I just recently got married.
MY MIL is a very fantastic lady who spoiled my wedding. She
cried on the wedding night, and humiliated me in front of all her
relations and friends, saying I stole her son away and she has sold
her son to me. Everybody pitied her and cursed me on my wedding
day. I cried as my wedding was spoilt by her. But her
nonsense has not stopped. She goes around spreading rumors about
me everywhere. My husband does not believe all this. He
still claims his mother is very good, and I should be the one to give
in. I have not gone to her house up to now. I really hate
her. My husband and I always argue when it comes to her.
He only supports her, but fails to see how hurt and upset I am.
She is really a b*tch.
This just the tip of the
iceberg, but this one takes the cake. I was in the hospital
after having my second child. My mother-in-law came into my
hospital room and made it a point to say to me, "Dad (her husband)
and I think you should have your tubes tied now." I was
so shocked and angry, and to this day my husband does not believe
she said it to me.
My MIL is quite the lady.
She has four boys and no girls. So when I walked into the story
I thought it would be so cool if we could be good friends. All
was well until she found out we were engaged. She was so upset.
At the time, my husband was still at home and going to college.
Needless to say, she had him believing most everything she did and
said. Finally, he got his own place 30 min from her house, and
this made her upset. She discouraged him in every way she could.
Well, her husband is decent, so that helps matters a lot. We
were married, and things were going quite well. She wasn't nearly
as disrespectful to me. So their 25th wedding anniversary was
coming up, and I decided that my husband and I could put a card party
on for them with food and all. They agreed, and so I ordered
the invites and really started planning, only to find them canceling
after everything was organized. The reason they gave was that
they didn't want to make people come to so many things for their family.
Our wedding and their other son's graduation (nearly a year apart).
So I was hurt and tried explaining why. I said I would never
think to return a wedding gift to someone and say it wasn't good enough,
but yet that is what they were doing to me. My MIL laughed the
entire time, and told her husband in front of every one, "She is putting
me on a guilt trip". I was furious, and she knew it but could
care less. Well, now that has gone by. Since then we've
had a baby, and you should see her complain about the way I care for
our daughter. She would love to control the situation.
However, when we ask her to baby-sit, she never seems to have time.
Her newest thing is making this younger girl that is interested in
my BIL out to be a goddess. She always tells my husband, since
he isn't in their church any more, that we need to go see this girl
and talk with her. That she would make our paths straight.
Frankly, I think this girl is wrong, and has received some poor teaching.
She read a letter from this girl that was written to my BIL, and now
my MIL believes she is almost perfect. My MIL e-mailed her and
said how grateful she was for her life, and a bunch of pleasant compliments.
While here I am, already a part of the family, and a decent person
at that. She said, once, to me in a card, that I was a good
mom. That is the best compliment I have ever received from her.
While her actions say a different something. It just drives
me NUTZ!! My husband is very good about it all, and understands
my point of view. So that helps. Also, I have started
dishing her own crap back at her. She doesn't appreciate that
as well. HA
My husband and I have
been married for little over 2 years now, but have been together for
about 7 years. When I first met my MIL I loved her. She
was the MIL that I always wanted (until recently). 2 years ago,
my husband's doctor told him to slow down and find a less stressful
job. My in-laws saw the opportunity to jump at the chance to
tell me what they thought of me - that I push him too hard, and never
let him rest. They told me what I should and should not do,
and that he should not have to work if he doesn't want to. After
6 months of him sitting around the house not doing anything to help
out, I would come home from my brand new job and have to cook and
clean up the mess he would make. I told him to either go find
another job or go back to school and get the degree to help support
us. So I gave up all my dreams and stuff to move into his aunt's
house and have him go back to school. After 2 years of cooking
and cleaning for his aunt and uncle, I bit the bullet and went looking
for a place of our own on my salary. I found it, a nice two
bedroom one bath, big kitchen. The problem? Well, the
rent we were giving to his aunt to hold for us as a savings, she gave
to my in-laws in order to talk us out of the place. So, at 11:00
p.m. my husband and I are over at their house trying to get the money
back from her. The complaint they had was that it was too far
away from them (the whole reason I liked the place). In the
end, she would not give us the money that we needed and we lost the
place. Well, guess what I found? Another place.
