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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
Archives 8/5/00
<--Previous Archive
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My in-laws, who live in
Europe, spent one summer at the Cape. That was the first time
I would meet them, and I was dating my husband (their son) then.
His mother was staring at me with disdain the whole time. When
we went out to dinner two evenings later, they were making fun of
the way Americans eat, how sloppy they are, how they put different
foods in one plate, and how they don't know how to use the fork and
the knife properly. To top it all, my husband's brother-in-law
scolded (jokingly) his wife for eating her pizza by hand and told
her bluntly: "we are not in Timbuktu." Mind you, I happen to
come from a country that is just a few borders away from Timbuktu!!!!
I have been married to my husband for a year now, and I dread the
next time I am going to have to see these snooty, racist people!!!
7/31
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 I have such a problem
with the lack of respect my MIL has for her son (my fiancé) and for
me that I can't even begin to explain it. The last time I wrote
in about her, I talked about how all she cares about with our wedding
(upcoming) is how she isn't getting HER way. Well, I am happy
to announce that I have made a small step in the direction of showing
her that this is not about just her. And that our lives are
not going to be spent catering to her. My fiancé and I made
plans with the florist for the wedding last week. I ordered
THREE mother's corsages (for each of our mothers and for his step-mother,
whom MIL hates!) and we also ordered roses for the "peace offering"
which is where the groom gives a red rose to the bride's mom, and
the bride gives one to the groom's mom, to sort of symbolize the uniting
of the families, etc. Well, I will be giving one to MIL and
to step-mom. MIL doesn't know this, and she's going totally
flip out and get mad when she finds out, too. But I'm setting
the precedent that A) she can't influence our choice to include step-mom,
and B) she can't and will not continue to "tell" us what to do, because
we are adults and we don't need that treatment from her or anyone
else. I didn't do this with the corsages and the roses to deliberately
stick it to her or anything. I would have included step-mom
anyway. My point is that MIL does NOT want us to include step-mom,
but I'm not backing off just because she is going to get upset.
We are also going to make plans to spend Christmas of 2001 with my
FIL/Step-mom-in-law, who live several states away from us and we don't
see too often. We're also doing this, in part, to set the precedent
with MIL that our life is going to include everyone, not just her.
She has (and continues to) thrown a fit over Christmas. She
feels that her kids must spend every single Christmas with her.
She has recently imposed that same rule upon her brother, who now
has plans to move to another state. I personally think this
is one of the most selfish things I've ever heard. But she is
going to learn that her son has a wife now, and that he also has a
father whom he hasn't spent a Christmas with in years. She is going
to learn that her daughter-in-law (me) isn't going to put up with
her demands. My greatest hope would be that she just sees our
way of handling things, and lets it be, but my fiancé and I both know
that it's not going to be that easy. We are going to have one
fight on our hands when she sees how we're treating his step-mom (when
she sees that we are happily including her in our wedding) and another
one when she finds out that (oh heaven forbid!) we're not spending
ONE WHOLE CHRISTMAS with her.
The way I see it here is that I am getting two mothers-in-law out
of this marriage (most of you are probably cringing at the very thought
of 2 MILs). The good part is that only one of them drives me
nuts.
I wonder what would happen if I told MIL that I also consider step-mom
as a MIL? I'm guessing that I would get to see what a conniption
fit looks like.
7/31
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My MIL can be nice, but
most of the time she goes out of her way to prove me wrong or make
me look bad. For example, one day we were visiting her house
and she informed me that she had something for me. I reacted
very positively because she doesn't usually have things for me, and
I was happy that she would think of me. Well, we get into the
kitchen and she reached on top of the refrigerator and pulls down
an empty candy bag. She put the bag in my face and pointed the
words out to me, which said "Black Jelly Eggs". I
had NO idea what she was talking about, and I told her that.
Apparently, at Easter time, which was 2 months ago, my FIL said that
he liked the Jelly Eggs, and I told him that I had never heard them
called "Jelly Eggs" before. I always thought they
were 'Jelly Beans'. She kept that bag on the top of her refrigerator
for months so that she could prove to me that there was such a thing
as Jelly Eggs, when I never doubted it, I just said that I never heard
of them. She said this in front of my FIL and husband.
Needless to say, we didn't stay too much longer. I was so angry,
and you better believe that my husband heard about it on the way home.
7/28
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I have lived next door
to my MIL for over 25 years. This is, without a doubt, the meanest
woman alive today. When I tell people some of the trash she
has said & done to me they look at me like I am making it up.
