This one belongs on Jerry Springer.   I was 5 months pregnant with our first child (in-law's first too), and my husband and I were no longer in contact with his parents.  My MIL called our house and was giving my husband a hard time.  Things escalated to a screaming match over the phone, where my FIL got on and told my husband to watch out, trouble was coming.  About 20 minutes later, my husband's Brother in law (who did time for a very violent crime) and his sister came over to follow out their "order's" per my in-laws.  Their mission was to get me to fall down the flight of stairs leading to our apartment so that I would lose the baby and feel the pain of losing a child, like my MIL feels when my husband stopped talking to her.  These people actually would have rather seen their own grandchild die than to see us happy.  We are now in the middle of a grandparent's rights battle, which has been going on since my son was born, 4 1/2 years ago. 

I have been married to my high school sweetheart for ten months now.  I love him very much, but I am considering leaving him because of his mother.  She is overbearing, manipulating, and an overall witch.  I can actually say that I hate her.  She constantly calls or comes over.  Our first mistake was buying a house less than 1/2 of a mile away from her.  Each time she comes over she has some pearl of wisdom that she thinks I can't do without.  Everything has to be her way or she gets mad.  She has even tracked us down while we were at a friend's house on more than one occasion just to check on my husband.

My sister-in-law recently had a baby.  I went over to her house after she came home from the hospital to help her get things ready.  When my mother in law came in I was holding the baby.  She turned to me and said, "Don't you get any ideas.  I don't think that I can handle you having a baby right now"!!  As if it is her decision. 

Here is an example of some of the things she has done.  When we first got married she brought over a cordless phone with caller ID.  I thanked her for the gift.  She insisted that we hook it up right then.  It wasn't until a few weeks later I found out why she was so persistent on hooking it up.  I was cooking supper and had to go to her house for some milk.  As I stood there waiting on her to pour it for me, I heard my husband's voice coming in over their scanner.  She had been listening to our phone conversations through that nice little cordless phone she had bought us. 

I am constantly defending myself, with no help from my husband.  I have never been one to be ran over and I am not about to let her put me down on a daily basis.  If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.  The only thing that I can think of is leaving, although I love him more than anything. I can't live like this anymore.


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "Cordless Phone Caper" in your response.

I have been married for 10 years, and I can tell you that if your husband's family has not accepted you after being married for 10 years to their son, then they never will.

When my mother and I were planning our wedding, my future mother-in-law wanted some things her way.  Well, after going round and round with my husband's mother, my mom finally said that she could pay for the wedding if she wanted.  That shut her up real quick.

That was just the tip of the iceberg.  I have never been good enough for her precious baby.  My sister-in-law, who is married to my husband's younger brother, has always been the little princess.  Her kids are the best, and mine are nothing.  She is perfect, and I am the bitch.

Anyway, my husband joined the Army a few years back.  My husband asked his mother to please help me with our son while I worked.  She said she would, and of course, she didn't.  I had to depend on my parents to watch my son on the weekends when I worked.  She only kept my son once in the 7 1/2 months that my husband was away.

Well, we were sent 3 states away, and my m-i-l kept asking us if we were coming home for Christmas.  Well, after not going home for Christmas for 2 years, we finally went home.  We saw both of our families.  The visit with my family was great.  They were very happy to see us.  But I don't know why my husband's family wanted us to be there so bad.  We were not included in any of the conversations, and we were treated like outcasts.  Now, the only reason that I can think of that his family wanted us there is because I just had our third and last son, and they hadn't seen him yet.  But, his sister just had a baby as well, and of course, the m-i-l went ga-ga over her, and barely acknowledged our three kids.

Well, I told my husband that I would never step foot in that woman's house again. 

Now that we're back home, and we're not there for his mother to stomp on, she will go back to being nice.  But, what some of us daughter-in-laws don't understand, is that we have power.  We have the power to make our children love or hate our mothers-in-law.

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the words "mother in law" you get the words "woman hitler".

