I went on vacation with my mother in law.  Big mistake.  I was 3 months pregnant and she wouldn't let me do a thing.  She wouldn't let me carry anything, was constantly asking me if I was hungry, and when I would say no she would lecture me on how I was "eating for two now".  When we got back home she wanted to get one of the carts with wheels on it for the luggage.  My luggage already had wheels on it.  I was so glad to get home and away from her!  I still can't stand to be alone with her. 

My future husband is in his 50's - I'm in my 40's. Momma is in her 90's.  We're engaged, but cannot set a date because of Momma.  She doesn't want to live with "married" people.  But, if we go out at night, she complains all week.

I would be very willing to care for her after we're married.  She won't have it.  Momma saves everything.  We call her bedroom the abyss.  There are clothes all over.  Sometimes, she's downright mean to me.  I feel she resents me, which isn't easy.  I try and try.  I do shopping, doctor trips, outings.  It's not easy.

My husband and I have been married barely 2 years, but already we have discussed divorce due to his mother's actions.  She mutated after our wedding, changing from a sweet and sincere woman to a manipulative, controlling, whining nag.  My husband had been a bachelor until he was 40, permitting his mother to do all for him.  The problem was that she did not want anything to change after he became married.  She still imposed her taste on the home decorations, even permanently hanging various trashy objets d'art on the walls.  Once, when I had stopped wallpapering the dining room to run an errand, she ripped several sheets of very expensive paper from the walls, telling me "You wanted those sheets taken down.  They were coming off at the corners, and I KNOW you wanted me to take them down."  That imposition cost me $200.

When I disagree with her (even diplomatically) on any subject, she silently cries at the dinner table in front of everyone, letting all know that her feelings are hurt and that I am responsible.  She invents definitions for words to suit herself, resulting in horrible miscommunication for all.  For example, she claims that to be rude is to be nasty through words but to be mean is to hit someone.  Sheesh. 

She has told me how to care for our new baby, telling me that I have never been around infants (large assumption, and wrong), and the frightening thing is that her advice is time-worn, stupid, and dangerous.  The crap really hit the fan when she told all of her friends that our baby was named after her, which is not true.  I took great satisfaction in telling her that we certainly liked our baby's name, though she was not named for anyone that we knew. Even worse, she thinks that my life did not begin until I met her son, which is insulting.  To her, my opinion can never be correct, but she always takes my husband's words as gospel (my husband and I both have doctoral degrees in the same field of study, though he is considerably older than I).  I find that I wish (and later feel guilty) for her to have an untimely accident.  I really was not prepared for this, and I would not have married my husband if I had known what lie ahead. 

Thanks for the opportunity to unleash and refresh. 

My husband is one of 4 boys.  The 2nd eldest got married, and my MIL gave them $10,000 for their wedding present.  When my husband and I were later planning for our wedding, she would constantly say, "Well, you know what you are getting from me."  She hung the money over our heads like a carrot.  As the wedding grew closer, she said that she would not be able to give us the same amount of money that she had given my husband's older brother.  She said that she would be giving us $5000.  She told us to let her know when we needed the money (possibly for our honeymoon or wedding expenses) and she would give it to us.  As the wedding grew closer, she never mentioned the money.  Finally, my husband asked her if we could have it so that we could use it to pay honeymoon expenses that we had put on our credit card.  We had charged the honeymoon knowing that we could use that money.  To make a long story short, several weeks AFTER the wedding, she told us that we did not need the money as much as her other son, and that she would be giving us $3000.  Don't get me wrong, $3000 is very generous; however, I grew up in a family where you treat your children exactly the same.  My parents were very fair.  Of course, my husband is the perfect son who does everything for her (more than any of the other brothers).  Every time she mentions another task , chore or errand for him to run for her, I always chime in .....why doesn't she call her $10,000 son?????

I have been having problems with my MIL, but not from the beginning (she was sweet then).  Now, forget it.  When I was pregnant with our first child she was very cruel to me.  I wanted my oldest daughter (my child I had with another guy way before I met my husband) to be in the delivery room with me (personal reasons) but my MIL didn't.  I didn't care.  My oldest daughter was going to be there.  My MIL carried a beeper so I could page her when I went into labor, so she could pick up my daughter (so she thought!).  When we went to the hospital, I told the staff to call my MIL so she would know that I going was to have my baby.  I had them inform her that my daughter was going to be in the room with us, and that this was important to us.  Well, she rushed over there, thinking she was going to change our minds.  It didn't work.

We were having trouble getting a house because of credit problems, which was thrown in my face several times by my MIL.  So, they helped us get a house.  I was on my second pregnancy (with my husband) and it was a very rough time with this one.  When we moved into our new house she started to help out, putting things where she wanted them.  So I started putting things where I wanted them and got stupid comments.  But, that was ok because I was not going to let that bother me.