She is in complete control of my husband's life, and he is spineless.
This has caused mass confusion in our marriage, as I am not even allowed
to tell him anything his mother has said or done to me. Over
the past six months I do not even go around her, but somehow or other
she says or does things that get back to me through the kids.
I have great resentment that my husband has always put his mother's
wishes and demands first and foremost, and that she can say or do
anything she wishes to me and it is fine with him. When I have
told him some of the garbage she has dished out he would make remarks
like, "Oh, you deserve it." , "You just can't get along with
anybody" , & etc. Over the years, I feel that he has
mentally abused me. I am to the point where I get sick when
I drive in the driveway every afternoon. I have stayed in this
mess because I have three children. Over the years, I have lost
respect for my husband. He told me he would never move, that
I am trying to keep him from his family ( MIL & FIL). This is
a joke to me, as he sees them all day long, every single day.
Please respond !!!!!
26 YEAR MISTAKE !
7/28
***NOTE: Please feel free to respond to this (using our
mother-in-law stories submission page) if you
have any advice to share. Reference this story as "26 YEAR
MISTAKE !" in your response.
RESPONSE: Response to 26 year mistake.
I understand you completely. I've been married only 7 years,
but I also went through hell with my MIL. She is a b*tch!
And my husband desperately needs a spine transplant. Like you
said, he keeps defending her, and I have come to the point that I
cannot even stand him touching me. We moved away from my in-laws
across the Atlantic 6 years ago, and it really did not help too much
in the long run because, when DH talks to MIL on the phone his whole
attitude changes and he starts to insult me (I don't keep the house
clean enough, I don't cook the baby nutritious food, I don't teach
the baby good manners ... etc.) The problem is not the MIL,
it is the spineless husband.
7/29
RESPONSE: Re: 26 year mistake.
The bigger part of me assumes you wrote this to vent, however, you
did write "please respond". I can only assume that
there is a reason, other than your children, that you would allow
this treatment for 26 years. Unless your children are spread
out over the 26 years, I would imagine that they are either adults
or on the cusp of adulthood. I would suggest that you
1) inform your children that, although they love grandma, that they
are not to inform you of anything grandmother says. 2) get to
a therapist - quick, fast, and in a hurry. You need to understand
why you feel that you have so little value that you would allow an
ass and a shrew to make you feel horrible for 26 years.
7/29
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After reading 99% of the
stories here (and posting here too) I have made a decision.
If I ever leave my husband then one of three thing will happen.
Either I will never look at another man again, make sure his mother
is dead first, or get a restraining order BEFORE anything could happen!
H is still living with his M (because of his job) and I have told
him this is not going on much longer. Surprisingly he agreed
with me, and said that he is tired of the way she is treating us too.
Now, let's see how long this agreement will last. Probably not
very long, as soon as she gets a good whiff of it. She is really
going on about how much fun he had last weekend when she gave the
dinner party for his work friends. Giving me an insincere "Oh,
TOO BAD you couldn't have been here!", then going on to say how nice
it was that --- finally, he decided to start living his life and having
friends over to HIS home. I don't count in his life anymore
in her mind.
I told him the other day that I thought I needed new glasses.
Now, because I said that right after he had gone to the doctor about
a problem he is having, she thinks I am saying that for attention,
and that I am jealous because he went to the doctor. She is
still harping because last year, right after his emergency hospitalization/surgery
(that she kept me from) I discovered I needed a hysterectomy because
of tumors. This was in Oct, I was diagnosed and I kept having
to put my surgery off because she would talk him out of taking time
off to be with me (she thinks I was making it up). I finally
told him in April of this year that I was having it regardless of
him being here, so he made plans to take off from work to be with
me. So, guess what the old b*tch decided to do? She just
had to have some surgery on her legs at the same time, and complained
because he wouldn't be there with her!! He actually said that
he would stay with me until after the surgery, then while I was in
the hospital recouping, go back up there to be with her for a couple
of days during her surgery. I couldn't believe it. Not
to mention that our D would have been by herself the whole time (she
is a teen, so it wouldn't have been that bad on her) but just the
thought of leaving me (his wife of almost 21 years) at that time just
so he could be with his mom was totally mind blowing. That's
when I told him to just clean out his belongings, because if he did
that he wouldn't be coming back to me. He relented and admitted
that he really didn't want to do it that way, but she was carrying
on so badly he was afraid she would stroke out before the surgery.
Needless to say, he stayed with me and was home for a heavenly 3 1/2
weeks. Problem was, payback from his mom was a real bitch.
