<-- Previous Archive
Next Archive -->
Thank god for a web site that allows
one to vent! I have a Christmas story that I would like to
tell about my mil. I have been married for about ten years
now. My mil is built like Olive Oyl, has a problem keeping
the weight on. I have a problem keeping the weight off.
I really believe that God makes everyone different for a purpose.
I am more of a Mae West than a Kate Moss. I could lose a few
pounds, but I'm not miserable. Not until after I go to visit
my mil. When I go visit her, I am subjected to her comments
about her "bony butt", "long legs", and her "height". I am
5 ft, 5 in. and wear a size 14-16, as do a lot of women. My
mil is a "statuesque" (ha!) 5 ft., 7 in. and weighs about 115.
I do not envy her. But I am sick of her remarks and sidelong
glances when I take an extra helping of something or order a large
meal at a restaurant. This past Christmas she bought me some
really nice maternity clothes as this is my first baby. She
was telling me that she had even asked the salesgirls what sizes
to buy - that they had told her to buy the size that you usually
buy, that there was no need to buy larger clothes. So she
bought size 14-16 which fit well, that I really liked. However,
another package contained a pair of size 22 sweatpants. My
husband commented that they seemed rather large. To which
my mil replied, "They're for after the baby is born." I told
my husband that I was sure we could take them back and exchange
them (I was mad as hell). My mil got a ticked off look on
her face. Later, I talked to my husband about it, and he forbid
me from asking her to take the pants back. I ended up donating
them to a local nursing home. I couldn't stand them in my
house as a reminder of her nastiness. I was extremely upset,
especially since I am pregnant and will be bigger than my usual
self. It is like being kicked when you're down. I am
not the only one that she has done this type of thing to.
My husband had married me when he was
fresh out of high school, and in fact, I was still a minor myself.
We had a baby shortly afterwards, and he was shipped off in the
military. Well, we had taken leave to come back home to visit
or families. We had gone straight to my in-laws home after
driving 19 hrs non stop (stopping of course for fuel only).
Well, just shortly after arriving at my in-laws, my mother-in-law,
my baby, and I were left alone in the den. That's when she
went on to make this comment, "My son really had a hard time
when he found out that you were pregnant. I heard him crying
for nights over it." And, she also went on to say, "You
two had no business getting married so young." At that
point, she was looking at her own grandchild, and had the nerve
to tell me that I should have had an abortion! Now, how about
those apples folks? Isn't that a real kick in the stomach!!!
Let's have a show of hands of all wives
out there whose husbands are living out the Oedipus complex!
What's even more of a mystery is why mothers whom are afraid of
losing their sons allow them to marry in the first place.
After 3 years of marriage, and now a proud mother of twin boys,
the least I can foresee in the future is my kids maturing ... I
can't say the same about my husband. One thing most wives
learn after marriage is that mil is always right no matter what.
And, would somebody out there please explain the insecurity that
mils' harbor towards your own parents? They're afraid your
parents are going to take over their son, his house, his children,
his sanity ... ring a bell? Please respond. Prepare
Thank God for this site. I need to
vent, and hopefully find someone to correspond with who has experienced
this horribleness so I don't feel so alone. Quick background,
I had a daughter who died from SIDS before my husband and I got
together. We had a son and got married right after he turned
one year old. Up until I got pregnant my MIL just loved me.
She was nice to me, bought me gifts, took me shopping, etc.
But the MINUTE she found out that I was pregnant, she turned on
me. She was falling down drunk (literally) at our wedding.
My family handed our son to her while they were taking pictures
of us. Our son started crying and she shook him and yelled,
"Shut Up!" at him. I yelled for someone to get him away
from her, and then we all went about our business like nothing had
happened, although I really wanted to choke her. She then
proceeded to vomit in her mouth and swallow it at our "after wedding
dinner". Everyone was so uncomfortable that we all just hurried
up and ate and got out of there. We have no good memories
of our wedding because of her. She brought no gift, no card,
and paid for nothing despite being very well off. Incidentally,
she spent over tens of thousands of dollars on my BIL's wedding,
and paid for him and his wife to go on a tropical honeymoon for
a week (according to my husband).
