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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
Archives 9/30/00
<--Previous Archive
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My first MIL shared with
me of how she cannot stand the color "GREEN" because her sister was
run over by a car and didn't survive. She wore a green coat
or dress (can't remember). Guess what I received as a B-Day
present from my MIL a few years later? A "GREEN" jacket.
This would be a good one for the month of October ... very Halloweenish
:-)
9/23
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The following additions
are being added to the MIL Stories Help Page based on the
receipt of a new Help Question.
Q: When a MIL story is entered, how long before it appears?
A: In most cases, a story received before 10:00 PM EST will appear
on This Week's Stories page the next day.
Q: I've waited 2 days and I still do not see my story. Where
is it?
A: We may not have received it (computer glitch). Or, if we
did receive it, we may have determined it inappropriate to be posted.
If you feel the material was suitable for posting, please resubmit
your story.
Q: You published my story, but a large part is missing. What
happened?
A: There are several possible explanations. The removed part
may have been offensive. The part may have been removed to protect
people's anonymity. Or, it is possible that we did not receive
the missing part. It is unfortunate, but from time to time a
computer glitch will cause a story to arrive missing a piece of text.
If you feel the material was suitable for posting, please resubmit
your story.
9/23
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At first my MIL was polite
to me, but she soon began complaining to my future husband that I
simply wasn't good enough for him. My bachelor's degree wasn't
enough (he has an M.D.), and my eyes were crooked. For the next
13 years of our relationship, she continued to complain about me,
never to my face but to my husband's. Although I received my
LL.B. soon after, she found other things to be upset about.
The first time she met my parents, she said, "You know my son is worth
$2 Million dollars in Taiwan." This was by way of introduction.
You see, in Taiwan where my husband's family originates, doctor's
sons are worth large dowries to their parents. My family is
by no means poor. My father is also a doctor, and he could not
fathom the reason for this humiliation.
Still, I would buy her little treats: shoes, clothes, papayas (to
help her digestion). At least she seemed grateful for that.
While I was just his girlfriend, she would ask me to help watch her
bridal store while she was away. She never paid me, and years
later when I was getting married to him, she didn't spend a single
moment helping me to pick out a dress from her own store. My
mother and I wandered around and basically served ourselves.
After I wore the dress, she put it back on the racks.
When we moved to Vancouver after we were married, my husband and I
were happy. Soon, the MIL began experiencing mysterious stomach
pains which no doctor could cure or determine the cause of. She then
moved into our one bedroom 650 square foot apartment on the invitation
of my husband and began sleeping in the dining area. For three
months she lived there, and I dreaded being alone with her, because
she would do nothing but complain about her pain or about the way
I ran the household. For example, she told me that the kitchen
floor should be washed three times a day. Then she would tell
stories about how she would have to wash her father-in-law's feet
and he would complain about the food she cooked for him. I guess
she just wanted to pass on the misery to me. If she wasn't trying
to tell me what to do, she would begin speaking about God and Christianity.
She was quite ill, I imagine. She asked to borrow my watch,
but she returned it when she complained that it was too heavy for
her wrist.
She healed (once again, mysteriously) when she began joining us on
all of our vacations. At first, it was my husband who invited
her to join us in L.A. on our vacation. Later, she began inviting
herself. When her other son was getting married, she invited
herself to his honeymoon. When I told my husband that I would
rather she not come, he said, "Well, it's either her or you."
I suppose I never got any support from my husband, although he said
that he was always defending me in front of them, as if that was something.
I told him that I shouldn't be attacked in the first place.
By the way, she did go on that honeymoon after all, and was, miraculously,
cured enough to be able to tour Thailand on foot.
I am happy to report that my husband left me for his married patient,
so someone else can enjoy the warmth that only his MIL knows how to
give. My husband (ex-husband for three years now) went to see
a psychiatrist before the separation, and the psychiatrist told him
that it was horrible how I had torn him apart between his MIL and
myself. In the end, his MIL got her wish of finally getting
rid of me and getting a rich Taiwanese woman. Maybe she would
have disapproved of her being already married, but money cures all
evils.
I am now happily married to a man the opposite of my ex-husband.
My second husband cares about my feelings. I wish I could say
my new MIL is better than the old one. My new MIL has never
yelled at me or criticized me -- I think she actually likes me.
But I hear all sorts of stories from my two fellow sister-in-laws,
and her yelling episodes. Thank goodness I am prepared for the
worst from my previous history.
9/23
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Oh dear, where to begin!!!!
