My husband and I have been married for 11months.  I gave birth to our daughter 3 1/2 months ago.  My MIL and sister in law are always checking our daughter up and down to make sure that I'm taking care of her properly.  That drives me crazy, and sometimes it gets to me so bad I feel like never taking our daughter over there again.  The only experience I have had with children is babysitting when I was younger.  And, my husband had never been around children until our daughter was born.  I feel that I do a good job at being a mother, and I work to make sure that she is taken care of the best I can.  Let me give you just a few things that my MIL does to drive me nuts.  One day, we were going to go shopping, so my husband talked me into leaving our daughter with her grandparents.  When we got there, his mother took her out of her car seat and started to check her fingers to make sure that her nails were cut.  They were a little sharp, so she asked me, "Do you know how to cut her nails?"  When we left, I didn't worry too much about it.  About 1 hr. later, we came back to pick our daughter up to take her home.  When we got there, his mother was giving her a bath.  That did not bother me, but when she came over to me and said, "How often do you give her baths?" I told I give her baths every day, and I always have!  She laughed at me, and told me that I needed to learn how to give baths, and in that case, from now on, that I should just take her over there to give her a bath.  When I told my husband, he just blew it off, and told me that his mother was only just trying to be nice.  Well, if that's just being nice, then I hate to see what it is like when she is really upset. 

My MIL has two daughters older than my husband.  I married when I was 19, and it was a religious wedding (walking down the aisle and receiving all our blessings).  My wedding was very formal, with instrumental music, a large buffet, and a very beautiful wedding dress.  I looked like a queen!  (We had a whole week honeymooning in different places of the Dominican Republic.)  The night of my wedding, my MIL actually pulled my dress from behind and stepped with her dirty feet on my tail and said, "You guys should be leaving (AT 8:00 PM!!!!!!!) because I FEEL VERY TIRED AND I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!"  I took control of my dress, and told her, "SO leave if you're tired.  Nobody will notice." 

I've been married for almost 3 years.  My MIL's daughters are 10 and 12 ages older than me, and my MIL is still pissed because her son walked ME DOWN THE AISLE and her daughter's husbands have JUST WALKED THEM TO CITY HALL.  Is it my fault that her son and I love each other much, and that he has a more deep meaning of marriage than her son-in laws?  And still, my MIL says, "You made a MISTAKE by walking down the aisle!!!!!!

My mother in law got divorced from her 7th husband in September of last year.  Two weeks later, she was seeing another man who passed away after she had been seeing him for about a month.  She planned on marrying this man during February of this year. At this man's funeral she was overdramatic and pathetic.  At his burial, she looked over at me and said, "It's not that I loved him, but it's the thought that if we had been married I wouldn't ever have to work again" (the man was wealthy).  Now, a month after this man's death, she approaches the family and tells us she's marrying another man on the same day in February (he's wealthy, of course).  We also found out, after her announcement about the new hubby, that she told our kids that her last husband, # 7, had died.  Our kids never questioned us about it 'till we ran into him at the local supermarket, where our kids said to him, "Papa, what are you doing here?  We thought you were dead."  Imagine his surprise and ours.

When I got married a year ago, my mother-in-law paid for a small reception for our wedding.  Even though my parents offered not to come anyway, because they are far away and they live in another country, my MIL never said a word of regret that they were not there.  She never even offered to invite them!  I am planning to have a wedding with my family in April in my country (Do you think I should invite her and not step down to her level?).  At the reception she prepared for me and my husband, no "nice" pictures were taken of the Bride and the Bridegroom, whereas her family filled all the pictures.  When I asked whether I could take a picture (in my dress) with my husband in her garden, she freaked out.  She thought I was criticizing the wedding pictures (and, then she harassed me one day by dropping the wedding pictures to the floor).  She told me I should not take any more pictures, and that I had enough.  Mind you, she is the same one who kept the money people gave us for our wedding gifts in a bank account, and she has not sent it 'till a month ago when I asked my husband to tell her to send it.  I am terrified of this woman!  I have been with my husband over to his country only twice, and each time I go it is a terrifying experience.  She is very negative.  When I visited there while we were still dating, she showed us a movie about a marriage that turned terrible.  What a good message for a couple who love each other, and who are about to start a family!  At the dinner table, she just sat there and stared at me.  When her daughter bought me a pair of pants as a Christmas gift, she complained to my husband (my then boyfriend) that I should have insisted that his sister not to buy me anything.  I just cannot stand this woman!  I am worrying about the next time I have to go and visit there, and literally see her face!

