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Mother-In-Law Stories
March 17, 2010
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MARCH 2010
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So much has happened between my MIL and me that the very thought of her makes me feel like vomiting.  I don't want to be in the same room as her, because it makes me sick to my stomach, and scares me a little.  I was a relatively shy and passive person, until I gave birth to a DD almost a year ago.  That was when I began to stand up for myself.  Before I had a DD, MIL never looked for DH and me.  She didn't care if we were sick, hungry, dead, etc.  On the other hand, my DPs were there for us always.  They offered us emotional, physical and financial support, whenever we needed it.  MIL and FIL didn't want to help, which I accepted.  But, they never had a kind word to say about me or my family, even though it was my family who loved and supported their son as if he was their own.  All of a sudden, when DD came into the picture, MIL started acting like she owned the place.  She started referring to my house as "my son's house," and felt like she should be able to come over whenever she wanted.  She also felt that my parents shouldn't be around at all.  She was constantly calling my DH and poking at him about my parents so that we would argue with each other.  When DH stood up for me and my family, she got really angry at him.  After months of disagreements and arguments between the ILs, DH and me, MIL decided that we were no longer on speaking terms.  But, she complains to anyone who will listen that her DIL won't let her see her GD.  My problem is that DD's birthday is coming soon, and I feel I have to invite the ILs.  If they decide to come, I don't know if I'll be able to stomach her.  I honestly think I will be stressed and anxious, and possibly break out in hives.  How can I justify not inviting DD's GPs to her first birthday?

        Signed - The Very Thought Of Her Makes Me Feel Like Vomiting
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )

I truly need advice.  I have been married for almost 18 years to a really good man.  We have 2 wonderful children.  My MIL has never liked me.  I think she faked it for a few years, because I have always been good about sending pictures, cards, gifts.  When she married her 3rd husband, about 10 years ago, I thought things would get better, because he is a really nice man and she was seemingly nicer with him around.  But, I guess we liked him too much, because she started telling all the relatives (at a family wedding) that I think her husband is stupid.  Why would she want to make up something that would hurt her hubby?  She even called my DH on Christmas and asked him, "Why does your wife think (FIL) is stupid?"  DH was floored, but basically did nothing.  A pattern.  So, last year, I finally had my fill when she came to visit while DH was in Iraq.  Until this year, she has visited up to 6 times a year, usually when DH was gone.  I asked her if we could talk and try to fix things and not let stuff fester anymore.  She said, "Well, you are the one with the problem with me."  I barely scratched the surface of my issues with her:  Here are a few.  She hates my FIL (her 1st hubby).  She stormed out of our wedding during his toast.  She stormed out of DS's birthday because she saw a piece of furniture in our house that she's wanted since her divorce from FIL 35 years ago.  She said that I "think" her DH is stupid.  She stopped me and said, "I am sorry for whatever it is you think I have done to you that I don't remember."  So, I have not talked to her in a year, because DH was deployed to a ship in the gulf for 6 months as soon as he returned from Iraq.  DS had to google his name (same name as his dad) for a project in computer class, and the first link that popped up was his dad's rank, name and location in Iraq that my MIL had given to a site so they would send him soap and such.  I was livid, and I had to make all sorts of requests to have it removed.  I had truly hoped, over the years, that things would get better, but a relative of MIL contacted me yesterday and said that MIL emailed around that the reason my husband goes on these deployments is to get away from me.  I guess no one told her that it is generally a job requirement for the military.  I feel really foolish as I sit here typing this, but I do not know how to get her to leave me alone.  I have tried to be nice, again, about everything, and have still sent presents.  She has stopped, not that I care.  My last gift from her was lovely and expensive, though.  I know, because I gave it to HER 2 years before she regifted it back to me last year !!!!  DH is at a loss.  He says she will not change, and that she has always done this with other relatives.  Her own relatives say that I should cut her out completely.  One said that she has been rotten since they were kids.  I do not want her around my kids because of her lies, drinking (she has been falling down drunk in front of my kids) and manipulating.  But, . . .

        Signed - How Can I Get Her To Just Leave Me Be????
        ( responses to this story )        ( here is my story )


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