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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
Archives 11/4/00
<--Previous Archive
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I feel I'm at my wits
end with my MIL. My husband and I have been together for 8 years,
married 2 1/2. After returning from our honeymoon she called
my husband and, of course, gave him the crying game, "You left me,
now I'm all alone." She has even told family members that
I tried to kill her by sending her poisonous rice. My husband
just laughed it off, which made me furious! My husband is the
oldest of 3 sons, plus she raised his older stepbrother since he was
7 years old. As she says, the stepson doesn't count! The
wedding song she picked was unacceptable. Every verse was ridiculous.
WHEN WILL YOU BE COMING BACK TO ME? I WILL BE WAITING WITH OPEN
ARMS, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY TO RETURN TO ME! After we were married,
his youngest brother was not allowed to sleep in MY HUSBANDS ROOM!
This went on for about 1 year. The poor boy slept with her,
in her bed, he was 12 years old. Every year on my husband's
birthday she calls him at the crack of dawn. For instance, this
Oct. she called at 6:00am. When I answered the phone, she said,
SHE WANTED TO BE THE FIRST TO WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Hello!!!
My husband is 30, NOT 3! I told her she was ridiculous, calling
at that time, waking us up, and then I hung up the phone. His
birthday card said, "A strong man has his MOTHER, WIFE and DAUGHTER
behind him and at this time he's at a crossing." Does she
want him to choose between us and her? When I think of my family,
I think of my husband and daughter. No, she thinks it should
be husband, daughter and his mother. I married his family too!
This woman is obsessed with her son. My MIL is not allowed in
my home because she has said many nasty things about me to his family.
I did confront her about this because it was putting a lot of strain
into my marriage. Her response was that she was so misunderstood,
and the family members that I associate myself with are jealous of
her. She's such a hypocrite. In front of my husband SHE
LOVES ME ... but as soon as I turn my back on her she starts talking
about me.
10/27
signed - In Front of DH She Loves Me
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Note: We apologize,
but we were unable to identify the story to which this response refers.
RE: fil's criticism
My husband was also abused by his father while his mother watched
and did nothing. We have a nine year old son that spends a great
deal of time with my fil and I have never been worried. I believe
that even people who are abusive to their children have a different
outlook when it comes to grandchildren. I would keep an eye
on the situation, and if you or your husband see the same behavior
in your fil (that your husband had seen when going up) don't allow
him to see your son.
10/27
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Morbid Moments with Mother-in-law
My MIL is abominable. My first impression was that she was a
sweet English Grannie with amazing talent in the arts, domestic and
fine. She has seven children (my husband is the eldest), and
is very proud of the homestead that she built with her second husband.
She adores children. We got along very well at first, and it
was obvious that she liked me. She was the first person to ever
tell me that if I wanted to have a baby, I should just do it.
My husband and I had a small, informal wedding, to MIL's liking.
We got pregnant right away.
As time has progressed, I realized that she loathes adults almost
as much as she loves children. My MIL has a very strong literary
sense, keen intellect, and a sharp wit. Her sense of humor is
very morbid, and she really seemed to enjoy shocking me with her belief
that there is no afterlife, or spirits or souls. She rarely
has a stitch of good to say about anyone, particularly the in-laws
of her oldest daughter and second eldest son. At first I listened
to her colorful portraits of people, and laughed it off as the joke
she presents these people to be. As time progressed, the stories
only got longer and uglier, and I quickly became disinterested in
sitting around to hear the dirt. Her sense of humor is very
morbid and she can dismisses or ridicule people for their religious
beliefs, which means 98% of the human population is the target of
her mocking. She is an atheist. This has been a great
point of departure for me.
After I got pregnant, my MIL's second oldest daughter got pregnant
too. She did not know the man who got her pregnant very well,
and my MIL and daughter #2 would refer to the father as a sperm donator.
