After hearing some of the awful stories I thought I'd add a nice one. Unfortunately, I only knew my MIL for about 5 years. She was a wonderful person.  My wife is European, and in 1943 my MIL fled the Russians.  And, while raising two children on the run, and leaving her home town, never to see it again, she moved to another devastated city to start again. Her husband returned from the Russian front, and a few years later she gave birth to another child (my wife) and raised 3 children in what I would refer to as poverty. Her husband was a mechanic and she was a full time wife who got up and fixed him breakfast every morning at 5am. She then fed the children and sent them to school. They did not have a telephone or TV until the 1970s. In the 1980s her middle son, after marrying a good for nothing woman who gave birth to 2 of his children, got divorced. Guess who raised his children? Right, my MIL. Starting with nothing in 1945, and even with all of the hard times, she still managed to save money. And, when she died last year she left a house, and divided a nearly 6 figure inheritance between each of the 3 children.  She was one of the kindest people I have known, and I am sorry she didn't get to see happier times.  Not all MILs are bad.

OK,  MY MOTHER IN LAW IS THE BATTIEST, MOST ANNOYING PERSON ON THE PLANET.  There, that feels better.  Here is the run down ... She's got a huge chunk of money from her last divorce, and married a guy who spent all her money, and now they are living in Florida, deep in debt, working three jobs apiece.  Now she wants to come up and visit for two months!  And stay with us!!  This lady chews with her mouth open, and yells when she talks. (husband's influence?)  She is attention dependant, and breaks something expensive every time she comes over.  She eats all the butter and makes me go out and get her more. (I'm talking by the pound ...)  She is messy, and watches bad TV, and hits things in the garage when borrowing the car.  She leaves the headlights on while shopping, and makes me come jump her. (she blames it on faulty workmanship in my Japanese car ... "why didn't I buy an American car" ... like the one her husband is on the verge of getting repossessed.)  I don't know what I can do.  Five minutes with her is like three days of rolling around in broken glass.  And to top it off, it's Lent and I gave up drinking!  PERHAPS I COULD FALL ILL AND STAY AT THE HOSPITAL!?

When my husband and I were planning our wedding, we decided to pay for everything ourselves, and keep it small, to about 25 guests.  My MIL gave us a list of about 50 people she "expected" us to invite.  People we didn't know, and people she hadn't spoken to in years.  According to my husband, some of the people on the list she had feuds with.  When we asked why we should invite these people, she said that she had sent gifts for their kid's weddings, and that they owed her now.  We held to our position and only invited the people we wanted.  Her best friend, who we did invite, refused to come because we were wrong in the way we treated her (not inviting all those strangers).  Then, a month before the wedding, MIL called me and asked for a blank wedding invitation.  I was suspicious.  My husband doesn't speak to his older brother (long feud), and I knew right away she was planning to invite him.  When I confronted her about why she wanted the invitation, her defense was that he's family and he wouldn't come anyway.  I didn't give her the invitation.  Nine years later and she still tries to be controlling, but we hold our ground against the tide.

Thanksgiving at my Mother-in-law's house.  There were 9 adults and 4 children this past Thanksgiving for dinner at my MIL's house.  During dinner one of the children, my four year old niece-in-law, was throwing tantrums and didn't want to sit and eat with the rest of us.  Next, my son picked up on it and began acting up.  We, the parents, were occupied most of the dinner trying to get the kids to all behave.  Once dinner was over, my husband noticed his mother sitting on the other side of the porch by herself, so he asked her what was wrong.  She then proceeded to chew him and everyone out for neglecting her during dinner.  No one paid any attention to her while we were eating, and this was not acceptable to her.  Guess the whining isn't reserved just for the kids and grandkids.

My husband, his 12-year old daughter, and I were getting a business suit for my husband.  Our plans were to get a suit, have lunch, and catch a movie before returning Catherine (not her real name) home (1-1/2 hours away).  At 11:30am, while in the clothing store, my cell phone rings.  "Hello, it's mother, and you need to bring Catherine to our house right away.  She has plans to have lunch with a friend, a friend who you won't know."  My husband gets to see his daughter 2 weekends/month.  This is not what he should be doing with his precious time.  My answer to her is that my husband would call her right back.  My husband called back to say we didn't have time to do that, that we already had plans.  YES ! ! !  Victory for me ! ! ! 