I can understand a little bit about what it must be like for him,
having to choose between his wife and his mother. I don't expect
him to forget her completely, she is his mother. I just wish
the old bat could see what she is doing to him, trying to make him
choose her over me. If she really loved him then she wouldn't
even think about it. But, like it has been stated here many,
many times, she just does not want to cut the apron strings and let
him go/grow.
I have been advised to leave him and get a divorce, but I am really
hesitant about throwing away a 21 year marriage that was good until
all this started. Not to mention that I haven't worked in 21
years (was a stay at home mom/AF wife) and I don't drive because of
extremely bad eye problems. And my mother is no help either,
she is just as bad as his, but that's another story. I just
honestly don't know what to do.
7/27
***NOTE: Please feel free to respond to this (using our
mother-in-law stories submission page) if you
have any advice to share. Reference this story as "Surgically
Remove MIL?" in your response.
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I am the author of "not
mother-in-law's patsy" in the June 3, 2000 archives. My mother
in law is at it again. She is being her usual self, causing
trouble and being a big fat phony.
Her recent exploits include:
Informing me that she is staying at my house for two or three days.
This means she thinks that she can come and take over my house for
a weekend and monopolize my husband. He is very busy and works
60 or more hours a week. We do not want to spend our free time
with her. But what upsets me is that she doesn't ask if she
can come over, she demands. My husband's uncle (her brother
and his wife) came in from out of town. She invited my husband's
brothers to have dinner with them when their uncle was over, but never
even told us they were in town. My guess is that she didn't
want them to see that we do not have much to do with her. She
told lies like, "I don't see them much 'cause they live so far away,
but I talk to ___ almost every day about the baby." Mind you,
we have caller ID and my husband won't answer when it is her, either.
And her phone numbers (they have two lines at her house) are in the
process of being blocked from calling my house because I am sick and
tired of her waking up the baby. She will call my house, hang
up when the answering machine answers, and then call right back.
I did not tell her when my son's baptism was, because she always has
to be the center of attention, and I did not want to deal with it
on that day. So she found out somehow and made sure she called
my house before the baptism ceremony so I would know that she knew
and that I would start the day upset.
I did, however, invite her to the party we threw to celebrate his
baptism. She knew it was just an informal backyard barbeque
type of party, but came dressed for a sit-down dinner in a restaurant
to make sure she was the center of attention. Any time anyone
said anything about my son or what a difficult delivery I had, she
had to jump in, and we all had to relive the birth of all four of
her kids. And every time she tells the story, my husbands birth
weight grows by ounces. She just can't handle the fact that
I had a bigger baby than she did (my son was 10lbs at birth).
She absolutely hates my mother, and considers herself to be better
than my mother, because my mother left my father, and my in-laws are
still married. (But barely ... my FIL, whom I love dearly, travels
a lot. I think it is to get away from her!) She completely
ignored my mother at my baby shower and could not give her enough
dirty looks. And for the first 20 minutes my mother was at this
party, my mother in law would not even look at her. But once
I gave my mother some pictures of the baby I had promised her, all
of a sudden MIL is my mother's best friend. Did I get any pictures
made for my MIL? No, I did not. The last things I made
that witch she ripped apart and threw the pieces out in the garage
when she knew I was coming over (She called DH and asked us to come
over); she was mad at me at the time. After she made sure I
saw what she had done to the things I made for her, she threw the
remaining pieces in the garbage. If she did not want them any
more, that was fine, she should have quietly thrown them away and
let that be the end of it. I told my dh that I refuse to get
any pictures made for her, but if he wants to, it would be fine with
me. He declined. At one point the conversation turned to the
fact that I am nursing and my sister is pregnant. Well, being
as nosy as she is, she was sitting at a different table and trying
to overhear what was being said at our table, so she jumps up and
says extremely loudly," Oh my God, she's pregnant again."
And the day after she was here, my husband and I had a huge fight
because of the havoc she wreaks. Now, my husband says she is
not allowed in our house again. I can only hope.
P.S.~ She is equally horrible to my BIL's wife. I'm trying to
get her to write in, too.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME VENT!!! And to all other daughters
in law who have a MIL who tries to compete with you the way mine does
with me ... look at it this way, we won a big round in this unfortunate
war just by the fact that our men are with us!
7/26
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My fiancé and I are going
to be married in February. We will have been dating for three
years at that time. My future MIL is already making life hard
for me. This is her only son. She has been married twice
to some real JERKS! I don't deny that this woman has had a hard
life, but she doesn't act her age. She is VERY dependant on
her son, almost to the point of treating him like a husband.