After the child was born, the father was constantly talked about in
only negative terms. It was horrible hearing about what a pathetic
loser he was, then have to face him at family get together that they
invite him too. It was all a big inside joke to MIL and her
daughter #2, until her baby died of an inherited condition in the
fathers blood line. The father of daughter #2's baby committed
suicide, two days after the boy died. In one weekend both the
father and son were lost, and my MIL's reaction was increased resentment
for the father.
My Uncle was murdered two months later. When MIL found out that he
was never married, and a teacher at a Catholic boys high school, she
quickly stated that he was probably gay, and somehow he deserved no
remorse because of it. His sexuality was the issue to my in-laws,
rather than his death or his life as a dedicated son, brother, and
teacher of my cousins. I was put off, but quite non-confrontational
about her leadership in the lack of compassion.
Two months later, MIL's mother dies. MIL was relieved, and no
funeral or remembrance was held. Up to her death, I would make
suggestions of visiting my hubby's granny in the nursing home, largely
because I have a close relationship with my grandmother. She
was a nice lady when I did meet her, and it was hardly a trouble.
MIL put her foot down, insisting that we not visit for reasons x,y,and
z.
When daughter #3 slashed her wrist two months ago, MIL called me up
to ask if she could move into my house. She was as direct as,
"D#3 tried to kill herself, she has to work on Saturday, could she
move in with you for a while?" Of course I said 'yes'.
But she treats these heavy things with such lightness that it is nothing
but disturbing.
When with daughter #2, I am absolutely tongue tied, because the loss
that she experienced this year was soo profound. Fortunately,
she fell into the comfort of a new man. My MIL encouraged daughter
#2 to get pregnant right away. Now that she is pregnant, MIL
is conversing how much she dislikes daughter #2's boyfriend.
I have become very strong in my defense of those I feel she is debasing,
but this has really severed our relationship.
To MIL most people are unacceptable because she has a superior intelligence.
It truly saddens me that she these are her true colors. Daughter
#5 is MIL's genius child. I find that the super intelligence
that they claim to hold is a trap, which leads them to confront and
offend other people, labeling them rather than getting along.
How can I visit at the holiday's without stepping into the marsh of
insults, or alienating myself by not accepting the subjects of conversation.
I will probably focus on the children, and avoid conflicts as usual,
but does this mean that I fall into the league of a fool, putting
up with that which I can't tolerate?
10/26
signed - League of a Fool
RESPONSE: Regarding Morbid Moments with Mother-in-Law:
You said she was English, did you ever research the family history.
She sounds evil. Is she a witch? I'm not kidding - history
tends to repeat itself, and with all the death going on around her
and no show of remorse, especially with the males, and then there
is the "breeding thing" - wanting her daughters to get pregnant, then
drop the man - and the suicide attempts ...
Honey, I'm not an expert, but something tells me there is more going
on here than meets the eye (family secrets perhaps) - could you be
the next on her list? This doesn't sound like just an MIL problem.
Pray for her and yourself, and maybe walk softly around her - observe
- but keep a safe distance. Never underestimate people.
She is a very cold person. I'm not big into this stuff, but
there are times when something hits you in a way that you have to
tell what you think. Call it a sixth sense, but I'd be careful.
10/27
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My Dh and I have been married
for 6 years. I knew him and his family for 7 years prior to
our marriage. Let me just say, long and short, they are RUDE,
UGLY, NOSEY, and CONTROLLING. I've never liked them, and never
will. I have put up with their egotistical, selfish, mean ways for
way too long ... UNTIL our first child was born. That totally
changed me!
For many years throughout our marriage, they would get P.O.'ed because
we did this or did that, or we went to my family's not his, or whatever.
If it wasn't their way, it was NO way. So we would not hear
from them or see them for months at a time on and off during the first
4 years of our marriage (which was FINE with me!)
In 1998, I became pregnant with our first child. We were so
excited and happy that a child would become a part of our lives.
