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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
March 1, 2010
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FEBRUARY
2010
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Characters: Mother in
Law (MIL) - or more correctly MONSTER-IN-LAW, Mamma's Little Soldier
- (MLS), Foolish Me - (FM), FIL - Died when MLS was 18 (explains
a lot). I had been with this guy for about a year when he decided
that he needed to move back to his hometown. He finally managed
to get a decent job, and he really wanted to get his act together.
We decide to move in together. I was a little unsure about the
whole plan. After all, I'd be moving away from good friends and
a place that I loved, and I would have to get a new job, etc., etc.
Still, he loves me, I'm the "best thing that's ever happened
to" him, I'm his "best friend", etc., etc. He needed
my support with this thing, and so on and so forth. Next thing
- MLS told me that MIL would be moving to overseas in a couple of
months, and that she's suggested that we move into the ole family
homestead to kind of look after the place. And, it would solve
our problem of where to live. I resisted this. The house was a
rental. I wanted us to choose our own place and make an independent
home for ourselves. Also, it would involve living with MIL for
at least 6 weeks (not a pleasant prospect, when you know the woman
- believe me). Anyway, there was real pressure, and with tears
in his eyes MLS tried to persuade me that this was a really good
plan. He loved this house, he grew up there, etc. Moreover, he
said, "We can be a proper family there, and you are part of
my family now." This was a particularly potent argument, because
he happens to know that I had a severely abusive childhood (physical,
emotional, sexual) and I guess I've always wanted to "belong"
to a decent family. Reluctantly, I agreed to give it a go, and
we moved in. We moved in - BIG MISTAKE! MIL did not even give
me one cupboard in the whole house for a single one of my things.
MIL routinely rummaged through the dirty linen basket in our bedroom.
She took out MLS's dirty underwear and washed them. She left my
stuff in the basket, of course. Did she sniff my knickers, too,
I used to wonder? When I asked her (nicely) not to do that, she
just gave me a basilisk stare, and didn't say a word. MIL is a
major benefit fraudster, as it turns out. This is a big no-no,
as I have a job that requires police checks/evidence of good character.
MIL talks to MLS exclusively in their native language. They come
from a country where that language is spoken. I only partially
understand it. MIL spends much of her time crying, being depressed,
and carrying on because MLS does not do enough for her. It's clear
that MLS's only job in life is to ensure MIL's happiness. The woman
has no life of her own! MIL comes into the room without knocking,
when we are having sex. She has done this more than once! MIL
gets really strange about the small pet we brought with us. She
starts referring to our pet as "my pet". I dread thinking
about what she was like with a baby. MIL visibly shudders and puts
on a witchy expression, when MLS and I talk about maybe having children
one day. BTW, I'm 36. He's 32. But, I thought, "What the
he!!. It's only for 6 weeks, right?" WRONG. Six weeks came
and went. Eight weeks came and went. Ten weeks came and went.
And, the b!tch was still there. When I tried to talk about the
situation/future plans, there was suddenly complete evasion of the
topic from MIL and MLS. Suddenly, the TV program became really
interesting, or someone needed to run an errand immediately. This
started to make me go a little cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo! I talked
to MLS about things. He told me, "Well, I can't force her
out of the house." I said, "OK, then we need to make
another plan. This isn't working." MLS agreed, and we started
looking into buying a place of our own. Unfortunately, MLS revealed
significant debts. It was news to me, and another MAJOR RED FLAG.