He buys all of the food for the house and is always giving her money
for rent. This is limiting the amount that we can save up for
ourselves. She acts nice in front of me, but it really sounds
fake. She and I have very different opinions on a lot of things.
She will watch the news and start voicing her opinions to anyone around,
but if I try to put my two cents in, she interrupts me and tells me
I am wrong and "how could I ever think such a thing?"
Luckily, my fiancé sees this and stands up for me. She is always
hugging him, and during the hug looks at me and says, "He'll
ALWAYS be mine!" She is constantly putting down marriage.
As I said, I know that she hasn't had the most luck. When she
heard that my little sister was getting married, she looked at me,
made a disgusted sound and asked, "Well, what did she go and
do that for?" When I came over one night crying because
my sister was in the Emergency Room and kept going in and out of consciousness,
she told my fiancé that she didn't know why I was so upset if I didn't
know what was wrong with her yet. The woman makes me furious,
and it's hard to stay in the same room with her. We have not
officially announced our engagement yet, and I can't wait to hear
what she'll have to say!
7/26
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I am having such a hard
time and am so confused as to what to do. Maybe someone can
help?
I've been married 9 years. My husband is a wonderful man, and
I know he loves me, and I love him. It's his family ...
mother mostly! I'm just so fed up with her games, and the way
the rest of the family lets her get away with it! It's completely
tearing me and my husband apart. He started standing behind
me about 3 years ago ... sometimes I feel like it's too little, too
late. Most of the time, when my MIL has done something, he tells
me there isn't anything he can do ... "that's just how she is".
Why are some people excused from common morals, while others of us
have to obey?
I know it's not his fault. But, I'm not sure I can take much
more. We've tried counseling. It helps for a while.
But, it doesn't stop my MIL's games. I don't go to my husband's
family functions. He accepts it because he knows how she's hurt
me. Briefly ... she was sitting at the table I was, to eat Thanksgiving
dinner. She was asked how many grandchildren she had.
Now, granted, she is my son's "step-grandmother", but he was only
2 when my husband and I started dating. Anyhow, she counted
them up and didn't include mine ... with me sitting directly across
from her. My son calls her "grandma" and she signs
his birthday card (when she remembers his day) "grandma".
I've always been close to my parents. I adore them! I
can talk to them and not be judged. I don't have to watch every
little word I say and every move I make. The atmosphere at my
parent's home is just different! They love me unconditionally!
I can be "me", and it's OK! My parents have always included
my step-kids as "theirs". At my in-laws, everything with them
is an act. I was raised to respect my elders. I have always
done that. At family functions, I bring a dish, I help clean
and I stay polite and talk to everyone. It's never enough!
If I talk to the kids too much, I'm criticized for ignoring the adults.
If I talk to my husband's grandparents (MIL's in-laws), who I love
to death, I'm watched like a hawk. I can't win. It's not
a comfortable situation, and really ruins my holidays! If we
leave too early and someone hears how long we spent at my parent's
home ... it's a big fight!
She never confronts me, though ... she plays guilt trips on my husband.
Then we get into it ... again! I work full time, and deal with
the house, the kids, and often do it without my husband's help.
I should be able to spend my time off any way I chose, without hassle
or excuses!
My husband and my father go on a weekend fishing trip almost monthly.
I don't make him, they plan it together. My husband enjoys my
father's company and they get along great (my father rarely speaks
his mind, but when he does, my husband listens and agrees).
My MIL makes a big deal, and sets another guilt trip on my husband
every time she finds out about their trips. She asks, "What
about them?". Caller ID is a wonderful new tool ... now when
he's out of town, I don't answer when it's my MIL! I'm tired
of having to explain and make excuses. I shouldn't have to!
We have a life, and should be able to live it any way we chose!
Why can't she see that??? My husband "chose" me to be his wife.
He didn't have any choice in his parents!
I've tried to talk to my FIL, but he sides with his wife ... right
or wrong. My SIL's have lived that way for so long, they are
like my husband, and give in to her just to "keep peace". One
of them actually told me to do that! Right!
My family will support any decision I make. I want to leave
my husband. It's just so much hassle anymore. But, I feel
sorry for him. I know he can't control my MIL. His first
marriage ended in divorce ... because of his mother's control.
I don't feel like I should have to live like this for another 9 years!
Help!!!!
7/25
***NOTE: Please feel free to respond to this (using our
mother-in-law stories submission page) if you
have any advice to share. Reference this story as "Not
Another 9 Year" in your response.
