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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
Archives 11/11/00
<--Previous Archive
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Well, where do I begin?
My MIL is driving me crazy ... I don't even want to talk to her anymore.
It all started when my DH and I were planning our wedding two years
ago. My MIL invited people that neither one of us knew.
We had a very small wedding out of town, and paid for the reception.
She invited about 5 of her friends from work to our wedding.
My DH didn't even tell her how he and I felt. Once, she gave
me a tacky gift for my birthday in a Walmart bag, given to my husband
to give to me. I sent her a Thank You card in the mail, and
she thought that I was rude for sending a card rather than calling
and thanking her. We are now pregnant with our first baby ...
my MIL is really testing my emotions now!!! She bought everything
for a nursery for her house, thinking the infant will stay at her
house ... they live an hour away from us. When I told her that
she didn't need to buy all that stuff, she got mad and upset and told
my DH that she didn't think I wanted the baby to visit her.
My DH and I liked cherry furniture for the nursery, and she told me
that she didn't like it and she thought we should get pine or oak.
My MIL and FIL said they were going to buy us the crib ... well she
told me that I had to hurry up and buy it when I was 4 months pregnant.
At about 6 months pregnant, she called and wanted to charge the crib
with a discount coupon that she had that expired on that day.
I told her that I already had another coupon and that I wanted to
order all the furniture at once to be sure the colors, style, etc.
all matched when I picked it up at the store. She tried to get
my coupon and combine it with her coupon to get more of a discount.
I told her not to worry about it ... well, she kept on bugging me
and I got emotionally upset about it. I told her that I appreciated
it, etc. ... she said, "fine, do what you want then" in a mean tone
of voice. Being an emotional pregnant woman, I told her that
we would and I hung the phone up on her. I then informed my
husband that he needed to talk to her.
11/7
signed - Doing What I Want
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Note: This story
moved here from last week, in its entirety, due to receipt of a new
response.
My husband is, to say the least, not the favorite child in his family.
Over the years, I have observed countless times when his family has
not done the right thing where he is concerned. He is too much
of a gentlemen to stand up and request fair treatment.
There have been times when we have needed help and had very few places
to turn (or needed the type of help you would only get from close
friends or family). Well, more often then not, they will refuse
or make it so difficult for us that we just have to go elsewhere.
When we were first married, we had no spare money. We were moving
across town to avoid a landlord that gave us no heat and did no repairs.
We asked if one of them would either help us move or at least stand
at the curb and watch the truck and our possessions while we unloaded.
They told us that they don't do moves anymore. Since that day,
I have personally been there while they helped the other siblings
move countless times. I guess they just don't "do moves" for
us. This is just one example of the way they treat us.
My husband still always does the right thing where they are concerned,
all of the time.
Recently, we needed to go out of town for the wedding of a close friend
and asked them to watch our child for 2 days. They always tell us
to ask them when we have a need such as this, so we did. I should
have known what we were in for, but I always hope for the best.
They started by telling us that they don't want to stay in our house
(they live about 35 minutes away) but our child will need to go to
school one of those days (he is in 5th grade so he shouldn't miss
a day if it is not necessary). Then, when they agreed to stay
at our house, they said we had to put our dog in a kennel because
they don't like dogs. Well, if they don't like dogs, I guess
he is safer in a kennel. Then, they said they may not be available
for the whole time, and we might have to get someone to fill in because
they may have appointments (doctor, work, etc.). They were concerned
about this 3 months in advance, and couldn't possibly avoid or reschedule
these obligations if they do indeed exist. They won't drive
my son to his lacrosse game across town (he knows how to get there)
because they are afraid they will get lost. They came up with
a few other obstacles and pretty much made it impossible, and they
took the fun out of the whole experience.
Now, the thing is, when their other children need them, they would
take a week off from work to make sure they are not late in arriving.
When my son was little, they would invite him for the weekend (and
he loved them and loved going to their house) and that meant 1 night
(Saturday), but my nephew would go there for a "weekend" and for him,
a weekend was 3 or 4 days long. They would drop everything to
entertain my nephew and take him to exciting places. My son
would tell me that he watched TV there while they did their chores,
and they would let him play with "the nephew's toys" and that he slept
in "the nephews room/bed", etc. They buy really nice, designer
label clothes for my nephew and then MIL tells me that when he has
outgrown them, she has instructed that they will be passed down to
my son (BTW, we have never been given any of these items). My
son, on the other hand, is given items she finds on sale (like games
no one ever heard of or tee shirts in bizarre colors that she found
on off season sales).
Well, the bottom line is that they have made it so difficult for us
to do this trip that we have had to make alternate arrangements.
It wasn't easy, and it is almost embarrassing to have to ask favors
of outsiders when you have perfectly healthy in-laws who just won't
make asking a favor once a year a pleasurable experience.
10/27
signed - Yearly Favor?
RESPONSE: Response to "Yearly Favor"
I know EXACTLY how you feel, and it is a terrible place to be.
