Mother-In-Law Stories February 22, 2010

Mother-In-Law Stories
February 22, 2010

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Frequent Fry Her^TM. - The Outsider DIL/Posted: 22-FEB-10
A little background on my mother: My mother has an undiagnosed borderline personality. I have learned this through years of counseling, as well as through my own research. I was in counseling of my own accord off and on up until about 4 years ago, trying to sort through my mother's actions, and trying to sort out who I was. I am only 24, and I left at 18, before finishing HS, because living with her was like living in jail, minus the jumpsuit. I was making enough to support myself for the first time in my life. I have since finished HS, graduated, and have been in college, when I can afford it. I was able to go this year, for the first time with financial aid. I have extremely few positive memories of my childhood or my life before I left home, as a result of my mother's behavior and mental illness. I remember dreading Mother's Day as a child, because instead of it being happy, it would always end up being bad. My mother would inevitably start a fight with my father or one of us, or she would say that one of us did something. Then, she would use it as a reason that her Mother's Day was "ruined". If we went to dinner or lunch, she would pout and complain all through the meal. What was always strange to me was that none of my other family seemed to see this. It wasn't until I was older having conversations with my late grandparents that I found out that they had seen things that I saw. My mother also tried to have me labeled as mentally retarded when I was a child. After seeing a neighbor's child and his mom get special treatment by the other neighbors, she tried to convince me that I was mentally handicapped and could not think for myself. Fortunately, I was a pretty smart kid and realized that I was in no way mentally handicapped. I asked several people, including my aunt, who was a special ed teacher, if I was mentally handicapped or retarded. Each of them said, "No. Who in the world told you that?" My mother has always blamed me for her behavior. I was always a pretty easy going kid, as well as very quiet. I rarely got in trouble. Since I left, she has also spread numerous rumors about me to my sister and my elderly relatives, whom I rarely get to speak to. These rumors include, but are not limited to: I am a drug addict/alcoholic and I prostitute myself to support my habit. I was cheating on DH, whom she has always hated. DH and I killed our child (our first child died of SIDS back in 2005). My parents disowned me after the birth of our second child. We had a son, and I think that pissed my mom off because she had always wanted a boy. Shortly after that, she made my father choose between my son and me, or her and my sisters. Subsequently, I was disowned via email. When I got married, less than a year later, they got mad at me for not inviting them to my wedding. They had not spoken to me in almost a year, and had told me to never contact them again. DM had said, for years, that if DH and I ever got married, she would stand up and object, as well as do other things to make a scene. I was not willing to chance it. I figured that if they were really that interested, they would have contacted me well prior to 2 days before the wedding. They also did not even so much as send DS a card for his 1st birthday. Then, they sent me an email, the day after my wedding, saying that it hurt them that I wouldn't allow them to see their GS, and that I didn't invite them to the wedding. If I did not respond in 2 days, it would mean that communication would be permanently extinguished. I found this rather convenient, as we were scheduled to leave for an out of state trip and to go on our honeymoon the morning after the wedding. We just happened to stay until the day after that, as we still had a few loose ends to tie up before we left. I did not contact them, and when I got back from my honeymoon, there were at least 5 new messages from my father. Each of these seesawed between my mother's words and what Dad thought I wanted to hear. This Christmas, at the insistence of my aunt, I sent my father and my sisters a Christmas card. I did not send one to my mother. As far as I am concerned, she lost her right to treat me as an inferior being years ago, and she has not spoken to me since before DS was born. I am certainly not asking Dad to choose a side. I just don't want him to be two-faced and tell my mother everything I tell him. He wants nothing to do with me until DM starts in on him. I have also made it clear to him that I have no wish to see my mother again, or have anything to do with her until she is in treatment, on medication, and genuinely apologizes for saying that we killed our first child. I sent him a birthday message, and have yet to hear anything back from that. It was a few weeks ago. I highly doubt that I ever will. Can someone help me understand what I should do here, at least as far as my dad goes? He is not in great health and I don't want to add stress to him. I would also like to see my sisters, but I am afraid they are too blinded by the lies my mother has told them. Please, no negative answers. If I had someone else to talk to about this, I would. But, I don't have anyone, and I need some help. This is my FOO by the way.

Signed - No Wish To See My Mother Again
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