RESPONSE: Response: Not Another 9 Years
I don't think you should give up on your marriage. If your MIL
is going to act that way -- let her, just don't let her act that way
to you. You should tell your husband that if he wants to see
his mom, you have no problem with that, but you will not be going
with him. You should tell him that his mom does nothing but
hurt you, and you are not going to be a victim of her cruelty any
longer. Your husband is in a very difficult position, he loves
both of you and doesn't want to see either of you hurt. Try
to be sympathetic to his feelings and make sure that he is trying
to be sympathetic to yours as well.
Also, make sure that he does see his mom. If he cuts off the
relationship she will probably blame that on you (my MIL blamed it
on me). I think it's best for you to keep your distance, but
understand that your husband probably shouldn't.
7/26
RESPONSE: Re: Not another 9 years -
Have you told your dh you feel like leaving him? How would he
respond if he were to know that a 2nd wife is leaving him because
of his mother? It might light a fire under him. My dh
listened intently to me for a couple of years but never did anything.
When I explained how I felt his families behavior had damaged our
relationship (and how his inability to do anything had changed him
in my eyesight) he got up and got busy to work things out with his
family. When he got involved, they stopped their foolishness.
The SIL (the most volatile and the nuttiest) hasn't spoken to me for
over two years. I LOVE IT!
7/26
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Ok, FINAL STRAW.
Together dh & I broke off most communication with MIL 2 years
ago - best decision ever, saved our marriage. In a very well
written letter we told her the "rules" & boundaries.
Lately, here's her games. She has sent my two kids (her NATURAL
grandkids) cards, presents & money for their birthday, along with
my hubby on his bd too. She did not send me a card (boo hoo,
sniff) and refuses to recognize our anniversary either. She
wants to "send" the message that her ds & grandkids exist and
that's it.
But here's my BIG deal: She refuses to send anything to my oldest,
my dh step-child. Even after letters, talks & fights, we
told her under no circumstances are these children to be treated differently,
irregardless of her feelings towards my oldest. HA, she's pulling
it again and again. So, here's what I want to do. I want
to package up all the cards, toys and re-write a check back to her
for our other 2 kids and tell her "game over" lady, it's all or nothin'.
My dh totally supports our position and is definitely willing to follow
through with me on this. I'm NOT trying to be "vengeful".
I'm trying to show her that we mean business. Period.
And she has NO OPPORTUNITIES otherwise. What do you think?
7/25
***NOTE: Please feel free to respond to this (using our
mother-in-law stories submission page) if you
have any advice to share. Reference this story as "Game
Over" in your response.
RESPONSE: Response to: "Game Over"
I think you are on the right track! This is what my mother did
when I was young. My grandmother would send me gifts and not
send to my brother. All the talking my mother would do was never
heard. Finally, fed up, my mother started sending my gifts back
... one by one. I never knew what was going on, I was too young.
And, I never missed the gifts I never knew about. It wasn't
long before my grandmother got the hint. In the next package
were all the gifts she had sent me, along with the same amount of
gifts for my brother.
I don't believe you should take gifts away from the children that
they have already opened and enjoyed. But, they won't know about
the next few that come and you send back. She'll get the message!
Don't give up! Good luck!
7/26
RESPONSE: RE: Game Over
I understand completely what you are going through. I have 2
kids from a previous marriage and one child with my hubby. My
MIL is my hubby's stepmom. When she married my FIL he had 2
kids, then they had 2 more, so you would think she would "get it."
Yet, they refuse to acknowledge my oldest 2 kids at all. They
haven't even met any of the children, yet the youngest gets Christmas
presents and birthday presents. Mind you, the youngest isn't
even MIL's flesh and blood, but her step-grandchild. We have
tried to explain, over and over, that the kids were to be treated
equally. MIL's parents accepted my hubby and his brother, yet
for some reason my in-laws say the situation with my oldest 2 kids
is "different." It drives me nuts! My oldest 2 are old
enough to understand the preferential treatment their little brother
receives, and know that my in-laws don't want anything to do with
them. How does one explain to innocent children that they aren't
loved or wanted? It has caused so many problems ... the list
goes on and on.
7/26
RESPONSE: Re to "Game over".
I say go for it. She will get her little game back in her face,
that's what I would do!!!
7/26
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I am a newlywed of just
a month, and I have experienced hell with my in-laws from the beginning.