My DH is the oldest of 3 children, and we are treated the SAME way
you and your DH are. Let me share why WE are treated that way
and maybe you can relate:
We have been married for 6 years now. Even before we got married,
DH was always closer to my family than his own. His mom and
dad are controlling, manipulative and just down-right mentally abusive.
My family has been more of a family to him than his own. For
the most part, since I've known them (14 years now), they have taken
on a hostile attitude in regard to anything and everything in life.
Who wants to be around negativity??? Not us, so that's why we
are closer to my family ... and the in-laws resent this big-time.
They are so jealous of my mom and dad. We have taken trips with
my parents; my parents watch our child when we need a night out; but
this is because we choose to be around decent people and want healthy
relationships ... something we'll never have with my in-laws.
There are too many things to list here that they have done to hurt
us ... number one --- not attending our wedding. That was a
big slap in the face to us. Anyway ...
I believe my in-laws favor my BIL and SIL simply because it is a way
to *get back* at my DH for whatever reasons ... being closer to my
family, taking my family on vacation, what have you. We have
NO relationship with my BIL, and have little or no contact with my
SIL. But we always seem to find out from some family member
how my in-laws bailed BIL or SIL out of trouble, or bought them this
or that, or gave them money for this or that. It's truly disgusting
to be treating their ADULT children like this.
The biggest slap in DH's face was when he was given a copy of his
parents' will this past year. In the will it states their estate
is to be divided equally among the three children. However,
his sister specifically gets all of their mom's jewelry and his brother
gets all of their dad's firearms. DH gets nothing in particular.
Now, wasn't that really nice? They couldn't have left their
first born anything special or with meaning? It made me so mad
I wanted to cuss them out. But they are not worth my energy.
We just stay away from them as much as possible. It's the only way
to maintain sanity!
Anyway, I didn't mean to go on and on about our situation. But maybe
you can relate to our problem in some sort of way. I do have
some advice for you, regarding your child. I would never leave
him alone with these toxic people. I'm not suggesting this to
*punish* them, but I would not trust them ... period. Sounds
to me like they are making it a point to hurt your feelings with being
partial to the others ... and I just wouldn't give them my time of
day. Nor would I ask them any favors in the future. Don't
give them the opportunity to tell you *no* ... and if that means not
getting to go out or leaving your son with someone else ... then do
it! I would not want these toxic people rubbing off on or hurting
my son.
I really feel for you. I am in your shoes. But I find
that distance is the only solution to my problem with my in-laws.
We don't ask them for ANY favors. Thank God DH has a great job
and we have never had to go to them for money. We don't go on
too many dates, but I'd rather stay home or take DS out with us than
leave him with these rude and sick people. They will be sorry
one day when they realize their mean ways and toxic actions prevented
them from really getting to know their grandson. But they made
their bed, and they'll have to lie in it!
Best wishes to you. I know how you feel, having a DH myself
that avoids confrontations at all costs. But I do have a mouth
on me that speaks for us both! Hope your days get better!
Remember, distance ... that's the key!
10/28
RESPONSE: Response to "Yearly Favor"
To be honest, I am surprised to find that there are other in-laws
who treat their own son as terribly as my husband is treated.
He's the first born child and is the least favored as well.
We are left out of family functions, and are just about ignored -
as though we do not exist. When we were first married, it hurt
my feelings so much. My MIL never asked about our wedding plans
and never helped with any of the preparations. My family, who
lives out of town, came several days before the wedding to help with
all of those last minute details. My mother and father were
the ones putting up streamers and balloons in the reception hall -
not my in-laws. They never even asked if they could help.
It took me two years to finally figure out that we were not well liked
- not just me, but my husband as well. The MIL refuses to call
our house, and if she ever does need to communicate with us she does
it through the BIL. We have no relationship with either the
SIL or BIL.
A few weeks ago I had my car for sale. I received a call from
a gentleman who wanted to look at it, but my husband was at school
and I didn't want to show the car alone - especially at night.
I called the FIL, but he was too tired to come over to help me show
the car. This is from the man who's constantly doing favors
for his own daughter. He's working on her car, or fixing her
screen door, or working over-time to pay for her college. The
next time I saw him he asked whether I had had the gentleman over
to see the car on another night. It took a lot for me to keep
my composure, but I explained that this gentleman had needed to see
the car that evening, and as a result he purchased another vehicle.
He became all huffy and defensive, but I replied that it couldn't
be helped.
Here's another example of their favoritism: SIL lives out of
town, so my MIL and FIL are at her house every weekend. Well,
even on Mother's Day and Father's Day they take themselves out of
town to be with SIL. I used to purchase nice presents for them
to commemorate these holidays, but now I only send them a card in
the mail. It's frustrating, but there's nothing we can do to
change their behavior. For some reason they enjoy SIL better.
My husband has been so hurt by his family's behavior, but he agrees
that he can't make them like him. It hurts so much, but we are
trying to ignore their behavior. My mother and father are good
to us. This year we are spending both Thanksgiving and Christmas
with my family. I'm too tired of being invited to these functions
at the last moment - as though we were after-thoughts.
