Week Ending February 11, 2012
||Part 2: Every time we
visited her mother, after this point, she was very quick to point
out to me that she would never forgive me for moving away. Of course,
we all know this means "for taking my daughter away".
I was understanding about this, because I knew what it was like
to not live with your family, and I took all she dished out. We
never spent more than a week with her, so I could handle her stabs,
knowing they would end when we left.
When we got married, DW's family came to us for the wedding. We
had decided to have the wedding at a holiday house by the beach,
and her family had offered to pay for it as a gift to us. Of course,
they needed somewhere to stay as well. The beach house became both
the function center AND their accommodation.
The morning of my wedding, my MIL came to find me and pointed out
to me that under no circumstance was anyone to sleep over after
the reception that night. She felt that this would undermine the
money HER family had paid for the holiday house. You see, if it
were my family paying for it, they'd have said, "The beds are
all taken, but there are couches and plenty of floor space, bring
something to sleep on." She took me completely off guard.
So, on the morning of my wedding, I spent an hour calling my guests
who said they would party until dawn and fall asleep to tell them
that they could not do so.
At my wedding, MIL, who had been sweet as sugar to my DM's face,
was badmouthing her while she was taking photos of the bridal party
not twenty meters from where she was standing. Unfortunately for
my MIL, my oldest sister was standing not three meters behind her,
and heard every word. This put my family offside straight away.
From this point on, my family did not speak with my new ILs. They
ended up leaving at 9 pm. The reception was ruined, in my opinion.
My MIL had no idea, and she still does not know, that she was overheard.
So, my ILs were left simply feeling that my family was rude and
unhelpful. She was unaware that she had caused it.
My family had all gone back to my sister's house after my reception.
They continued to celebrate until dawn, without me, because I was
at the beach house. My MIL's beach house. Make no mistake, it
was no wedding gift. She made all the rules; dictated all.
The following day, knowing something was up, but not the whole story,
I wanted to make a final attempt to mend things between our families.
My mother had suggested a lunch. She was prepared to make it and
bring it out to the beach house. She suggested it to my MIL, but
MIL felt it was simply too much for her family to have to deal with.
MIL and family wanted the day to enjoy the beach house that they
had paid for, before going home the following day. I'm sorry.
I thought this was about DW's wedding, not about them having a family
vacation? My family was simply too much work for my MIL and she
didn't want them there. Disgusted with her, DW and I spent the
first day of our marriage apart. I went to have lunch with my family
and other guests who had flown into the country to be there, and
DW stayed at the beach house with her family. DW was angry with
me about this. The art of my MIL's clandestine ways. When she
does something that makes me angry, it's my fault.
Thankfully though, she went back to her home knowing that she had
ruined a good chunk of my wedding. But, it was all cherry blossoms,
because she pulled me aside before she left and said, "I'm
sorry. I know things didn't go the way you wanted." COME
ON. You don't really think she was apologizing, do you? She was
simply recognizing, like she always does, that she knew she'd pissed
me off. And, she wanted me to know that she knew.
DW and I lived the next year married without her mother, for the
most part. I did not go with DW to visit her mother. I was rewarded
with an accusation from DW (from her mother) that I didn't like
MIL, and purposely did not visit. That, of course, made me the
bad person. DW and I had our own place. I had a great job, we
were making plenty of money, and life was going well. Then, the
global financial crisis came knocking on my door. The company I
was working for had performed well profit-wise, but the owner had
decided that the future was looking bleak and decided sell. That
lead to me losing my job. We made the mistake of visiting my MIL.
She really laid it on thick. She was pure sugar. She was wonderful.
I stupidly thought that she had realized that she could no longer
behave the way she did with us. She also seemed to finally accept
that we were adults. DW was unhappy in her job, and our financial
status was about to become questionable. We both knew work opportunities
were better in the city. So, we made the decision, with an offer
of employment from her mother for my wife, to move back to MIL's,
and back into the dragons lair.
It was OK at first. This time she allowed me to bring my dog.
She made no stupid rules about plastic cups. And, she even allowed
us more space in the house to call our own. She was unemployed,
I was unemployed, and we got along fine.
Signed - But Old Habits
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