Of course, we told my in-laws and they seemed to be ecstatic for us
in the beginning. But later on, it seemed that when I would
try to talk to MIL about the pregnancy, she would avoid talking about
it with me ... or never asked me how I was doing. She likes
to be the center of attention, so I guess I was a *threat* to her
or something. Long and short, they didn't speak to us for the
last 6 months of my pregnancy. The reason, we found out, was
that I seemed moody and sensitive when she spoke to me. Well,
how would any normal person react when they are asked things like,
"how is your car doing?" rather than being asked how *they* are doing?
She would ask me the most asinine questions that made no sense.
She likes to know ALL our business ... where we ate out, where we
shopped, what we bought ... etc., etc. ... it gets old. One
night after being grilled about where we ate, she said, "Oh, was it
good? Did you eat it ALL?" (insinuating I'm a pig or something just
because I was pregnant). I was so put off by that remark, and
it must have shown, because we had the biggest fight (via e-mail)
... and didn't hear from them until I was hospitalized for toxemia
during my 8th month of pregnancy. (thanks to Dh for calling and telling
them). She nearly had a nervous breakdown in my hospital room...crying
and acting all hysterical. It was all an act, and I just said, "what
the %*$& is wrong with you?!" There, again, she had to be
the center of attention.
When Ds was about 6 months old, MIL and I were in MY kitchen and I
heard her talking to Ds in baby-talk saying "Mommy and Daddy better
be careful or they'll have another one just like you this time next
year!" ... I was flabbergasted and insulted. So what if
we had another baby? That's OUR business ... NOT hers!
It made me truly sick to hear such remarks come out of her stupid
mouth. I am kicking myself right now for not confronting her
at the time it happened and letting her know it was inappropriate
for her to say such things in MY home. Next time, I will throw
her out.
Anyway, it's now 2 years later and I still hate them. The only
way I maintain my sanity is to steer way clear of them. Dh and
I get along much better this way. My question is, how does one
let go of the anger and bitterness? We've tried talking to them,
but it doesn't work. I just get more angry and upset when I
hear what they have to say. They are in constant denial, saying
they've done nothing wrong ... that's how they are ... take them or
leave them. I told them I wanted an apology for the years of
torment and pain they have caused and they told me I didn't deserve
an apology. I am still so angry, my heart races when I think
about them.
Our DS is turning 2 soon and MIL will be at his party. Thank
goodness FIL will be out of town ... that's one less jerk to deal
with. I just feel sorry for Dh and Ds ... because we will never
have a healthy relationship with these bull-headed people.
Someone please tell me how to cope and release the hatred and bitterness
I feel toward these heartless people.
Let me also add ... they did NOT attend our wedding either.
But that's a whole other entry!
10/25
signed - How Do I Cope
RESPONSE: Re: "How Do I Cope?"
My heart goes out to you, and other readers probably feel the same.
Here are some thoughts -- if any of them are helpful, good, but if
they don't ring true to you, maybe someone else will have helpful
ones, too. I think your anger and bitterness is a natural reaction
to the way they treated you. You have those feelings for a reason.
You might wish you could get rid of those feelings right away, but
it might take years. Don't beat yourself up for having those
feelings. You don't have to act on them, just don't be hard
on yourself for having them. It's natural.
My MIL asks us nosy questions like that, too. Isn't that annoying????
Other readers have written in about it, too. Why can't MILs
learn to restrain themselves from being so nosy? Asinine questions
is right!!! Jeeeez!
Here's something I read that is helpful to me: Don't apologize.
Be polite. It doesn't matter what they think of you -- act in
a way that you believe in -- just do your best. But trying to
impress them is a losing battle. (I have to tell myself that
before every visit with my in-laws). Plan a reward for yourself
after every visit with them. A bubble bath. A shopping
trip. I know this wouldn't be good advice for everyone, but
one of my favorite rewards for MYSELF is, um, alcohol. A good
glass of wine, or a beer. They literally drive me to drink!