11/7
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My MIL and I are two VERY
different people! Since my husband and I started dating she
has given me the cold shoulder. At first it was "just something
I couldn't put my finger on" ... she just seemed to not like
me. I chalked it up to being nervous about meeting her.
There is a 7 yr. age difference between my husband and I, and my MIL
has mentioned it with "a tone" several times, but then acted
as if it were a joke. I can't thank God enough that she lives
out of town! We (my husband and I) would take the 2 hour journey
to his parent's house, about every 2 months, and spend the weekend.
I have a son from a previous relationship, which has never been an
issue with my husband, as he has a child with another woman as well.
My MIL refused to call my son by his name ... she would simply call
him "Little Boy"! This went on for about 4 yrs, after
the entire family had accepted my son as one of the family!
For the sake of happiness, I let this go ... I never even mentioned
how much it bothered me to my husband. This whole time, I always
felt there was "something" that I just couldn't explain
about her attitude toward me.
Last year my husband and I had a short separation. This is when
the relationship between me and my MIL changed for good. I called
their house looking for him, and she verbally assaulted me, calling
me names ... telling me that I wasn't nearly good enough for my husband
... etc., etc.. I come to find out later that while my
husband was staying there, she tried to convince him to go back to
his son's mother (you have to understand that my MIL never had a nice
word to say about this woman ... she would call her a thief, and say
really very NASTY things about her). I was floored when my husband
explained this to me. He and I have since reconciled, but I
can't get over the pain that my MIL caused me. We've been living
together (again) now for over a year, and I can't go to his parent's
house. Last Christmas, she invited us to dinner ... my husband
let it be known that he didn't think she "really" meant
for me to go, but I could go if I wanted to! Of course I didn't
... ((with the way I was feeling, I would have stuffed the turkey
with her head)). When my husband and kids returned home, THEY
BROUGHT ME A DOGGY BAG!!!!!!!! I was completely insulted! (It
sat in the fridge until it was fuzzy, because I wouldn't eat it, and
hubby wouldn't let me throw it out!) The part that truly hurt
me was that my in-laws had bought my stepson and my husband gifts,
and did not buy anything for my son, knowing he was coming ... he
was only 5 ... he didn't understand!
I ended up HAVING to make a trip to their home this past summer ...
(my husband was bringing them a car, and I had to drive our car up
behind him). The meeting was cordial, but very strained ...
my FIL gave me a hug as we were leaving ... my MIL didn't say good-bye
... I won't go back ...
My main problem is that my husband has not gone to their house since
either ... they don't talk on the phone much anymore either ... I
feel like I'm coming between them ... but I cannot put this behind
me ... not only has she insulted me, but she has also insulted my
"Little Boy" ... This woman is straight out of Hell!
This short little story does not do her justice ... but the feelings
she instills in me cannot be explained in words ... they don't even
come close!
11/4
signed - Cannot Put This Behind Me
RESPONSE: In response to Cannot Put This Behind Me
My heart goes out to you and your family, especially your son.
How rude and hurtful these in-laws are being, and for them to hurt
an innocent child the way they are (your son), just paints a very
clear picture as to how shallow and inhumane they really are.
How dare they not give him a present and give the other children presents!
That burns me up! How dare your husband let that happen without
letting them have it too! I would be having some serious heart-to-hearts
with my husband if I were you, and get him to talk about his feelings.
That is simply awful. Don't let things go, either. Discuss
them as they happen, or else it will boil inside you. Good luck!
11/7
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I'm worried that I spend
too much time with My mother. It's not that my wife of about
a year and a half doesn't like my mother, it's just that sometimes
she gets mad that we spend more time with my parents than we do with
my in-laws.
I don't really have a problem with my MIL, she's not intrusive, or
controlling, she's just not that much fun to be around. I feel
like I have to be very prim and proper around her or she will be unhappy.
I'm an only child, so I am used to spending most of my time with my
parents. We like the same movies, types of food, etc., and my
parents are very laid back.
The main reason that my wife's problems with my parents bug me so
much is that they are paying for her college tuition. I just
don't understand her problem with them. They never bad mouth
her or try to put any pressure on her. Even in paying for her
college, they just want her to better herself. What should I
do?
11/5
signed - Wife's Problems With Mother
RESPONSE: wife's problem with mother
Don't hold the tuition over her head. That is a control issue.
Sometimes, it appears the bird didn't leave the nest. Guilt
is powerful with elderly parents, and your obligation is to them and
your wife. She, I'm sure, wants to make a good impression -
you said "better herself", that's kind of degrading. Chill out,
and balance your time, and watch priorities. Be kind and considerate
of feelings. They get tender. Good Luck. Don't be
self centered.
11/6
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Note: This story,
in its entirety, moved here from last week due to receipt of
new response.
My future mother-in-law makes me not want to marry my boyfriend.
Even though we love each other very much, and talk about marriage
constantly, I am afraid that she will make my life very difficult
(with his help, of course).