I have both ... FIL and MIL from HELL!!!!! Both suffer from
extreme case of impulse control of mouth and limb!!!! First,
let me tell you about FIL's problems: We stayed at their house
for a few days (we live 6 hours away). I took a shower and FIL
tried to break the door open while I was in there. I thought
my 2 year old was pecking at the door like 2 year olds do when mommy
is in the bathroom, and replied twice that "Mommy will be right out,"
unfortunately to no prevail. I rushed to get finished and dressed
and when I opened the door I saw FIL and MIL together!!! Perverts!!!
They quickly disappeared and never said anything about it. I
told my husband and he just laughed about this!!! FIL also loves
to follow me when I was going to the back of the house where our room
was. They came to visit us on Thanksgiving and I wore a nice,
patterned vest, and pants. Perfect for the nice restaurant that
we went to ( I had lost 45 pounds after the birth of my son).
He got all excited, and started going crazy with his flash box, "Let
me take pictures of that nice vest ... click, click" Geeez,
I felt so uncomfortable and felt like telling him to take a chill
pill!!! On another occasion he hit my little one for no reason,
which really teed me off. The little one just wanted to show
him something and was punished for it. Both freak, absolutely
freak, when the little one spills something on his clothes (Helloooooo
... I am supposed to get excited about that one because I have to
wash the clothes!). The very last time they were here, FIL took
his opportunity to try to pin me against the dryer in my kitchen.
Perfect timing, because everyone had just chased the little one out
of the front door. I slipped out and ran out on the front porch.
Just a few hours earlier he complained about the way we structure
the visits ... both FIL and MIL are chronic whiners. He whines
about stuff, she whines about stuff. They both peck at each
other, too. He insults her, "your butt doesn't fit behind there."
Thank you all for listening.
9/21
RESPONSE: To the woman who's FIL tried to pin her against
a dryer:
I have read a few stories like yours on this board, and if I were
you, I would NOT allow that man into my home. In-laws who are
annoying are a pain, but an in-law who is constantly sexually abusing
you is NOT. Watching someone change, and unwelcome touches,
ARE sexual harassment. If your husband won't help you, and says
that's just the way he is, I'd go straight to a counselor or divorce
lawyer. I'm sorry, but I'm just sick and tired of people (especially
men) expecting women to put up with men doing what they please with
them. You don't have to take it.
9/22
RESPONSE: To respond to the peeping Tom FIL & MIL:
Have you TOLD your husband that his father both peeps, and rubs himself
against you? And if you have already done so, does your husband
honestly condone this behavior? My only thought is that perhaps
your husband does NOT truly know what his father is doing, that he
thinks it's a lesser offense. I know what my own husband would
do if I came to him with this type of problem: 1- first off
he would ask me exactly WHAT happened, chapter and verse; 2-
then he'd try to get his father's side of it. After that, if
I stuck to my interpretation of events, and he saw I was right and
dead serious - he'd never leave me alone with him again, and probably
never go near them again himself either. I cannot imagine any
husband thinking this was acceptable behavior. If I had children,
I would be that much MORE angry and insistent on avoiding the parents
- doing this to me would be bad enough - I'm doubly damned if I'd
chance it happening to my children. To me, this goes WAY beyond
the standard of poor behavior I've read about on this board - this
is molestation and harassment - and not something to allow your husband
to poo-poo or ignore. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you
can deal with this in a manner that doesn't cause serious trouble
with your husband (which only makes life worse!)
9/22
RESPONSE: Re: FIL pinned you against the Dryer.
My FIL came on to me a couple of times early in my marriage.
The 2nd time he came on to me, I got so cold towards him that he got
the message. He behaves in a very cold and rude manner towards
me now, but it's better than that old geezer treating me in that manner.
I can't help but wonder what he really thinks of women. I had
to teach him the boundaries. I wish I could have talked to him
instead of the passive behavior I took, but I was so stunned that
this father figure would do this that I really didn't know what to
do, so I guess I did the best I could. I never told my husband
because he really has a need to have his father in his life and I
couldn't take that away from him.
9/23
CONTIUATION: I am the person who shared the "Peeping
Tom FIL & MIL".
First of all, I would like to say, "Thank You" for your
kind responses. Since this situation has put me in quite a tizzy
that I don't seem to be able to get out of on my own, I started counseling,
and I was re-diagnosed with depression and will be put on medication.
I was very upset at my husband's initial responses to all the insulting
things that my FIL & MIL have piled on my nerves for almost 8
years now. I was so upset with him that I told him that if they
come back and do another thing that I will leave ... for good.
