To Help The Red Cross Click Here
Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.

 
mother-in-law stories bd10358.gif
Back To Mother-In-Law Stories Home Page
Mother-In-Law Stories
Message Board Posting Rules!
mother-in-law stories bd10358.gif
(use browser back button to return, or click message board button on left)

Let's face it, we should not need this page.  The entire concept should be able to be stated in one word as follows:
Respect
If you've got that concept, you can stop reading right here.

Simply treat your fellow posters with respect.  It is okay to disagree.  It is okay to feel strongly.  But, if you just approach your posting with the understanding that everyone is entitled to her or his opinion, and treat each poster with the utmost respect, you will find the rest of the rules on this page are automatically being followed.

Table Of Contents

o Rules of Posting

o Be Polite and Respectful

o Post to the Appropriate Forum

o Try to Keep Language PG Rated

o Stay On Topic

o Respect Privacy

o No Confidential Information

o Discussing Illegal Activities

o Absolutely NO Solicitation

o Posting of Links

o Posting Pictures and/or Graphics

o Post Only What You Legally Can

o Posting Only What You Ethically/Morally Should

o Posting Rule On Copying From and/or Linking To Other Sites

o No Impersonating Other Posters

o Posting Under Multiple IDs

o Persistent Inflammatory Behavior

o Alerts

o Banning

o Lack of Noticeable Activity on a Rules Violation

o My Posting/Thread Was Edited/Locked/Removed - What Did I Do Wrong?

o Dealing With Trolls

o Private Clubs / Unanswered Postings

o A Moderator Is Treating Me Unfairly



Rules of Posting
There have been many requests for us to compile a list of posting rules - what is expected, what is not, what will get a posting removed, what will simply get one edited, what will get a person banned, etc.  This is not as simple as it sounds.  Once you write down a "rule" the door becomes wide open for interpretations, misinterpretations, misunderstandings, outright deceptions, etc.  Nevertheless, we do understand that if we don't maintain a list of rules, we will forever be confusing some people as to just what is acceptable behavior on this message board.

It is very important that it be clearly understood that this is by no means a comprehensive list of rules.  It is simply the ones we are most often aware of.  Unfortunately, people are constantly coming up with new and inventive ways to be disrespectful to each other, and if we call them on it, we are told, "It says nothing about that in the rules."  Well, it does.  In the opener.  Treat each other with respect.  If that is violated, regardless of whether the violation is explicitly listed below or not, it will be dealt with accordingly.

One more thing - we like to think we are fair and unbiased in our actions.  We know we are not perfect, and we know we cannot possibly expect to always get it right each and every time, but we do expend a great deal of energy trying our best, and conferring with the mods to double and triple check ourselves before taking any action.  We have a responsibility that we take very seriously, on behalf of the literally tens of thousands of visitors to this web site every month that do follow the rules and do treat each other respectfully, to keep this site as free from negativism as possible.  We are very aware that from time to time we will take actions that might leave you wondering why we did so.  You, of course, are free to form your own opinion whether our action was actually fair and unbiased or not.  However, we respectfully request that before you ever reach a conclusion that our action was unfair or biased, that you contact us by email or PM for an explanation.  We are happy to provide it.

BTW - for the purposes of this document, "moderators" includes all moderators, including the webmaster (ID=motherinlawstories).

So, here goes.


Be Polite and Respectful
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  You can present your opinion, and be in disagreement, without being disrespectful or impolite.  As a suggestion, if you disagree with someone's post, keep your comments focused on what they said, do not attack the person.

Possible Moderator Actions
A message that is impolite or disrespectful in any way is subject to editing and or removal.  Additionally, the entire thread is subject to being locked.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned.

See also Alerts and Banning


Post to the Appropriate Forum
A message should be posted in the forum that is most appropriate to the topic of the message.  There is a board to cover everything, including a "catch all" for anything that does not fit anywhere else.  If you are not registered with us, your choices are much narrower, but there is still a "catch all", so you will find that there is a place for everything.  The "catch all" should be used only when a topic does not fit into any other forum accessible to you.