When I first met her, I thought she liked me, until she started making
subtle comments that were almost unrecognizably cruel. She would
say, "... his ex-girlfriend was such a beautiful young lady ...
have you ever met her? She was so great." Also, whenever
I came over to their house, she would scrutinize everything I was
wearing down to how much I had paid for it. Since my hair is
very long, she wanted to see my baby pictures in order to prove to
herself that I hadn't "added anything on." If I came into the
house with bags from the mall, she would go in them without asking
first, and it goes on and on. After a while, I reluctantly told
my boyfriend that she was making me very uncomfortable. But,
after he talked with her about it, she made me out to be the culprit.
She apparently started crying and pretending to be an innocent victim.
She said I was standoffish, that I acted as if I didn't want to be
bothered with her, and that I was the one with a problem ... not her.
Soon after, she wouldn't speak to me anymore. I felt that I
could deal with the tension until she started doing things behind
my back, like waiting until I went to their bathroom to try on my
coat and hat. Ultimately, she decided that he was betraying
her by staying in a relationship with me and that if he married me,
she would write him out of her will! She professes, to this
day, that a man should never marry any woman that doesn't like his
mother or that his mother does not get along with. So, she now accuses
me of turning him against her in the future and trying to break up
their family.
So, its been about a year since I've been to their house, even though
I haven't done anything wrong. Still, she takes every OTHER
opportunity to hurt me. When I threw him a surprise birthday
party, she didn't RSVP, and tried to plan something else for him,
being that he didn't know about my party yet. She's accused
me of calling her house and hanging up on her even though my boyfriend
knew I wasn't home and was out working late. And when my father
died, she urged my boyfriend not to go to the funeral and made nasty
comments about it (when I was on the telephone and could hear her).
I know that mother-in-laws can be a great burden on many marriages,
but the main thing that makes me wary about this situation is that
my boyfriend ALWAYS makes excuses for her. No matter what she
does, he's on her side. Therefore, I am considering breaking
our engagement, because I anticipate this situation being the case
long after we're married. I just don't understand why he has no back-bone
even when a situation is "black & white ... right & wrong."
If we do get married, I'm scared that she will mistreat my children
(as he has two children of his own already ... whom she adores) and
I'm scared that he will never stand up for me like he should.
At this point, I don't want her in my home after we're married.
She makes me feel uncomfortable, she's hateful, she's restricted me
from HER home and I feel I shouldn't be subjected to her attacks.
My boyfriend says that I am wrong for wanting things this way. I am
so very hurt by this =(
10/25
signed - Do I Break It?
RESPONSE: "Do I Break It?"
Yes. If your boyfriend doesn't support you now, do you think
he will after you are married? It will be his loss and you can
move on to someone who will have respect for you.
10/26
RESPONSE: In response to "Do I Break It":
YES!! Please don't think you'll never be happy, or that nobody else
will come along. You would be miserable in this situation.
At the very least, postpone the wedding 'til this gets worked out.
DON'T go through with this marriage unless your boyfriend completely
changes his attitude, and doesn't put his mother before you.
It's not worth being married if you're going to be miserable, and
better to break an engagement than have to get a divorce as a result
of all the unhappiness. Tell your fiancé why you're not going
to go through with the marriage -- that he always sides with his mother,
against you -- and you should come first. If he's able and willing
to change, you can consider giving him a chance, but if he screws
up, DON'T MARRY HIM!! I'm married, and my husband is really
loyal and supportive of me -- and as hard as it was to break off my
past relationships that weren't "just right," I sure am glad I did
it -- to make room for meeting the right person. (His mother can be
intrusive and over-involved, but he doesn't side with her over me
-- he acknowledges my feelings as valid).
10/26
RESPONSE: Re: "Do I break it?"
My advice to you is to break it while you can. The writing is
on the wall. Trust me, I've been there. My husband is
a wonderful man, but if I had it to do over, I wouldn't have married
him unless I knew for sure that he was man enough to stand up to his
mother. Your MIL will destroy your marriage and happiness unless
your fiancé stops her. It's up to him, not you. She's
already making you out to be the "bad guy", and has turned
this into a competition between the two of you, when in reality it's
her inability to relinquish control of her son. If your fiancé
does not start proving to you NOW that he will stand up to his mother
and support you, then it will only get worse, not better. Right
now you have the largest playing chip on your side - your future nuptials.
If your fiancé wants to marry you enough, he will change and start
being strong with his mother. If he doesn't, then you're better
off without him, and will have saved yourself a lifetime of heartache
and misery. Trust me, that's what you're in for if your MIL
continues to get away with her behavior.
10/26
RESPONSE: In reference to "Do I Break It?"
YES!!!! He will never change. He is a Momma's Boy, and
in my experience, once a Momma's Boy, always a Momma's Boy.
She has him under her thumb and will never let him out, whether he
knows it or not. She is a great manipulator, and sons NEVER
want to make their mothers unhappy. You've been through enough,
go out and find someone who will appreciate you.