Somehow, we have the money for the deposit, and are moving in a month.
Every time I am over at my in-law's house, they find any way to knock
me down, and my husband does nothing about it. His mother also
has the gully to ask why we have not had any kids yet. So, to
get back at her one day, I said to her, "We will have kids when we
are both stable in our jobs, and have the money to give them all that
they deserve. Also, when you stop babying your son. He
is a grown man, and he needs to make decision on his own."
We still are not talking. But after 7 years of having to ask
the in-laws if we want to do anything, it is getting crazy.
I have worked my ass off to support him through school, and everything
else he wanted. I think it is finally time for me to think about
my well-being before I have a nervous breakdown. Wish me well.
Mixed feelings:
The worst: bra shopping with my MIL. She had to say in
the loudest voice ever, "You're so small, you don't need to wear a
bra!" Needless to say, she is always telling me I need to gain
weight, eat more, etc. Whenever she comes to visit my husband
and me, she goes straight into the kitchen and starts cooking mass
amounts of stew and chili (while she rearranges all my pots and pans).
Now, I am not anorexic-looking, but the people in my family are just
thin -- I never skip meals or diet, but I guess she thinks I starve
myself because I don't look like her. Another problem was when
my daughter was born. During the first week of her life, my
MIL, FIL, BIL, Aunt and Uncle-in-law and 2 cousins-in law, plus about
10 friends of the family, arrived, and I was busy trying to clean
and provide snacks for them. It's not like I was tired after
giving birth! Not to mention the fact that this was my first
child, and I wanted to spend some time getting to know her.
Everyone was so busy playing with her and taking her for walks (without
asking me if that was ok, or if I wanted to go) that I only got to
see her when it was feeding time. Everyone there made comments
about how old-fashioned breast-feeding was (I would go into another
room to feed her) and that it was only for women who "felt they had
to do it" -- What is THAT supposed to mean?? The worst
part was my MIL took pictures of everyone with the baby but me.
Not a single photo. I finally had to tell my husband that I
wanted some photos of me and my daughter, too. In the end, I
had to get my mom to take them. I felt so left out -- next time
I have a kid, I would rather share the experience with just my husband,
and invite people over later -- much later. But it gets worse,
my in-laws, especially my MIL and aunt-in-law, have to have control
over EVERYTHING -- especially when it comes to my daughter.
They have to pick out her clothes (the ones I buy just won't do --
though their choices seem tacky to me), take her to get her
pictures made (without telling me), etc.
On the other hand, my MIL bought me 10 place settings of my china,
with silverware to match. When another car ran a red light and
hit my car and totaled it, she bought me a new one. Yes, she
is always in my kitchen when she visits, but she makes wonderful food
-- and lots of it -- so when she leaves, the fridge is stocked.
And, she and my other in-laws love my daughter so much -- they are
always available to baby-sit (for free), buy her nice gifts, and love
to take her to the park, or for pictures, etc. My MIL and aunt-in-law
are control freaks about certain things, but I leave them be (up to
a point of course) -- they mean well, and actually know a thing or
two I could learn. Nobody is perfect. My in-laws certainly
have flaws, but so does my own family. A lot of times, my MIL
is there to help me when my own family is not. It could be worse.
Things that help: making time for me and my husband to spend
(away from family), and making time for me to spend alone with my
daughter and husband. Did I mention that my MIL and FIL live
several hrs. away?
We hadn't spoken to my
in-laws for 2½ years because my MIL is such a controlling person.
Unfortunately, my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer 6 months
ago & everyone kissed & made up. My FIL passed away
very recently, and the family was gathering at the funeral home to
make the final arrangements. I went along with my husband, at
his request, and was told by my MIL that this was a family matter,
please leave!