Still, we worked out a plan and figured that we could still get
by. Then, I came home one day to discover that MIL has agreed to
pay off all MLS's debts, and they were talking about buying the
house we're living in currently "as an investment". I'd
had enough by now. FM explained to MLS that I was planning to start
over back in my home town, but I still wanted to be with him. Living
with MIL was not working out. I was not even rude about her, as
I'd quickly deduced that it's relationship suicide to say anything
about saintly MIL. The funny thing was that I'd started to realize
that these two were incredibly abusive to one another. MIL called
MLS names behind his back, reminded him of every mistake he'd ever
made (numerous!), called him names, showed him no respect and generally
acted like he's a badly behaved 10 year old. MLS, in return, borrowed
money, which he never paid back, lied constantly about his whereabouts,
agreed to do things in the home and then "forgot" on the
day, complained endlessly to me that MIL didn't "respect"
him. Couldn't argue with him there! MLS and I decided to go for
some couples counseling. In 10 weeks I'd gone from sassy, secure,
funny, friendly and sexy to a shadow of my former self. MLS was
spending lots of time out of the home. He didn't answer his phone
when I called. He told me that he "needed space", that
I'm "crowding" him and being "controlling".
He suggested that I spend time with MIL if I "need company".
I moved out. Later, I found out the following: MLS has slept with
at least 3 different women while we were together. And, these are
only the ones I know about for sure. Skank #1 was someone I work
with, and still have to have regular contact with. He slept with
her on Xmas day, meaning that I have especially lovely memories
every holiday season! Didn't use a condom. Skank #2 was some poor
cow whom he slept with on the very same day that she was sectioned
under the Mental Health act. Yes, really! He fully knew that the
CPN's and doctors were coming round to assess her that day! He
didn't use a condom. Skank #3 was some woman at work, who he'd
been confiding in about the difficulties at home. She was suckered
in, too. She actually believed that we were sharing a bedroom,
but not sleeping together (funnily enough, the sex was always pretty
good, even towards the end). He told her that I was "a nervous
wreck" and he couldn't tell FM about their incredible and pure
"one-true love" because he was scared that I would kill
myself. Skank #3 was deeply touched by his caring attitude towards
this poor little pathetic woman. MLS told her that I was his "best
friend" and that he always wanted to be my friend. During
our couple's counseling sessions, MLS had conveniently forgotten
to mention that he was seeing someone else. He told me in counseling
that he wanted to be the one man to show me that it was possible
to love and trust in this world. He didn't use a condom. I called
MLS in a fairly outraged frame of mind as soon as I got the full
story, as you can imagine. I was "incandescent" with
rage, to put it mildly. MLS refused to come to the phone. He got
MIL to tell me that he was not prepared to talk to me ever again,
and that I need to stop "harassing him". He's in love
with Skank #3, etc. You can imagine how much pleasure MIL got from
passing on this message to me. She told me to "stop acting
so desperate", and that I just need to "let go".
I can't argue with her there! I just told them that they truly
deserved one another, or words to that effect. The worst thing
was that I could have maybe coped with one abuser, but MIL and MLS
were like some kind of sociopathic tag team! Man, I got burned!
I was actually suicidally depressed by this point, and I was binge-drinking
in a misguided effort to cope. I still had to hold down a stressful
job, where someone was threatening me with violence (as goes often
with that particular terrain). But, there's a happy ending! I
went into psychotherapy (big thanks to him here!) and got my own
issues with being a "caretaker" and "boundaries"
out into the light. Actually, after only 3 months I was fairly
much "back on top". I was enjoying work and living in
a great house. I eventually got a lovely new man, whom I really
trust and am happy with. I was generally "ok". It was
touch and go as to whether I'd drop off the cliff for awhile, though.
And, MLS was able to justify to himself that I was just another
"crazy woman". He just doesn't understand why women go
completely nuts when they're with him. Apparently, he's just really
unlucky, etc., etc. In terms of "divine justice", MLS
lost his good job. Skank #3 eventually wised up and left him.
He's gotten even further into debt. A mutual acquaintance told
me that he's still living with MIL. I'm sure that as you read this,
they are driving each other even more insane! The last thing I
heard from him was an email to say that he's really unhappy etc.,
etc. It was clear that he was still trying to blame me for the
sh!tty way his life turned out.
Signed - What A Total
Loser!
( responses to this story )
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Working Women Don't Have Wives