Well -- I think EVERYONE sympathizes with you. Best wishes ...
10/26
RESPONSE: Reference: "How Do I Cope?"
You need to move. Out of the city, or even out of the state.
I have picked up lock, stock and barrel, twice in the last 20 years.
The first time was right after I got divorced, and packed up both
of my small children, and the whole household, and moved to another
state. The second time was just a few years ago, to yet another
state. Don't say "what about jobs, houses, friends?" You
find them (and sometimes even better) anywhere you live. You
sound young enough to do it. So many people say they should
have done this, or they should have done that - - - DO IT!!!!!
Good luck to you.
10/26
RESPONSE: Dear How Can I Cope,
You'll never be able to change your in-laws, so staying away from
them is your best defense. At this point, things are much worse,
because there's a child involved. The comment your MIL made
to your baby was WAY out of line! I know you're kicking yourself
about it, because I've kicked myself about lots of things I was reluctant
to react upon with my MIL. Just remember not to let it go next
time and try to keep your distance. If I were you, I wouldn't
leave the baby alone with them unless you're around to monitor their
behavior. Once your child can talk, then you might be able to
rest easy, but never be fooled and think that grandparents don't hurt
their OWN grandchildren. It might sound sick, but they'd rather
satisfy their own stupid, petty, selfish egos than to nurture and
love an innocent child. Stay strong in your spot and don't back
down!
10/26
RESPONSE: Regarding How do I cope?
I share the same sentiments as the first person who responded to your
story. My heart goes out to you. I know this seems impossible,
but the best piece of advice I can think of to give you is to try
to let the anger go. Unfortunately, as you hang onto it, your
in-laws win. If you can find a way to not let them get to you,
you will be in better shape. I would be very protective of my
child as well. If they're going to be mean to you then who's
to say that they won't try to influence your child? Children
are like sponges and soak everything up. I don't know what your
religious beliefs are, but praying has always helped me in difficult
situations. If nothing else, it helps you to get your mind off
the situation and onto something better. Good luck to you, and
don't let them get to you. It's not hurting them one bit, but
it's hurting you and your sanity a great deal.
10/27
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My husband was arrested
for domestic abuse. Because I intervened while he was violently
shaking my 1 1/2 year old daughter I had to call the police department
to get him off of me. After he called his mother from jail she
insisted that I tell the police that I lied. The tear from my
necklace where he had been choking me was very apparent. When
I refused she asked if she could come over to my house to talk some
sense into me. I kindly refused this offer as well. So
MIL drove over to my house and used the key that my husband had supplied
her for "emergency use." Then she sobbed about her poor son.
She asked me, as a mother, how would I feel if my child were in jail?
I asked her, as a grandmother, how she would feel if my child would
have been killed? My mother in law pretended like I didn't say
anything. She never even apologized.
Is this denial?
10/24
signed - Is This Denial?
RESPONSE: Response to the MIL in denial about her son being
violent to her grandchild.
I think what you have is strength and common sense to do what's right.
And, honestly, that MIL of yours is a sick woman. She is caught
up in her own world of her and her son. She has forgotten about
the poor innocent child involved. Women who do these things
have a selfishness that you should always be aware of, and never leave
your child with her, ever, and the husband if he comes out of jail.
Some MILs are caught up in there own little troubles (losing their
sons) which has come out now. Thankfully, you know exactly where
you stand with this woman. So stay away from her, and you did
the right thing. You're a good mother.
10/27
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After I divorced and moved
to another state with my two children, my ex-mother-in-law (the children's
grandmother) came to visit us and stayed at our house. One morning
I woke up to find that she had gone into my linen closet and changed
out all the towels in my bathrooms. She also took all my knick
knacks and moved them from one room to another until they looked right
to her. I quietly went around the house and put everything back
in it's original place. She never said a word and never touched
another thing.
10/25
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It is so nice to know that
I am not suffering alone.