I love my husband, but I Hate his family. Since day one, my
husband's mother has been a source of grief for me. She is such
a pushy woman, and is always Such a negative person. She is
racist, because I am of mixed descent, and she asked my husband if
I did not want to meet the Family because I was black. I was
so angry when he told me this, because I despise racist comments and
racist people. On top of that, my father-in-law is no better,
because he gave me the silent treatment and snubbed me for months
because I had problems going over to their house, with their attitude.
Finally, when I did attempt to call a truce and be friendly they were
very cold to me . They never have anything nice to say to me,
and they are constantly bragging about their older daughter's baby,
house, and her life. When my husband and I moved in together
they did not seem pleased. One day they came over and offered
to buy a couch for us, and then it turned out that the father changed
his mind. One day they found a couch at the side of the road,
and he was going to put it in his shop, and then my mother-in-law
insisted that her husband give it to us. I mean, can you believe
the nerve? Their daughter has a house with new furniture in
it and we get an old beat up couch. At other gatherings, mainly
at the older sister's house, the mother always tries to order me around
(i.e. make a salad, come and pack up left-over, etc.) I usually
am being ogled up and down by them. Two Christmases ago I took
my grandmother to church, and the younger sister was so angry that
we were late for opening the gifts that she slammed the door
in our face. Then his two sisters proceeded to taunt me about
my hair that I had just had done at the beauty salon, saying that
they did not like it. Well, I went upstairs and I cried my eyes
out at his sister's house, and we left early. The next day my
husband called her up and told her off. You see, my husband
always can confront his two sisters but not his parents. At
the wedding, they congratulated my parents and him but not me.
They did not even say one nice thing to me about how I looked, about
the hall, food etc ... After the honeymoon, his mother said
to me, "Why didn't you remember to wear your veil? And,
don't you think white flowers would be nicer than red for your bouquet?"
His older sister got drunk and flirted openly with my 17 year old
sister's friends, and danced on the tables and made a spectacle of
herself. But they (my in-laws) did not give a damn. However,
my mother said that our family was constantly being stared at with
disdain by my husband's father.
The last straw for me was when I came back from my honeymoon and his
wench of a mother cut the top of my wedding cake, which I was planning
on saving. I tell my husband all these things and he knows how
I feel, but he just thinks I should stop letting these negative things
affect me. He never confronts them about these issues unless
they bring it up, which was once. He told his father, "I
am marrying her, regardless of who likes it or not," and that
I was shy in the beginning and I did not come over because I felt
they were cold to me, and the racist comment his mother made. When
he announced to them that he was marrying me, his Mother said, "How
can you afford to pay for a wedding?" even though his father
is loaded. The father said, "why get married if you are
living together?" Please, I will welcome all comments to
this. I am fed up.
7/25
***NOTE: Please feel free to respond to this (using our
mother-in-law stories submission page) if you
have any advice to share. Reference this story as "Fed
Up After 1st Month of Marriage" in your response.
RESPONSE: Fed up after One Month of Marriage.
It's unfortunate, but racists are racists. They don't change
because their child marries someone of a race that they are afraid
of. And that is what a racist is - someone who is afraid of
a different race - and it's usually because they don't know anyone
of that race, or if they do, they only know one or two of that race
and that person is different - he's not like the rest in his race.
Racism is ignorance. Now the question is, do you want to stay
in a family this ignorant? If you do, then my recommendation
is to take not sh*t from the beginning. If his sisters say something
about your hair again - particularly if it's a racist remark - POINT
IT OUT! Say, "I'm surprised that you would say something
that ignorant. I thought better of you. Why would you say something
like that?" Some people are against inter-racial marriage.
That's they're problem - they're ignorant. Make sure it's they're
problem not yours. You and your husband seem young from the
tone of your letter - so I'm guessing that if you two make this marriage
last you must stick together. He may eventually screw up his
courage to defend you, but it may take awhile. In the meantime
you stand up for yourself. How would you respond if these people
weren't your husband's relatives. If his father continually
stares at you - and racists are so stupid in that they do stare, and
their children tend to stare (bad manners but they're not know to
read etiquette books or anything by Miss Manners). I would probably
smile at him every time, look him in the eye and say something like,
"Dad, how are you doing today?", "Dad, you look deep in thought, glad
I'm not in those thoughts", whatever. Let him know you recognize
that he's staring. You're pointing it out to him and you will
not be intimidated by it. I am not into being a martyr - not
for hubby - not for the sake of my marriage - no one will respect
you and you'll lose respect for yourself.
7/26 |
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Working Women Don't Have Wives