I wouldn't be too quick to tout your cleverness.  Hell, you poor souls haven't yet learned that it isn't mother-in-laws, it's mothers-in-law.

I was in labor with the "first" child/grandchild for both families, when we called my MIL to let her know where we were.  We TOLD her to STAY HOME, and that we would call when something happened.  TO OUR SURPRISE, about 1 hr. later, there she is walking past the hospital room.  I asked my husband to go out and MAKE HER LEAVE and NOT come back until the baby was born.  As it turned out, the baby (her grandchild) did NOT arrive for another 36 hrs.  I don't know what I would have done, having to stare @ her for 36 hrs straight!!  Coz there WAS NO WAY on god's green earth she was coming in to witness the birth!!! 

I have a sister-in-law whom I would love to choke sometimes.  It would take forever to tell you what she is like, but put it this way, she is a real witch!  She will not speak to me because I don't approve of her lifestyle.  She is separated, and spends the night at her boyfriend's house, leaving her four children at home so she can be happy.  Also, she won't speak to me  because I am friends with one of her friends, and she can't stand that.  I have finally quit worrying about her, but it is hard to watch her treat her children the way she does!  What can you do about it?? 


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "Sister-In-Law Trouble" in your response.

I've been married for 5 1/2 yrs and my MIL and I haven't gotten along most of that time.  She is an unhappily divorced, overbearing, opinionated, prejudiced and bitter person.  After I had lived as a doormat for five years, my husband stood up for me.  He angrily insisted that she treat me with respect or leave our home.  She was completely blown away, and stated that she had wasted her whole life on him (my husband) and she left.  About three months after the disagreement, I called her to apologize only for the situation getting out of control.  I know it was the right thing to do, but I became a shooting target for her once more.  I decided, from that moment on, that I would move on with my life, and try very hard not to worry about my MIL.  Her bitterness makes her see the world as she wants to see it, not as the world really is.  I accept that she has her own issues that cause her to criticize everyone around her, and that it has nothing to do with me!  It's a sad situation, because I think she should be involved in my children's lives as well as ours.  But, I have to respect myself and demand I be treated as a human being.  Since the disagreement, I can honestly say that my husband and I are feeling much better, and therefore our boys are too.  I pray to God that He will help me not to forget such a bad situation, so that I may learn from it for my two sons.  I know it has to be hard when your son leaves your home to get married, and I will find out how hard it really is in about 20 years or so.  But life is too short and precious to be consuming energy on criticism.  I know that as a wife and a mother, there are things that I could do differently and maybe even better.  But I feel it is my right, if I choose, to learn in my own time these roles.  After all, I have always learned better by making mistakes.  I hope I never forget what it feels like to be a daughter-in-law, so that I may be at least likeable to my daughter-in-law's.  I will not understand the hostility my MIL has towards me.

Q:  How are shotguns and mother-in-laws alike?
A:  If there is one around, you just want to shoot it!

I have been dating my fiancé for 4 years.  For the first 2 years, my MIL was a really great person to me.  We got along really well, and even did things together.  Then, my fiancé and I moved in together.  She lost control of him.  She couldn't bully him around anymore.  When he lived at home she would always say things like, "If you don't do this or this, you'll be living in your car!"  She had control of him in every aspect possible.

Now that we have our own place, she does whatever she can to control the situation.  She butts into every argument we have, and tells me how wrong I am.  I'm planning my wedding and she offered to pay for the flowers, but I can't have the flowers I want because she says they're inappropriate for the season and too expensive.  When I brought my wedding dress over to her house to try it on for her, her EXACT words were, "If that's the dress you choose to wear, you had better lose some weight!" 