In the years prior to marrying my DH, I never once had a problem with
my MIL. She was as nice as she could be, and bragged on me often.
Things changed from our wedding day on ... I honestly think she cares
very much for me, she just can't stand losing control of her son.
She was given specific responsibilities for the wedding and completely
overlooked them because she was too worried she was going to miss
out on something we were taking care of. She caused us to be
late for the reception because she had to have specific photos taken.
She called us on our HONEYMOON! just to chat, and since then expects
my DH to keep her fully posted on the details of our day-to-day lives
(we've been married for over a year). When we were house shopping,
she actually insisted on going along, and is now determined to make
sure that she visits more often than my own parents. She has
turned everything into a competition. She doesn't hesitate to
give her opinion on anything. I thought at first I could suck
it up, but each time she does these things I resent her more.
I don't even want to have children anytime soon because of her control
issues. My DH thinks my MIL is perfect and that she has done
nothing wrong ... has anyone figured out a solution to a controlling
MIL for sake of harmony in your marriage? Is toleration or confrontation
better?
10/24
***NOTE: Please feel free to respond to this (using
our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you
have any advice to share. Reference this story as "Is Toleration
or Confrontation Better?" in your response.
RESPONSE: Is toleration or confrontation reply
You can not change anyone. You have to set boundaries, and make
sure she respects them. She probably enjoys talking and spending
time with you. Maybe some of her advice is good; don't hate
her because she doesn't act like you want her to.
10/25
RESPONSE: Toleration or Confrontation?
I've been in your exact same situation with my own MIL. I've
both tolerated and confronted, and let me tell you, with toleration
MIL's behavior only gets worse because she gets the message that there
are no boundaries. My advice is to do what I've done: calmly,
politely confront MIL WITH your husband's FULL support (he should
be there taking an active part in the conversation). Tell your
MIL that you love her but that she needs to respect your boundaries.
Then outline the boundaries clearly, and what you would like her new
behavior to be like (example - not calling more than once a week,
etc.) If your MIL refuses to accept these boundaries (like mine
did), then you've got a much bigger problem on your hands. In
my case, my husband and I finally had to end all contact with MIL
because she said, "You can draw all the boundary lines you want, I'll
just step right over them". With a woman like that, there's
no possible solution except distance. I hope your MIL is a much
more rational person than mine. Just be polite but extremely
firm. Don't be afraid of her anger or guilt-tripping - in fact,
expect it. She'll use those tactics to get her way, but don't
let her. You have a right to a healthy relationship with plenty
of boundaries and respect.
10/25
RESPONSE: In response to "is toleration or confrontation
better":
I sympathize with you. It's funny, she sounds almost exactly
like my MIL. I wish I could help you. Maybe someone else
has some good ideas. The only thing that has seemed to help
is trying to maintain as much distance as I can without being rude.
My MIL almost prides herself on being bored, and I think maybe she
was kind of hoping we'd provide a life for her -- interesting people
for her to meet, activities. But when we didn't do that, she
kind of got her own life, which was great. Nevertheless, she
grills my DH about every little thing, just like yours does.
I think she underestimates how much autonomy and privacy we'd like
to have. And she hates to give up that effusive, gushing, smothering
"my son and I are so close" role -- so she ends up being kind of intrusive.
Well, all this isn't very helpful. When I complained about her
nosiness, other readers wrote in that it would be best just to go
out of the room and ignore it, and let my husband deal with her questions.
That's one idea that might help -- just let him deal with her ...
and avoid her as much as you can, if you feel more at peace at a distance
from her.
My advice to both myself and you:
-- You can surely tolerate her, but be careful. If she shows
a tendency to take a mile when you give her an inch, don't extend
yourself, distance yourself. I used to try to be a good DIL,
but she really took advantage, I thought (in her sweet way) by always
pushing for a mile whenever I tried to give her an inch. If
I'd invite her to dinner, she'd push to come right after lunch. I
took her out to dinner, she picked up the tip and pocketed it, saying
it was too much. I gave her tickets to a local event I was working
at, and when she saw me, she used that as an excuse to rudely cut
in line, in front of a bunch of other people. I just don't like
doing things for her any more than I have to -- it always ends up
unpleasantly.
