gifts from my family, and not so much as a card from his.  Honestly, given how crazy they are, DH and I aren't certain that we mind their lack of interest in him.  In fact, back when DH and I had tried to conceive and found out we couldn't, and when we moved our plans to adopt in the future up to the present, I was somewhat lamenting the fact that I wouldn't be able to see a child with DH's genes.  It was kind of a sorrowful night for us.  We were sitting in a house that we'd recently bought, with a finished nursery and a crib already set up.  We had already been turned down by one adoption agency because of our young ages.  I was trying not to get too down in the dumps, and DH was doing his best to cheer me up, while also fighting the blues.  Suddenly, he smiled and said, "Hey, you know what?  Our kid might not have my genes, but you know what that means?  He won't have MIL's genes, either!"  That sweet man.  He knows exactly what to say to make me grin.

        Signed - More To Come. Oh, So Much More
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( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )


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