My mother-in-law was going to send Christmas gifts for my family, and informed me that it is cheaper to send the gifts separately ... as they weighed less that way!!  Hahaha lol.  We joke about that all the time.  And, so, if you want the cheapest postal rate, send things separately!!  LOL

I don't think I have the worst MIL, but what's been happening has gotta make me very depressed, and sometimes I am thinking about divorce.  We got an apt. on the same block as my sister- and brother-in-law.  Everything was going fine before we moved in, cos we always thought that we would be living on our own.  But, it turned that that my FIL did not want to stay with their 2nd son's wife, (that was the initial plan).  So, we agreed to take them in.

That was the beginning of my depression.  We rushed through the renovations so that my PIL could move in swiftly.  We did not intend to move in ourselves until we had gone through our customary wedding.  That means they ended up having the house to themselves.  Every day, my MIL would prepare dinner for the whole family (11 of them) at my house.  Can you imagine us expecting "dinner guests" everyday?  Is this a "mini-restaurant", or what?

The worst part is, now the family members are all holding keys to my apt. so that they can come and go at their convenience.  Guess what?  They are more familiar with where the things are placed than I am.  So, I was thinking that things were getting out of hand and it had to be put to a stop.  We brought forward our wedding 2 months in the hopes that we could take control of the situation.  When we moved in, things were still the same, and I got very frustrated.  I started hanging out with my colleagues 'till late at night to get away from those people.  A couple of times when I invited my friends over, they were surprised to see my brother- and sister-in-law opening our doors with "their keys", and they posed the same question, "How can they hold the keys to your apt.?  They are intruding your privacy."   I agree with them.  After a year, the in-laws somehow got the hint that I'm not very happy with this, and they didn't come over so often.

I was always talking to my husband about the problem, and I understand that he's also in a difficult position to bring these sensitive topics to his mother. 

Almost every day I cry myself to sleep.  After awhile, he felt that he must really do something, so he found an opportunity to talk to his mother. 

Two months after our wedding, my husband had an overseas posting for a year.  So, I tagged along.  Life is quite boring in another country, but it is better than staying at home to face those unhappiness.

Before we left, my husband had told my MIL about the rotation for the cooking.  When we got back, things had improved a bit, cos she's now doing the cooking at her daughter's place.  I don't receive "dinner guests" now, at least for a while.  And, I make it a point not to go to their place for dinner.  Not too long after, my MIL complained to me that her daughter's husband is not happy with her cooking over there.  I just gave some comments, but I will never suggest that she can do the cooking at my place.  Once bitten, twice shy.

As my PIL are those very homey types, they seldom go out.  I was always suggesting to my husband to ask his parents to go for a holiday - that they should move around while they are still able to, so that we can have some time all by ourselves at home.  But, it looks like that's never going to happen.  I was not working at that moment, so I had to face my PIL every day when I woke up.  I tried to communicate with them, and realized their topics always go around those topics like the price of the food, her children not feeling well ... Not my cup of tea.  So, I started hanging out again.  After awhile, my MIL asked my husband if I'm not happy to stay with them.  He frankly told them that we always planned to live on our own.  She told him that they will move out, together with their daughter (not married), cos her daughter was also complaining that she was doing all the household chores at the 2nd son and DIL's apt.  (I told my husband that if, on the other hand, the DIL came complaining that her daughter is not doing the household chores, most probably the MIL will say, "What's so big a deal in doing the household chores."'  Don't you agree?)  The move is not happening for at least half a year from now.  I'm looking forward to that day.

At that same time, my husband received another posting, so we were gone again.  That's where I am now, away from my hometown, venting my frustration, and praying that they have got themselves a place by the time we get back.

I am glad that she can accept our opinion.  But, I hate to see her depressed whenever my husband brings up something.  It's as though I'm the person making her sad.  I also hate the look in the face of his family members, as though I'm responsible for her pain, and I'm being too petty.  Luckily, my husband always stands by me.