-- Don't worry about what she thinks of you. Be accountable
to yourself. Try to be a decent person, but only because that's
what you believe in. Don't worry if she's looking at you funny.
If you're being decent and polite, that's all you need to do.
Don't let her make you feel small or inadequate, deep down.
It doesn't matter what she thinks of you, or how she reacts to you.
(I'm always nervous at my MIL's house if I think she isn't approving
of the way I look or talk. I need to stop that!)
-- If she is unreasonably intrusive at any time, and you just can't
stand it, just tell her sweetly that it doesn't suit for her to come
over right then, etc. Don't let her walk all over you, or she'll
just keep doing it, and you'll get no peace at all.
I did confront my MIL one time. I'm in my 30s, six years older
than my husband, too, so I'm a little sensitive about it -- and she
lit into me about how I was going to need to get a mammogram at 40
(as if 40 was coming right up) (which it is, but I thought she was
being catty -- and I don't really want her to know how old I am!).
(She saves this stuff up for when my husband leaves the room -- she
always has SOMETHING like this she wants to tell me in private).
Then, she said it again, harassing me about it on the phone when we
were in a hurry to go out, and she knew it. I wrote her a note
about this -- I felt like she was being a little catty, insinuating
that I was 40 (as if I wasn't already quite a few years older than
my DH, in my mid 30s). So I wrote her a kind of icy "thank you
for your concern, but I have a few years until I'm 40" note.
Well, that turned into a rant, and I'm sorry -- but I do sympathize,
and wish you well.
10/25
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My MIL thinks that only
her children (my DH and his sister) are attractive looking people.
Didn't she come to visit telling me how she thought that my BIL is
ugly? She was bragging how her good looking kids always end
up with ugly partners (I am also rather plain looking) ... and she
was reminding me that my DH likes women with big boobs. This
is coming from a woman that is by no means pretty. She is short
and fat, with a double chin just like like Miss Piggy, and she certainly
eats like Miss Piggy. I am not kidding here ... she seriously
makes barnyard noises while she eats. My BIL is a very nice
guy and DH's sister is happy. So what if he is a little heavier.
And, how dare my MIL saying such things. It makes me angry.
10/24
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At first I was not so sure
about this mother-in-law stuff. I mean, I hardly new her.
What if she tried to interfere with my husband and me? A few
times we experienced some tension, but eventually we learned how to
treat each other. It is hard to give up your son to someone
who you don't know that well. I had to give her that.
Now I just try to be understanding. That doesn't mean everything
will run smoothly for the rest of our lives. But it does mean
that our lives will be much happier and we can treat each other with
respect.
10/24
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I have read a few other
stories regarding MILs who have asked the bride to step out of the
"family" photo at their wedding. At my wedding, we did some
photos before and some after. So, of course, my lovely MIL was
able to get some photos of just her, her husband and her "two boys."
So fortunately I wasn't asked to step out of the photo, but then she
did something that I thought was incredibly out of line. She
sent a photo of just the four of them in all of her Christmas cards
that year (after we were married)! This should have been a sign
to me that no matter how many years go by, I will never really be
a part of their family. My husband and I have tried explaining
to her that when she does stuff like this (which is often) it is hurtful.
But after three years of marriage now, she still pulls crap like this.
My only advice to the other women who are unfortunate enough to have
a MIL from Hell is to work together with your husband to set boundaries
and make her aware that the petty stuff she says or does will not
affect your life. It has taken me three years to get used to
this kind of behavior. I'm not saying I accept it, I'm just
saying that I refuse to let this woman's childish behavior affect
my life!