She has made numerous horrible remarks to me. For instance,
when I had morning sickness during my pregnancy, she told me how
sick I looked and asked me if I had been tested for AIDS while
at dinner with me and my parents. She has told me numerous
times that she does not like children. Yet, when my BIL's
wife got pregnant a year after I did, she called us to tell us how
excited that she was about them having a baby, and that she was
going to knit the new grandchild 2 blankets. She didn't knit
my son even one. For his 3rd birthday she sent him a savings
bond that will be worth $50 when he turns 33 years old, despite
being well off (her husband is well paid and will retire next year).
After the wedding incident, which followed over a year and a half
of her making rude, nasty comments to me, I decided that I'd had
enough. I wrote her a letter and told her that if she couldn't
apologize for the way she'd acted and for shaking my son, then I
didn't think we could be around her anymore. She just argued
back and forth and basically told me that I deserved all of it,
and it was because I had already had an "illegitimate" daughter.
I let her know that I am not, and will not be, ashamed of my daughter
or my past. It's made me who I am, and my husband (her son)
loves me for who I am. After a string of nasty, b*&chy
letters, in which she referred to her own children as helpless creatures
who drove her to drink, there was dead silence. I decided
to let it all go, give her another chance, welcome her into our
home, and try to get along. So, this past summer my FIL dragged
her out here (she lives several states away) for a week. She
wouldn't speak to us. She only stayed in our house for 30
minutes before she left. I had spent all day making a wonderful
vegetarian lasagna (she loves that kind of food) for them because
I knew they'd be coming at supper time. She took two bites
of it, got up, walked over to the garbage can, and scraped it all
off as loud as she could into the garbage, while saying in a very
snide tone, "Thanks for making dinner, we REALLY appreciate it."
Then she sat down, looked at my FIL and said, "Are you ready to
go?" She never acknowledged that my son was in the room, he's
three now, didn't take one picture, didn't ask one question about
our lives. That's all we saw of her until the day they left.
She came banging on our door at 7:00 am and said, "Just came to
say goodbye". This was a Monday. She had called weeks
earlier and asked my husband to take that day off so they could
do something, and then she just plain blew us off. She handed
him 5 or 6 pair of underwear. After she left, I walked in
and saw the underwear on the coffee table and asked what it was
for. My husband said she had come to give him some used underwear
that didn't fit his dad anymore! Whatever! Like I don't
buy my husband any underwear of his own???
All of this is just the tip of the iceberg. When my husband
got a better job, and we called them to tell them we were moving,
she got mad! She was mean! His dad called us a week
later to tell us he was worried because she was on such a bad drinking
binge he didn't know what to do. She cannot stand to see us
have any success in our lives. I just received a letter from
her, first time since they were here last summer. In it were
pictures of my FIL with the other grandson. She had to tell
us that they bought a brand new car (the particular car of my husband's
dreams) and how much she likes my husband's cousin's fiancée (who
is pregnant and not married yet). She said that he understands
their brand of craziness, is tolerant, and down to earth.
As opposed to us I suppose. At this point, I want nothing
to do with her. I don't want her to write or call, and I don't
want to write or call her. But next month is my husband's
birthday, and like every year, she will send him something that
requires a thank you, he will call her, she will be mean and go
on and on about how great his brother is, she won't ask about my
son or about me, and my husband will be upset and depressed when
he gets off the phone. What do I do? He says he's never
going to call her again, but I know he will. He always does.
I'm sick of her interfering with our lives. Please write to
me if you have a MIL as bad as this. I need support.
Thanks for listening.
***NOTE: Please feel free to respond to this (using
stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.
Reference this story as "MIL's a Shaker " in your response.
The following lyrics were discovered
on a wonderful site, "Den's Oldies Lyrics", that
posts lyrics to old songs. The site is found at the following
We have received permission from that site to post this. If
anyone is aware of any reason this should not be posted, please
send us an e-mail at email@example.com
(By the way - if anyone knows where to get a recording of the song,
please let us know also.)
Ernie K. Doe
The worst person I know
She worries me so
If she leave us alone
We would have a happy home
Sent from down below
Sin should be her name
To me they are about the same
Every time I open my mouth
Then she tries to put me out
How could she stoop so low
I come home with my pay
She ask me what I made
She thinks her advice is a constitution
If she would leave that should be the solution
And don't come back no more
My mother-in-law, mother-in-law.....