My mil is from the old school.  She doesn't understand why I (her daughter-in-law) don't settle down and have children (she already has a dozen grandchildren).  On top of that, I work in the field of computers, and she REALLY doesn't understand that.  I used to work for a retail chain, and she just assumed I was a cashier in one of the stores, even though I worked in the IT department.  She told all of her friends and extended family that I was a cashier.  When the company folded, she had all kinds of ideas of places where I should go work as a cashier.  I ignored her.  She thought I was lazy, because I wasn't interviewing at the stores she told me to go to.  I ignored her some more.  When I did consulting work, and moved around from company to company, she started telling people I had an alcohol problem, and I was getting fired a lot, and that's the reason I was working at so many different companies.  She still tells everyone I'm a cashier.

Mother-In-Law's Prayer
Please, Heavenly Father, help me to be a kind, loving, mother-in-law to my son's future spouse, whoever she is. I will not let the example that was set for me become my path for my son and his wife.  I will love her as I love my son, unconditionally, and promise not to use guilt and manipulation as a way to control them.  As You know, marriage is hard enough without all the outside interferences.  I will let my adult children make their own life, and keep my mouth shut!  I will also never show favoritism towards my grandchildren.  Please help me be the kind of mother-in-law I wished I could have had.
Amen.

When we were expecting our 2nd child, my MIL told our oldest daughter that we would no longer have enough time or love for her since the baby was coming.  As it was, she totally blew off our oldest in favor of the baby.  We now have 5 kids, but when we get together as a family she only acknowledges two of them, who receive a pleasant greeting when she sees them.  The other three get a gruff greeting, and even get yelled at for silly stuff.  My son (our youngest) is terrified of her.  And she wonders why we don't come around more often ...

I'm not sure if there is a place where mother-in-laws get together, but if there was it would probably be at a Chinese Restaurant in our city called "The House Of Dragons ".

I have a mil who is a spiteful, mean old sick woman.  She doesn't have a nice thing to say about anyone!  My hubby and I asked her to baby-sit our daughter for us, and at the last minute she called saying she was too tired.  She can watch her other grandchildren at the drop of a hat.  One time, she wanted me to go to the fast food place and get her and my daughter some supper before she babysat her.  It was almost time for us to leave, and I told her I was going to bring over some macaroni and she said, "Well, is it already made up?"  Now that's a tough one to tackle.  I know, add a little milk and butter and Viola!  She is so one sided it isn't even funny.  She constantly talks about her illnesses.  Her life is pretty much wrapped around herself and her daughter who is almost 45.  The daughter can't even start the day with her "mommie" calling to make sure she made it out of bed.  It's pathetic.  I have done and done for this woman, and tried to be understanding and loving, and I have decided that it is time for me to take a final bow.  No more in-laws for me, and no more holidays or family dinners either.  I have to quit "straddling the fence" and realize respect is a two way deal.  I have always felt she was only nice to me anyway because I might come in handy for her one of these days when she needs someone to take care of her.  Heavens knows, she can't count on the other sil, she can't even take care of herself.  Any how, I feel liberated finally, and I didn't even have to be nasty about it, which I don't like being anyway, but I just faded from view. There is a God! 