(To those who are thinking of inviting your in-laws to stay with you:  Think twice.  Because, even if you have a good MIL, you're not going to foresee what is going to come along the way.)

I always find it hard to relate my problem to friends because they are not living under the same roof as their in-laws, so they don't have the problem that I'm encountering.  But, I'm sure someone out there, shares the same problem.  I'd like to hear from you.


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "In-Laws Sharing Home" in your response. 

I am the mother-in-law in question!!??  My son had been married for 2yrs.  Has one child born this past Oct. (a baby boy).  Ever since his marriage, his wife has changed for the worse.  During her pregnancy, on several occasions I had wanted to take a ride over & take her out to lunch.  I was put off.  She was always running out the door, or someone else was on the other end of the phone that she had to talk to.  Bingo!!!!!  The baby is born, and I go to visit at the hosp.  Phone keeps ringing (that's O.k. ).  My DIL had a c-section, and told all of her friends I was there visiting & so she had to hang up.  She hangs up & says, "That's how I get rid of people I don't want to talk to."   Knowing this already, I let it go.  Needless to say, now she's too busy to call.  I wait for my dear stupid son to call (may I also add that she does not cook for him, which is his choice, & buys takeout every night).  She is busy with the baby .  I mind my own business, as my mother-in-law made satin look like a cub scout & I swore  never to interfere with my children's lives.  I don't!!!!  See, so don't always blame the mother-in-law ' til you're in those shoes, cause she may not like you either for the way you have treated her in the past.


RESPONSE:  This is a response to the "mother-in-law in question".
First, thank you for putting your words here since I (I don't think I'm the only one) really want to know what MILs think about.  Then, I would like to let you know what your DIL might think, if you CARE.

My first question to you is 'do you care?'

I don't think my MIL really cares about what I think and feel at all.  I can't say she doesn't care about me.  She cares whether I send gifts to my own 
parents often.  She cares whether I treat my husband good.  She cares when I'm ready to become pregnant.  She even cares how much I'm making now.  All she cares about me is how much I can contribute to her son.  I understand this.  That's why we're still OK.  But, so many times I feel so hurt, and thus I feel so shaky whenever I think about her.

Both my husband and I are "only childs".  My MIL, who lives in another country, came to visit us in the half year before we got married.  She stayed with us for 3 months.  This was the first time I met her.  I was so happy to see her before she came.  I thought she would be like my own mother.

I don't want to repeat all the similar stories you can find in this web site.  All I want to say is that after the 3rd month, I realized that I'm the last member of her family. It's OK.  But the worst thing is, she would like to be the supervisor of our family (my husband's and mine).

My second question to you is -
If your DIL was actually your own daughter, would you care whether she cooked for her husband or not when she's busy with her baby? (Why can't her husband cook?)  If she was your own daughter, would you think the man who married your daughter was stupid just because he was devoted to your daughter?

My third question is -
Did you invite your DIL to lunch before she got pregnant?

I don't want to blame my MIL.  I dreamed about a MIL I loved so much.  I'm so jealous of my friend having a good MIL (she told me her MIL is even better than her own mother).

But, I'm so afraid of my MIL, and I just want to keep the distance from her.  That's why, the last time she asked to talk to me on the phone when my hubby called her, I rushed into the bathroom - I just didn't want to be hurt any more.

Your DIL might be a little stronger than I am.

After all, I don't think my MIL is evil. We are just two incompatible human beings due to lots of reasons.

Thus, I would like to keep a distance from her.  But I don't know how to let her know.  Her plan to live with us when she's getting older really scares me.

I have read most of the stories here about MIL's and I find it pretty sad.  I have been married for 16 years, dating for 18, and my MIL is one of my best friends.  She has always been there for me through good times and bad times.  I am in the middle of getting a divorce from her son, but still maintain a close friendship with her.  She has been there with me every step, and has helped me out with my kids during this period of my life.  For Christmas, I wanted to get her something really special but couldn't find anything that would show her just how much I love her.  I think she is one of the most caring, honest and helpful people out there today, and I just wish there were more people like her.  She will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart!