I just found this page, and I am very curious to see if anyone has a MIL like I have.  She, to the unknown eye, is very sweet and soft spoken.  But, get on her bad side, and she will go all out to make your life hell, all the while being sugar sweet to anyone else around.  My husband is an only child, and until I became part of his life she was, of course, woman #1.  She would constantly tell me how my husband never put any of his girl friends above her.  When I had my daughter, she was absolutely against my breast feeding.  She said if I did she would not be able to bond with the baby.  She hounded my husband and me about this issue.  But to everyone else she would preach how good it was for the baby, and she hoped I would breastfeed.  A common trait in her manipulative and habitual lying nature.  That is just one example of hundreds of things I have to deal with from her.  When we confronted her on a HUGE lie, she just flat out said in her own words, "I am a good and honest person. You know in your heart I would never lie.  How could you say this to your own mother?"  It all came to a head at one point and I blew up at her.  And, of course, she exaggerated to everyone what was said, and had my FIL right in the middle.  Then, of course, comes the part when she calls my husband and says she is more important to his life than I am, and he better straighten me out or get rid of me.  This went on for 2 years.  We have come to an unspoken truce.  Yet, I still hear about lies she tells about me, and have to deal with her everyday lying and trying to manipulate me into her way of thinking.  I try to just blow her off, but at times it is all I can do not to pinch her head off.  Anyway, thanks for listening, and I look forward to any feed back or suggestions.


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "Pinch Her Head Off" in your response. 

Last week my wife and I went car shopping, and the salesman asked if I wanted a car with an Air-bag.  I said, "No thanks.  I already have a Mother in law."

Please help me!  My MIL, and the whole in-law family, is driving me crazy.  My MIL and I always got along, and I genuinely liked her, until I got pregnant 2 years ago, and from that time on it went down hill.

When we told her I was pregnant she seemed happy, but when I was on bed rest she wouldn't lift a finger to help me (she lives next to us).  My family had to do absolutely everything for me.  After the baby was born (via cesarean) it was the same thing, no help.  In fact, one day she came over and I even said how dirty my floors were and that they needed to be cleaned, but that was something I wasn't suppose to do.  She just ignored me and left.

And that's just the beginning.  It just hasn't stopped since then.  I could go on forever, but I'll try to just pick out some of the things she and the other in-laws have done to tell you about.

She never wants to look after her only grandchild.  Every time I would ask she hums and haws before saying, "I guess so."  Sometimes, months will go by without her seeing him, but yet she tells everyone else in the family how much she adores her grandchild and just can't get enough of him.  And, at family get-togethers, she is all over him, putting on a big show in front of everyone.  It makes me sick!

When my grandfather passed away she offered to baby-sit during the funeral (when others were around to hear her say it).  And then, 1 day before the funeral, she cornered me by the front door as I was leaving and whispered, "Oh, by the way, I'm not sure about babysitting during the funeral.  I might have plans, but I'll let you know."  She never called, so I had to find someone last minute.  The worst was, she went shopping during the funeral.  Then, when I wouldn't ask her to baby-sit anymore, she would say to others that she didn't know what my problem was, and that I was trying to keep her grandson away from her.

Then, 3 months later, when my father died, no one from the in-law family came to the funeral (they all knew him), as they did my grandfather, and no one showed at that one either.  And, on the day my father passed away they had a family get-together.  They have these "get-togethers" every week, almost, so it's not like they couldn't have cancelled out of respect for my dad.  The whole in law family is a bunch of self centered people.  I feel like none of them care about me.  I am constantly trying to make them happy and "fit in" but it just doesn't work, no matter what I do.

I now have no respect for any of them, and they are such a close knit family that I can't seem to get away from them.  They get together for all occasions and most weekends in the summer.  My husband understands how I feel, but yet still wants to attend all the gatherings.  And, when I don't go they bitch about me (I know this because when I do go they bitch about anyone who is not there).  We all live side by side, and as much as I would love to move, my husband promised to never sell the "family land" that we live on, and he won't go back on his promise.

I just don't know how to deal with any of them.  They are so two faced, and they will lie when confronted.  They're nuts, and they are driving me nuts too.

The above are just samples of what they are like.  I could go on and on, but my fingers are getting tired from typing.

Any advice would be appreciated. 


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "Two Faced In-Laws" in your response. 

This woman has two sons and a daughter.  Although I'm not married to her youngest son, we have been together for a very long time, and have a child.  She constantly sticks her nose where it doesn't belong, especially where my child is concerned.  But, here's what makes her such a witch:

She told her oldest son's wife that the only reason he married her was to get out of paying child support on their two children.  She told me that her youngest son should live with me, because he couldn't afford to pay support, and he wouldn't have to if we lived together.  What really blows me away is that he "can't afford to pay support," but he buys her a new couch, new big screen television, and bought the wallpaper for the whole house, just because she asked him to. Ridiculous.