You've given me an idea for a page: www.stepmotherstories.com
I think it would be a hit!  Talking to others, I am learning that women can be incredibly manipulative, controlling, mean and sneaky - and men will put up with it!  Are they blind, stupid - or is it that they'll accept anything for sex!  When my dad began this relationship, we were incredibly happy for him.  I didn't love her on site, but I did like her a lot.  I asked her to be my daughters god-mother because she had characteristics that I admired!  How stupid and naive I was ... When I invited them for holidays the first 2 years, I was told that she is obligated to have holiday's at her house, because there are several people, including her father, who have always attended.  Okay.  Then I decided to have my own Christmas anyway.  My son went over to see his granddad.  I asked him who was there - no one.  Okay.  The next Christmas, we went to my husband's family for the 1st time.  Then, this Christmas I was informed that Christmas would be at her daughter's and I was, "of course welcome to attend!"  I emailed all concerned that I would be there.  When I arrived - everyone was surprised to see me - no one expected me!  I thought it went well, but I noticed that my daughter, 3 yrs old, seemed uncomfortable around "Grandma".  While sitting on her lap, she looked over at me with such despair - but I couldn't see that anything unusual was going on.  I let it go.  New Year's Day she shrunk back from "Grandma" almost in panic.  I shrugged it off as her being tired after having been sick the prior 2 days.  But, I asked her later if she was mad at grandma.  She said no, but she didn't want to be near her too much.  I said, "Now, grandma loves you! She has never hurt you."  That was when I found out that the woman knows some painful pressure points on the hands and knuckles!  My 3 year old showed me how to inflict some pretty good pain pinching the skin between the fingers and squeezing the knuckles!  Mean, and maybe a little sick!  And I can't say a word to my dad because I can't prove it, and I would just come off looking paranoid.

She does not allow my father to spend any unnecessary time with his children or grandchildren.  Of course, when her daughter had a baby, they hightailed it 700 miles away for 2 weeks!  I am the only family living in the area - about 35 minutes away.  I see him for my daughter's birthday, my birthday, Christmas and Thanksgiving.  Maybe.  For big holidays, I am informed of times.  If I want to see my father, that's where I have to go.  In 4 years, I can count the times they've been here.

It took me a while to realize that I have no idea what messages she is - or isn't - passing along to my father.  For Thanksgiving, we were invited to my sister's house, and my son wanted me to be there so that I could meet his fiancée.  The 1st week of November, my sister asked me what I'd heard about Thanksgiving.  I hadn't heard anything, so we went ahead with our plans.  10 days before Thanksgiving, we get email saying, "I don't remember if I sent this or not ..." and inviting us to dinner.  We had to decline due to other plans.  During discussions at Christmas dinner, she said that she had emailed us all in October!  When I corrected her, she just smiled and said she was pretty sure I was wrong!  Wonder what she had told my Dad about why I wasn't there for Thanksgiving!

She's said a hundred tiny, petty, mean things.  Usually smiling the whole time.  I finally figured out that she finds your weakness, and uses it against you.  And, I have no idea why she is like this!  She forgets nothing, lets go of nothing.  It's her way, or no way.  In her eyes, you are either gold, or garbage, there is no middle ground.

This woman tries to incite competition between us (her 3 grown children and 3 of us).  She can say the meanest things - dripping sugar the entire time!  I end up sitting there dumb - nothing to say because she's got this big smile on her face, and I'm pretty sure that no one else realizes that I've just been insulted.  She knows all, and will tell you so.  She's great for volunteering - and then delegating the work to you! 

Maybe none of this sounds like much, but I can tell you, living with it can be painful and incite a person to murderous rage!  My own mother could be a raving "B" - but she was not mean or petty or hurtful for no apparent reason.

God - its good to ventilate!  I just might start up that page now! 

After reading the stories here, they have just reinforced my belief that all in-law problems are a result of a problem between the parent and adult child or the siblings.  It probably wouldn't matter who they were married to.  When an adult child has an adult relationship with his family these things don't happen.  In every case, it is up to the spouse to resolve the problem.  And, if they refuse, you are married to a child.  It is one thing if the spouse is twenty, quite another if he or she is older.  I have been married twice.  The first time for eight years, and now for twenty-seven years.  My first husband's mother was a walking mother-in-law joke.  The only good thing was, my husband couldn't stand her either.  I only saw her four times.  My second husband's mother and I had our problems in the beginning, but she soon learned my limits.  When his father and brother became intolerable, he simply broke off all contact with them.  Maybe that's why we will celebrate our twenty-seventh anniversary next month.

Recently, my wife's father passed away, and my wife and I were asked by her mother and other family members to move in to keep from being alone.  I put off the move for a couple of months to make sure that's what everyone wanted to do.  Well, the day came when I decided to make the move.  After spending all day loading most of my belongings, and giving my home away ( bad move), upon arrival with all my things my poor helpless mother in law (you guessed it) changed her mind.  Despite all my troubles, honestly, I couldn't be happier!