10/24
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We went over to my in-laws
for mother's day, not celebrating it for me, but so our children could
celebrate it with Grandma and Grandpa. I brought a cake and
cards. We all had a piece, and my mother-in-law told her husband
to come over by her. She said, in a not so gentle voice, "Take
this away, it is making me sick. I do not know what you make
at your house, but I do not think I can take all this sweet stuff.
I do not think the kids should be eating it either. Just look
at you." ( I was 6 months pregnant at the time.) So, now, when
ever I make something to take over there my children say, "I do not
think Grandma will like this, so we are not eating it either."
What a woman.
10/24
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First, I have to say how
happy I am to find someplace I can actually relate! THANK YOU!
I too have a MIL from hell. Thank God we now live over 2000
miles away from her! She used to come to our house every Friday
at 4p.m. She would walk into the house without knocking (she
also managed to get a key to our house!). She would stay the
entire weekend. She would take a bath at our house, and the
worst part is, when she was done she would walk out to our kitchen
with no clothes on to wash her hair in the sink! (She's in her
60's) When I would breastfeed my son she taught our then 18 month
old son to call it "titty milk" and then proceed to laugh at him when
he said it. She would call all hours of the day or night just
to make sure I was taking proper care of "her grandkids". (No,
right now I'm forcing them to cook their own dinner if they want to
eat.)
That all started five years ago. I have been to hell and back
so many times with that woman I lost count. The last straw was
when she threatened to kill me and my children because I took her
from her son. Now that we have moved cross country I can't tell
you how much better my husband and I get along with each other.
Even the kids are more relaxed. I only regret the day that she
shows up on our doorstep, because I know sooner or later that day
will come. And to those that say the husband should stand up
to the mother ... Mine did once and it ended with broken glass all
over the house. The woman is a lunatic! (and that is putting
it nicely!)
10/24
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My story began a few days
before I gave birth to my son last fall. After arriving home
from work hot, tired, and with swollen ankles, I got a call from my
mother-in-law. I explained to her that I was tired and would
have to call back later, to no avail. She just kept yammering
on about how some tropical storm in the gulf of Mexico, (we live in
Florida) could send me into labor!!! I finally said, "Look,
I've got to get some sleep, I'll call you later."
Well, the next day, I come home to a very nasty message on the machine
saying that just because I was pregnant, I had no right to be such
a b*tch, yada, yada,yada. She called my husband at work, told
him that he and his brother were "whipped". My husband and his
brother are not close to their mother because of this kind of behavior.
Needless to say, when I did go into labor a few days later, we did
not call her. After I gave birth my husband did call her, and
she then proceeded to call (at seven a.m.) his workplace, his paternal
grandparents, and his father whom she has not spoken to in twenty
years at least. This woman stole the joy that my husband would
have had proudly announcing the birth of his first son. But,
that's not all. That night, the nurses were exceptionally nice
to us. Too nice. We finally found out later that she had
tried to commit suicide, and was on the psych ward above us loudly
telling everyone about her son and his new baby! Of course,
word trickled down to the maternity ward. She had swallowed
some pills and then called several people to let them know.
I know that this sounds cold hearted, but this is the sixth time the
woman has tried this, and frankly no one takes her seriously anymore.
The good news is, she found a doctor who began treating her with ONE
medication instead of several, and she has been on an even keel since.
I still will not leave her alone with my son, and I'm not sure I ever
will. I am not unsympathetic towards mental illness. I
have a panic disorder. But I am tired of this woman using it,
or medication, as an excuse for any type of negative behavior, and
expecting all to be forgiven. Thank you for letting me vent!!!!
10/23
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I have a mother-in-law
that tops the cake. She always has this poor ME syndrome running
wild for herself, and is constantly complaining of her other kids
and how she is so unloved, and I'm sure complains of us to them.
The problem is that she has everything she has ever wanted, money
and all. She lies all the time, and then gets caught in her
lies. She then claims one of us is out to "get her", or being
mean for no good reason. This constant abuse of our intelligence
has caused me and my husband to stop talking to her, and she just
doesn't get the picture that we won't be a part of her "game".