10/26
RESPONSE: Dear "Do I Break It:"
I know exactly what you're going through. Being that your future
MIL is a great manipulator and sneak, she's been able to paint a perfect,
angelic picture of herself making you look like an over-sensitive,
spoiled brat. Don't Worry! You'll get through this ...
unfortunately, probably without your man though. He's clearly
not on your side. How could you make excuses for all of that???
How do you overlook someone accusing you of hanging up on them, when
you weren't even home? I bet you didn't even receive an apology
... but then again, that would come from a mature person, wouldn't
it? Your future MIL sounds like a phony and seems to have her
son right where she wants him. You just need to let him go.
You'll be better off without having to deal with her games for the
rest of your life.
One day, your boyfriend will realize what he lost and he'll probably
really resent his mother for that. But that's not your problem.
Take this as a learning experience and find a STRONG MAN who's not
still breast-feeding ...
11/3
RESPONSE: In response to "Do I break it".
You have a mama's boy and he will never change. What you have
to figure out is how much you love him. If you are in love with
this man, and are willing to accept him the way he is, then marry
him. However, if you have a problem with the way you are being
treated now, break it off. I have also married a mama's boy.
He was not as bad as yours when we were still dating, but after we
got married, and especially after we had our daughter, it got much
worse. He has always chosen his mother over me. At one
point my marriage had turned into a nightmare b/o his attitude and
my resentment of it. Finally I could not stand it anymore, and
told my MIL and FIL, while they were visiting us, to leave my house
and take their spineless son with them. They left, but he stayed.
It took about a year for him to get over this, but he finally did,
and our relationship has been renewed and invigorated. Needless
to say, MIL and FIL do not come to our house anymore, and I don't
go to theirs. I am happy now, but it would have been better
if the first 6 years of my marriage were not ruined by DH's attachment
to MIL.
11/5
RESPONSE: In Response To "Do I Break It:"
You poor thing. I feel very sorry for you, but I'd like you
to know that there is hope. You have two options for happiness:
(1) Your boyfriend/fiancé grows up and starts LOVING YOU instead of
trying to cover up for his mother. If he's talking marriage
with you, he should already understand that NO ONE should ever come
before you. Even though you're not married yet, this should
become a practice NOW. To make a long story short ... the walk
down the aisle doesn't automatically change a person. Take my
word for it. I've been married for 12 years. Your fiancé
needs to start supporting you NOW or he never will. (2) You
can break it off with your man and find someone who is mature enough
to know what's really important. I'm not trying to put your
man down, but obviously, he's a big momma's boy. It seems that
he's even willing to make himself look stupid just to cover up for
his momma. You don't need that. Let him stay with her
or let him find some stupid woman who will kiss up to his mother and
stroke her ego.
Hang in there! Don't give up hope FOR YOURSELF. With or
without him, you're on the right track. You know what's supposed
to be and what's not supposed to be. Follow your heart.
If he's dead weight, drop him and move along to better prospects.
Believe me, there are better prospects out there for ya! If
he comes around (which I hope he does, because it sounds like you
love him a lot) then set up strict boundaries against your MIL.
Keep her out of your house if you want to. Hasn't she done that
to you? Don't let her manipulate and attack your relationship.
Remember, she should NEVER be able to make or break your relationship
with him. Not now, not ever.
11/6
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My Darling Son and That
Person You Married,
Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine
considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that
you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing
mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which
I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows, their mother
never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures,
poor babies. Thank you so much for the birthday flowers, dear
boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my
grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week.
I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral,
so Aunt Berta and I dug her up and had the services all over again.
I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would
have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that
videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she? Well son, it's
time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating
off muggers last week, but don't you worry about me. I'm also
getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off, and am grateful
because the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain. Now, don't
you even think about sending any more money, because I know you need
it for those expensive family vacations you take every year.
Give my love to my darling grandbabies, and my regards to whatever-her-name-is
-- the one with the black roots in her hair, who stole you screaming
from my bosom.
Merry Christmas.
Love,
Mom
11/2
signed - My Darling Son
RESPONSE: My Darling Son
What in the heck is this junk? Who's the psycho who posted this?
11/7
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I have a MIL who means
well, but drives me crazy. My MIL lives with us, and my husband
is an only child. We have been married 19 years and have 3 children
under the age of 12. MIL has no one since my FIL passed away
3 years ago. She is extremely lonely and has no family except
us. Here is my problem - is it my responsibility to take care
of her now? My husband works 60-70 hours a week and isn't home
much, so she talks non stop to me. She is a nervous person and
gets panicky over everything. HELP - she is driving me crazy.
My house is a prison and I am serving a lifetime sentence. I
have considered going back to work full time just to get out of the
house everyday and away from her.
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.
11/4
signed - In Jail at Home
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If anyone has suggestions
or advice -- just general things -- for getting through the holiday
season with in-laws (or even just Thanksgiving), it would be welcome.
I'm already starting to get all worked up about it. If you have
any insights, it might help others besides me. I'm trying to
tell myself, it doesn't matter what she thinks of me -- I just need
to be polite, and helpful, and not apologetic. She's not the
person to look to for validation. I want to try to remember
those things. Other suggestions would be incredibly welcome!