The day I had to go into the hospital because of medical problems, we called my MIL to come over to watch the children.  She took an hour to get to our house (very close by)!  It ended up that I had to stay in the hospital for eight days.  During that time, everything was the way she wanted it - her way.  With me not there she could control things.  My husband could sleep late, not having to watch the children.  I didn't want that.  I wanted him to be the dad that he is, and take control of the house and responsibilities.  But, no, mommy was there to wipe his backside and give him his way.  She spoiled the hell out of my son, and took control of everything for him.  She liked it this way.  I didn't!  I dislike this woman in every way.

Since I have been back home, I have had my dishwasher leak suds all over my floor, which she blames my 10 year old daughter for, but which my daughter saw her do.  This woman needs to face up to the truth!  She denies a lot of things that she is responsible for. 

Thank God for this web site!  My husband and I were married this past May (it's my second marriage, his first).  Before my husband and I met, his mother and step-father, who are in their early 50s, had open-ended plans to quit their jobs and move far out of state and build a house.  They told him that his mother would be staying with him while his step-father was "overseeing" the home building out of state.  He still does not have a job, and the construction workers don't show up because he's so bossy and obnoxious.

Once my husband and I met and were engaged the gears started turning regarding their new home.  They quickly sold their house and stated that they still expected his mother to move in with us. My husband, God bless him, did not want to hurt his mother's feelings, but told her that things had changed, and that this would cause problems in our new marriage if she were here.  She convinced him that she would "stay out of the way".  Neither of my in-laws asked if it was OK with me.  Up until the very day she moved in, I thought she would come to her senses and not come here.  She moved in with us in July, and is expected to stay until January.  The main reason she's here is because it's free.

She told my husband that she does not have the money to rent an apartment.  Her husband, in the mean time, is living in a pop-up camper on the job site.  All I ever heard from my MIL was how little money they had and how they're struggling.  Last week, while taking out the trash, I came across her bank receipt.  The balance?.... ENORMOUS!!!!  That's only ONE of their accounts. 

I am furious that our time as newlyweds has been stolen from us just so they can save a buck.  The only way I can get through this is to pretend she's not here.  We have barely spoken in the last month...I'm afraid that if I tell her how I feel (I'm not uncomfortable doing that) I won't shut up and I'll hurt my husband's feelings.  I feel totally under the magnifying glass living with her.  We decided (my husband and I) that when she first moved in we would all take turns cooking.  Well, that lasted about a week.  She cooked Monday, I cooked Tuesday, and when it was my husband's turn, she ran right into the kitchen and acted like he was totally helpless.  Also, she takes to work with her whatever section of the newspaper she wants to (without asking) because she's too cheap to spend 50 cents on a newspaper.  She uses our downstairs powder room as her own bathroom, and blow dries her hair in our dining room...hair everywhere--disgusting!!  She keeps food for herself (pasta, pies, canned goods) in her bedroom closet...it drives me nuts.

When she first arrived, I did whatever I could to make her comfortable, but the more we give, the more she takes.  I have an eight year old daughter who is uncomfortable with the situation as well, because MIL does not talk to her, even when she says hello first.  This woman was nice enough, and I'm sure we would have have an OK relationship if she were not living here.  This situation has caused so much stress that I'm counting the days until early January when she leaves, and could care less if I ever see her again.  I'm sure my friends will be glad too, so they don't have to hear me "vent" to them anymore.  I'm so glad I found you!

PS. A few weeks ago I searched the web for "mother-in-law" and the site that came up was "Horse Turd in a Box"...how appropriate.

Seventeen years ago, my future mother-in-law would talk daily to her son, my future husband, regarding our wedding plans.  She would make statements such as "does she know she can have only one attendant because she's been married before?"  I was widowed.  Luckily, we went to pre-marital counseling.  The counselor told my fiancée (now husband) to make a choice - me or his mother.  His advice was that, in marriage, people agree to stand by each other, i.e. the spouse NOT the mother.  The next day, his mother calls to advise her son that I couldn't wear a white dress because I had been married before.  Her son asked her if she thought we were inviting our friends to the wedding?  She replied yes.  He said that our friends knew that I had been married before, and mostly likely wouldn't care if I wore a white, black or purple dress if they were our friends, would they?  There was dead silence on the phone.  I thank God everyday for that counselor.  Seventeen years have passed, and that woman never gives up trying to disrupt our married life.  But, my husband continues to put her at bay.  My mother in law is in her seventies, so I figure I have only seventy more years to go before I will finally have peace.