I was mortified.  I'm 5'10" and 150lbs.  I'm not the skinniest person in the world, but I'm by no means fat.  I look damn good in my dress!!  For all the women out there who hate the MIL's as much as I hate mine, I'm trying a new approach.  I smile when I have to see her.  Other than that, I put my energy into making my relationship w/ my fiancé (almost husband).  I'm lucky, he knows what a bitch his mother is and supports me 100%.  That doesn't make her comments hurt any less.  Hang in there ladies.  Just remember that we're the bigger people by not being negative and nasty.  Why does it seem to almost always be the son's mother?  My mother is awesome to us. 

A couple of days before I was to deliver my third baby, my in-laws insisted that my husband spend the day farming their land.  We were in the process of moving at the time.  And so the baby came at 2.am after a day of farming and moving.  My husband was groaning more than me, and was absolutely useless in the delivery room.  That same day, I begged my mother in law to refrain from visiting until the next day so we could both get some rest.  She refused.  So, there I was, taking a shower hours after delivery so I wouldn't entertain guests in my sweat and blood.  Moreover, my only meal of the day sat coldly next to me while the whole clan visited. 

First of all, I have to say that my (ex) mother-in-law was always very kind to me, although I had to learn to take her with a grain of salt.  She was delighted that I married her son, and I remain friends with his parents, even though he and I have gone our separate ways.

When I first became engaged, my MIL-to-be, who is a seamstress, wanted to make me a new dress.  I was delighted to have a custom-made dress, but I also knew that my MIL had been known to ask rather indiscrete questions about the sexual relationship my then fiancé had had with his first wife.  When she began fitting me for my dress, she analyzed my body in intimate detail:  "Oh, but you do have large breasts,"  "my you certainly have no bottom,"  "oh, what can we do to hide this pokey tummy," and so on.  As someone who had never been that intimate with anyone but her doctor, this entire conversation truly sent me for a spin!  It is VERY unnerving to have your future MIL study your body in such intimate detail!!!

I fear my mother will soon be on these pages as a MIL from hell.  When I told her my then-boyfriend and I were discussing marriage, she said she couldn't wait for us to shop for my wedding gown.  I told her I already had my dress *oh the horror*.  She got all quiet and weepy, like a little kid.  She then said she wanted to invite these friends of hers from halfway across the country, who I've only seen once in my life (she pushed my sister into having them at my sister's wedding).  I said absolutely not: more quiet, more puckered up face.

When I was finally engaged, I told her the wedding would be VERY small, as my fiancé and I were paying for the wedding ourselves, and wanted to spend more time preparing for our life together than for one day.  I said the cousins and aunts/uncles weren't being invited.  Well, she went on and on that it was just plain WRONG, and that it was a slap in the face to my cousins, because the rest of the cousins had all the aunts/uncles/cousins, etc.  My fiancé's family is very small.  My mom asked, "you are actually excluding people from your wedding because his is so small?"  In a word, YES!  It's called consideration.  (FYI, my aunts didn't come to my mom's last wedding - her third.)  I told her that we could always elope and exclude everyone.  That shut her up real quick.

Then she calls a couple of hours later.  Wants to know if she can ask me something without me getting defensive.  ROTFLOL, because she is Mrs. Defensive USA.  I told her she can express her opinion, but when I tell her 5 times the wedding will be very small, and she keeps harping on me not inviting her sisters, I get a little annoyed!  She finally said, "Well, it's your wedding, and you can do what you want."  Thanks, Ma, we'll both be 30 when we get married and I don't think I need your permission!

She offered as a wedding present to have some lady from where she works sing at my wedding.  I don't know this lady, I've never heard her.  I politely declined.  Eloping is sounding so nice right now!!!