My Mother In law is always in my business.  She is driving me nuts.  She has put me through pure hell and back again.  She thinks she knows everything, and she thinks she is better than everybody else.  My husband and I have a lot of things going on in our marriage.  We can't work anything out because she will send me some stupid mean e-mail and make me mad again.  My husband has told her to leave me alone, but she doesn't listen.  I had a child very recently and things have gotten worse.  She is accusing me of cheating and not taking care of my baby.  I have cheated on my husband in the past, and he has on me, and she throws that up at me at every chance she gets.  The thing is, it was okay when he did it.  My husband was spending his unemployment checks "elsewhere" instead of paying bills.  Now, somehow, she is blaming me for that, and saying that I am a liar.  Even after he told her he was doing it.  How do you get rid of this woman?  How do you make them stay out of your life?  She is driving me crazy.


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "Want MIL Out Of My Life" in your response. 

My mother in law drives me crazy, and of course my husband would never say a precious thing against his mommy.  We have been married 3 months, but together for 5 (3 in a different state than his mommy and daddy).  We live in a fairly large city and I work downtown.  I am an attorney at a law firm.  She is a housewife.  She makes no attempt to understand what my life is like, repeatedly asking me things like, "Aren't you scared to drive down town?  Why don't you take the bus?  I would." (I frequently work from 7 am to 7 pm or later.)  And, asking me stuff like, "Did you cook a big Sunday dinner today?" (when she knew I had been at work all day on Sunday).

During our wedding she became the ultimate prima donna, as if it were her wedding.  She insisted on having a polka player, even though we were already having a DJ.  She hired her own photographer for the reception (we had one only for the wedding).  She invited 25 kids and people from her daycare!  (Many people my husband and I have never met.)  She dropped in to the reception hall when my mother and I were decorating (frantically, as we were running late), and proceeded to spend 45 minutes talking to me about how wonderful things would be, never once offering to lift a finger to help, while my mom had to finish off decorating.  At the reception itself, I was immediately interrogated by the cook, the DJ, etc. the minute I walked in.  All of them had last minute questions for the bride.  We had to buy vegetarian meals for a few people, and the caterer wanted to know how long to heat them for.  I told her what I thought, and turned to ask my mother in law (who was standing there listening) what she thought, and she said, "Oh, I wouldn't know." (She is a total betty crocker who cooks her husband 3 course lunches everyday. Of course she knew.  She just didn't want to be bothered with anything on her precious day.)

She has also recently told my husband how disappointed she is with me, because she always dreamed that her daughter in law would be just like another daughter, and confide in her all kinds of personal things. (She wants me to tell her everything.  Once, when my now husband and I were living apart because he was in school, things weren't going well, and I was debating whether to go up there or not and try to save things or just back off.  I called to ask for that simple piece of advice.  Later, she went on and on about how wonderful it was that I finally reached out to her.  Of course my husband feels free to tell her all kinds of personal things about us, including private stuff I have told him about my own family.)

We also recently bought a house that has about 1/2 acre of land, which is a lot compared to her house.  She has told me that she needs me to grow this huge list of items in my garden for her, or alternatively, that I could just let her plant stuff and she would come over and take care of it. (Sure, then she would have a free invitation to come over whenever she wanted).

My husband is never going to help things either.  Here are some of the things he has said recently about his mom and dad:  "We don't live close to them.  We live 20 minutes away, that is not close at all." (Yeah, right!).  "I don't think I could ever handle living more than 45 minutes from my parents." (We live 7 hours away from mine.)

My mother warned me not to move so close to my in-laws, but I didn't listen. 

I don't think I have the worst MIL, but what's been happening has gotta make me very depressed, and sometimes I am thinking about divorce.  We got an apt. on the same block as my sister- and brother-in-law.  Everything was going fine before we moved in, cos we always thought that we would be living on our own.  But, it turned that that my FIL did not want to stay with their 2nd son's wife, (that was the initial plan).  So, we agreed to take them in.

That was the beginning of my depression.  We rushed through the renovations so that my PIL could move in swiftly.  We did not intend to move in ourselves until we had gone through our customary wedding.  That means they ended up having the house to themselves.  Every day, my MIL would prepare dinner for the whole family (11 of them) at my house.  Can you imagine us expecting "dinner guests" everyday?  Is this a "mini-restaurant", or what?

The worst part is, now the family members are all holding keys to my apt. so that they can come and go at their convenience.  Guess what?  They are more familiar with where the things are placed than I am.  So, I was thinking that things were getting out of hand and it had to be put to a stop.  We brought forward our wedding 2 months in the hopes that we could take control of the situation.  When we moved in, things were still the same, and I got very frustrated.  I started hanging out with my colleagues 'till late at night to get away from those people.  A couple of times when I invited my friends over, they were surprised to see my brother- and sister-in-law opening our doors with "their keys", and they posed the same question, "How can they hold the keys to your apt.?  They are intruding your privacy."   I agree with them.  After a year, the in-laws somehow got the hint that I'm not very happy with this, and they didn't come over so often.

I was always talking to my husband about the problem, and I understand that he's also in a difficult position to bring these sensitive topics to his mother. 