He has since started a letter, which I hope he will send to them,
asking his parents how to treat all of us. This is one step
forward. I told my husband how proud I am of him for establishing
ground rules for his household and family. The in-laws wanted
to come visit with us for 4 days for this upcoming Columbus Day Holiday,
but my husband said that it wouldn't be a good time right now.
My husband and I have already agreed that I will NEVER be left alone
w/ FIL in the future. We have also decided, if we ever go back
to visit w/ them, to stay in a hotel. Both also upset my SIL
very much. My BIL, is a very nice and patient person with wonderful
people skills, and even he gets frustrated with the in-laws.
I am afraid they have problems beyond repair. You guys said
it, their behavior is beyond bad ... FIL is 76 years old. Can
you really teach that old dog new tricks? I doubt it!!!!!!
He is physically in very good shape, and I am afraid he'll live to
be 100+. Probably outliving me if this continues. I really
would hate to have to leave my husband over this, because he is a
really nice guy. He would never lay a hand on me inappropriately
like others have in my past. BTW, I really feel for the person
on here who's evil MIL will come to town. Putting her in a hotel
and visiting with her away from your home in a public place sounds
like an excellent solution for that one. Good luck!
9/23
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My mil has been upset the
entire 8 years my husband and I have been married, because we lived
across the country. We have decided maybe she was right and
should give her a chance to be the grandma she has always declared
she wants to be. So we packed up our family and moved.
Since being here, she has told our kids she would meet them or pick
them up several times and then not shown up. When we call, she
says she forgot and she is sorry. The problem is, she is not
the one who has to wipe the tears, or comfort them every time this
happens. After this last time, I told her we needed some time
and to leave us alone. Was I wrong? How many times can
I subject my kids to this?
9/19
***NOTE: Please feel free to respond to this (using
our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you
have any advice to share. Reference this story as "Won't
Subject Kids" in your response.
RESPONSE: This is in response to "Won't subject the kids".
No, you are not wrong feeling this way. During the 8 years,
did she give you guilt trips for not being able to see the kids regularly?
It sounds as if she did. I'd come right out and ask her why
she made such a big deal about wanting to participate in their lives
if she can't find the time to pick them up, when asked. Then
I would tell her, "we wouldn't have moved to accommodate you
if that was just 'talk'." Maybe it sounds mean, but she'll
get the hint. Sometimes, you need to give people a dose of reality.
Best of Luck to you!
9/23
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My mother in law and I
were sitting on the back of the tailgate, talking and looking at a
catalog, having a nice discussion, when she offered to wash and iron
all the new school uniforms for my two boys. I thought how great
that she would help me get started for the new school year.
I said that would be great. She said, "anyways, whenever
you dropped the boys off in the mourning I would make them take their
uniforms off and I would iron them." (mind you, they are
wrinkle resistant uniforms)
9/22
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When I first married in
the late 1960's my MIL could not stand me because I had taken her
son away from her. My ex-h didn't want to leave her alone (after
all there were only 7 more brothers and sisters at home) so we lived
with them. When I fell pregnant for the first time, (and being
so naive I didn't know how I'd done it) she told me such horror stories
of pregnancy, birth, and after-care, that I prayed for a miscarriage.
I couldn't iron because I didn't do it the way she did. I couldn't
vacuum because I went in the opposite direction she did. At
8 months she even hit me in the stomach with a wrench because she
wanted to see if the baby would move. On the one occasion that
we lived on our own and my ex-h actually had a job, I had to be at
her house by 10am or she would send the 16 yr old to get me, and there
I had to stay all day till ex-h picked me up. She would take
lots of sleeping tablets at night, so I would get left to cook, clean,
do laundry and take care of everyone. Ex-h even signed me out
of the hospital straight after my first 2 deliveries because I had
to be home and play slave. Didn't matter that I'd just given
birth to a 10 pound, butt first breech baby ... oh no! MIL said
I had to come home, and what she wanted, she got no matter.
Until the day I left him, taking my kids with me, she wouldn't even
call me by my proper name. She insisted on calling me Cheryl
because she didn't like my real name of Michelle. But she was
very generous, she gave me a cigarette for my 21st birthday present.
I could go on and on but I hate thinking about what they put me through.
If she weren't already dead I think I would probably apply for the
position of doing it. I've had another ex-h between the 1st
and my present (and last). He wasn't much better than the 1st,
but at least his mother was dead. My current MIL is the most
wonderful person you can imagine. She'd bend over backwards
to help, rings up just to see how I am feeling, and tells all her
friends that she is so glad I'm part of the family and that she adores
me.