My husband and I have
been married now for 5 years. At first, when we met, his Mother
seemed to be the Mother I had never had, and I was so thankful!
It didn't take long for that to change. After about 1 year of
marriage, my MIL became very controlling, insulting and hurtful towards
me. There were a lot of times she'd only make her smart remarks
without my husband being in the room - for obvious reasons.
But one particular time, the one I cannot seem to get past, was about
a year and a half ago, after a long day shopping. My in-laws
were staying at our home overnight. My MIL and I had gotten
into a discussion regarding giving our 2.5 year old too much candy
that day, and her getting ill from it. After the discussion
turned into a control war between her and me, and after I had had
enough, I pretty much blew a fuse with her in front of my husband
and father in law. It was not to the point of me being obnoxious,
just telling her in a much more "firm" voice how I felt
about her not respecting my asking her not to give our daughter so
much candy that day. She blew up at me, in front of my husband
and father in law. Something happened as if it was an out of
the blue thunderstorm! She pointed her finger at my husband,
and told him, in front of me, that she was so sorry he had ever married
me, and that she felt sorry for him. I stood there with so much
disbelief on my face, yet I'm sure my face was a rare shade of black-red
waiting on my husband to respond to her comment. He did nothing,
nor did he say anything to her. I was just waiting, for what
seemed to be hours, for my husband to respond to her comment, but
that never happened. She kept on screaming hurtful things at
me, and me at her, so I finally gave up and left MY home. I
knew I shouldn't have done that at that time, but I felt so betrayed
and hurt that I couldn't stand to be there, and felt I had to leave
long enough to get my thoughts together.
Against my pleadings,
my husband insisted on inviting his parents to our wedding last year.
They had not spoken for years, due to the fact that every time he
talked to them they would berate him for "leaving the church".
They felt betrayed that he is not the same religion as they are.
We know they don't have a lot of money, so we agreed to pay for their
flight and they would pay for their own hotel. They arrived
with about $100 on them for a week long stay. Needless to say,
our wedding gift money paid for their hotel stay. It was almost
a thousand dollars. At the wedding, they wouldn't talk to any
of the guests, and insisted that my husband drive them back to the
hotel right after the ceremony. He had to leave his own wedding
'cause they didn't want to be around people who were drinking alcohol.
We actually took them out to dinner after that, too, and my MIL proceeded
to bad-mouth the evil world and her "rich" ungrateful kids (none of
whom communicate with her 'cause she's so self-righteous, and says
things like, "You are going to burn in hell," and, "What
did we do wrong?") After they went back I just took the whole
thing with a grain of salt, at least they live far away! A week
after we got home from our honeymoon we got a letter from her, not
a thank you for paying for everything, but a warning that we were
"living in a burning house" and how we were both damned unless we
found Jesus. I guess her Jesus is different from everyone else's!
I was so angry, and my husband just blew it off (he's used to this
behavior). I avoid talking to her, but she continues to send
notes and cards asking to be forgiven for whatever bad thing she did
while raising my husband. Her husband was a tyrant, and these
kids weren't allowed to see a movie or TV or even listen to music!
I have respect for other people's beliefs, and I am not saying hers
are wrong. I just wish she would see her hypocrisy, and stop
damning us to hell. Apparently, we are good enough to pay for
their vacation, but nothing else!
I thought my mother in
law was a nightmare, but my friend's MIL tops all! Not only
does she hate my friend, thinks she's not good enough to be with her
son, but she took out credit cards in both their names and maxed them
out. She refuses to pay the bills (around 40,000$), and threatened
them with physical violence if they called the police! This
woman is so crazy she thinks all her kids are "out to get her" and
constantly calls them to ask if they have been driving by her house
at night! Scary!
