I have the Mother-in-Law from hell.  She is a chronic alcoholic, and has some possible psychiatric problems as well.  Right before my husband and I got married she came over to our house we were renting, and after having a fight with my Brother-in-Law, we left.  When we came back she was drunk, and proceeded to tell me what a bad person I was, etc.  All because I had left a lasagna pan to soak instead of cleaning it up.  She called me every filthy name in the book .  My husband and I told her that if she was going to act like that she could leave.  At that point she punched me several time and threw me against the wall.  To defuse the situation, we left ... big mistake.  When we came back she had cut up my wedding dress.  She also has called my parents and told them I was a whore, etc.  She spreads rumors and lies about me to all relatives.  She even had the gall to call my mother and tell her that the baby that I am carrying right now is not my husband's. 

I submitted a story earlier about how my MIL would assault me, and how she told my parents that I was a a whore, etc.  I forgot to add that my husband does acknowledge that his mother has many problems and is wonderfully supportive.  Her ex-husband (my FIL) agrees.  When she got divorced from him she cut up their wedding pictures and made my husband and his brother go along to watch her make a scene.  She also attacked my FIL's new wife.  Which is why my husband and I eloped.  We wanted to avoid another nasty scene.  It was not a secret that we were going to elope.  We told all family members where and when we were going to be married.  My father and his father and grandfather showed up at the wedding, fine and dandy.  My MIL threw a fit and said that it was unfair, etc.  We had our reception, and we saved her a spot at the head table, making sure to separate her and my FIL.  She pouted and refused to sit at the head table.  Then she calls my mother and father at 4am and tells them what a crappy reception that they put on and how unfair that it was that she could not sit at the head table.  If you all enjoy my stories I will continue to post. Please fell free to let me know what you think


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What a great space to vent.  I have had it with my MIL, and in-laws in general.  My MIL never liked me from the very beginning.  My husband and I are from different ethnic and religious backgrounds.  She is always polite but very cold.  I have always tried to fit in to their family, going out of my way.  This has/was never been appreciated by anyone but my husband.

We moved away from our friends and families for my husband's job, and I am glad we have the buffer zone.  But I resent the fact that we will probably never move back because of his family, when I really miss and want to live closer to my family and friends.

My husband's family is high maintenance, negative (never a happy moment for this family) and basically miserable.  My MIL is manipulative, plays little mind games, and uses guilt as her greatest weapon.  She has been mean, and on more than one occasion has made me cry.  Once, I took a week of vacation, a week I didn't really have, to go and help them out in a time of crisis.  There was no thank-you, but she did take her frustrations out on me, making me cry on my last day there.  Then she was so apologetic, "oh and please don't tell my son".  She has the passive/aggressive thing down pat.  A few months later she sent something in the mail.  A considerate gift, but I'd rather have a nice MIL. 

The straw that broke me: My husband's oldest brother and wife were having a difficult time conceiving.  They had been trying for over three years.  We told them we really wanted to start trying to have our own children and wanted to make sure they were okay with it.  We were trying to be considerate.  All of us are over 30, so biological clocks are ticking.  Well, we got pregnant very quickly and we were excited to share the news.  Unfortunately, his family was not so excited.  Their first response was not about how happy they were for us, but about their concern for the oldest brother and wife.  The oldest brother did not want to hear or talk about it.  He called us all kinds of names, and told my husband we were being selfish.  We were visiting both our families for 10 days, but it was such a bad scene that we cut our trip short and went home.  I think I cried every day I was there and for weeks afterwards.  I just can't explain how mean my BIL was, and how terrible it was being in my in-law's house.  Of course, when we go and see my family, we tell them how excited everyone is, and basically lie.  Meanwhile, we are both falling apart inside.  BTW, my family was so happy for us.  They have told everyone they know, and couldn't stop jumping up and down.  This is not the first grandchild for my family but it is for my husband's family. 

I am tired of the excuses for my BIL's behavior (mainly coming from his wife and MIL), but he never apologized.  My MIL is trying her best to keep the brothers on speaking terms.  When she calls, you can hear the disappointment in her voice when I answer.  I am not sure if she blames me or not, but her attitude towards me has changed from poor to worse.

My husband sees this, and he knows all of the conversations I have had with his mother, but he doesn't interfere.  I think that would just make it worse.  I am so tired of his family.  There is no joy in his family, only grief.  Someone wins money, buys a new car or gets a fantastic job.  Are they happy?  No way.  Just sullen.  My husband is not like this, but has tendencies.  He wasn't like that before we got married.