9/22
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My wife is a beautiful
woman, and I am constantly wondering where she came from, because
it can not be from my MIL. The trouble started before we got
married, a lot of little things like taking an opinion poll in the
community about whether my wife and I should wait to have children
or not. We have been married for a little over a year and things
have not gotten better. Every five weeks or so, she would call
up and complain to my W about me. Eventually, my W got fed up
and would hang up on her.
A little while ago we moved halfway across the country. A few
weeks after we moved, my MIL called up and wanted to speak to me.
She started going on about how scared she is of me, and that she is
scared I beat my wife (I used to take Karate), and going on about
how I can't hold a job (I moved w/o one, but have since found an excellent
one). I tried explaining to her that I would never touch her
daughter in a threatening manner, and that she will never go w/o anything
that she needs. She kept going on about it, and eventually I
hung up. My wife understands, and stands up for me. In
fact, she refused to talk to her mother if she brought me up in the
conversation in a negative way. Well, SHE is coming to town
next month, and I am looking for suggestions as to how to handle her.
9/21
***NOTE: Please feel free to respond to this (using
our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you
have any advice to share. Reference this story as "MIL
Here Next Month" in your response.
RESPONSE: This is a response for "MIL HERE NEXT MONTH".
Did you have a say in the matter? I would go on about my life
like she isn't even there. Please tell me you're making her
stay at a Motel! If she's causing this much trouble I wouldn't
let her step foot in the house. I'd tell your W to meet her
at a restaurant (some place neutral), and don't bother with her.
Let your W deal with her and tell your W, "I married you, not your
Mother!" That is how I deal with my MIL. She ticked me
off one too many times to bother with, so now I don't. My H
wouldn't speak up to her, so I had to. At least your W sticks
up for you. Good Luck!
9/22
RESPONSE: This is in response to Mil visiting next week.
My heart goes out to you. My father had a very similar situation
to yours. My grandmother would, as he put it, "fly in on
her broom stick" and proceed to tell dad what he was doing wrong,
i.e. not making enough money, not bringing up us kids properly, not
treating mom properly, etc. If he worked late, she would accuse
him of everything from having an affair to gambling instead of working.
He could do no right. She would spend a lot of time trying to
convince my mom to leave him and my brother (whom she regarded as
the anti-Christ) and to come and live with her. The bottom line
was that my mom was going nowhere with her. She created a lot
of tension between my parents, but their foundation was strong and
her words were not going to have any long term effect on the family.
They put up with her visits, and ignored her advice and demands (never
knowing what to expect, but always knowing that they were in for a
rollercoaster ride). It certainly gave my parents a lot to laugh
about after she went home (and they recovered from the frustration
of having her with them for any period of time). Talking to
her did no good. She usually lashed out if anyone tried to convince
her that she was out of line. So, if it helps, at least you
know you are not alone. My family never found a way to control
her, but we all braced ourselves for her visit and realized that she
would be gone soon and that none of her words or accusations would
change our family unit after she was gone. Eventually, she got
too old to travel (and as my parents got older they took her a lot
less seriously) and she can do a lot less damage now from a distance.
9/22
RESPONSE: In response to: MIL Here next month
You should greet her at the door with boxing gloves on.
9/22
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ANOTHER FITTING WORD FOR
YOUR WORD SEARCH LIST:
harridan [n. HAR-ih-den]
A sharp-tongued woman, especially one who is older, can be called
a harridan. This noun describes fierce, ill-tempered women who
are always scolding and disapproving. Near synonyms include:
shrew and
hag. Example: "Her older sister was an ill-tempered harridan."
The word, in use since the 1700s, is perhaps a modification of the
French haridelle, which described an old horse or gaunt woman.
Making the leap from a horse to a woman who nags is not so far-fetched
when you recognize that the noun nag has been in use since the 15th
century to describe a horse that is old or in poor condition.
This latter noun developed from the Middle English nagge, akin to
the Dutch negge (small horse).
**** Editor's Note: we will consider this for our next word
search puzzle - thanks.
9/21
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I am thrilled! Sorry,
but I now feel the need to do a little bragging. I wrote a letter
to my MIL about her basically being so needy and nosy of our time/whereabouts.
I guess she didn't like it. So what!!! It had been going
on for far too long, and my H didn't want to rock the boat.
Well, now I don't ever have to see her or hear her voice again ...
"Heaven, I'm in Heaven"!!! Since he wasn't man enough to
do it, now he has to visit her with our child, and there will be no
more surprise visits from them anymore, because as she puts it, "All
I have to do is apologize." Yeah, right, in your dreams lady!
I finally have some peace and quiet. It's just killing her that
she can't make her usual unexpected visits! Knowing this is
just makes my day!!!
9/20 |
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Working Women Don't Have Wives