Well, it is my first time
posting anything like this, but I am very frustrated. My mother-in-law
is overbearing and wears her feelings on her sleeves. Here is
the situation ... Friday night I was sick, didn't get to sleep 'till
about 4:30 am ... slept about 2 hours, couldn't sleep anymore because
my head was hurting. Goofed around for a couple of hours, and
finally was getting sleepy again. Was about to fall asleep when
guess who called. My mother-in-law has a computer question (I
work with computers). I relayed to my wife that I was just beginning
to fall asleep and didn't feel like talking to anybody, which my wife
told my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law then hung up the phone.
I called and left about 2 messages that day explaining how I felt,
and for her to call me back. I sent an e-mail apologizing for
not talking to her, and explaining the situation again, and left two
message the next day. Very Frustrating!!!
My story is about my FIL.
Thinking about my MIL is too horrible to think about right now.
During a move, my FIL was trying to help me back up a 26 ft. rental
truck to a covered porch. He stood DIRECTLY behind the truck
(where I couldn't see him) and yelled, "GO AHEAD, BACK UP".
Does this sound as confusing to you as it did to me, after driving
over 300 miles the same day that we packed up all our belongings and
drove straight to the new home??
I found this site because
I was looking for some advice on how to deal with my in-laws ... all
of them, but most of all my MIL. I have been married for 9 years,
and I should have known right away that the situation with his family
would always be uncomfortable. We met in the army, and then
he brought me home to meet his parents and get married. When
we arrived, his young nephew wanted to know my name, and if my DH's
ex-girlfriend new about me. I have heard for 9 years how beautiful
and exotic she is, and how her parents are rich. She still lives
in the town with my in-laws, along with other ex-girlfriends.
She even talks to my MIL all the time. My MIL constantly reminds
me that there are others waiting in the wings for the day I decide
to leave, or my DH leaves me. We decided to have a justice of
the peace wedding to save money for furniture and other things.
I am no Martha Stewart, but his mother is a slob. The laundry
room is full all of the time and there are never any clean towels
when we visit. She thinks that the dishwasher is a place to
store dishes after you wash them by hand. She never puts them
up. She is constantly saying that I am too skinny, and wanting
to know what size clothes I wear. Holidays are uncomfortable
because they live 30 minutes away and we are expected to go.
We have to go and visit them, but they come to town all of the time
and never stop by, or if they do it is only for a few minutes, and
then they make some excuse saying that they have to do something important.
There are two problems right now. The first problem is that
my MIL and SIL have the same birthday. Unfortunately, five years
ago I miscarried our a child on that day. The day that it happened
they were at the house waiting for us when we got home from the hospital.
They wanted to go shopping. The next day she called wanting
to know if I was mad at her because I forgot her birthday. I
was still crying from my loss, and all she could think about was why
I didn't buy her a present!! She doesn't understand why I get
so depressed every year at that time. The second problem is
still looming. I was wanting to have a small celebration next
year for our ten year anniversary and renew our vows. My MIL
and SIL's laughed at me and told me it was a waste of money.
I should take that money and go to Vegas or something. My DH
said that if I wanted to do that he would be there right beside me,
even if no one else showed up. He told me to ignore them and
not let them bother me. Unfortunately, we have to see them all
of the time. She thinks that I am just a waste of her son's
time and money, including my college degree, which I completed and
am now staying home with the kids instead of using. She said
that I could have stayed home without a degree.
If I ignore them, they call wanting to know why. What can I
do?
***NOTE: Please feel free to respond to this (using our
mother-in-law stories submission page) if you
have any advice to share. Reference this story as "Wasting
Son's Time" in your response.
My MIL drives me insane.
She goes on and on about how we are one big family now, but deliberately
excludes me from any decisions, such as where my husband and I are
spending the holidays, etc. For instance, she and my FIL decided
to go away for Thanksgiving this past year. She told my husband
after they bought their plane tickets. We were never invited.
I later found out why. We spent Thanksgiving with my parents.
Then, the issue of Christmas came up. She had decided that,
since we spent Thanksgiving with my parents, that we were obligated
to spend Christmas with them. Never once was I included in any
of these conversations. My husband stopped over to see them
one night, and they started in about where we were spending Christmas.