I resent my husband because he can carry on with his family like nothing happened.  I would never treat my sisters or brothers the way his family has treated us.  I just can't forgive and forget without talking it through first.  It isn't healthy not to talk things through, and his brother has no interest in talking about it.

That was our last visit and I have no desire to see his family again.  I don't want to expose our unborn child to such a toxic, dysfunctional family.  After everything that has happened, I really dislike his family.  I feel like I have been lied to, because had I known what his family was really like, I am not sure I would have married my husband.  I love my husband dearly, and we have an open and trusting relationship.  Yet, I have not been able to deal with what has happened with his family, and I never want to put my husband in the position of choosing sides.  I have no one to talk to and this is eating me up inside. 

If you read this letter, please do not think I am being petty or making things sound worse than they are.  It is a tough situation, and the family dynamics are so twisted.  There are so many skeletons in the closet.  I am glad I have had this forum to vent.  Thank you.

My mother in law gave me a hanger for Christmas.  One hanger with a sachet in it.  I think she was trying to tell me that she did not want me hanging around ha ha.  Then, when we did get married, she could not even bring herself to even say or acknowledge that we were getting married.  Needless to say, I have not seen her for almost two years, and have not spoken to my sister in law for 5 years.  It is such a shame people have to be so stupid and shallow.  All this lost time for them being such idiots ... Signed - Perfectly Happy Without all of Them People

How about father-in-law stories: There is an old saying, "If you work for family, you are either overpaid or underpaid."  Well, my wife is the type that is underpaid.  We have a house, a couple of junk cars that get us where we need to go, and her father thinks we do it all on the $8.50 per hour that he pays her.  This really irritates me!!!  He is living on a high hill, taking gambling vacations every other week, going on sight seeing vacations every week in between, and just leaves her to run HIS business while he is gone.  If she wants a day off to spend with me, or if she can't even make it to work (cause of snow or weather beyond her control) it's her butt on the line.  If she is gone for even one day, he is calling her and asking, "Where is this?", and, "Where is that?!?"  Basically, she runs HIS shop for $8.50/hr.  Then, he brags to me how HE made over six figures just in profit last year!!!  How irritating to smack my wife in the face with $8.50/hr and then brag about how much HE makes!! 

Recently HIS shop lost a couple of people. Now they (my wife and father-in-law) have to scramble for someone new.  The people left 'cause they wanted a $1.00 raise for the last year and he was too much of a tight butt to let go of that $1.00/hr for good workers.  So, instead HE hires another person at $9.00 per hour, and just recently gave him a raise to $10.50 per hour, when he has only worked for the company for three mos.!!!!  My wife still makes $8.50/hr and has worked for him since she was 14. (approx. 7-8 years) and she still makes 8.5/hr. 

So, every now and again my father in law gets this wild hair about having grandchildren and hassles my wife about it.  Asking, "When are you going to try having children!?"  And my wife just jokes about it to him.  Well, last Friday he mentioned taking on this high responsibility again, and she asked me what she should say to him when he starts hassling her about it.  I replied, "Tell him ...we can't afford it right now, and $8.50/hr does not make a house payment and support a child too!  Until he starts paying you what you are worth, then he might never see grandchildren!!"

My MIL is a real smoothy.  She never does much overt badness.  Why should she?  She has a legion of faithful followers to do the meanness for her!  The worst one is her sister, let's call her "Spotty".  When my FIL passed on twenty years ago (I was not in the family yet) Spotty asked my husband's oldest brother to leave his wife and 3 small children and move back in with his mother because she needed help.  At this time, MIL had four boys aged 12-21.  Spotty didn't think it was fair that the MIL had to go out and get a job (heaven forbid!)  Spotty also has made many requests for all of us to contribute to expensive vacations for MIL (none of us can afford to go on them ourselves).  One time when MIL was very ill I took care of her at my home.  Spotty comes bursting in uninvited and discovers I had gone out for five minutes to get milk and bread (after being stuck with no relief for weeks).  I received a reading of the "riot act" from Spotty, who then asked me to make her some coffee and cake.  Spotty only has one child of her own.  I guess she just needs to borrow us to vent her mother-in-law-ly instincts. 