Almost every day I cry myself to sleep.  After awhile, he felt that he must really do something, so he found an opportunity to talk to his mother. 

Two months after our wedding, my husband had an overseas posting for a year.  So, I tagged along.  Life is quite boring in another country, but it is better than staying at home to face those unhappiness.

Before we left, my husband had told my MIL about the rotation for the cooking.  When we got back, things had improved a bit, cos she's now doing the cooking at her daughter's place.  I don't receive "dinner guests" now, at least for a while.  And, I make it a point not to go to their place for dinner.  Not too long after, my MIL complained to me that her daughter's husband is not happy with her cooking over there.  I just gave some comments, but I will never suggest that she can do the cooking at my place.  Once bitten, twice shy.

As my PIL are those very homey types, they seldom go out.  I was always suggesting to my husband to ask his parents to go for a holiday - that they should move around while they are still able to, so that we can have some time all by ourselves at home.  But, it looks like that's never going to happen.  I was not working at that moment, so I had to face my PIL every day when I woke up.  I tried to communicate with them, and realized their topics always go around those topics like the price of the food, her children not feeling well ... Not my cup of tea.  So, I started hanging out again.  After awhile, my MIL asked my husband if I'm not happy to stay with them.  He frankly told them that we always planned to live on our own.  She told him that they will move out, together with their daughter (not married), cos her daughter was also complaining that she was doing all the household chores at the 2nd son and DIL's apt.  (I told my husband that if, on the other hand, the DIL came complaining that her daughter is not doing the household chores, most probably the MIL will say, "What's so big a deal in doing the household chores."'  Don't you agree?)  The move is not happening for at least half a year from now.  I'm looking forward to that day.

At that same time, my husband received another posting, so we were gone again.  That's where I am now, away from my hometown, venting my frustration, and praying that they have got themselves a place by the time we get back.

I am glad that she can accept our opinion.  But, I hate to see her depressed whenever my husband brings up something.  It's as though I'm the person making her sad.  I also hate the look in the face of his family members, as though I'm responsible for her pain, and I'm being too petty.  Luckily, my husband always stands by me.

(To those who are thinking of inviting your in-laws to stay with you:  Think twice.  Because, even if you have a good MIL, you're not going to foresee what is going to come along the way.)

I always find it hard to relate my problem to friends because they are not living under the same roof as their in-laws, so they don't have the problem that I'm encountering.  But, I'm sure someone out there, shares the same problem.  I'd like to hear from you.


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "In-Laws Sharing Home" in your response. 

RESPONSE: "In-Laws Sharing Home" response
Fortunately, after 6 1/2 months, my mother-in-law finally moved out of our home.  It's sad when you've been married for seven months and your mother-in-law has lived with you for six of them!  I can understand the feeling of depression that comes with sharing a home with anyone that you don't really want there.  Before my mother-in-law moved in, I thought she was a nice person.  Our relationship has been strained to the point that I don't care if I ever see her again.  She always complained about how little money she and her husband had.  He was overseeing the building of their home across the country.  When I found her banking receipt in my garbage that showed an enormous six figure balance ... I flipped to my husband.  He was as unhappy with the situation, but he made this deal with his parents when he was single and did not figure that his new wife would have to put up with this living arrangement.  In fact, after we were engaged, he called his mother to let her know that this would not be a good idea.  She basically talked him into it, telling him that she would "stay out of the way".  Her husband wanted her stuff moved into our house while we were away on our honeymoon.  The best thing to do is speak up and let these people see what they're doing to your relationship.  Unfortunately, my MIL wanted free accommodations at any cost.  I even resorted to an anti-anxiety prescription to deal with it.  My marriage is back on track and stress free since she left two weeks ago.  If she ever dares to ask if she can stay again ... I'll have something to say about it next time!!!  Hang in there!

RESPONSE:  In-laws sharing home.
When you wrote you cry yourself to sleep every night, I too felt like crying. I lived with my in laws for 7 months, in my husband's old bedroom.  It was the worst experience of my life.  I cannot get into the details (too long and painful) but I can say that through support from my family and my church I have learned to let go and forget about the experience.  For if I held on to the hurt and anger I definitely would be divorced.  My in laws still get to me, but a lot of the trouble lies with my husband.  He insists on telling his Dad every detail of our finances.  My FIL is not a very bright man.  He is sort of ignorant, and I can't stand taking advice from him.  As far as my MIL, here are a few of her "prize moments":  She gave my daughter an outfit.  Then, 2 months later asked me if she had worn it yet.  I said no (it wasn't the season yet).  She asked for the outfit back so she could give it as a gift to her niece's daughter.  During one family get-together, when I added something to the conversation she snapped to me, "Who asked you?"  I replied, "Why are you so mean to me?"  She quickly turned away and ignored me.  Her daughter (my SIL) and her boyfriend witnessed the event, and my SIL said to me, "Oh, now she's mean to you too.  Usually, it's just me."  She has called her own daughter a slut, and she calls her other son stupid.  She told me I look like Sandra Bullock, but that Sandra is much prettier.  There is almost too much to write.