My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and when we first dated, he lived at home with his parents, about 12 hours drive from my home.  For the sake of our relationship, he found a job and moved out to my home town.  While we were dating, and during our engagement, his family treated me like the greatest thing to cross the border.  Every little thing I did was special and unique, and if they ever disagreed with me, I certainly didn't hear about it.  After we were married, we made my home town our home.  We recently purchased a house here, and my husband is doing his apprenticeship with a local business.  Sounds permanent, right?  His mom doesn't think so.  She and I ran into a neighbor on our last visit there, and she told the neighbor, "My son is doing his apprenticeship there, so they'll live there for a few more years yet."  What does she think is going to tempt us back with?  Their charming family?  My husband's dad is the most negative person I have ever met, until I met his mother, my MIL's MIL.  I don't understand how my MIL can be so frustrated by having to cater to her demanding, negative, and manipulative MIL, and yet is treating me in a lot of the same ways.  My MIL just cannot let go.  We married young, we're both 23, and he lived at home up until moving to my area.  My husband's mom behaves as though he is away at camp, and will be home soon.  My parents moved overseas over a year ago, and I won't see them for 3-4 years at a stretch.  Yet, his mom is incapable of thinking that I could actually miss my folks, and yet she cries every time we leave after a visit.  Heaven forbid anyone could miss their children more than she.  And, when we make the hellish 12 hour drive (we're expected to come out a minimum of 4 times a year, whether we can get time off work or not), they treat us like employees.  They never have time to stop working and visit, and we are expected to work with them.  Killing potato bugs and weeding a garden that isn't mine is not my idea of a vacation.

I just want to say I do have a great husband.  Too bad you can pick your friends and not your in-laws.  We have been married for 18 years.  And I still feel like an outsider because I'm not of the same heritage he is.  I have been laughed at for the way I speak, dress, and basically conduct my life.  I put up with that crap for 10 years, but no more!!!  They managed to take me down so low I attempted suicide, and I was taking my baby girl with me.  The thing that really did it was when my MIL said, "you're so sensitive," and I said, "it's better than being insensitive."   I don't know if this will help anyone, but over the years my husband has seen and heard how his mother really is.  And, by the way, when she calls on the phone she still says, "IS MY SON THERE?"

It is indeed very interesting to read your website when you notice that so many women are having the same problems with their MILs as you are.  However, there is a big difference between Asian and Western cultures, and the methods we may use to deal with our MILs.  From the many stories that I have read, some of the MILs are not as bad as what they had mentioned.  At least they do not have to live under one roof for months and years.

My MIL, from mainland China, is an authoritative woman.  I am Chinese, and I was brought up in a Western way in a more developed country.  I met and married my husband in the UK while we studied there.  His mother never like me from start, as her son refused to submit to her match-making efforts with girls of important status and backgrounds.  However, at least she still can use me as a tool to boast around with her relatives and friends about how smart her son was to marry a foreigner from a rich country.  My mum told me to endure, and let it be, since my MIL is older, and what's more, she IS my MIL!

WE did not live together with my MIL until nearly 2 years ago, when her youngest daughter died of cancer.  She is logged head with the husband, but the Chinese do not divorce as it is a shameful thing.  She moved to live with us, and now I have to tolerate all her nonsense, and maybe she is also tolerating all my nonsense.

She interfered with my way of teaching my children, such as when to send them to school, what to let them eat, etc.  I told her that we are using the more advanced and hygienic methods of bringing up children (which to her is very rude), and I was showed her displeased face.  My husband, being the only son, does not dare to make a sound when his mother is scolding both me, and him for marrying such a wife!!  I am all alone during all these arguments!  For the sake of the children, I endure until today.

I do not know how to see eye-to-eye with my MIL, as she has a dark and hard face.  It frightens any person who tries to be nice to her.  All my friends and colleagues who happened to meet her on some occasions, or from our family photo, gave the same comment.  Even my husband agreed that his mother is a very difficult person to live with.  She even has a poor relationship with his grandma and father.  Yet, he expects me to tolerate all her nonsense, because she is being too depressed thinking of her deceased daughter.   She screamed and cried out and scolded people in the house.  He said that there is no way he will leave his mother, and if I love him and want the family, I have to accept that fact!

I really do not know how can I avoid her angry and unpleasant face, even though I think very hard of her good points.  I am too sad to write any longer.  How I wish that she is not living with us.  I pray very hard for that day to come.

Best Regards

When my husband and I first got married my MIL was not happy about it. 
10 years later, she is the first person I call when something happens, good or bad.  It took a while for both of us to realize we wanted the same thing in life, to make the same man happy.  We have been through a lot together, including losing her husband, as well as about 20 other people close to our family.  My oldest son is currently having health problems from a disease he's had since birth.  MIL is always there when I need a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold.  In fact, if some of you other DIL would take a step back and see the woman your husband sees, maybe life with the MIL wouldn't be nearly as bad as you think it is.  Just remember, if the someone you married loves her that much, and he was raised by her, there must be something good you could find about her.  I recently found a poem to MY OTHER MOTHER and gave it to my MIL.  She has since bought a special frame for it, and has it situated on a very visible stand in her living room.  I feel very lucky to have this wonderful, caring person in my life.