My mother-in-law is just lovely!  And her son (my hubby ) is a real wimp!!  For years (7 or 8) my MIL pretended to be one of my closest friends.  It wasn't until I went back to work, when my children were both in school, that I started running into people that would tell me all of the gossip and lies that she had been spreading all around the ignorant little town she lives in.  She told them that I had an affair (I didn't, but sometimes wish I did!), that I make my husband work so hard that every time she talks to him on the phone he is constantly yawning (this is a strange habit of his - he does it every time he's on the phone).  - She told a lady she worked with that she and my husband were going to take my children away because she didn't think I was a very good mother.  I am an excellent mother - I have stayed home with my kids and done a very good job with them.  My husband says this isn't true - that he never even considered leaving me.  But do you think he would stand up to that old b----??  NO!  He asked her about all of the rumors and she denied it, so he just dropped it.  There is no way perfect strangers (to me) would know intimate details about my marriage if it didn't come from her.  It has really caused some problems between my husband and I.  I really don't respect him anymore.  He goes over there with the kids and visits for hours - I asked him if he thinks I'm out of line or something and he says no, but HE never stands up to her.  So now I'm just the family B****.  But then, she has 3 sons, and not one of her daughter-in-laws will even speak to her because she has caused so many problems and has gossiped so much about each of us.  I hope when any of you out there contemplate marriage, you look really long and hard at the man you married and the woman that produced him.

Our marriage has survived the pressures and problems of a horrible, psycho MIL, but it has had some expenses.  My spouse cannot change the fact that his mom is his mom.  My husband seems so stuck on this issue.  We wish, because of her actions, that we were not related, because the obvious thing would be to completely walk away from her, and definitely not have our child within ten feet of her.  She is mentally handicapped at her own choice.  Some may argue that the sickness of a disturbed person is what leads them to make the choices they make.  But I think that the flip side to that coin is that a person can mask their selfish, manipulative ways in a sickness, so as not to have to be responsible for their actions.  Pretty childish, but so true.  I am telling you, my MIL acts like she is fighting with her baby sister who got "everything".  Most importantly, her little sister got daddy's love and was daddy's favorite.  So my MIL grew up, got married and had a son, her only child.  She divorced this man, and alienated her son from him with stories of abuse that just never took place.  Same old song & dance - my husband became the "man of the house", living through three more marriages.  In other words, three more "bad" husbands.  Since I know only her first husband, and we have a relationship with him, I just don't see the horrible father he was then.  Maybe a lousy husband, but he loves his son, that is completely obvious.  He has been married to a woman (I wish lived closer) for twenty-eight years.  They had a child several years after he and my MIL divorced, and this man has no memory of his father being a bad husband or father.  Just normal.  They are several states away, but as a surprise, drove all the way here for my graduation from the police academy last fall.  My husband was so proud of his father for being there for us.  We e-mail regularly, but have only been able to actually visit a handful of times.  In those visits, my MIL's manipulation and stories were being unveiled by two people who knew her first-hand, and witnessed how destructive she really is.  I felt so much better hearing that someone else defined her as I was unfortunately beginning to see her.  I wanted so badly to just be wrong.  I would actually rather be some childish, spoiled brat that she portrayed me as being to my husband's other relatives, than to actually have the monster that I truly have as a member of our family.  Knowing what I know now as fact and not just story or idea, and as imperfect as I am, I would never do the things she has done to us in hopes of destroying our marriage.  I should trust my instincts passed on from my mother.  Listen to your inner voice.  I am not sure why she dislikes me, or continues to send these weird, praise-filled e-mails to my husband for being such a wonderful father (which he is).  But I know that once is nice, but ten or more times is crossing a boundary.  I tell my husband what a good job he does as well, but she makes it sound like no one else will ever acknowledge just how perfect he really is.  The man has two jobs, and is an excellent father.  But the drama is just too much.

According to my husband, he totally pulled away from her years before he ever met me because of a situation when he was in college.  According to his recollection, he was dating a girl that his mother became extremely nice to.  My husband complained that personal info. being exchanged with his mom made him uncomfortable (he didn't exactly become AWARE of the psychological molestation, but he began to FEEL it).  Soon after a struggle with his girlfriend over this situation, his mother began to date this girl's younger brother.  My husband said that they went on a couple of double dates, mentioning that it didn't bother him that it was his mother and his girlfriend's brother.  But once we were married, and my MIL began mentioning this girl as her best friend (but never around my husband), my internal bell went off.  Who was this girl, and why doesn't she mention it when my husband's around?  He had grown in the years apart from his ex, and was placed in a really awkward position. How many new wives WOULD be real acceptant of the MIL and ex-girlfriend being best friends?  This wife didn't mind at all.  "Have whoever you want as a friend".  That was my thought.  But don't mention her around me. At least be understanding of my position, considering she'd been married four times, and give me a little space to get comfortable with marriage, let alone an ex-girlfriend as an acquired family member.  I was raised pretty normal.  I would have eventually not even been bothered by it if it were just a friendship.  But she didn't mention the girl until after we were married, and I was pregnant.  My mom noticed the timing, and began to see a few of the other things I had mentioned to her.  My mom loves her grandson so much, but she is constantly aware of boundaries, and because of our constant open way of communicating, we rarely have any problems.