I feel if you can't trust someone what is the point of having a relationship?
Does anyone know what I mean? This has been going on for years,
and her other children feel the same as we do but say, "Oh, that's
mom. You will never change her." Doesn't she have
to respect us also?
10/23
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Q: How many mothers-in-law
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to
revolve around her.
10/23
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My fiancé and I will be
married next May 2001. It will be his second marriage and my
first. He has a daughter from his first marriage, and currently
has full custody of her. The daughter is 14 going on 20.
She is spoiled rotten by everyone in my fiancé's family. She
is chauffeured to and from school, taken on European holidays, goes
down south every March break, wears makeup, etc. (you get the picture),
and these people are not wealthy, just foolish with their money.
The real problem however is that my fiancé's mother covertly controls
my fiancé. She makes him feel guilty for spending time with
me, to the point where we no longer get time alone together.
Not only that, but she organized the jeweler who made my engagement
ring to make my finance's daughter a ring (with a cubic zirconium)
set in silver. I think she does this so that her only granddaughter
doesn't feel left out. But, doesn't this woman realize she causes
everyone involved to have hurt feelings? When is she going to
stop raining on my parade and giving her granddaughter unrealistic
expectations???
BTW, when my fiancé left his first wife he moved back home and has
lived there ever since, its been 10 years now!
10/20
***NOTE: Please feel free to respond to this (using
our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you
have any advice to share. Reference this story as "fiancé
10 years living home" in your response.
RESPONSE: Re: "fiancé 10 years living home"
You ask, "When is she going to stop raining on my parade and giving
her granddaughter unrealistic expectations???" The answer is
"never." Are you SURE you're up to dealing with a hostile MIL
and a spoiled step-daughter? You'd better be prepared for a
battle every day of at least the first few years of your married life
with either the MIL, SD, or both. Your future DH doesn't
sound like he's going to be of much help, either. What grown
man would let his mommy dictate how much time he is allowed to spend
with his fiancée?
You need to think VERY long and hard about whether this relationship
is going to be worth the heartache you WILL experience. Be prepared for
the probability that your new SD will expect to continue to be spoiled,
and will be resentful of you if you try to set limits. She will
almost certainly be very much influenced by her grandmother's dislike
of you. My first inclination is to tell you to RUN as
fast as you can!
10/21
RESPONSE: Reply to: Fiancé 10 years living home
This sounds like "my" life! I wish someone had given me this
advice prior to my wedding day ... RUN AND RUN FAST!!! Believe
me, I have lived with this sort of life for 9 years now. It's
hard! Most of the time unbearable! If I had to do it over
again, I'd have said no!
I love my DH. But, love is not enough! The turmoil and
the back stabbing is unbelievable! My stepson was 13.
He was, and is, influenced by my MIL daily. He controlled every
aspect of my home. The stab wound to my heart still aches to
this day! I tried and tried with this boy. I loved him
because I loved his father. It didn't matter! He would
complain if DH and I went out alone. It wasn't long until we
never went anywhere. Then, dear stepson wanted weekends with
just daddy. Another influence from MIL! We were broke,
but they had their outings. Alone, just the two of them!
Now, the dear boy is 22 ... and a wreck! He dropped out of school
when he was 17. He moved out when he was 18 (couldn't follow
house rules). He can't keep a job. He owes everyone money.
He's already been married and divorced. He still plays the same
games my MIL taught him. His newest guilt trip on daddy is that
he married me. And I took away from "their" time.
The only reason I am married to my DH today is that his son moved
100 miles away. We get along GREAT when we aren't dealing with
my stepson or MIL. But, it's been too hard! I'd never
do it again! I live in fear daily that my DH will cave in and
let the boy move in with us. That will be the last day of my
marriage! No way will I ever repeat history! No way!
10/23 |
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Working Women Don't Have Wives