This past summer I developed a pretty nasty kidney and bladder infection while my husband was out west taking his parents to a funeral.  Before they stopped by our house to spend the night, I recommended to my husband that, perhaps, it would be better if his parents went to a motel instead.  My reasoning was that I would sleep better on our couch, since I was urinating frequently and would have to take pain medicine through the night.  Also, my mil cannot sleep in the same bed with my fil.  She usually sleeps on the couch when she is here.  Esp. since my fil had just had knee surgery.  My husband told me that he would talk to them.  That same day, I finally got in to see a doctor and got some prescriptions.  By the time I got home I was still in pain, so bad I could hardly walk up the stairs.  I guess I should have taken the doctor's advice and stayed in the hospital overnight!  My mil insisted on sleeping on the couch, and my fil got the guest bedroom.  They also go to bed quite early, at 8 pm.  The really bad thing is that, to get to the bathroom from our bedroom, you have to go through the guest bedroom, kitchen, and living room.  I slept about 2-3 hours, then woke up with pain.  I sat up at the kitchen table while waiting for the pain medicine to take effect.  My fil insisted in sleeping with the door between the kitchen and guest bedroom open, and our dog came into the guest bedroom.  As I was removing the dog from the guest bedroom, my fil thanked me for waking him up.  I then went down and laid on a blanket on the cold cement floor of the basement.  I can't believe how these people could be so damn inconsiderate.  Naturally, when my baby is born, my in-laws will not be staying here!

I have been married to my high school sweetheart for ten months now.  I love him very much, but I am considering leaving him because of his mother.  She is overbearing, manipulating, and an overall witch.  I can actually say that I hate her.  She constantly calls or comes over.  Our first mistake was buying a house less than 1/2 of a mile away from her.  Each time she comes over she has some pearl of wisdom that she thinks I can't do without.  Everything has to be her way or she gets mad.  She has even tracked us down while we were at a friend's house on more than one occasion just to check on my husband.

My sister-in-law recently had a baby.  I went over to her house after she came home from the hospital to help her get things ready.  When my mother in law came in I was holding the baby.  She turned to me and said, "Don't you get any ideas.  I don't think that I can handle you having a baby right now"!!  As if it is her decision. 

Here is an example of some of the things she has done.  When we first got married she brought over a cordless phone with caller ID.  I thanked her for the gift.  She insisted that we hook it up right then.  It wasn't until a few weeks later I found out why she was so persistent on hooking it up.  I was cooking supper and had to go to her house for some milk.  As I stood there waiting on her to pour it for me, I heard my husband's voice coming in over their scanner.  She had been listening to our phone conversations through that nice little cordless phone she had bought us. 

I am constantly defending myself, with no help from my husband.  I have never been one to be ran over and I am not about to let her put me down on a daily basis.  If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.  The only thing that I can think of is leaving, although I love him more than anything. I can't live like this anymore.


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "Cordless Phone Caper" in your response.

RESPONSE:  To Cordless Phone Caper, First order of business MOVE.  You need to be farther away from MIL, preferably in another city.  I have had much better luck with my husband when I am not putting down his mother.  But, he once found me crying over one of her pranks, and then he did step in.  Apparently, it was not okay with him for her to hurt my feelings.  So, tell your husband how this hurts you, without sounding like you are attacking her.  BUT, once again, I must tell you that the only thing that has worked for us was some distance (geographical).   Good luck.

RESPONSE:  Cordless Phone Caper Response
First, you need to tell your husband how you feel about his mother, and he needs to support you!  He should be able to talk with his mother to make her understand that what she says or does upsets you.  Or, it would be good for you to tell her you appreciate her help, but talk over what troubles you with her behavior.  It's best to confront an issue when it happens, or else the feelings will just fester and build up.  Please don't end your marriage.  The best things in life (your husband) is worth fighting for.  Hang in there with your MIL.  I know she does and says things that are insensitive.  We previously had difficulties with my MIL, and my husband stood up for our marriage.  All the hard times just made our marriage stronger, because we worked through it together.  Now, over 3 yrs. later, we get along with my in-laws, and probably have a better relationship now than we could have ever had previously.  It will work out for you if you and your husband work through it together.  Don't give up hope!