So, what about postings that fit multiple forums?  For example, a posting by a wife whose husband does not want their daughter to continue attending the same private grade school that the MIL just began working at.  Is that a husband forum posting?  A child forum posting?  A MIL forum posting?  The answer is to use your best judgment.  If there is a final question in the posting, that might hold the most weight.  So, in the example, if the final question is, "So, how do I tell DD how to deal with MIL when she runs into her in the halls and MIL is likely to say something that embarrasses her?" then it is a question regarding a communication to the child, and therefore would be a child forum posting.

Possible Moderator Actions
A message posted to the wrong forum is subject to being locked and/or moved to the appropriate forum without notice.  We will not create a placeholder entry telling people where to find the posting.  This is because some people post to the wrong forum on purpose in the mistaken belief that more people will read it.  To then leave a marker in that wrong forum that points the way to the final resting place of the posting not only rewards that person with the additional attention they were looking for, but provides them with further incentive to continue posting to the wrong forum.  Consistently and purposely posting to the wrong forum can result in the poster being banned.

See also Alerts and Banning


Try To Keep Language PG Rated
Some offensive words are set up in the software to automatically be replaced with pound signs ("#").  Others are not.  We couldn't possibly think of every potentially offensive word in advance.  Please try to keep the language clean.

But, I See R Rated Language on the Site - Is That Okay?
If non-PG rated words are important to the posting, please substitute at least one key letter in the word with some other character (e.g. "@sshole"). There is a good reason for this.  Such words will not make it into search engines, which will keep people out of our site that are interested in sites where such language is allowed.

Racial slurs and other denigrating language is clearly uncalled for.  Other expressive foul language might be acceptable within reason (which, unfortunately, is nearly impossible to state explicitly, and will have to be left up to our discretion).  You can take a cue from the rest of the web site.  We constantly allow foul language with the single letter altered.  We would prefer language be kept as clean as possible, but understand when a sentiment just cannot be adequately expressed otherwise.  While the board is clearly for adults, this is the internet, and we have no way to keep children out.

Possible Moderator Actions
If the language of the posting is truly offensive or not important to the posting (both of which are judgment calls by the moderators) it will be subject to editing or removal.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned.

See also Alerts and Banning


Stay On Topic
If you are responding to a posting, please keep with the topic of the original post.  If the topic begins to wander into other territory, a new thread should be created.  Another way to say this is, do not "hijack a thread".

Possible Moderator Actions
The entire subthread involved in the "hijacking" is subject to editing or removal.  The thread is subject to locking.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned.

See also Alerts and Banning


Respect Privacy
Do not post anything that could divulge private information about anyone, including yourself.  Do not mention real names, real locations, or any other identifying information.

Possible Moderator Actions
The entire posting is subject to editing or removal.  The thread is subject to locking.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned.

See also Alerts and Banning


No Confidential Information
Do not divulge any confidential information of any kind.

Possible Moderator Actions
The entire posting is subject to editing or removal.  The thread is subject to locking.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned.

See also Alerts and Banning


Discussing Illegal Activities
It is best not to discuss anything that would be illegal.  We are not legal experts, but this is just common sense.  If illegal activity of any kind is discussed (whether done by yourself or another party, and whether done in the past or speculated in the future), and we become aware of it, we WILL take whatever actions we believe (or we determine) we are legally obligated to take, and that can include proactively notifying the appropriate legal authorities.

If you do wish to discuss any illegal activity, it is best to follow these simple rules:

Never state as a fact that anyone (including yourself) has done anything illegal unless they were convicted of that crime (remember, innocent until proven guilty - no matter how sure you are).  If they were not convicted, only discuss your opinion (e.g. - you cannot say, "My MIL stole those earrings," unless she was convicted of that crime - but you can say, "I believe my MIL stole those earrings").

Please never discuss your own illegal activity under any circumstances unless you have been convicted of that crime.

Never discuss an illegal activity in a positive light.  Never suggest there is a good reason to break a law.

Possible Moderator Actions
The entire posting is subject to editing or removal.  The thread is subject to locking.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned.


Absolutely NO Solicitation
Do not request donations of money, goods or anything else of value, from the reader population.  Do not request signatures on a petition or letters to an official, whatever the cause, directly or through a link.  Do not post a link to your own website, or to any other website for solicitation purposes.  Do not take any actions whose purpose is clearly to provide a monetary or popularity benefit to yourself or to someone (or some cause) with whom you are associated.

Possible Moderator Actions
The entire posting is subject to editing or removal.  The thread is subject to locking.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned.

See also Alerts and Banning


Posting of Links
Posting links is allowed if done within context of the thread, done in an effort to be of assistance, and the poster has no clear personal gain from the posting (directly or indirectly).

Possible Moderator Actions
If a link is inappropriate, the entire posting is subject to editing or removal.  The thread is subject to locking.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned.

See also Alerts and Banning


Posting Pictures and/or Graphics
Postings that include pictures or visual items of any kind must be in good taste, and be PG Rated.

Possible Moderator Actions
If a posting is in violation of this (at the discretion of the moderators) the entire posting is subject to editing or removal.  The thread is subject to locking.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned.

See also Alerts and Banning


Post Only What You Legally Can
Postings should only include items you know you have permission to post or know it is okay to post.

Note: by taking the action of posting, the one posting is making claim to know that no copyright and/or other permissions laws are being violated.  We do not independently verify the validity and/or legality of each posting.  However, if we are made aware that any violation of rights is in question, we will take immediate steps to rectify the situation.

Possible Moderator Actions
If a posting is in violation of this, and we are made aware of it, the entire posting is subject to editing or removal.

See also Alerts and Banning


Post Only What You Ethically and/or Morally Should
Postings that are ethical and/or moral violations of any kind (at our sole discretion) will not be allowed.

There are many possible examples, but no single set of examples can possibly provide a broad enough spectrum to cover all possibilities here.  With that mind, but just to help to clarify it a little bit, one example might be holding a discussion about someone's personal tragedy at a time they are not personally mentally ready to deal with it.  The postings might otherwise be fine by every other rule we have, but it would still be wrong to allow it.

Possible Moderator Actions
If a posting is in violation of this, and we are made aware of it, the entire posting is subject to editing or removal. 

See also Alerts and Banning


Posting Rule On Copying From and/or Linking To Other Sites
Postings made by private individuals on other web sites or message boards, that are linked to or discussed here, will demand the highest levels of respect from you and scrutiny by us.  Those posters had expectations of abiding by the rules of the web site or message board they posted on, which might have included the ability to edit or delete their posting.  We do not wish to violate those expectations here.  The more closely related the other site is to our message board, the clearer it is that the poster made a choice not to post here.  We will protect that poster's rights as diligently as we expect other sites to protect your rights to only find your postings here.

When you need to reference information on another web site or message board, please note the following:
  • Posting a link is preferable to copying directly (a link leaves many things like future editing in the hands of the site linked to, and creates a clear crediting of the original source).
  • Posting of links or copying content must not violate ANY of our Posting Rules.  Specifically of concern is our zero solicitation rule (detailed elsewhere in our Posting Rules).
  • Copying posted information from other sites should be limited to just what is necessary to make your point, and a credit should be included noting where the copied information was taken from.
  • It would be inappropriate to copy an entire posting.  As a rule of thumb, no more than 25% of a single posting should be copied.  It will have to be a judgment call on our part whether too much of the original posting was copied.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact us first before posting to ensure that your proposed posting will not be in violation of any of our Posting Rules.

Possible Moderator Actions
If a posting is in violation of this, and we are made aware of it, the entire posting is subject to editing or removal.

See also Alerts and Banning


No Impersonating Other Posters
Taking any steps to impersonate another poster is not allowed.  Do not register under a similar ID to one already registered.  Do not register under the known ID of a non-registered poster (or guest).

Possible Moderator Actions
If the infraction was innocent (person had no idea similar ID existed) we will work with the person to register a different ID.  However, if it is done in order to masquerade as another poster in any way, or in an attempt to alter existing postings, it will not be tolerated.  If that is the case, the entire posting is subject to editing or removal.  The thread is subject to locking.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned.

See also Alerts and Banning


Posting Under Multiple IDs
Using multiple IDs which are obvious variants of each other (e.g. "PosterName", "PosterName NLI", "PosterName at work", etc.) is okay.  Any other use of multiple IDs is strongly discouraged, and using multiple IDs for the purposes of deception is not allowed.  Yes, there are legitimate reasons to use multiple IDs (for one example, the moderators must do so).  But, legitimate reasons are rare, and should be cleared with us in advance (send us an email or PM).

Using multiple IDs for deceptive purposes includes (but is not limited to):
1) adding a supporting posting to your own thread in order to appear as if your opinion is held by others;
2) attempting to avoid being identified as a repeat rules violator;
3) attempting to create different "personalities".

Possible Moderator Actions
The entire posting is subject to editing or removal.  The thread is subject to locking.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned.

See also Alerts and Banning


Persistent Inflammatory Behavior
While differences of opinion are always tolerated when posted in a respectful manner, anyone consistently and/or persistently posting information or opinions that are clearly (as deemed solely by the moderators) attempts to incite, or be inflammatory, will not be tolerated.  This may be considered a fine line of distinction, but it boils down to how you go about your posting.  For example, if you use terminology in your posting that, while accurate, clearly upsets many people, and this terminology is unnecessary to the story or point, then even if it is accurate it has no purpose being stated in that manner.

Possible Moderator Actions
The entire posting is subject to editing or removal.  The thread is subject to locking.  The person posting is subject to being immediately banned if there is a history of infractions.

See also Alerts and Banning


Alerts
In spite of the number of moderators available to patrol this web site, we at motherinlawstories.com NEVER claim to be able to read every single posting.  In fact, just the opposite, we assure you that many postings will go unread.  Therefore, we rely heavily on our vast reader population to use the Alert functionality (via the Alert link found at the bottom of every posting unless locked) whenever they see any posting they feel violates a posting rule in any way.  Even if you are not sure, we would like you to use the Alert to bring the posting to our attention.  Each and every alert is taken very seriously, and a decision is made individually for each one.  The decision may involve taking noticeable action, and it may not.  If you ever would like information or explanation as to the outcome of an Alert, please do not hesitate to make a request via email to webmaster@motherinlawstories.com.


Banning
Every rules violation does not automatically result in banning.  In fact, most do not.  If a violation appears to be of an innocent nature, we try very hard to steer the violator back to the appropriate path.  Typically, unless the violation is significant (a judgment call by moderators) the violation is simply dealt with.

We do NOT necessarily contact a violator in the process of dealing with them.  If you have had postings edited, and/or had postings deleted, and/or had threads locked, and if this has happened numerous times, you are probably in danger of being banned.  We consider each time we have to take an action on your posting to be a warning to you.  We feel you should be happy we chose the warning instead of harsher action, and that you should take appropriate steps accordingly.  We do tend to follow the 3 strikes and you are out rule for the "average" infractions.  We do NOT contact you to give you any type of "once more and you will be banned" warning.  One major reason for this is that we simply do not insist on having a real email address before we allow you to post.  We cannot be precluded from maintaining decorum on this site due to our inability to reach you.  So, we have chosen to not consider that as something we must do first (although, in some cases we will contact you if we feel it is appropriate to do so, we reserve the right not to in all cases).

Some bans might be imposed for a temporary period of time.  We will attempt to contact you and let you know, should this be the case.

What To Do If You Are Banned
If you are banned, and you try to post on this site, you will receive a message telling you that your IP address is no longer valid.  If that is the case, and you have not been contacted by us (check your email inbox) then the ban is considered a permanent ban UNLESS you were caught in the banning "net".