My husband began calling my parents "mom and dad" on his own, noting regularly that they are always so helpful and supportive towards US.  Yes, they are slightly impartial.  I'm their daughter.  And the last of four girls to get married.  But, they love us both.  And because they sometimes completely disagree with something my husband has done or said, they are very careful in how much to say, or making sure not to say anything at all to either one of us.  They realize that by putting their opinion into our personal lives, it could cause our child stress by causing us stress.  So they get their point across respectfully, and in an honest way.  With help from them, and with prayers to God, the situation involving my MIL is not blowing up in my child's face.

My husband, suspecting foul-play recently based on comments our son was repeating, listened in on a phone call between she and our son.  Her comments to him were, "...if your momma LET'S you call ..."  I have asked her kindly not to refer to me as 'momma', and my husband agreed.  Not a big deal, and its not too much to ask for that minor verbal effort. And I have made it very clear that my son is old enough and quite capable of dialing her number himself.  And I have never kept him from calling, ever.  But my husband was not happy with the comments he overheard.  I think he was surprised that the "perfect mother" was not quite so perfect.  But aside from that, he was remembering manipulation done to him regarding his father.  I think he connected to that, because the fighting has quieted down around here with her.  We just don't answer the phone when she calls, making a decision NOT to make a decision about visitation regarding our young child.  I believe she does miss her grandchild, but we are in such an uncomfortable position of recognizing that she needs help, and we don't trust her alone with our child.  We are also expecting a new baby in September.  Personally, I have waited this long to have another baby, because of the stress between his mother and us.  I thought my husband had a low opinion of me at times, based on the way his mother depicted me.  Did he think I was just the childish brat his mom painted me out to be?  He admits to me that he did feel this way.  This caused so many problems for us.  The problem became he and I.  This made raising our child so difficult.  Thank God for my mom.  Really.  She listened.  And she kept me centered on doing the right thing, not just for us, but for our child.  She never agreed on all points with me, because I think she really wanted me to be honest, and not hurt or cause pain to anyone even if they were wrong.  My MIL began to slip up and say things about me to my mom.  My MIL made a connection to how she felt and feels about me, to the way she feels about her little "spoiled-brat" sister.  Mind you, I met her whole family, and it amazes me that she is even related.  They were so nice to us when we last paid a visit.  Kinda makes sense that my MIL moved several states away with her son, away from her whole family - his whole family.  In order for her to be truly controlling and get the love she wanted the WAY she wanted it from her son, I guess she needed to get her son away from the family who quite possibly saw her anger and manipulation.  After four failed marriages all together, and the subtle reminders to me that most children who have had that many different up-bringings (30-something moves all together), tend to lead failing marriages, I just began to shut down. The boundaries have gone up, and I will not give an inch.  So, with the new baby on the way, we are taking this new approach to not approaching day by day.  I don't answer the phone when it is her or when it says "anonymous" on the caller i.d., and I don't comment as often about my feelings to my husband, mainly because I respect that ultimately she is his mother.  The fact that she sends my husband these sappy, lengthy, "you're the best dad in the world and best son in the world" e-mails is just sad.  But she needs to paint the picture in her head that she raised a son that would not be like his biological father OR her biological father.  Her son would serve her and love her like her father and first husband just didn't.  And, God forbid someone should come along and share his love, but in a healthy way.  She is like his EX-WIFE!!!

And, on a last note, on one of our last visits to her home, I noticed a newspaper quote in a plastic magnetic thingy on her fridge.  It read something to the affect of, "all too often a woman makes the mistake of being married to her first son".  All of our heartache, stress, and problems regarding her are starting to make so much sense.  Does anyone else have a MIL like this?  Have you kept your children from her?  And if so, how are the kids?  Do they seem in the middle of something worse because of the lack of a relationship with your MIL?  I am tired of seeing my husband so torn, and quite frankly, I love my child too much to allow her to manipulate him in any way for whatever reasons.  Any help or comments will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for a place to vent ... it does help.
Sincerely,
DIL of a Psycho


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "DIL of a Psycho" in your response.