11/4
signed - Getting Through The Holidays
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I got my hair cut short
(shorter than I usually wear it). I saw my MIL for dinner during
the week and when she saw me she said, "Oh, you got your hair
cut. Well, don't worry dear, it will grow." On other
occasions she has said, "what did you do to your hair?" and "why do
you dye it that color?" etc. She doesn't think this is offensive,
she is just making a comment.
10/31
signed - Just Making A Comment
RESPONSE: RE: Just Making A Comment! Try these:
1. Hours before the wedding- "Don't worry, even the homliest girls
make pretty brides."
2. First visit to our new home after cleaning and planning for their
visit- "It's not too messy, considering you work."
3. While shopping at the mall- "You're lucky that your BIG (5'7" 135#,
she's 4'11" 105#), It's easier for you to find cloths" I do have to
thank my MIL, as she has taught me alot about how NOT to behave if
you want to be an important part of yor son's family. ( I have three
sons!)
11/4
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MIL rode with me and DH
to our rehearsal dinner in the back of the car. We should have
let her ride with someone else ... anybody else. She complained
how her daughter and son-in-law spent all this money (she even gave
us a $ amount) for the flight down to TX where our wedding took place,
and how they didn't even get to travel and see anything. Furthermore,
she tried to match the bridesmaids' outfits. She ended up wearing
an impossible dress which she then hated and tried to blame me for
the fact that she got it. She walked in on me while I was getting
dressed. She had no business in the bridal suite! This
woman has no clue about socially appropriate behavior. After
we walked out of the church, her first response to me was, "Well,
it's too late now!" I fully agreed with her :-)
11/2
signed - Too Late Now
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Where do I begin?
I have been with my husband since we were 17. We married at
19 and are now in our late 40's. My dad was dating my MIL, which
is how I met my husband. She is an alcoholic, as were her brothers
and her dad. We never spent a holiday without a fistfight breaking
out between them, and never had a Christmas tree that didn't end up
knocked over at some point. When I was 6 months pregnant with
my son, she came to our home, drunk, yelling she wanted to see that
southern whore and she wanted to shoot me. She had a gun, and
we had to call the police. Before they got there she put her
hand thru a window trying to break in, so we had to call an ambulance
also. DH and I have been together more than 30 years now, and
this woman still considers me an outsider. Mind you, she and
my dad were married for 22 years before he passed away, but I'm still
that "girl" her son married. We haven't had anything to do with
her for several months now, and to be honest, it's so much nicer without
the stress. I don't know if I ever want to try for a relationship
again or not. What do you think?
10/31
signed - Still That Girl
RESPONSE: "still that girl"
Don't even try a relationship with her until she gets some real help
first - like Alcoholics Anonymous and some major therapy!! She
is a danger to you and your family, not to mention others.
11/2
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I have the craziest mother
in law!
1) She told me to pull my son away from my breast when nursing
him, "your suffocating him!"
2) She wrote on my honey jar "not for babies".
3) She will not give him orajel, he can choke.
4) She will not give him med's (doctor ordered). She suggests
herbal med's instead.
5) She has a crush on a family friend (she's been married 28 yrs.).
6) She tells her first born (my husband) he's responsible (he was
16 months) for second born's still birth (she tripped and fell down
the stairs).
7) She coddles her third born who is 23, cannot carry a conversation
with others, doesn't drive, has no friends, no job (mom and dad still
support her, she's not incapable), and does not want to date or leave
home. They don't allow her to be alone!
8) The fourth born has been told, by her, that he was a mistake.
He is treated verbally badly. She's told him he's stupid, constantly
yelling at him.
9) She second guesses everything I do with my husband and my son.
10) She believes she is a witch (I agree, in the bad way).
11) When in arguments with others, she hits below the belt.
12) She will not put my son in a crib (I have a video monitor) because
she can't see him.
I would need a book to really bring her to justice. Believe
me, she's nuts!!!!!
10/30
signed - MIL List
RESPONSE: This is in response to a story with no response
title - the DIL with a list of horrible things her MIL has done.
The MIL does sound like a PITA, but I DO have to agree with a sentiment
behind one of the items - marking the honey as "Not for Babies".
This, however badly the MIL handled it, IS TRUE. There is botulism
in honey, and babies don't have the digestive tract to handle it safely.
They can get very, very, ill, and potentially die. All the nutrition
books aimed at showing you when it's safe to feed a particular food
to a baby mention this.
So, even though the MIL is an idiot, and I don't for one minute blame
the DIL for not wanting the woman around, the point made was true.
11/2
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We went to my MILs house
for a party, recently. A lot of her friends were going to be
there for the occasion. This is unusual because usually it is
just family. There often are a lot more pictures of other family
members then there are of my family on her piano. However, she
usually has 1 recent picture of my kids around. This time there
were no pictures of one of my sons and I noticed it right away. My
son, to be totally honest, is not as attractive as the other grandchildren.