Banning "Net"
Sometimes banning a person is an exact science.  Sometimes it is not.  It gets complicated to explain.  Think of it as banning just by street address.  Sometimes, that hits a house, and it is occupied by the person you wish banned, and all happens as planned.  Sometimes, it hits an apartment building, and you accidentally ban everyone in that apartment building.  Sometimes, it hits a hotel room, and you ban whoever happens to be staying there at the moment.  The vast majority of the time, it hits the house you wish, and causes no further problems.

If you receive messages while trying to log in or post that say your IP address is banned from our site, and you think maybe you were innocently caught up in our efforts to ban someone else (and, this HAS happened once, so it could happen again) please send us an email and we will get to the bottom of it as expediently as we are able.

Temporary Ban
If you have been temporarily banned, you will simply have to wait for the appropriate amount of time to pass.

Permanent Ban
If you have been permanently banned, and you wish to continue posting and otherwise actively participating in this web site, you are welcome to send us an appeals email.  This must be sent to us from a paid-for email address.  One will not be acknowledged if it comes from a free email address source.  We will give your appeal full consideration and get back to you and let you know what we decide.  Just so you are aware, some appeals have been successful in the past.  This is not a "waste of time" option if you are truly sincere about it.  A good suggestion is to actually read these rules again in their entirety, and then state that you have done so, that you understand what your violations were that got you banned, and that you agree to now abide fully by the rules.  While there may be second chances, there are no third chances.  If a person is reinstated after a permanent ban, we proceed with a zero tolerance policy.

See also Alerts


Lack of Noticeable Activity on a Rules Violation
In spite of the number of moderators available to patrol this web site, we at motherinlawstories.com NEVER claim to be able to read every single posting.  In fact, just the opposite, we assure you that many postings will go unread.  Therefore, if you do not notice any activity against a posting that has violated a rule, please do NOT take that to mean that the posting is okay with us.  There are many possible explanations, including the possibility that we simply have not seen it yet, and would very much appreciate you pointing it out to us via the Alert function.

See also Alerts and Banning


My Posting/Thread Was Edited/Locked/Removed - What Did I Do Wrong?
Maybe nothing!  If you are not sure, contact us.  If you review these rules and are certain you did nothing wrong, there are many other possibilities:
Editing is almost always explained by the one doing the editing, so if you are unclear still send us an email.
Locking is sometimes explained, sometimes not.  We lock a suspected thread first, and then discuss amongst the mods what further steps ought to be taken.  We may determine that nothing was really wrong and then unlock the thread.  We may determine that the thread is best left to simply fade away, and never unlock it - in which case posting an explanation becomes counterproductive, because it brings the posting back to the top of the forum.  We may post a reason for locking the thread prior to locking it.  If you are ever unsure, feel free to email us at webmaster@motherinlawstories.com and we will be happy to provide explanation.  Please do not discuss it further on the message board - as that may be seen as further occurrences of an offending behavior.
Removal of a posting or thread can occur for a number of reasons.  First, if it was posted to the wrong forum, you may find it again in the correct forum.  It is possible that an individual posting was removed because it referenced or responded to an offending posting that had to be removed.  When we go about cleaning up an offending posting, if the remaining postings no longer make sense, we will remove those as well.


Dealing With Trolls
We get our share of trolls.  A troll is a person who is looking to incite a thread full of violently emotional banter.  They come in all shapes and sizes.  For example, from time to time we get a troll (whether an actual MIL or not) who either wants to prove that not all MIL's are bad (and we all know that) or that everything is all the DIL's fault.  The responses come fast and furious, and the troll is the only one having a great time.

It is best to completely ignore a troll, and not to engage them whatsoever.  Do not even accuse them of being a troll (a violation of our respect rules) or otherwise challenge them.  Simply click the Alert link and let us do the rest.