When he mentioned that we were going to spend the morning with my
parents, and then jump on a plane and spend the next 10 days with
them, she started to cry and told him that it would be too cruel to
spend two holidays without her children. He came home that night
feeling so guilty that he decided that he didn't have a choice but
leave for vacation early with his parents. Which meant that
I got to spend my first Christmas morning as a married woman without
my husband because my MIL shed a few tears. She knows that my
husband will not tell her "no", and she has him convinced
that that is how things are supposed to be! When I did try to
talk to her about it, she just blew me off and told me everything
would be ok. Yeah, it would be ok as long as she got to continue
to make our decisions and she got her own way.
For my husband's birthday, I invited his parents out to dinner with
my parents on a Sat. night so that we could all celebrate together.
I planned this weeks in advance. As we are leaving Sat. night,
my husband tells me that his mother is cooking dinner for us on Sunday
night, and that she had invited a bunch of his friends over to celebrate
his birthday. I told him that I already had dinner planned for
just the two of us, but it was like talking to a brick wall.
Since she had invited other people over and already had the food (well,
so did I), I was supposed to drop my plans and go along with what
my MIL wanted. I didn't go. When my husband asked "why",
I told him that I was cooking dinner, and since no one bothered to
include me in this "family" decision, that I didn't feel
that I really needed to be there. He was not happy. When
his parents asked, he told them that I was upset about not being included
in the planning, to which his mother replied, "I was hoping she
was going to call me!" I was instantly the bad guy.
When I pointed out that I did call and invite them to dinner on Sat.
night to celebrate, none of them wanted to hear it. It was ok
for his mother to plan something for his birthday without talking
to me, but it wasn't ok for me, his wife, to plan anything without
first clearing it with his mother. As soon as I say anything
that she takes as threatening to her, she starts with the, "Does
she hate me?" routine, so then my husband thinks that she is
the one being wronged, not me. She drives me insane.
My husband's sister died approx. 3 years ago, and ever since then
his mother has used her death to keep him close to her. He is
attached with steel cable apron strings, and doesn't think that there
is anything wrong with that. It's bad enough that we live 5
miles from them, but they know better than to stop over uninvited,
as I would have no qualms about not letting them in the house.
In order to convince him that he didn't need to call his parents every
day while on our honeymoon, I had to threaten him with calling off
the wedding. My MIL has him convinced that this is normal.
And, she has already convinced him that if we have any girls, the
first one HAS to be named after his sister. There is no way
that I'm going to allow my MIL to dictate what I name my children,
and she is sadly mistaken if she thinks I'm going to let her try to
recreate her daughter. I am very sorry for her loss, I knew
and loved her daughter (we went to college together), but she doesn't
want to let my husband heal. She constantly tests him with,
"Did you see what so-and-so left at the cemetery?"
Which translates into, "are you properly grieving and going to
the cemetery at least three times a week?" If she keeps
everyone around her grieving like it happened yesterday, then she
is the constant center of attention and is able to keep her son close
to her. She completely controls and tries to dictate our lives.
I have put my foot down a few times, but my husband still has a hard
time telling her "no", and she knows it and uses it to her
advantage. As you can imagine, this causes many fights, and
I can see her being the reason if we ever get divorced. When
my parents come to visit us, she invites herself along if my mother
and I are going shopping, etc., and then she decides to stay for dinner
regardless of what the plans already are. She then always plants
herself next to me and has to constantly be touching me, talking to
me in her whiny, nasally, drawn out voice. She elongates every
word so that a sentence takes her twice as long.
Ok, I feel better.
I just read the story
about the bride's mother-in-law asking her to step out of the picture
because she wanted pictures of her family. The same thing happened
to me on my wedding day! The photographer (which I paid for)
called us over for picture taking & my mother-in-law looked me
straight in the face & said, "not you! Immediate family
only!" She had the nerve to pull something like that on
what is supposed to be the most important day of my life! I
knew things would only get worse & believe me, they sure did!!!
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