He is smart, considerate, honest, hardworking, lovable, ambitious,
friendly and basically a child you would be proud to be related to.
However, I discovered that she had put his picture in a drawer for
that night because, and I quote, "he is just not as good looking as
the rest, and his picture sticks out like a sore thumb".
I was furious. He was at the party and was unaware of what was
happening, but just the thought of the incident makes me sick.
DH asked her to put it back out with the others, and she reluctantly
agreed. I have never liked her much, but she has shown her true
colors now and our relationship will never be the same. I can't
believe that she would try to impress her friends with her "attractive"
family and sacrifice our feelings to do it.
I wonder if she tells people he is adopted, behind our backs, so they
don't think she is part of her gene pool and shun her or something.
10/28
signed - MIL's Ugly Move
RESPONSE: Re: MIL's Ugly Move.
I am just shocked and appalled by your MIL's action. I'm sure
your child is just as beautiful as the rest, and he sounds like a
real sweetie too. I have a child who is overweight, so I know
that maybe my child is not the one you'd want to point to as a symbol
of family beauty, but darn it, he is a good kid. If your MIL
doesn't appreciate pictures of your child, don't give her another
one. If she asks about it, give it to her with both barrels!
10/30
RESPONSE: Response to: MIL's Ugly Move
I am just stunned about your MIL's behavior. It's unacceptable
to treat an INNOCENT CHILD this way. I would have some words
with her, let her know you don't appreciate the way she treats your
child, demand for all his pictures back, and keep away from this rude,
childish, excuse for a woman!
10/31
RESPONSE:
I never knew people could get that shallow. A pretty face cannot
hide an ugly heart. Hopefully a higher power knows your pain
and will balance this negativity into positive somehow! Be strong.
The words are the tongue of a serpent.
11/2
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My MIL is the most stubborn
person I know. Even when it is obvious to everyone else that
she is wrong she will never admit it. The other night she was
baby-sitting for my infant nephew. When I asked where the baby
would sleep, she said with her, in her WATER BED. Thinking,
maybe she was just not aware that that is completely not recommended,
I said, "Did you know that you're not supposed to let babies sleep
on waterbeds?" Her reply was, "Well, yes, I know that they say
that, but I did it with my kids and they are all fine." Just
because she had good luck with her kids does not mean that nothing
could happen to her grandson! Then she added, "He's a strong
kid, he'll be fine." What does that even mean? Just because
she thinks he's strong (he's less than two months old) she thinks
he will be just fine sleeping on a waterbed?
She would not listen to me at all, and now she is mad at me for "being
such a know-it-all." Which I think is ridiculous. OF COURSE
I'm going to say something if she is endangering a baby's safety.
I could go on and on. When I first married my DH, she actually
went to a title loan place, picked out a car for us to buy, got the
lady to draw up the papers, and was angry when she found out that
I thought she was being a little presumptuous. Then, to top
it all off, when MY HUSBAND AND I made the decision to buy this car,
we had to have the papers redone because she didn't have my name put
on it. She explained that she didn't see why I would need to
have my name on it.
Oh, well. I do get along with her most of the time, and I actually
feel sorry for my DH, he has a much worse mother-in-law than I do.
My mom is one of those that takes pictures of just "her" kids.
She's actually gone so far as to ask my SIL to take the picture for
her! Meanwhile, my older brother (my only married sibling) and
I are telling her to let the spouses get into the picture, and she
is ignoring us. My husband is a smoker, and so whenever she
comes over she comments loudly on how "stinky" our house is.
She even has a special nickname for him that she only uses behind
his back. *SIGH* At least hubby and I will be moving far
away from both of our mothers within a year.
11/1
signed - Water (Bed) On The Brain
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I just read the book,
What Every Mother-In-Law wants Her Daughter-In-Law to Know, But Was
Afraid to Tell Her. It really got me in a bad mood, and I was
hoping it would help -- I'd really like to reach out a little more,
in a sincere way, to my MIL. The author doesn't seem to have
any understanding of a daughter-in-law's need for autonomy and a bit
of control over her life and house. The MIL is supposed to be
eagerly and graciously welcomed at any time -- and she's also supposed
to be able to rush in as soon as a baby is born, to announce that
she's coming for a visit of several days uninvited (and have the DIL
be thrilled and welcoming). She's supposed to have every right
to query the DIL about whether she's willing and able to have children
(I say, that's none of her business!). For any self-righteous
MIL who doesn't understand or respect a DIL's need for privacy --
this book will validate you!! You're just great; your DIL is
a psychopath. I think every article and book I've read about
MIL/DIL relationships is more inspiring and uplifting than this one.
10/31
signed - Book Needs Work
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I have 2 kids from another
marriage. I am handicapped and I don't work, but I have a settlement
that allowed me to buy a home. I'm not married, but I had a
baby with my boyfriend. He suggested I have an abortion because
he'd have to move in, and my 7 & 9 yr. olds are "animals".
