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I've written about my
depressed, passive aggressive MIL lots of times here, but today
I have to write about my BIL. It all ties back to my MIL, really.
BIL is a sweet kid. He's 19, so in my eyes he's a kid. I'm 28
and DH is 33. BIL has development disabilities and goes to a special
school. His mental capabilities on some things are that of a 12
year old. Still, he is very capable and knows what's going on.
He is very well behaved, except, of course, when his own mother
is around. Why, you ask? Well, of course, because she lets him
get away with anything! Don't get me wrong, I fully understand
that he has special needs and gets different treatment, and I don't
get involved with how she raised him or anything like that, unless
it directly affects me. The thing is, he is a spoiled, selfish
brat! I feel that, even if he does have the mental capability of
a younger person, it doesn't mean that he isn't capable of doing
things or having manners! I mean, this is a kid who has full run
of their house (he lives alone with his mom, as the other kids are
grown and have moved out, and FIL is deceased). There is a room
dedicated to him It is chock full of entertainment for him: a
TV, a computer, a DVD player, every new video game system that has
come out, Tivo, the works. And it's all his. He knows how to use
the computer. He knows how to play video games. He knows how to
read, how to groom himself, tie his shoes, get dressed, and brush
his teeth. But, for some reason, when we are all together (the
whole family), his manners go flying out the window. What makes
it worse is that MIL totally defends him! Last week, we went on
a family trip. We rented a house on the beach in another country.
The trouble was that there weren't enough bedrooms for all of us.
There were three bedrooms with attached bathrooms. DH and I got
one, MIL got one, since she is the matriarch, and my BIL wanted
one of his own. My poor SIL, who is my age, got stuck sleeping
on the couch. She said that she didn't mind, but when she asked
her own brother if he would switch and alternate nights with her,
he said "Oh, you must be kidding." Then, MIL said, "Well,
he needs his own room because he has a routine and he likes to stick
to it." Um, excuse me, that's super selfish. Not only did
he not offer, but he refused to give poor SIL a reprieve from the
couch, even for one night. I stayed out of this, even though I
wouldn't have stood for it if it was me. But that's not for me
to say. I got some special food for myself because I'm pregnant
and couldn't eat everything in this country. BIL ate it and told
me after the fact. He said, "I ate your food." I said,
"Why didn't you ask?" He said, "Well, my mom said
it was ok." I said, "It's not for your mom to say that
it's OK It's not hers, and it was hard for me to get. So, next
time ask me." I was so mad, not just because he couldn't bother
to ask me (I totally would have shared), but because his stupid
mother just defends everything he does. He can do no wrong in her
eyes. Give me a break. My DH tries sometimes to get his brother
to be involved in fending for himself, as it's to his own benefit.
He will need these skills when my MIL is no longer at his beck and
call, since he can never live on his own. She's not helping him
by any means here. My DH tries to get him to do some chores and
help out. If we eat a meal at home together, they do dishes. But,
of course, BIL wants to have nothing to do with it. When he complains
to his mom about being made to help with dishes, who does she get
mad at? Of course, my DH! DH doesn't bother anymore. He says
that it's not worth it, because nothing is going to change. I just
know that when the time comes and my MIL is no longer able to take
care of her youngest son, he will be used to this certain lifestyle
that he just won't get at the group home. He's going to have to
live in a home because we won't be able to take care of him. I
mean, this kid gets everything under the sun whenever he wants it.
Sure, my MIL can afford it. But when she's gone? That's going
to all stop, because we can't afford it! I'm probably not portraying
the most accurate picture because I'm venting. But, needless to
say, I think MIL is wrapped around BIL's finger. He totally manipulates
her to get whatever he wants, and that won't last forever. I don't
think she is helping him at all by treating him this way. He should
be doing some sort of work, like bagging groceries or something
to help him be more self sufficient. He can't go to college, so
this is all he's really got. But, she won't even let him do that.
How is sitting at home all day, every day, playing video games and
eating all kinds of junk food and sugar going to help him in the
long run? I swear, this kid eats food like it's going out of style,
and he has no table manners at all. When we all eat together at
home, I'm always afraid that I won't even get some because he takes
it all and she says nothing! The amount of sugar, yikes! I know
she'll probably be around for at least 10 years before she really
isn't able to care for him properly anymore, so he'll be nice and
comfy for a long time. But, I shudder to think about what will
happen after that, because I've already made it clear to my DH,
who understands, that he can't live with us. We can't give him
the lifestyle he would be used to. I told DH that his brother is
becoming more and more spoiled as the days go by, and it's becoming
hard to be around him sometimes. Thanks for just letting me vent.
Signed - Just Venting
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Working Women Don't Have Wives