Private Clubs / Unanswered Postings
There is no tolerance for private clubs existing on this web site.  This is an open web site and a warm and welcoming community where everyone who posts respectfully can have an expectation of receiving support.  If we are made aware of any private circles going on, we notify those involved that doing so is a violation of our rules, and we will take action accordingly.  For clarity, we are only talking about activity that occurs on our web site.  What you choose to do outside of our web site is, of course, your own business, not ours.  This rule is here simply to prevent our readers from creating private clubs on our site, which have sprung up from time to time in the past, in order to identify all those on one side of an issue, and align against others who post on the opposite side of the issue.  There are tag lines that people use on our site that appear to be clubs - these are not private - anyone can join, all are welcome, and they do not exist for any purpose of ganging up on other posters.  If you ever wish to participate in one of those, you simply declare yourself a member.  There is nothing more to it than that.

If your posting does not receive a response, that does not mean it has not been read, or that it needs greater visibility in other forums.  Those familiar with the workings of the site know how to view all new postings in all forums quite easily (the "read new" link, for example).  There are simply times when the activity on the board is slower than other times.  The board is usually slower on weekends and holidays, for example.  Long posts tend to put some people off, and sometimes get fewer responses due to the effort involved in reading through it all.  And, sometimes the post just does not sit well with the community at large.

If you ever have a question regarding why a posting went unanswered, send us an email at webmaster@motherinlawstories.com and we will do our best to explain it to you.


A Moderator Is Treating Me Unfairly
Ultimately, the webmaster is responsible for everything that happens on this site.  If a moderator were truly out of line, send an email to webmaster@motherinlawstories.com and explain fully exactly what your complaint is and with which moderator.  All such complaints will be taken very seriously.

One thing that should be clearly understood - while the moderators all have different personalities, and differing approaches to the way they discuss their concerns over rules violations and other issues, they are never acting alone.  The moderators have a private discussion forum where all actions taken by moderators are discussed in advance.  These actions are agreed upon by all of us.  The moderator that then takes action immediately upon seeing a violation does so with the knowledge that they are working within the interpretation of the rules and the interpretation of appropriate actions that we have all agreed upon.  No moderator is left to run amok.  So, chances are strong that if you feel put upon by a particular moderator, that moderator is acting appropriately on our behalf with our full knowledge and agreement (and, therefore, you may wish to review the rules of this site more carefully).  The only reason a particular moderator may be seen acting more often in one forum vs. another would be the particular interest of that moderator might take them to that forum first.


 


The Sister Knot, Apter
The Sister Knot
Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What


Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife
Secret Paths
Women in the New Midlife


Working Women Don't Have Wives, Dr. Terri Apter Working Women Don't Have Wives
Professional Success in the 1990'S


To See More Books By
Dr. Terri Apter
Click Here.


           Back To The Top - Click Here

Search this site or the web powered by FreeFind
    

Site search Web search


DISCLAIMER: 
All advice on this website is for informational and entertainment purposes only.  All responses are from reader submissions unless specifically noted otherwise (such as Dr. Terri Apter advice page).  We do not endorse any of the advice.  We provide it to you as a service.  We can neither guarantee the soundness of the advice, nor make any claims as to the outcome of following this advice.  We provide it for your entertainment only.  Should you choose to follow any of the advice, it is solely at your own risk.  This is not intended to substitute for obtaining advice from appropriate sources and/or professional counseling.  We recommend you consult an appropriate professional, counselor, and/or a trusted advisor before taking any action based on this advice.  B A Squared, LLC and www.motherinlawstories.com make no representations or guarantees regarding any information dispensed on this site.

Your privacy is important to us.  Click here to view our Privacy Policy.

Copyright 1999 - 2011, B A Squared, LLC.  All rights reserved.  Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission of B A Squared, LLC is strictly prohibited.  All materials submitted (written or otherwise) to www.motherinlawstories.com become the property of B A Squared, LLC.  Submission of any material (written or otherwise) constitutes your permission for B A Squared, LLC to use, edit, reproduce and publish this material (in whole or in part) in any way it deems appropriate, and releases B A Squared, LLC from any and all liability associated with the publication of said material.

CONTACT US: To contact us for any reason, please use the email form on our Help Page which you can get to by clicking here, or email us at webmaster@motherinlawstories.com.