RESPONSE:  to the gal with the cordless phone, you could use my favorite way of getting out of using it without being one bit rude.  What you say is that the batteries always go dead.  And, if that doesn't work, there are a few others.  Just tell her that either you don't get a good reception all the time on it, or that if the power goes out you would feel more comfortable having a phone that works - because once power is out the phone is dead on cordless ones.  Or, the one I use most, tell her to get lost and mind her own affairs.  You should ask her if she really wants her son to be happy.  If the answer is yes, tell her that her interfering is causing a huge problem, and that you are on the verge of leaving him if it continues.  Once the blame for a true love break up is at her feet she will back off.

RESPONSE:  Re: Cordless Phone Caper:  I suggest good ol' southern charm...even if you're not from the south.  When she makes a rude comment to you, smile your biggest, warmest smile, and in your sweetest tone say, "Why on earth would you say a thing like that?"  Maybe even follow with a little chuckle.  Then, end it right there.  She won't know what to say or do.  When she eavesdrops try, "I can't imagine why you would be interested in our conversations."  Again with the smiling charming thing.  If this doesn't end her behavior, at least you'll be smiling and you'll know you are most definitely the better woman (everyone else will too, including your husband).  Good Luck!

RESPONSE:  Speak to an attorney in your state.  Some states may have laws regarding your MIL's actions.  After talking to a lawyer, see where you stand, and threaten to do something about it if your husband won't.  I took the same abuse from my MIL with no help from my husband, until one day she let it all out!  He works away from home every other week.  I had to cry and worry the whole week.  I had told him on the phone, and when he got home he went down there and told her a thing or two.  This was two years ago.  She and I have not spoken since.  I have not been happier.  Once I knew for sure how she felt about me I could care less.  My philosophy is, "Unless you ?help? me and pay my bills, I don't care what your opinion is!"  I have my children and husband to worry about.  He knew how his mother was, because he waited 6 months to introduce us.  His brother introduced his pregnant bride-to-be a week before they married!  So, what I am saying is, stand up and show her who you are! 

I would like to salute my mother-in-law.  She passed away in Feb. of '99, and since then I have realized how lucky I was to have known her, and how proud I am to say that she was my MIL!  She truly had a heart of gold, and each day that passes by I still miss her, and know that I always will.  She was not always an easy person to be around.  She was stubborn, bull headed, honest and kind, and she called it as she saw it.  But, she would never try to hurt anyone intentionally.  We didn't always get along, in fact, it took the first five years that my husband and I were married before we could actually say that we liked each other.  And, now that I think about the first five years, I think of how silly it was to be like that.  I think of all the stuff we missed out on in those five years.  And, once we got to know each other, we really found out that we could be friends as well as in laws.  Her funeral was on her birthday and their anniversary was right after.  And now, as her birthday approaches, I will still wish her a happy birthday with tears in my eyes.  Treasure your MIL, because you don't know when you may not have the chance to tell her how much she means to you and your family.  And, think that one day you too may be someone's MIL!  God bless all MIL!

Years ago, when my husband and I were about to be married, my husband and I couldn't afford a wedding dress for me, so I sewed a skirt and blouse for me to wear for the wedding.  My MIL told me she had a present for me.  Two days before my wedding, she gave me a white dress with blue trim.  It was the right size, so I planned on wearing it instead.  The "big" day arrived, and as I was getting dressed, I felt a scratch on my left arm.  My precious MIL had forgotten to remove the price-tag from the dress.  I later learned from one of my SIL's, "mom" had bought the dress the week before because, "it wouldn't be right not to be married in white". To this day, sixteen years later, I have never let my precious MIL know I found out her secret. 

I consider myself the luckiest woman alive.  Not only did I marry a wonderful man, but he had 2 wonderful parents that became best friends with my parents.  Our mothers talked to each other on the phone every day, played cards, and socialized after we married.  Our fathers played golf together (even bought a golf cart together).  I always told my daughter of the wonderful relationship I had with my in-laws, and that it was important to love her husbands parents.  Well, she too found a marvelous husband and adores her in-laws.  And we are friendly and fond of the new family as well.  With all the stress of life in general, it's wonderful to have a happy marriage of in-laws.