At the same time, his mother is pushing me to move him in. She
wants to kick him out so she can have his apartment. We had
a fight because her son told my 8 yr old "f*** you" for
leaving a wrapper on the table. So she became involved with,
"how terrible. I'm gonna take that baby away from him",
fighting his battles, defending him. She's made hurtful, meddling
comments, and told me I was a smart ass and a sick liar. When
I told her why I don't bring my baby over, she said shell take me
to court. Her son does not pay me much to live here, and she
defends that. I feel used and pushed around. I only wanted
to let her know she should not be telling me what to do with the baby,
her son, my son, etc. It's obvious I get bad mouthed by her
when things don't go her way, at my kid's and my expense! Help!
I don't want to see her anymore, and don't want to share the baby.
I'm not married to him, because of many reasons.
10/31
signed - Don't Want To Share Baby
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Note: This story,
in its entirety, moved here from last week due to receipt of
new response.
I have been experiencing many difficulties with finding a babysitter
for my son, who has cerebral palsy. I find that some people
tend to take advantage of my situation. I guess they think that
I get or make a whole lot of money because my son has a disability.
What they don't understand is that I work. And because I work,
I do not get full ssi benefits. The government takes half of
my son's ssi from him, and rightfully so. I guess it would not
be fair for me to collect the full amount because I do work.
I work at a residential treatment center for teenage girls as a substitute
teacher/instructional assistant. I work hard with the girls,
and I enjoy my job tremendously. Consequently, I do not like
to take any time off. Well, the first babysitter I got charged
me 120.00 per week, a full time rate. When I questioned her,
she stated that my son was disabled, therefore she would have to charge
me more. That was hurtful, and I stopped sending my son to her.
She was not doing anything special with him. In fact, when I
came to her house daily he would still be strapped in his little wheelchair.
On Wednesday, I asked my sister in law if she could watch my son.
My son is the sweetest, cutest, little boy you could ever meet.
He is not fussy or crying like some children with cerebral palsy.
He is mild mannered and a joy to be around. He is a joy to be
around, and all the teachers at his school say so. Do you know
she is charging me 20.00 per day. That is more than the babysitter!!!!!!!!
When I questioned her about it, she stated that she was charging me
more because she is keeping him overnight. This is her nephew!!!!
Well, I reminded her that she requested that he spend the night because
she did not want him to be brought out in the cold morning air.
So she makes a suggestion and then turns around and charges me for
it. Am I wrong? My son's father seems to think so, and
feels that I should just be grateful that she is babysitting.
10/20
signed - MIL Charges
RESPONSE: In reply to "Motherinlaw Charges":
You say that your babysitter charged you $120/week for full time services.
Assuming that means ~40 hours/week, you're paying $3/hour for a babysitter.
I don't think that's an outrageous amount.
10/23
RESPONSE: MIL Charges
$120 a week is not a lot to pay for a babysitter. My sister-n-law
pays $75 a week for my niece who is in school (that is approx. 15
hours a week) and $125 for my other niece (45 hours a week) and neither
child is handicapped. You should shop around and you would discover
you are getting a pretty good deal, even at $20 a day.
10/24
RESPONSE: In response to MIL Charges:
Maybe you should think about staying home with your own child.
Doesn't he deserve the love only you can show him? Is it more
important for you to be fulfilled at work? Why should other
people provide for YOU so YOU can work? I wouldn't watch my
own children for $125/wk.
10/30
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My MIL has ignored and
insulted me for the past two years. I get ill when I know that
I will have to see her at a family function. My husband and
I recently went to a family event in which she was there. Her
brother was being honored for his birthday. My MIL made a big
deal about going around to everyone at the table I was sitting at,
telling them that since they were FAMILY, the D.J. was going to be
asking them to come up and share a few words. She skipped me
and proceeded to continue at another table. My husband then came back
over from the restroom and she said to him that the family will be
called up to say a few words. One by one, the family was called
to come up, including MIL's husband, and the guest of honor's ex-wife.
I, of course, was excluded. I was terribly hurt, especially
since I am extremely close to her brother, who ALWAYS introduces me
as his niece, never explaining, that I am a niece through marriage.
I am just sick about this. I think this is the last straw, and
when I see my MIL again, it will be TOO SOON. Any ADVICE would
be soooooooooo APPRECIATED. Thanks for letting me vent.
10/27
signed - Overlooked Niece
RESPONSE: This is in response to "Overlooked Niece".
This might not be good advice, but if you're fed up, this would be
one way of getting your point across. The next time a family
function comes up, don't go. If she calls to tell you about
it in advance, tell her that you won't be going because, "you
(MIL) never acknowledge me as a member of the family, so why should
I go?" If she proceeds to ask why you feel this way, tell
her how you feel and remind her of what she did/does to make you feel
this way. Sometimes you need to be direct with people to get
your point across. If people think they can treat you like dirt
without any consequences, they will continue to do so. Just
stand up for yourself. Does your Husband realize this?
Maybe you should tell him to stand up for you or that you'll do it
for yourself. Good Luck!!!
10/28 |
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Working Women Don't Have Wives